Title: Holding on to nothing - Parting ways
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke, Luke/Rachel
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Is the truth always necessary?
AUTHORS NOTE: Luke and Rachel have been married for about a year.
She never left Stars Hollow. Lorelai is still Lorelai..:)
I promise, I swear..this time around..it will be a happy ending..
Just bear with me.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: To Sandra for once again helping me..
_______________________________________
Holding on to nothing (2/?)
"Parting ways"
by: Jessica
*******************
The moon kept me company as I walked home.
I found her in the darkness of the diner.
Rachel.
She was sitting by the counter.
Her suitcase at her sides.
"What are you doing here? Sitting in the dark."
I moved closer to her.
I wanted to be angry.
I wanted rage to fill me.
But all I found was a feeling of despair.
The feeling that I was losing everything all at once.
"I came to say goodbye."
"What are you talking about? We haven't finished talking..."
"Oh, I think we have..."
I reached for her.
"Rachel.."
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
She rose from the chair and looked at me.
Anger filled her eyes.
Sorrow.
Pain.
All those feelings flashed across her face.
"After I left here...I drove around for hours...Trying to find...
Oh, I don't know...I thought maybe we could....I came back here
for an hour or so...You weren't here...So I asked Caesar. And he
said that he had seen you walking towards the bridge. So I..."
Fear hit me.
Our eyes met.
She knew.
I could see it in her eyes.
I could almost see as the walls around her heart came crashing
down all around us.
I could see the knife in her heart turning.
Causing her pain.
"I saw you, Luke...."
Her voice was barely a whisper.
"It was just a mistake."
"I heard you...What you said...Of letting me go..."
"I meant..You said you were leaving."
"I never said that I wasn't coming back."
"Oh, I know you Rachel. You leave and..."
"You are my husband, for God's sake. You think I just would
give you up."
"Then what are you doing now, Rachel? Huh?"
"It's just a job, Luke."
"No. It's never A job, Rachel. Not for you. This will just be
the first of many....."
"That doesn't mean that at the first sign of trouble...You would
go and kiss.."
"It was a mistake."
"It didn't look like that."
She moved away from me.
Tears making their way across her cheeks.
"Why did you do it? Why her?"
"I never meant."
"Oh, SHUT UP! I'm so tired of that...Lying like that."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me the truth. Tell me that you don't love her."
"Who?"
"Lorelai."
"I love you."
"I saw you, Luke. I saw the look you gave her. I have tried to
ignore it for so long. But I can't."
"So you will just leave."
"FOR GOD'S SAKE! You were kissing her."
She came towards me.
Anger flashing across her lovely face.
"I'm sorry."
She came towards me.
Fist raised.
I didn't back away.
I deserved whatever pain she could cause me.
She slammed her angry fist again my chest.
Screaming.
"DAMN YOU, LUKE DANES! DAMN YOU! I trusted you."
I let her be.
I let her take out her anger.
Eventually she stopped.
And fell towards me.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her.
She whispered:
"Why did you do it, Luke? Why did you have to go and kiss her?"
"I'm so sorry."
I held her.
Rocked her.
"I loved you so....You are the only one I have ever truly loved."
"I love you too..."
She broke away from me.
She looked at me.
Wild eyes met mine.
"No, Luke. Not this time. I won't fall for that once more."
"What? Rachel.:"
I reached for her.
"No! Not this time. I won't hear those lies."
"What lies? I'm telling you the truth!"
"No! If you were telling me the truth you would never be kissing
her."
"It was a mistake."
"I wish I could believe you."
I moved closer to her.
"Please...I made a mistake..."
"I can't..."
I reached for her but she backed away.
The pain in her made her eyes darker.
I was losing her.
I could feel it.
I could feel how she was torn from me.
How she fell.
"Rachel..we can make it through.."
"You..You were the only person I thought that never would hurt me."
"I'm sorry...Please...You have to forgive me..."
"I don't know if I can..."
The pain ripped through me as I looked at her.
"So you will just give up..."
"I can't take this again..You hurt me.."
She was close now.
She didn't back away.
Not this time.
Our eyes met.
"I know...And I wish I could take it back..."
