Feeling the unfamiliar fingers run down his body Brian suddenly came to realize that for perhaps the first time in his life, getting a random blowjob in the backroom of Babylon wasn't going to make the feelings he had go away. He was beginning to feel physically sick and as the man moved to kiss his lips he moved his head to the side and pushed him away.

"Hey!" the abandoned man called out angrily. "Where the fuck do you think you're goin'?"

Brian ignored him and moved to the door. Almost as soon as he was outside his knees buckled and leaned into the wall for support. Everything was spinning and his stomach churned with a nauseating precision. Placing his hands on his knees he tried to gain control of his body but fell back against the brink once again as his head became light. He could feel the strangers' eyes on him as they walked by but no one spoke a word to him. After a long moment he tested gravity again and gently walked back to his jeep.

Brian leaned his weight against the elevator as it slowly crawled its way up the building. There was nothing he wanted to do more than to lie down and let his sudden sickness pass over his. When his door finally came into view and the lift stopped with a careful jolt his stomach sank as he spied the young blond man waiting, hands in his pockets, eyes downcast. Everything was closing in on him but he heard his own voice before he realized that his lips had moved.

"Justin?"

The younger man raised his head and looked blankly at him, briefly feigning a smile as he struggled to find something to say to the man with whom he had not spoken to in what seemed like ages.

"You hear?" he asked timidly.

"Yeah," Brian answered, nodding his head once quickly. "I'm sorry."

Again Justin tried to smile a little but failed.

"I, uh," he hesitated. "I had gone for a walk and I made my way here . . . out of habit I guess."

Finally the boy did managed a genuine grin before he continued.

"I wanted to talk to you. I mean, if you don't mind. It's just, you know what it's like and I haven't been able to - "

Brian stopped him with a raise of his hands as he heard Justin's voice falter and came towards him, wrapping his long, comforting arms slowly around his slight frame. After a moment Justin slid his arms around him as well and buried his face in Brian's shoulder as his body shivered. Brian sighed against him, running his fingers into his blond locks that had grown noticeably longer since they had parted, and did his best to soothe his muffled cries.

"It's all right," he whispered. "Shhhh."

The older man moved his hand to the youth's back when Justin pulled away and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

Brian smiled sadly and took his arm.

"Come on," he urged. "Come inside."

Justin followed close behind him as he walked into the loft for the first time since he'd come to collect his belongings to move in with Ethan. When Brian slid the door shut Justin felt an awkwardness that he had not experienced since the first night he'd meet Brian. Feeling strangely weak Justin lowered himself onto the couch and kept his eyes locked on the floor as Brian moved to sit beside him.

"He hated me," Justin whispered as his eyes filled with tears again. "He died hating me."

"Justin," Brian began. "He didn't hate you. . . me on the other hand . . ."

Brian watched the slight gleam return to the cobalt eyes as Justin laughed just a precious little and then shut his eyes, releasing tears that had been on the brink. Reaching forward, Brian smoothly thumbed the salty drops away and slid his arm around his shoulder.

"He didn't hate you," he repeated.

"Things ended so badly Brian," Justin continued. "The last time I even heard about him was when mom said he wasn't going to pay for PIFA anymore. He never even came by to see me when I was in the hospital . . . "

Brian looked away as Justin stopped for a moment to take in a large breath.

"Or when I got out," he added. "He didn't care. He never said anything about what happened, about the trial, nothing."

Pushing the lump down his throat Brian loosened his grip on his shoulder and slid his hand down to his back, pulling him closer against his body and resting his chin on the top of his head. Even as the conditions were now the older man felt so natural holding him like that, like things used to be.

"Justin, you have to believe me when I tell you that your father couldn't have hated you," he urged gently. "Yes, he may not have been too happy with who you were and who you – who you loved, but regardless you were still his son and he did love you. All of his disapproval of you, trying to get you away from it, away from me, was meant to keep you safe."

Slowly the blond nuzzled his cheek against Brian's chest and pulled his legs up under him as he felt himself relax under Brian's familiar fingertips.

"What about your dad?" he very quietly questioned. "How do you think he felt about you when he died?"

Brian lowered his lips to the golden strands and closed his eyes.

"I don't know," he breathed. "With all the shit we went though, all the problems . . ."

He paused and Justin held his breath.

"I don't know."

Justin slowly exhaled and made no attempt to push it further. The warmth of Brian's body pressed against his calmed him more than he thought possible and the young man struggled to push back the tender nostalgia that came unbidden. Concentrating on Brian's fingers as they slowly caressed his back, Justin closed his eyes once more and felt himself surrender to the soothing rhythm of Brian's heart.

Desolate.

Cold.

Anger.

Black birds mourning.

Weeping trees.

Rain.

Eternal.

Tears of blood and objection.

Hands caked in black earth.

Justin's eyes snapped open and he felt the moisture in his palms as he touched them to his forehead. He couldn't shake the vivid color of the dream from his mind. Looking to the large window in front of him the young man saw the orange and pink sky and cursed himself under his breath for having slept for so long. His mother was going to be panicked. Carefully Justin disentangled himself from Brian's arms and silently rose to his feet. As he straightened his clothes he looked into Brian's sleeping face and felt such gratitude and love towards him. Smiling, he leaned in and kissed him delicately on the temple before he turned and soundlessly left the loft.

It seemed like the only sound in the world that evening was the steady click of Brian's shoes as they repeatedly touched the gray concrete. Almost immediately after he had woken up alone he'd gone out in search of him. That is, after he was certain that Justin was indeed gone, flown away without a trace. All though he knew where the tiny apartment the boy owned was located, he figured that he would be spending at least a few nights with his mother and sister at Jennifer's home. He had parked his jeep a ways down the street and opted to walk the rest of the way and as the white building finally came into view Brian continued to walk until he was able to see the small window he knew to be a part of Justin's room. The white blinds were drawn shut and Brian could only make out the shadow of his desk lamp. For the life of him Brian could not understand why he had truly come. Perhaps to assure himself that he had gotten home safely.

But he could have simply called.

It was then that he caught Justin's unmistakable form walk near the window. He watched with heightened interest as the black figure moved into the light's path and raised a hand up to the left and pulled the blinds up in one smooth movement. Brian had no idea why he had chosen that exact moment to open the blinds but when their eyes meet from across the small yard all the feelings resurfaced which had earlier when he came home to find the boy waiting for him. Feeling as if he should somehow acknowledge their visual connection, Brian slowly raised his arm and moved his fingers in a languid wave. Immediately Justin performed the same gentle greeting and watched through slightly blurry eyes as Brain turned and walked away.

To be continued.