Ok, here goes nothing for chapter 6.
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Sora fell flat onto his face, he could taste the grass and dirt in his mouth, it tasted quite good to him, but he wasn't about to admit that. He slowly pushed himself up, a disturbed look on his face.
"Euh, I think I ate a worm!!" He shouted in disgust. He spat all of the saliva in his mouth out 'til it looked like he was actually sick. He then decided there were important matters to get back to then trying to cover himself up. Like his stomach which was now growling so loud, and so much that it was painful, but at that moment he remembered something else. He looked around for what he had tripped over, he looked in every direction, even up and down, he was about to get up and retrace his steps when he heard a groan. he looked around but couldn't seem to find where it came from. All he saw was some bushes, some grass, a hole with a head sticking out, some trees, a a mushroom...
"Wait a minute...It's a head!" Sora shouted amazed.
"Yes Sora, it took you longer than it should have to realize that." The girl by his side said. Sora looked up at her, and gave her a look that seemed as if he was trying to look mad but couldn't do it very well. Sora tried to think of a come back and stared out into the woods for awhile.
"Link...? Are you alright?" The girl asked.
The boy called Link looked up through his eyes, squinted in pain because he had just almost gotten his neck broken, to see her giving him a worried look. He smiled brightly and tried to get out of the hole, but seemed to be stuck, he struggled like that for about two minutes before he was interrupted.
"The worm in my mouth made me go temporarly insane." Sora said smiling truimphantly.
"What?" The girl asked.
"I was getting back at you.! Sora said still happy. Link looked up at Sora like he was crazy.
"I said that to you five minutes ago, it took you awfully long, but forget it, will you help my friend Link out of this hole?" She gave Sora the sweetest look, he couldn't turn it down, not that he would have said no anyways. Sora wrapped his arms around Link's head and pulled as hard as he possibly could.
"Stop!! Stop!! I can't breathe." Link gasped. "This is the second time I've been choked today, and my neck feels like it's about to fall of, this kid tried to kill me twice now...." Link went on complaining about everything and the girl gave him a sort of lost look, as if he was the only person she had wanted to see, and she kind of ignored the fact that he was whinning, it was really quite awkward for Sora, it reminded him of Kairi.
"Sora, we have to get him out." She said. She looked so sad, Sora had to think of something.
"Ok, let's...." Sora paused he wasn't quite sure of what to do, he couldn't think of anything. Suddenly Link made a noise like he was uncomfortable, he looked like he was being pushed from underneath, he shot up from the ground and in place of his head was another. A girl's.
**************************************************************************** ****
Kairi paced back and forth in the musty cave as Link tried to squeeze into that tiny hole. Unfortunatly, she had been waiting for him to get through for about ten minutes. She had this feeling he wasn't going to get though, But she decided to try giving him a slight push, after a few pushes he popped out and she popped in, her slender body sliding into the hole easily. Below her she heard Donald hurrying her very impaitantly. She found it funny and decided to go as slow as possible,
she slowly placed her hands on either side of her body,
she slowly pulled herself up,
she slowly slid the upper middle half of her body out of the hole.
Donald screeched at how slow she was going making her giggle.
"Hurry up!" He shouted, resulting in her trying to move slower.
"Hehe" She threw the part of her body that was out of the hole onto the ground infront of her, and slowly pulled her thighs out. She was enjoying herself so much she didn't notice the two extra pair of legs infront of her. She continued to pull herself out, one leg, very
very
very slowly.
And then the other. Still not looking up, she pulled herself all the way out...and sat herself down on the hole. Donald's bickering continued underneath her, and he pushed her, just as she had done to Link. Donald and Goofy crawled out of the hole, as Kairi fel to the ground and laid back in a fit of laughter.
"Someone-help-me-up." She choked. Two gloved hands reached out to her and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet. Her eyes met two watery brown eyes, belonging to a boy. She reached out and grabbed his face, searched it, touched it, her hands then found their way into his hair, she touched the tip of his spikes.
"Sora..."
**************************************************************************** ****
"Kairi."
Sora watched as her eyes filled with tears, much as his had when he saw her climb out of that hole. He had eevn forgot for the time being that she loved Riku and was his girlfriend. He was about to hug her, he lifted his arms, and was about to wrap them around her.