"Then tell me the truth.."
"I told you..It was a mistake."
"No, Luke..Tell me.."
"What?"
"Tell me that you haven't feelings for her."
"She is my friend.."
I moved away from her.
"You're running.."
"What? What do you want me to say?"
"Try the truth."
I looked at her.
My wife.
"I..."
"Luke..Just tell me..."
"I can't.."
With those words she died.
I could see it.
"Please..."
I turned towards her.
I reached for her.
Wanted to shorten the distance between us.
But she turned away.
"Rachel...don't...please."
"All I'm asking for is the truth. Is that too much to ask?"
"No, of course not."
"Then..tell me. Look at me...Look at me and say that you don't
have feeling for her. I know you, Luke. I have seen you."
Our eyes met.
And for a moment it seemed like the world had stopped.
Like nothing existed besides the diner.
Nothing else.
Just us.
Then it struck.
She understood.
She could see the truth in me.
The truth I have tried to bury deep inside of my heart.
The truth I had denied.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at me.
I reached for her once more.
She had always been able to see through me.
So easily.
She pushed away my hand and looked at me.
Pain painted her face.
Sorrow.
"NO! NO, LUKE!"
"We can work this out...We can..."
"NO! And how can you say that to me? How can you stand here and
say that when I can see the truth?"
"What truth?"
"You love her!"
"No, Rachel. I love you."
"DON'T LIE TO ME!"
"I..."
She moved towards the door.
Wanting to go.
Flee.
Something inside of me broke as I watched her open the door.
Is it possible to love two people at the same time?
Just differently.
All I knew was that I wasn't ready to let go.
Not yet.
I wasn't ready to give up this life I had chosen.
So I called out:
"STOP! Rachel, please...stop."
She stopped.
With her hand on the doorknob.
Ready to go.
Leave me.
She stood with her back turned.
I stood there watching as pain ripped through her body.
And I hated myself.
I should be killed on the spot.
For hurting her.
I felt ill.
But I needed her.
Every part of me needed her.
"Please, don't go. I'm begging you..."
I moved closer to her.
Wanting to touch her.
My hands screamed out for her.
"I can't...."
"Please, we can fix this..I can.."
"Don't."
"Rachel..please.."
I wanted to touch her.
I was so close now that I almost could pick up the slightest scent of
her hair.
But I was afraid if I touched her now she would run.
So I kept my hands at my sides.
"Don't ask me, Luke. I can't...."
Her hands trembled as she opened the door.
"NO!"
I pushed the door shut.
Panic eating at my heart.
"Luke..."
Her voice was barely a whisper.
"I will not lose you...."
"You already have..."
I died.
In that moment my heart shattered.
I stumbled backwards.
I let go of the door.
I had brought this on.
This was entirely my fault.
She opened the door, suitcase in one hand.
Then she walked away from me.
I didn't stop her this time.
I let go.
I surrendered.
--------------------------------------------------------
As the darkness surrounded her she walked the path to Lorelai
Gilmore's house.
Every move she made caused her pain.
She had tried to steady herself.
She had tried to be strong.
Thinking the pain in her chest would eventually subside.
But she knew the truth.
A broken heart couldn't be mended so easily.
She knocked on the door to the house of the woman she wanted so
desperately to hate.
But she couldn't.
She couldn't even hate her rival.
Guess she was weak.
Lorelai Gilmore open just after a second.
"Rachel?"
"I saw you."
She hadn't thought about what she would say.
She hadn't made a speech.
All she wanted was to calm her distraught heart.
"What are you talking about?"
Lorelai stepped out on to the porch.
Coming towards her.
There eyes met.
"I saw you, tonight. On the bridge."
And then she knew.
"Oh, Rachel...It..."
"He kissed you. And you kissed him back."
"It was a mistake."
"Don't. I have heard it all."
She reached for her.
But she backed away.
She looked at her friend.
This woman that had become a friend as she came into Luke's life
once again.
This woman she considered a close friend.
Traitor.
"I'm so sorry...I don't.."
"I didn't come here for sorries."
"Then.."
"Tell me the truth. Tell me that he doesn't love you:"
"I can't answer that."
