FOOLS FOR LIFE
CHAPTER 6: THE FACTS OF LIFE
Willow looked at Buffy and decided it to break the silence that had fallen over the kitchen. If they were going to have this talk, they better get it all out now.
"Look, Buffy, I understand. I do. We were all at a strange point of our lives here. You, me, Dawn, Xander....I just, well it makes me sad to know we keep these secrets from each other. A year ago I think I would have been the first to know...you know?"
"Yeah...." Buffy pulled up a chair and sat down at the kitchen table.
"I take it you guessed after what we saw...on the computer screen..."
"Uhm well, I noticed how you looked at Spike on top of Anya, and I knew something was up between you two. Then I talked to Tara about it the other morning, and well....I'm sorry if she still wasn't supposed to tell me."
Buffy folded her arms on the table. "No that's fine. The secret was out after that night anyway. Xander heard it at the big confrontation between the four of us outside the Magic Shop."
Willow pulled a painful face as she sat down too. "Ouch, I have a feeling he didn't take it well? Right after knowing Anya had....."
"Yeah. That is, no. He didn't take it well. I haven't seen him since. Spike and his big British mouth. Although Xander had been really heavy on the name calling...you know, the usual, 'undead evil thing' etc. I guess I can see how Spike couldn't resist throwing this back at him."
"Yeah, kind of a mess huh? And you told Dawn then?"
Buffy hesitated. "Uh, no she figured it out even before Xander left the house. She said she saw my face and knew what the deal was."
Willow raised her eyebrows at those words, then sank her head on the table and pouted. "So much for Willow Rosenberg, the genius...."
Buffy smiled and put her head on the table too, facing her friend's face. "Oh, come on, you're still our resident genius. Like you said we were all one big messy bunch." Her smiled faded. "Especially me."
They both sat up again. "Buffy..Tara told me about Spike's chip not working on you and how you were worried what that meant about you. And I understand you left me out of that because of my..magic problems. I do. But she also said you didn't tell me because you thought I'd freak out. Or give you a 'look'. Is that why you didn't?"
Buffy rested her chin on her hand. "Ah, yeah....I guess. I..I didn't even meant to tell Tara. It's just....what she found out...that there was nothing wrong with me, it was such a shock. Up until then I hadn't even realized how much I had done, with that excuse in the back of my head...the things I did, and ..had done to me. I was ashamed of myself. I did it all, again and again but didn't want to acknowledge that I did. And as long as you guys didn't know I could make that work..some of the times.."
Willow frowned. "The 'things' you did? Buffy, I am an adult, I know about the 'things' you.."
Buffy pulled an involuntary awkward face.
"I...don't know the things you did??" Willow asked, confused.
Buffy buried her head in her arms.
"I...could I imagine the things you did??" Willow added, confused but getting curious now.
Buffy moaned and mumbled: "The....first time...we demolished a house."
Willow's eyes grew. "A house?? With fighting?"
"Sorta..." Buffy answered, with her head still in her arms. "And with our.."
Willow tried not to smile and finished Buffy's line. "Throes of passion??"
Buffy groaned. "And that's the least of it."
Willow contemplated this. "Wow, a building. And I though we were impressive with our levitation spells."
"Your what?" Buffy raised her head up.
"Nothing! Nothing. Anyway, Buffy, it's still okay. I mean..it's a little...surprising, but did you really think I'd turn away in disgust or something?"
"Oww it's not just..that. I mean..we did some things.." Willow looked up, kind of eager to hear more now. Buffy caught it and added: "..that you'll hear the details of when you pry them out of my cold dead brain..." Willow deflated, disappointed.
"Anyway it's also... ..I was horrible, Willow. I used him. He loves me, or thinks he does, which in the end makes little difference, and I used that for my own ends. As a band aid, a distraction, a way to feel...And I just excused everything with the idea that it wasn't my fault. That I'd come back 'wrong'. When I realized that after Tara's findings, and seeing Riley again...well I told Spike I was sorry and that it had to end."
Willow nodded, taking it all in. "The only thing to do really. I do feel a bit sorry for Spike though. And it changes a bit what I saw on the computer... I mean I just worried about Xander. I should have turned it off on the spot, but I was so shocked, and before I knew it everyone was looking. And I then thought Spike had just...well you know, charmed Anya into some...ahem, nooky, cause he's a guy, and....well..." She looked at Buffy....