"Ah, Zelda, I missed you so much." Link said. Suddenly the sound of whispers filled the air, and it began to rain very hard.
"They are coming, run!" Zelda shouted. Sora's wet clothes clung to his body and weighed him down, the forest's ground was becoming very wet, and slippery underneath their feet, making it very easy to fall. Link had an idea and grabbed Zelda's hand and told her to grab Donald's and Donald grab Goofy's and so on. Zelda did as she was told, after Donald grabbed Goofy's hand he reached his hand out to Sora, who grabbed it easily, Sora stretched his arm out to Kairi, but she slipped and fell into the mud. A swarm of heartless were coming up behind them quickly, and Sora wasn't about to just let the love of his life be taken by the heartless, it was hard, but he decided what he must do.
"You guys go on, I'll take care of Kairi." Link hesitated, but in the end gave in and nodded. He took out his Ocarina, he played a strage tune that seemed to swallow them up, a huge wave of light crashed into them, and in an instant they were gone.
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
A/N Part two
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
Sweat streamed down Sora's face and mixed with the cold, hard rain as he took out his keyblade, He stepped infront of Kairi and in that instant the heartless attacked them. Sora had never seen so many heartless swarm at him before, and never faced them without his cohorts, Donald and Goofy.
But he decided to try anyways, if he could at least save Kairi, it'd be more than good enough for him. He readied the Ultima Weapon.
"Please let me have strength enough to save her" He prayed.
Sora flung out the keyblade, in every which direction killing as many heartless as possible, but it was to no avail, they were coming from everywhere, and every time he killed one, ten more would pop up in their place.
"So..Sora? I'm scared." Kairi said.
"Don't worry Kairi, I'll take care of you." He said surly, although, inside, he wasn't as sure as he sounded.
Suddenly in a flash of light a portal appeared infront of them, out stepped a boy, with white blonde hair. Sora put his hand over his eyes to try and shield the light from his eyes. The light ceased and the portal closed, the boy stepped forward and met eyes to eyes with Sora. Suddenly around him, Sora could feel the cold, dark, presence of the Heartless disappear. Although Sora wasn't sure why, he felt like he knew this boy from somewhere, like they had met before. Yet, the boy had a strange feeling about him, Sora backed away a bit, but ran into Kairi. He turned and looked at her for a moment, as if he was checking to see if she was still there. He turned back, but she felt his hand take her's.
"Evening' Sora, Princess." The boy said. Sora stared at him blankly.
"Do I know you?" Sora asked softly.
"Well, I'd certainly say so." His voice deepened, and started to sound evil, and sinister. "But, now that'd I've answered your question, I'd like for you to answer mine...
Where is princess Zelda!?"
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I left you in a bit of a cliffy there huh? Well anywho...
Here's my reviews!!!!!
Zero-Tribal-004 Zero: This fic's cool! Wonder what will happen to them? Link's cool! I like that game, but I loooooove Kingdom Hearts! Update Soon! Hyper Guyver Hello, I am the one, the only, the Hyper Guyver!
Yep, I'm here today to review your fic!
(crowd chears)
Yes, yes, thank you... Thank you...
(ahem) anyway...
On to the review!
This is really good! I've read a few other Kingdom fics(all of which sucked) and I have to say, I've actually found one that's good!
And Thank God it's not Riku/Sora! (grumbles) I am getting so sick of that crap...
Heh, and I'm a big fan of Zelda too. This is really good. So who's the girl Sora's with? Is it Zelda or Saria? Or someone else? hmmmm....
Well, anyways, keep up the good work! ^_^
The ever illusive,
Hyper Guyver
(insert applause here)
Jammie-Bro 2003-02-11 5 Signed Is IT THE LADDER?????
pl;ease let it be a happy ending!!! I want them to meet up soon!!!!! Keep writing!!!!!^-^
Jammie-Bro 2003-02-11 4 Signed Review Review review!!!!! Keep going!!! excellent!!!! got to go!!!!! Sora x kairi 4ever!!!
Chris 2003-02-11 4 Signed "Huh? This guy again?"
Yeah...I just have one more thing to say:
"KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
A/N Hahahahahahahha, I'm being so mean to poor Sora!!
*Suddenly Sora appears with his Lawyers
Sora- I'm sueing you for every penny you have!