"YES YOU CAN!"
"Rachel, please. He loves you. He told me!"
"Not enough..Not the way he loves you."
"There's nothing between Luke and I."
"Don't lie to me!"
"It's the truth."
"I have seen the two of you. I have seen the way he looks at you
and the way you look at him. Don't give me that."
"What do you want me to say?"
"How about the truth? Please, Lorelai..I thought we were friends.
I deserve the truth."
Tears made her sight blurry.
"Rachel...He married you."
"TELL ME THE TRUTH! GOD DAMMIT!"
She moved closer.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Pain.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Do you love him, Lorelai?"
"I can't.."
"Tell me, please."
"Rachel...don't do this.."
"Just please..."
There eyes met.
"I love him."
"Oh..."
That was the only thing she could say.
"But he married you. He loves you."
"Not as much as he loves you..."
Then she walked away from her.
--------------------------------------------
She had been so determined to find the truth.
To erase the picture that burned in her mind.
He had kissed her.
The pain that ran through her veins was so great that
she had a hard time breathing.
She had gone to her to calm her heart.
To be saved by a friend.
She had kept telling herself that maybe she was wrong.
That she was overreacting.
But she knew the truth now.
Warm summer rain came down from a darken sky as she moved.
As she dared to move.
She was slowly losing herself.
Slowly but surely.
She ran.
Being chased by memories.
By pain.
Tears made her sight blurry.
Under a blacken sky her heart shattered into millions
of pieces.
It was painful.
She never saw the car.
As the rain came down death came knocking.
----------------------------------
Time passed quickly for the man of the hour.
as the morning light came rolling in I knew the truth.
I could feel it.
I had lost her.
She wasn't coming back this time.
Guess I should surrender.
Stop fighting.
This was my fault.
No one else.
The phone ringing pierced the silence of the diner.
I moved.
Dared to move.
In a single moment my life changed.
A woman I didn't know told me the truth.
Broke my heart.
"Mr. Danes?"
"Yes."
"There's been an accident...."
*************************************************
Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Next part is called "These are the things I never told you."
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke, Luke/Rachel
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Is the truth always necessary?
AUTHORS NOTE: Luke and Rachel have been married for about a year.
She never left Stars Hollow. Lorelai is still Lorelai..:)
I promise, I swear..this time around..it will be a happy ending..
Just bear with me.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: To Sandra for once again helping me..
_______________________________________
Holding on to nothing (2/?)
"Parting ways"
by: Jessica
*******************
The moon kept me company as I walked home.
I found her in the darkness of the diner.
Rachel.
She was sitting by the counter.
Her suitcase at her sides.
"What are you doing here? Sitting in the dark."
I moved closer to her.
I wanted to be angry.
I wanted rage to fill me.
But all I found was a feeling of despair.
The feeling that I was losing everything all at once.
"I came to say goodbye."
"What are you talking about? We haven't finished talking..."
"Oh, I think we have..."
I reached for her.
"Rachel.."
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
She rose from the chair and looked at me.
Anger filled her eyes.
Sorrow.
Pain.
All those feelings flashed across her face.
"After I left here...I drove around for hours...Trying to find...
Oh, I don't know...I thought maybe we could....I came back here
for an hour or so...You weren't here...So I asked Caesar. And he
said that he had seen you walking towards the bridge. So I..."
Fear hit me.
Our eyes met.
She knew.
I could see it in her eyes.
I could almost see as the walls around her heart came crashing
down all around us.
I could see the knife in her heart turning.
Causing her pain.
"I saw you, Luke...."
Her voice was barely a whisper.
"It was just a mistake."
"I heard you...What you said...Of letting me go..."
"I meant..You said you were leaving."
"I never said that I wasn't coming back."
"Oh, I know you Rachel. You leave and..."
"You are my husband, for God's sake. You think I just would
give you up."
"Then what are you doing now, Rachel? Huh?"
"It's just a job, Luke."
"No. It's never A job, Rachel. Not for you. This will just be
the first of many....."
"That doesn't mean that at the first sign of trouble...You would
go and kiss.."
"It was a mistake."
"It didn't look like that."
She moved away from me.