"Well, I thought he probably hadn't gotten..much. In his life. Lately. You know, since Harmony left." She laughed nervously. "Guess I was kinda..off there." She cleared her throat as Buffy plunged her head back into her folded arms. "But now...was he trying to get back at you? I mean after everything I've seen of him. He was crazy about you Buffy. Even after you died, he...stuck around, helping us out, looking after Dawn. Even though he knew Xander and Giles weren't crazy about his company. Though Giles seemed to accept it near the end and at least was never so..vocal about his doubts. It's just weird to think Spike'd just move on to Anya. Was it a revenge thing?"
Buffy looked up so you could just see her eyes over her arms. "I don't think so. He didn't even try to fight Xander. He said it was the chip but when your life's in danger I think you could manage to risk a headache or at least shove him away and then jump up a roof or something. It was like he was embarrassed, even about facing Xander. And he and Anya.....through it all there was something..regretful and sad about them both. And it felt like.....they already were before we showed up. I don't know, maybe I'm blabbing."
She sat up straight. "Plus, they both smelled of booze like you wouldn't believe."
Willow went 'ahh'.
"No I think they were both people with a major case of the blues and booze and......well, they were...."
Willow finished: "Sorta at the same place? Xander dumped Anya.."
Buffy on her turn finished: "And I dumped Spike." She sighed. "And it was...more upsetting to see him on Anya than I would have thought possible. When he brought that scary spider-chick to the wedding, it was so obviously an attempt to ruffle my feathers, it didn't get to me that much" She thought for a second. "Well a little, but still, it was so obvious. But to see that...I don't know. It's all a mess. And time will tell how it will all go, for all of us. I don't see Xander and Anya pulling a 'Willow-Tara' anytime soon."
Willow grinned at that with a sweet, goofy look.
"And Spike....well there's something weird there." Buffy frowned as she remembered. "Remember my birthday party?"
Willow pulled a face. "Kinda hard to forget. It's not every day you almost get locked in a house for all eternity." She thought for a moment. "Well....living here, something like that is more every OTHER day, but....oh and of course your birthdays have known to be especially risky..."
Buffy punched her lightly on the shoulder. "That'll do, miss smarty pants! No, I mean the one responsible, that vengeance demon friend of Anya. Halfrek."
"Yeah once again, memory in full working order here. People with flayed faces also not an everyday thing." She thought again and nodded. "No, once again it actually is."
"Yeah, yeah, it's just..do you remember her reaction to seeing Spike?"
"Oh that, yeah, I just figured they'd run into each other before, as demons among demons.. You know, I'm sure they mingle too."
Buffy frowned again. "Yeah, but..I don't know, they both seemed surprised, and kinda awkward. And I heard from Clem, the skinny-flabby guy, when I ran into him on patrol, that she's ...'taken an interest' in Spike."
Willow's turn to frown. "Hm. Okay. And....well, I'm not sure exactly what my reaction to that is supposed to be. Still could be they just used to know each other, and.....wanna catch up or.....youuuu don't.....like that, do you?" Willow bit on her lip and looked at Buffy with uncertainty.
Buffy gave a desperate look then banged her head on the table. "Oww I don't know! Don't you know I'm a basket case and need you to tell me what to think!! If you leave it up to me, it's gonna be a mess! That's me! Messy the Vampire Slayer! Queen of messes everywhere!!
Willow got up, knelt down next to Buffy and put her arm around her shoulder. "There, there, your majesty, we'll find a way to de-mess you. I know: let's make some hot cocoa and play 'My-mess-can-beat-yours-any-day-of- the-week'!"
Buffy smiled. "You're on, lowly peasant."
As they got up, Willow suddenly started to giggle. Buffy frowned. "What?"
"Nothing, it's just....well, it's sort of the second time that I hear you tell me you've been having sex with Spike!"
Buffy thought for a moment. "No, it's not....I don't..oohhhhh wait a minute!"
Willow laughed even harder.
Buffy bend forward a little. "You're not talking about that sex-bot are you?"
"Hehe, well, I can't help it. At the time I THOUGHT it was you."
Buffy grinned and gave her friend a quasi-threatening look. "Yes and DO keep reminding me of that fact. That none of you could tell me apart from a stupid Stepford-sexbot!"
"Well after this I certainly see the differences."
"Really now?" Buffy slowly advanced on Willow who really couldn't stop laughing now.
"Yeah, the bot handled this topic far better!"
"Better sto-op Ms. Rosenberg." Buffy warned as she kept inching towards Willow.
"Yeah and she was far more forthcoming with the details too! She offered to make sketches. Wish I had some of those now!"
"THAT'S it! You are SO dead!" Buffy jumped Willow who dodged and, still laughing, ran to the living room, Buffy right on her heels.
TBC!
(you KNOW we're going to get to Spike and Halfrek now doncha?)
R&R for president! Uhm, wait...