Hehehe, enjoy part two, I have to run to Mexico.
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS"
You could really do without stuff like this. Save the smart comments for the end! If you put 'em every six lines, they totally kill the flow of the story.
Chris 2003-02-11 3 Signed Whoa!!
Hit the breaks there, pal!
While I like this concept here, about Hyrule being connected through the dimensional gate (sci-fi-guy talk for "keyhole"), there is one thing that is just beating this story to death! Can you guess what it is?
Yep!
You're RUSHING!!
I mean, rushing like HELL!
Seriously, you've got a good concept here, but you gotta thicken it out a little more! Describe stuff! Remember, you're not recalling a personal experience and relating it in an anecdote, you're creating a story for others to experience. You have to make them BELIEVE it. Make them see the same images you see in your head as you write. You want to get details. Not just "this happened, then this, then this, and then that." Describe images, thoughts, and feelings. There's a lot going on here in the way of pain and heartache, but it doesn't come across if you tell it so quickly. You want to make your audience feel Sora's pain. That's how you turn a good story into a GREAT story.
Thicken out a little more. Slow down. Take the time to further articulate ideas and describe the scenes. Let us see the same images you see. Trust me, you'll raise the bar for yourself!
And finally, I'm gonna be a little picky:
"He recalled, 'He had long blonde hair, and...well he looked like me I guess. Except his hair was white'"
Contradiction! Is his hair white or blonde?
Finally, watch the spelling a bit. That's "paopu" and "Gerudo", and you've also got a few common words mispelled, and a few poorly constructed sentences.
In short, I like this, but you gotta slow down and pay more attention to detail. Make it more than words on a webpage! Make it an experience!
paopu 2003-02-10 3 Signed HAHAHA!!Oh gosh!!Princess Zelda and Link??IN KINGDOM HEARTS?!?That's funny.But great story so far!^^
BrereMarer 2003-02-08 1 Signed Pretty good! Now what could happen on Paupau Island?
***Wow, I guess I am going fast, I'll slow it down for all you guys, thanx for reviewing, it means so much to me, it's very helpful too.***
*X*X*XDark KairiX*X*X*
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
Sora fell flat onto his face, he could taste the grass and dirt in his mouth, it tasted quite good to him, but he wasn't about to admit that. He slowly pushed himself up, a disturbed look on his face.
"Euh, I think I ate a worm!!" He shouted in disgust. He spat all of the saliva in his mouth out 'til it looked like he was actually sick. He then decided there were important matters to get back to then trying to cover himself up. Like his stomach which was now growling so loud, and so much that it was painful, but at that moment he remembered something else. He looked around for what he had tripped over, he looked in every direction, even up and down, he was about to get up and retrace his steps when he heard a groan. he looked around but couldn't seem to find where it came from. All he saw was some bushes, some grass, a hole with a head sticking out, some trees, a a mushroom...
"Wait a minute...It's a head!" Sora shouted amazed.
"Yes Sora, it took you longer than it should have to realize that." The girl by his side said. Sora looked up at her, and gave her a look that seemed as if he was trying to look mad but couldn't do it very well. Sora tried to think of a come back and stared out into the woods for awhile.
"Link...? Are you alright?" The girl asked.
The boy called Link looked up through his eyes, squinted in pain because he had just almost gotten his neck broken, to see her giving him a worried look. He smiled brightly and tried to get out of the hole, but seemed to be stuck, he struggled like that for about two minutes before he was interrupted.
"The worm in my mouth made me go temporarly insane." Sora said smiling truimphantly.
"What?" The girl asked.
"I was getting back at you.! Sora said still happy. Link looked up at Sora like he was crazy.
"I said that to you five minutes ago, it took you awfully long, but forget it, will you help my friend Link out of this hole?" She gave Sora the sweetest look, he couldn't turn it down, not that he would have said no anyways. Sora wrapped his arms around Link's head and pulled as hard as he possibly could.
"Stop!! Stop!! I can't breathe." Link gasped. "This is the second time I've been choked today, and my neck feels like it's about to fall of, this kid tried to kill me twice now...." Link went on complaining about everything and the girl gave him a sort of lost look, as if he was the only person she had wanted to see, and she kind of ignored the fact that he was whinning, it was really quite awkward for Sora, it reminded him of Kairi.
