Title: The Evening Speaks

Chapter: Little White Lies

Disclaimer: I do not own anything to do with Gilmore Girls, or Good Charlotte's Hey Dad.

Summary: From time to time, everyone has thoughts about "what might have been". They're living it. A different approach to Keg! Max! and the events that follow it.

Dedications: My normal elite force, Kait, Kat, Elise, Sweet, Marissa and Roxy.

* How can you be a father/

You're not even a man.

            Jimmy Mariano wasn't sure what brought him here. Well, he knew what physically brought him here. First there had been a plane ticket to New York, several cabs throughout New York, and then finally a rental car here. Stars Hollow, Connecticut. More specifically, Luke's Diner (formerly William's Hardware, the Danes men weren't exactly known for their creativity). It had been so long since he had been here, not that here was anywhere special. He had been there only once before, and that's because Liz had begged him for a ride down for her father's funeral. But this was where his…Jess was. Jess was here.

            He had tried not to think about the child he had left behind. It would have been easy to forget Liz; she was just a girl after all. One of dozens in his lifetime. But then she gave birth, and he had to cradle that life in his arms. Then the child had a name. His last name. It was the name that got to him. It wasn't real without a name. But then it had stared him in the face in big, black ink. Jess James Mariano. He had a son. And then he couldn't breathe. Oh, he had tried. Man, how he had tried. But it was almost as if with every breath of Jess's tiny lungs, it was sucking Jimmy's own out. He was suffocating. He had begun to convince himself that maybe he just needed to be alone, get some air (not fresh, however, since this was in New York), and clear his head. So he had muttered something about picking up some diapers, and he was out of there. He believed he had the intention of doing just that, but now he saw it for what it was. An escape route. Jimmy had picked up diapers, several different types since he was unsure of what kind of diapers you were supposed to get for a new born. But once he was back in his car, he drove. And he drove, and he drove. He kept telling himself that he'd turn around and go back to his and Liz's apartment. He just needed more time to think. However, once he passed that state line into New Jersey, the freedom felt too good to give up.

            He had that car for another thirteen years, and he had never taken the diapers out of the trunk. He never opened the trunk. It was better to keep it locked up, in the dark. As if there was nothing in there.

            His first fight with Sasha had been about Jess, in a way at least. She had finally convinced him to get a new (well, a new used) car, since that one was way past its limit. They had been cleaning it out when she told him she was going to open up the trunk to clear that out. Jimmy hadn't thought anything of it, since he had pushed Jess and Liz so far back into his mind that he had almost convinced himself that it had happened to somebody else.

            But it hadn't, and Sasha had pulled the whole story out of him within an hour. Then the most amazing thing happened. She didn't condemn him. She didn't agree with what he had done, but she didn't denounce him as the biggest asshole in the universe either. She understood why he had done it and told him she'd be there if he ever decided to do anything about Jess. Which meant, in that strange woman language, that he had to do something. It was then he realized that he loved her. And he'd been working hard at becoming something ever since. Something she could love and be proud of, like he loved (and was proud of) her.

            Maybe he was here because Sasha would love him no matter what he did. Her love was unconditional like that. Maybe he needed to prove to himself that he had become something through the approval of the person least likely to give it. The son he had abandoned.

            Jimmy hadn't thought much of what he would do on this little trip. Maybe just see Jess as a way to warm up to…whatever he was trying to do. Perhaps he could just gage what kind of person Jess was. If he were kind and forgiving, maybe he'd get the balls to approach him. But if he was angry and unsettled…well, he wasn't sure what he'd do then. He didn't think he could handle the guilt of having a screwed up kid and knowing it was his entirely fault.

What he hadn't counted on, and he probably should have, was Luke. The last thing he needed or wanted was to get Luke involved. If Luke got involved, everything would be taken out of his hands. Either Luke would kick him out of town or make him confront Jess. Neither option was very appealing at the moment. So his head was buried in a menu, and luckily it was not Luke that was refilling his coffee.

Every few moments or so, he'd peak out from his menu and look around. There wasn't anyone around him that really screamed 'Jess', but then again he didn't know what he was looking for. Was he tall? Was he small? Did he talk in rhymes? Did he look like him? Jimmy squirmed at the thought. He wasn't sure what exactly 'screamed' Jess to him.

"Jess!" Jimmy started at Luke's harsh greeting as the door shut.

"Luke!" Came a mocking voice.

Jimmy didn't dare to look, but still he brought the menu back up in front of his face, turned his head and saw…Liz. Or at least what Liz would have looked like had she been eighteen and male. That was his son. Huh.

There was the sound of a coffee pot being slammed down on the counter- the diner had gone completely quiet when Jess had entered, the town was weird like that- and Luke's footsteps as he walked over. He didn't have to walk that far since Jess had already been crossing the diner floor.

"Where the," Luke's voice lowered to a whispered hiss, but it didn't matter since it was so quiet in the diner, you could hear a pin drop, "hell have you been?"

Jess didn't even pause. "Around."

"Around?" His tone dripped in disbelief.

"Yes," Jess tilted his head to the side as if he were considering it. "Around."

Luke opened his mouth to say something more, but Jess had stepped around him and was currently climbing the stairs. So his mouth closed, and he started to turn around. But then he paused. Blue on blue, he caught Jimmy's eye and froze. The diner had returned to normal, now that Jess was gone, they thought they were free from drama. If only they knew. But the stunned moment was broken, and Jimmy bolted out of the diner before Luke could react.