CHAPTER 6: THE FACTS OF LIFE
Willow looked at Buffy and decided it to break the silence that had fallen over the kitchen. If they were going to have this talk, they better get it all out now.
"Look, Buffy, I understand. I do. We were all at a strange point of our lives here. You, me, Dawn, Xander....I just, well it makes me sad to know we keep these secrets from each other. A year ago I think I would have been the first to know...you know?"
"Yeah...." Buffy pulled up a chair and sat down at the kitchen table.
"I take it you guessed after what we saw...on the computer screen..."
"Uhm well, I noticed how you looked at Spike on top of Anya, and I knew something was up between you two. Then I talked to Tara about it the other morning, and well....I'm sorry if she still wasn't supposed to tell me."
Buffy folded her arms on the table. "No that's fine. The secret was out after that night anyway. Xander heard it at the big confrontation between the four of us outside the Magic Shop."
Willow pulled a painful face as she sat down too. "Ouch, I have a feeling he didn't take it well? Right after knowing Anya had....."
"Yeah. That is, no. He didn't take it well. I haven't seen him since. Spike and his big British mouth. Although Xander had been really heavy on the name calling...you know, the usual, 'undead evil thing' etc. I guess I can see how Spike couldn't resist throwing this back at him."
"Yeah, kind of a mess huh? And you told Dawn then?"
Buffy hesitated. "Uh, no she figured it out even before Xander left the house. She said she saw my face and knew what the deal was."
Willow raised her eyebrows at those words, then sank her head on the table and pouted. "So much for Willow Rosenberg, the genius...."
Buffy smiled and put her head on the table too, facing her friend's face. "Oh, come on, you're still our resident genius. Like you said we were all one big messy bunch." Her smiled faded. "Especially me."
They both sat up again. "Buffy..Tara told me about Spike's chip not working on you and how you were worried what that meant about you. And I understand you left me out of that because of my..magic problems. I do. But she also said you didn't tell me because you thought I'd freak out. Or give you a 'look'. Is that why you didn't?"
Buffy rested her chin on her hand. "Ah, yeah....I guess. I..I didn't even meant to tell Tara. It's just....what she found out...that there was nothing wrong with me, it was such a shock. Up until then I hadn't even realized how much I had done, with that excuse in the back of my head...the things I did, and ..had done to me. I was ashamed of myself. I did it all, again and again but didn't want to acknowledge that I did. And as long as you guys didn't know I could make that work..some of the times.."
Willow frowned. "The 'things' you did? Buffy, I am an adult, I know about the 'things' you.."
Buffy pulled an involuntary awkward face.
"I...don't know the things you did??" Willow asked, confused.
Buffy buried her head in her arms.
"I...could I imagine the things you did??" Willow added, confused but getting curious now.
Buffy moaned and mumbled: "The....first time...we demolished a house."
Willow's eyes grew. "A house?? With fighting?"
"Sorta..." Buffy answered, with her head still in her arms. "And with our.."
Willow tried not to smile and finished Buffy's line. "Throes of passion??"
Buffy groaned. "And that's the least of it."
Willow contemplated this. "Wow, a building. And I though we were impressive with our levitation spells."
"Your what?" Buffy raised her head up.
"Nothing! Nothing. Anyway, Buffy, it's still okay. I mean..it's a little...surprising, but did you really think I'd turn away in disgust or something?"
"Oww it's not just..that. I mean..we did some things.." Willow looked up, kind of eager to hear more now. Buffy caught it and added: "..that you'll hear the details of when you pry them out of my cold dead brain..." Willow deflated, disappointed.
"Anyway it's also... ..I was horrible, Willow. I used him. He loves me, or thinks he does, which in the end makes little difference, and I used that for my own ends. As a band aid, a distraction, a way to feel...And I just excused everything with the idea that it wasn't my fault. That I'd come back 'wrong'. When I realized that after Tara's findings, and seeing Riley again...well I told Spike I was sorry and that it had to end."
Willow nodded, taking it all in. "The only thing to do really. I do feel a bit sorry for Spike though. And it changes a bit what I saw on the computer... I mean I just worried about Xander. I should have turned it off on the spot, but I was so shocked, and before I knew it everyone was looking. And I then thought Spike had just...well you know, charmed Anya into some...ahem, nooky, cause he's a guy, and....well..." She looked at Buffy....