"Sora, we have to get him out." She said. She looked so sad, Sora had to think of something.
"Ok, let's...." Sora paused he wasn't quite sure of what to do, he couldn't think of anything. Suddenly Link made a noise like he was uncomfortable, he looked like he was being pushed from underneath, he shot up from the ground and in place of his head was another. A girl's.
**************************************************************************** ****
Kairi paced back and forth in the musty cave as Link tried to squeeze into that tiny hole. Unfortunatly, she had been waiting for him to get through for about ten minutes. She had this feeling he wasn't going to get though, But she decided to try giving him a slight push, after a few pushes he popped out and she popped in, her slender body sliding into the hole easily. Below her she heard Donald hurrying her very impaitantly. She found it funny and decided to go as slow as possible,
she slowly placed her hands on either side of her body,
she slowly pulled herself up,
she slowly slid the upper middle half of her body out of the hole.
Donald screeched at how slow she was going making her giggle.
"Hurry up!" He shouted, resulting in her trying to move slower.
"Hehe" She threw the part of her body that was out of the hole onto the ground infront of her, and slowly pulled her thighs out. She was enjoying herself so much she didn't notice the two extra pair of legs infront of her. She continued to pull herself out, one leg, very
very
very slowly.
And then the other. Still not looking up, she pulled herself all the way out...and sat herself down on the hole. Donald's bickering continued underneath her, and he pushed her, just as she had done to Link. Donald and Goofy crawled out of the hole, as Kairi fel to the ground and laid back in a fit of laughter.
"Someone-help-me-up." She choked. Two gloved hands reached out to her and grabbed her hands, pulling her to her feet. Her eyes met two watery brown eyes, belonging to a boy. She reached out and grabbed his face, searched it, touched it, her hands then found their way into his hair, she touched the tip of his spikes.
"Sora..."
**************************************************************************** ****
"Kairi."
Sora watched as her eyes filled with tears, much as his had when he saw her climb out of that hole. He had eevn forgot for the time being that she loved Riku and was his girlfriend. He was about to hug her, he lifted his arms, and was about to wrap them around her.
"Ah, Zelda, I missed you so much." Link said. Suddenly the sound of whispers filled the air, and it began to rain very hard.
"They are coming, run!" Zelda shouted. Sora's wet clothes clung to his body and weighed him down, the forest's ground was becoming very wet, and slippery underneath their feet, making it very easy to fall. Link had an idea and grabbed Zelda's hand and told her to grab Donald's and Donald grab Goofy's and so on. Zelda did as she was told, after Donald grabbed Goofy's hand he reached his hand out to Sora, who grabbed it easily, Sora stretched his arm out to Kairi, but she slipped and fell into the mud. A swarm of heartless were coming up behind them quickly, and Sora wasn't about to just let the love of his life be taken by the heartless, it was hard, but he decided what he must do.
"You guys go on, I'll take care of Kairi." Link hesitated, but in the end gave in and nodded. He took out his Ocarina, he played a strage tune that seemed to swallow them up, a huge wave of light crashed into them, and in an instant they were gone.
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
A/N Part two
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
Sweat streamed down Sora's face and mixed with the cold, hard rain as he took out his keyblade, He stepped infront of Kairi and in that instant the heartless attacked them. Sora had never seen so many heartless swarm at him before, and never faced them without his cohorts, Donald and Goofy.
But he decided to try anyways, if he could at least save Kairi, it'd be more than good enough for him. He readied the Ultima Weapon.
"Please let me have strength enough to save her" He prayed.
Sora flung out the keyblade, in every which direction killing as many heartless as possible, but it was to no avail, they were coming from everywhere, and every time he killed one, ten more would pop up in their place.
"So..Sora? I'm scared." Kairi said.
"Don't worry Kairi, I'll take care of you." He said surly, although, inside, he wasn't as sure as he sounded.
Suddenly in a flash of light a portal appeared infront of them, out stepped a boy, with white blonde hair. Sora put his hand over his eyes to try and shield the light from his eyes. The light ceased and the portal closed, the boy stepped forward and met eyes to eyes with Sora. Suddenly around him, Sora could feel the cold, dark, presence of the Heartless disappear. Although Sora wasn't sure why, he felt like he knew this boy from somewhere, like they had met before. Yet, the boy had a strange feeling about him, Sora backed away a bit, but ran into Kairi. He turned and looked at her for a moment, as if he was checking to see if she was still there. He turned back, but she felt his hand take her's.
