Final Fantasy VII
Tifa meets Jim Carrey
Written By CodenniumRed
You just KNEW this had to be Humorous.
Disclaimer: How strange that in a Disclaimer I actually CLAIM ownership to one of these things:
Final Fantasy VII: Tifa's the property of Squaresoft, now Square-Enix but the Enix part had no involvement with Tifa.. I don't have to address Barret, Cid, Bugenhagen or any other characters because they were never mentioned once in any writing here. Seriously.
Jim Carrey: Shall I state a snippet of his resume? He has been in many movies, including The Cable Guy TM, Bruce Almighty TM, The Mask TM, Ace Ventura TM, The Truman Show TM, The Grinch TM, Liar Liar TM, etc. Hehe… that list was from memory, no need to cite a site here… hehehe!
The Narrator: The Narrator left you a message from last chapter. Try saying 'bottomless bag of bread-crumbed shrimp' three times fast! Hehe! Then add 'sauce.' Both literally and figuratively. How frugal. Oh, and The Narrator is MY character! Gya! Couldn't forget to say that of course! But, I'm not responsible for the breaded-shrimp, sauceless-eating state he was in before he came to be here, though. Always an MST'er!
Chapter 3: Eating Out:
The Narrator: Hello kiddies, once again! Did you get my message from after last time? Today, Tifa and Jim have decided to dine out at the local restaurant. How is it that she continues to see him after he's already shown her his weird side? She must be pretty desperate… or MAYBE… so crazy she has just enough sense to see his inner charm! Ehe… ehe.. heh. AnywayZZZZ… let's check up on their current status:
Tifa: Jim, let's try to behave tonight, alright?
Jim: No problem Tifa baby. Oh, and you look good tonight baby.
Tifa: Teehee, thanks! You're not so bad yourself, you know, but a suit was a bit extreme for this occasion.
Jim: Yeah baby, I know what you mean… baby.
Tifa: Could you stop calling me baby? Too often, even non-offensively, is as odious as once offensive.
The Narrator: Now THAT'S a tongue-twister! 'As odious as once offensive????' Hehe… um… er, not really. Hmmm, perhaps a line from a song? Naah! Oops, sorry I was interrupting. I'll be eating my sauce-covered – mind you -shrimp now.
Tifa: You can be more charming if you choose to, Jim.
Jim: Whoops, hehe… sorry.
Tifa: Oh! Here comes the waiter!
Waiter: Hello, my name is Ikmen, and welcome to our restaurant. Are you guys ready to order?
Jim: Hehe… Ikmen… teehee.
Tifa: *glares*
Jim: Yeah, I'll have the Lobster. Nice… juicy, tender, lobster. With a side of shrimp…
Tifa: Please.
Jim: Please.
Tifa: *smiles*
The Narrator: Shrimp? I've had enough shrimp already. I'm sick of shrimp, y'know. All's I ever eat is shrimp. But I can't stop, as much as I want to stop, I just can't. I love it and hate it, y'know. Like Lard, for instance. Both will be a part of me always.
Tifa: And I'll have the Chicken Special.
Ikmen: Thank you very much. I'll be taking the menus now.
Jim: Can I keep mine, pleaze?
Ikmen: Sir-
Jim: Call me Jim… and I'll call you Ikmen.
Ikmen: Jim… the menu?
Jim: Okay, fine! Puh! Party pooper….
Tifa: o_o
Jim: So Tifa baby, may I call you baby again baby?
Tifa: No….
Jim: So sorry. Here's the waiter! That was quick! My, look at all of that tantalizing tutelage of culinary feat! And all that yummy FAT that I could so desperately use!
Ikmen: So… Jim will get the Lobster… *serves plate of Lobster* and you will get the Chicken Special. *hands Tifa her Chicken Special*
Jim: So tasty. Say, Ikmen?
Ikmen: What?
Jim: There are bugs in my Lobster.
Ikmen: Would you like another dish?
Jim: Oh, no. This one's just fine….
Ikmen: Gross.
Tifa: I don't see any bugs. Jim?
Jim: Just kidding, Ikmen! Hahahahahaaaaaaah! Here's a tip of 1,000 GIL. *hands Ikmen 1,000 GIL*
Ikmen: WOW!!!! You were worth it after all, man! Thanks!
Tifa: That was… weird… Jim.
Jim: … I know.
Tifa: Well… um… let's eat. … Jim???? @_@
Jim: *holding lobster to his face* Look at me! I'm an alien going to eat ye!!!!
Tifa: What?
Jim: I could eat ye all up… baby.
Tifa: Stop that!!!!
Jim: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!!
Tifa: IDIOT!!!!
Jim: *puts down the lobster* Sorry, just living the moment as always.
Tifa: Was my talk during our Tennis date meaningless yesterday????
Jim: So it WAS a date… baby… teehee….
Tifa: Shush you!
Jim: Wha-
Tifa: Just shush. And don't call me baby again!
Jim: ….
Tifa: … He so likes me!
The Narrator: So, my predictions proved to be correct. Tifa is falling for Jim Carrey!!!! How? Do his actions not affect her? Or, perhaps, are his actions causing attraction instead of repulsion? Indeed, forces of love are in upheaval even as I speak. Does it have to do with a desperate Tifa? Sometimes I wonder how such a beautiful girl couldn't be more popular…. *swoons*