"Well, I thought he probably hadn't gotten..much. In his life. Lately. You know, since Harmony left." She laughed nervously. "Guess I was kinda..off there." She cleared her throat as Buffy plunged her head back into her folded arms. "But now...was he trying to get back at you? I mean after everything I've seen of him. He was crazy about you Buffy. Even after you died, he...stuck around, helping us out, looking after Dawn. Even though he knew Xander and Giles weren't crazy about his company. Though Giles seemed to accept it near the end and at least was never so..vocal about his doubts. It's just weird to think Spike'd just move on to Anya. Was it a revenge thing?"
Buffy looked up so you could just see her eyes over her arms. "I don't think so. He didn't even try to fight Xander. He said it was the chip but when your life's in danger I think you could manage to risk a headache or at least shove him away and then jump up a roof or something. It was like he was embarrassed, even about facing Xander. And he and Anya.....through it all there was something..regretful and sad about them both. And it felt like.....they already were before we showed up. I don't know, maybe I'm blabbing."
She sat up straight. "Plus, they both smelled of booze like you wouldn't believe."
Willow went 'ahh'.
"No I think they were both people with a major case of the blues and booze and......well, they were...."
Willow finished: "Sorta at the same place? Xander dumped Anya.."
Buffy on her turn finished: "And I dumped Spike." She sighed. "And it was...more upsetting to see him on Anya than I would have thought possible. When he brought that scary spider-chick to the wedding, it was so obviously an attempt to ruffle my feathers, it didn't get to me that much" She thought for a second. "Well a little, but still, it was so obvious. But to see that...I don't know. It's all a mess. And time will tell how it will all go, for all of us. I don't see Xander and Anya pulling a 'Willow-Tara' anytime soon."
Willow grinned at that with a sweet, goofy look.
"And Spike....well there's something weird there." Buffy frowned as she remembered. "Remember my birthday party?"
Willow pulled a face. "Kinda hard to forget. It's not every day you almost get locked in a house for all eternity." She thought for a moment. "Well....living here, something like that is more every OTHER day, but....oh and of course your birthdays have known to be especially risky..."
Buffy punched her lightly on the shoulder. "That'll do, miss smarty pants! No, I mean the one responsible, that vengeance demon friend of Anya. Halfrek."
"Yeah once again, memory in full working order here. People with flayed faces also not an everyday thing." She thought again and nodded. "No, once again it actually is."
"Yeah, yeah, it's just..do you remember her reaction to seeing Spike?"
"Oh that, yeah, I just figured they'd run into each other before, as demons among demons.. You know, I'm sure they mingle too."
Buffy frowned again. "Yeah, but..I don't know, they both seemed surprised, and kinda awkward. And I heard from Clem, the skinny-flabby guy, when I ran into him on patrol, that she's ...'taken an interest' in Spike."
Willow's turn to frown. "Hm. Okay. And....well, I'm not sure exactly what my reaction to that is supposed to be. Still could be they just used to know each other, and.....wanna catch up or.....youuuu don't.....like that, do you?" Willow bit on her lip and looked at Buffy with uncertainty.
Buffy gave a desperate look then banged her head on the table. "Oww I don't know! Don't you know I'm a basket case and need you to tell me what to think!! If you leave it up to me, it's gonna be a mess! That's me! Messy the Vampire Slayer! Queen of messes everywhere!!
Willow got up, knelt down next to Buffy and put her arm around her shoulder. "There, there, your majesty, we'll find a way to de-mess you. I know: let's make some hot cocoa and play 'My-mess-can-beat-yours-any-day-of- the-week'!"
Buffy smiled. "You're on, lowly peasant."
As they got up, Willow suddenly started to giggle. Buffy frowned. "What?"
"Nothing, it's just....well, it's sort of the second time that I hear you tell me you've been having sex with Spike!"
Buffy thought for a moment. "No, it's not....I don't..oohhhhh wait a minute!"
Willow laughed even harder.
Buffy bend forward a little. "You're not talking about that sex-bot are you?"
"Hehe, well, I can't help it. At the time I THOUGHT it was you."
Buffy grinned and gave her friend a quasi-threatening look. "Yes and DO keep reminding me of that fact. That none of you could tell me apart from a stupid Stepford-sexbot!"
"Well after this I certainly see the differences."
"Really now?" Buffy slowly advanced on Willow who really couldn't stop laughing now.
"Yeah, the bot handled this topic far better!"
"Better sto-op Ms. Rosenberg." Buffy warned as she kept inching towards Willow.
"Yeah and she was far more forthcoming with the details too! She offered to make sketches. Wish I had some of those now!"
"THAT'S it! You are SO dead!" Buffy jumped Willow who dodged and, still laughing, ran to the living room, Buffy right on her heels.
TBC!
(you KNOW we're going to get to Spike and Halfrek now doncha?)
R&R for president! Uhm, wait...