*

Jess was going through shirts in the closet when Luke came slamming in. And by slamming in, he slammed the door open, and then slammed the door shut. Jess didn't look over at him, just kept sorting through his shirts. Luke, however, had the presence of a rather pissed off man. It was better to let him speak first.


"Where did you go after the party, Jess?"

"I walked Rory home," Jess answered simply, frowning at the shirts. "Have you seen my Tool shirt?"

Luke ignored the question, "It took you over six hours to walk Rory home?"

"We took really small steps."

"You don't need to…" Luke shook his head, hating how soapy he was about to sound. Time to rephrase. "I know what you were doing last night." Lame. But lame was still better than soapy.

Jess's posture immediately grew defensive as he turned around. "And what was that, Luke?"

He stood, arms akimbo. "With your father."

Well, that was certainly not what he was expecting. Far from it. "My…father?" The word sounded strange and foreign on his tongue. He wondered if he had ever spoken that word before.

Luke took one look at Jess's stilled form and knew he had made a mistake. A terrible mistake. Maybe he could backtrack this one. "What were you doing?"

"Are you on drugs?" Jess asked, wondering if his uncle was the crazy one, or if he was suffering from temporary insanity due to sleep deprivation. "'Cause you're sounding like you are."

He took a try at innocence. "What do you mean?" Okay, so he sucked at innocence.

"No, what do you mean by my…" Jess's voice tripped over that word, so he started over. "What do you mean?"

Okay, time to lie. Little white lies were meant to protect people. "Liz called…mentioned something about…" he continued on, mumbling incoherently. Hopefully Jess would buy it.

"You're lying." Gee, that kid was smart. Too smart sometimes.

"No, I'm not," Luke denied, dismissively.

"Liz never calls," Jess countered flatly.

Well, he had him there. It would be rather stupid to continue on with this charade. "I could be mistaken."

"Mistaken about what?" Jess grounded out. Now really was not the time for his uncle to be obtuse. He was guilt ridden and sleep deprived, not to mention confused. It wasn't a good mix, and adding this into the mix was not the brightest idea ever.

"I saw…" Luke stopped and corrected himself, even though he knew damn well it was Jimmy that he saw. He had never had that strong an urge to bang someone's head into the wall around anyone else, and he doubted that he ever would. "I think I saw your father earlier."

"Huh," Jess managed to squeak out. "My…Where'd you see…think you saw Jimmy?"

Luke blinked at Jess's use of Jimmy's name. But then again, he shouldn't be surprised. Liz had probably mentioned it at sometime or another. "The diner."

"The diner," he repeated dumbly. "He's in town?"

"He was. Knowing Jimmy, he's probably not any longer." Luke hadn't missed the look of sheer terror in Jimmy's eyes before he bolted. If Jimmy was still Jimmy, and Luke would bet good money that he was, he'd be taking the first exit out of there.

"Huh," was all he said before turning around and leaving the apartment.

Luke just stood there, dumbfounded, wondering how things had changed so quickly. And how they had ended up here. And wondering if he should go after Jess or let him go off on his own.

If Jess didn't want to be found, then he wouldn't be found. So it was easier to just let him go.

*

There was no hiding in Stars Hollow. It was something Jess had learned within the first fifteen minutes of being here. If you wanted to find someone, all you had to do was listen. Just walking outside of the diners, down the street, he had heard Miss Patty talking about the fine new man who was staying at the Cheshire Cat but had remained rather reclusive in his room during most of his stay. Not a lot of new people came into Stars Hollow on a daily basis (and those who did certainly did not stay in their rooms the entire time, they went out and did happy tourist things), so that's why he was standing outside room 118 in the Cheshire Cat.

He was not Jennifer Love Hewitt, and he was certainly not on the set of Time of Your Life, so there was really no reason why he couldn't just simply knock on the door, see the man that sired him. Then walk away. Like Jimmy had done.

While Jess had wanted a distraction from his Rory troubles, this was not at all what he had in mind. But his hand still found its way up to rap sharply on the door.

After a few moments, Jimmy answered the door. He stood there for a stunned moment before saying, "Jess."

"Jimmy." He was surprisingly calm about this.

"So, uh," Jimmy leaned against the doorframe, and his blue eyes focused on the carpet. "Luke told you I was here, huh?"


            "Well, you know how those sort things have a way of slipping up in conversations," Jess shrugged like it didn't matter. It probably didn't. Nothing but a freak slip up of conscience.

"Yeah, I can see that," Jimmy nodded like he really could see. But they both knew it was a lie because there wasn't anything actually to see. He shifted and hesitated. "Do you want to come in?"

"No, that's okay." He wasn't sure what brought him to the door, but whatever it was, wasn't enough to bring him inside that room.

"You, uh, like halls?"

Jess looked right, then left, and then at Jimmy. "They're okay."

"The carpet is really," Jimmy's foot dug into the carpet. "Clean."

"So it is."

"It shows good…work ethic that they keep it so clean," he commented awkwardly, his eyes fixating on the carpet he had been praising so much.

"Rumor is cockroaches are bad for business."

"Yeah, I think I heard that one."

"I'm going to go," the words came out of his mouth slightly forced and hurried, but he had to go. Leave. Get out. Drive somewhere. Far away.

"Okay then."

Jess walked away, sleep was proving to be impossible. But at this rate it was rather unneeded. Sleep would only bring in the demons he was fighting so hard to keep out.

To Be Continued…