Tears making their way across her cheeks.
"Why did you do it? Why her?"
"I never meant."
"Oh, SHUT UP! I'm so tired of that...Lying like that."
"What do you mean?"
"Tell me the truth. Tell me that you don't love her."
"Who?"
"Lorelai."
"I love you."
"I saw you, Luke. I saw the look you gave her. I have tried to
ignore it for so long. But I can't."
"So you will just leave."
"FOR GOD'S SAKE! You were kissing her."
She came towards me.
Anger flashing across her lovely face.
"I'm sorry."
She came towards me.
Fist raised.
I didn't back away.
I deserved whatever pain she could cause me.
She slammed her angry fist again my chest.
Screaming.
"DAMN YOU, LUKE DANES! DAMN YOU! I trusted you."
I let her be.
I let her take out her anger.
Eventually she stopped.
And fell towards me.
I wrapped my arms around her and held her.
She whispered:
"Why did you do it, Luke? Why did you have to go and kiss her?"
"I'm so sorry."
I held her.
Rocked her.
"I loved you so....You are the only one I have ever truly loved."
"I love you too..."
She broke away from me.
She looked at me.
Wild eyes met mine.
"No, Luke. Not this time. I won't fall for that once more."
"What? Rachel.:"
I reached for her.
"No! Not this time. I won't hear those lies."
"What lies? I'm telling you the truth!"
"No! If you were telling me the truth you would never be kissing
her."
"It was a mistake."
"I wish I could believe you."
I moved closer to her.
"Please...I made a mistake..."
"I can't..."
I reached for her but she backed away.
The pain in her made her eyes darker.
I was losing her.
I could feel it.
I could feel how she was torn from me.
How she fell.
"Rachel..we can make it through.."
"You..You were the only person I thought that never would hurt me."
"I'm sorry...Please...You have to forgive me..."
"I don't know if I can..."
The pain ripped through me as I looked at her.
"So you will just give up..."
"I can't take this again..You hurt me.."
She was close now.
She didn't back away.
Not this time.
Our eyes met.
"I know...And I wish I could take it back..."
"Then tell me the truth.."
"I told you..It was a mistake."
"No, Luke..Tell me.."
"What?"
"Tell me that you haven't feelings for her."
"She is my friend.."
I moved away from her.
"You're running.."
"What? What do you want me to say?"
"Try the truth."
I looked at her.
My wife.
"I..."
"Luke..Just tell me..."
"I can't.."
With those words she died.
I could see it.
"Please..."
I turned towards her.
I reached for her.
Wanted to shorten the distance between us.
But she turned away.
"Rachel...don't...please."
"All I'm asking for is the truth. Is that too much to ask?"
"No, of course not."
"Then..tell me. Look at me...Look at me and say that you don't
have feeling for her. I know you, Luke. I have seen you."
Our eyes met.
And for a moment it seemed like the world had stopped.
Like nothing existed besides the diner.
Nothing else.
Just us.
Then it struck.
She understood.
She could see the truth in me.
The truth I have tried to bury deep inside of my heart.
The truth I had denied.
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at me.
I reached for her once more.
She had always been able to see through me.
So easily.
She pushed away my hand and looked at me.
Pain painted her face.
Sorrow.
"NO! NO, LUKE!"
"We can work this out...We can..."
"NO! And how can you say that to me? How can you stand here and
say that when I can see the truth?"
"What truth?"
"You love her!"
"No, Rachel. I love you."
"DON'T LIE TO ME!"
"I..."
She moved towards the door.
Wanting to go.
Flee.
Something inside of me broke as I watched her open the door.
Is it possible to love two people at the same time?
Just differently.
All I knew was that I wasn't ready to let go.
Not yet.
I wasn't ready to give up this life I had chosen.
So I called out:
"STOP! Rachel, please...stop."
She stopped.
With her hand on the doorknob.
Ready to go.
Leave me.
She stood with her back turned.
I stood there watching as pain ripped through her body.
And I hated myself.
I should be killed on the spot.
For hurting her.
I felt ill.
But I needed her.
Every part of me needed her.
"Please, don't go. I'm begging you..."
I moved closer to her.
Wanting to touch her.