"Evening' Sora, Princess." The boy said. Sora stared at him blankly.
"Do I know you?" Sora asked softly.
"Well, I'd certainly say so." His voice deepened, and started to sound evil, and sinister. "But, now that'd I've answered your question, I'd like for you to answer mine...
Where is princess Zelda!?"
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
I left you in a bit of a cliffy there huh? Well anywho...
Here's my reviews!!!!!
Zero-Tribal-004 Zero: This fic's cool! Wonder what will happen to them? Link's cool! I like that game, but I loooooove Kingdom Hearts! Update Soon! Hyper Guyver Hello, I am the one, the only, the Hyper Guyver!
Yep, I'm here today to review your fic!
(crowd chears)
Yes, yes, thank you... Thank you...
(ahem) anyway...
On to the review!
This is really good! I've read a few other Kingdom fics(all of which sucked) and I have to say, I've actually found one that's good!
And Thank God it's not Riku/Sora! (grumbles) I am getting so sick of that crap...
Heh, and I'm a big fan of Zelda too. This is really good. So who's the girl Sora's with? Is it Zelda or Saria? Or someone else? hmmmm....
Well, anyways, keep up the good work! ^_^
The ever illusive,
Hyper Guyver
(insert applause here)
Jammie-Bro 2003-02-11 5 Signed Is IT THE LADDER?????
pl;ease let it be a happy ending!!! I want them to meet up soon!!!!! Keep writing!!!!!^-^
Jammie-Bro 2003-02-11 4 Signed Review Review review!!!!! Keep going!!! excellent!!!! got to go!!!!! Sora x kairi 4ever!!!
Chris 2003-02-11 4 Signed "Huh? This guy again?"
Yeah...I just have one more thing to say:
"KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS
A/N Hahahahahahahha, I'm being so mean to poor Sora!!
*Suddenly Sora appears with his Lawyers
Sora- I'm sueing you for every penny you have!
Hehehe, enjoy part two, I have to run to Mexico.
KXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXSXXXKXIXNXGXDXOXMXHXEXAXRXTXS"
You could really do without stuff like this. Save the smart comments for the end! If you put 'em every six lines, they totally kill the flow of the story.
Chris 2003-02-11 3 Signed Whoa!!
Hit the breaks there, pal!
While I like this concept here, about Hyrule being connected through the dimensional gate (sci-fi-guy talk for "keyhole"), there is one thing that is just beating this story to death! Can you guess what it is?
Yep!
You're RUSHING!!
I mean, rushing like HELL!
Seriously, you've got a good concept here, but you gotta thicken it out a little more! Describe stuff! Remember, you're not recalling a personal experience and relating it in an anecdote, you're creating a story for others to experience. You have to make them BELIEVE it. Make them see the same images you see in your head as you write. You want to get details. Not just "this happened, then this, then this, and then that." Describe images, thoughts, and feelings. There's a lot going on here in the way of pain and heartache, but it doesn't come across if you tell it so quickly. You want to make your audience feel Sora's pain. That's how you turn a good story into a GREAT story.
Thicken out a little more. Slow down. Take the time to further articulate ideas and describe the scenes. Let us see the same images you see. Trust me, you'll raise the bar for yourself!
And finally, I'm gonna be a little picky:
"He recalled, 'He had long blonde hair, and...well he looked like me I guess. Except his hair was white'"
Contradiction! Is his hair white or blonde?
Finally, watch the spelling a bit. That's "paopu" and "Gerudo", and you've also got a few common words mispelled, and a few poorly constructed sentences.
In short, I like this, but you gotta slow down and pay more attention to detail. Make it more than words on a webpage! Make it an experience!
paopu 2003-02-10 3 Signed HAHAHA!!Oh gosh!!Princess Zelda and Link??IN KINGDOM HEARTS?!?That's funny.But great story so far!^^
BrereMarer 2003-02-08 1 Signed Pretty good! Now what could happen on Paupau Island?
***Wow, I guess I am going fast, I'll slow it down for all you guys, thanx for reviewing, it means so much to me, it's very helpful too.***
*X*X*XDark KairiX*X*X*