My hands screamed out for her.
"I can't...."
"Please, we can fix this..I can.."
"Don't."
"Rachel..please.."
I wanted to touch her.
I was so close now that I almost could pick up the slightest scent of
her hair.
But I was afraid if I touched her now she would run.
So I kept my hands at my sides.
"Don't ask me, Luke. I can't...."
Her hands trembled as she opened the door.
"NO!"
I pushed the door shut.
Panic eating at my heart.
"Luke..."
Her voice was barely a whisper.
"I will not lose you...."
"You already have..."
I died.
In that moment my heart shattered.
I stumbled backwards.
I let go of the door.
I had brought this on.
This was entirely my fault.
She opened the door, suitcase in one hand.
Then she walked away from me.
I didn't stop her this time.
I let go.
I surrendered.
--------------------------------------------------------
As the darkness surrounded her she walked the path to Lorelai
Gilmore's house.
Every move she made caused her pain.
She had tried to steady herself.
She had tried to be strong.
Thinking the pain in her chest would eventually subside.
But she knew the truth.
A broken heart couldn't be mended so easily.
She knocked on the door to the house of the woman she wanted so
desperately to hate.
But she couldn't.
She couldn't even hate her rival.
Guess she was weak.
Lorelai Gilmore open just after a second.
"Rachel?"
"I saw you."
She hadn't thought about what she would say.
She hadn't made a speech.
All she wanted was to calm her distraught heart.
"What are you talking about?"
Lorelai stepped out on to the porch.
Coming towards her.
There eyes met.
"I saw you, tonight. On the bridge."
And then she knew.
"Oh, Rachel...It..."
"He kissed you. And you kissed him back."
"It was a mistake."
"Don't. I have heard it all."
She reached for her.
But she backed away.
She looked at her friend.
This woman that had become a friend as she came into Luke's life
once again.
This woman she considered a close friend.
Traitor.
"I'm so sorry...I don't.."
"I didn't come here for sorries."
"Then.."
"Tell me the truth. Tell me that he doesn't love you:"
"I can't answer that."
"YES YOU CAN!"
"Rachel, please. He loves you. He told me!"
"Not enough..Not the way he loves you."
"There's nothing between Luke and I."
"Don't lie to me!"
"It's the truth."
"I have seen the two of you. I have seen the way he looks at you
and the way you look at him. Don't give me that."
"What do you want me to say?"
"How about the truth? Please, Lorelai..I thought we were friends.
I deserve the truth."
Tears made her sight blurry.
"Rachel...He married you."
"TELL ME THE TRUTH! GOD DAMMIT!"
She moved closer.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Pain.
"What do you want me to say?"
"Do you love him, Lorelai?"
"I can't.."
"Tell me, please."
"Rachel...don't do this.."
"Just please..."
There eyes met.
"I love him."
"Oh..."
That was the only thing she could say.
"But he married you. He loves you."
"Not as much as he loves you..."
Then she walked away from her.
--------------------------------------------
She had been so determined to find the truth.
To erase the picture that burned in her mind.
He had kissed her.
The pain that ran through her veins was so great that
she had a hard time breathing.
She had gone to her to calm her heart.
To be saved by a friend.
She had kept telling herself that maybe she was wrong.
That she was overreacting.
But she knew the truth now.
Warm summer rain came down from a darken sky as she moved.
As she dared to move.
She was slowly losing herself.
Slowly but surely.
She ran.
Being chased by memories.
By pain.
Tears made her sight blurry.
Under a blacken sky her heart shattered into millions
of pieces.
It was painful.
She never saw the car.
As the rain came down death came knocking.
----------------------------------
Time passed quickly for the man of the hour.
as the morning light came rolling in I knew the truth.
I could feel it.
I had lost her.
She wasn't coming back this time.
Guess I should surrender.
Stop fighting.
This was my fault.
No one else.
The phone ringing pierced the silence of the diner.
I moved.
Dared to move.
In a single moment my life changed.
A woman I didn't know told me the truth.
Broke my heart.
"Mr. Danes?"
"Yes."
"There's been an accident...."
*************************************************
Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Next part is called "These are the things I never told you."
