Title: Holding on to nothing -
These are the things I never told you
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke, Luke/Rachel
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Is the truth always necessary?
AUTHORS NOTE: Luke and Rachel have been married for about a year.
She never left Stars Hollow. Lorelai is still Lorelai..:)
I promise, I swear..this time around..it will be a happy ending..
Just bear with me.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: Sandra for being the greatest beta reader I have found...;)
*******************************
"Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad."
("Remember" by: Christina Georgina Rossetti )
_______________________
Holding on to nothing (3/?)
"These are the things I never told you"
by: Jessica
***************************
It's the little things I remember about that day.
The day we laid her to rest.
It was raining.
I remember how the rain felt against my skin.
I remember the sound of the rain beating, angrily
against the wooden coffin.
I remember voices that tried to mend my heart.
They had come from all over the country to say goodbye to her.
People I didn't know.
Faces I had never seen.
We buried her under a big oak tree overlooking the town.
I know she would have liked this place.
I had picked out the flowers.
The coffin that would be her final resting place.
No one else would.
I opened the diner as usual that day.
I woke early and for a brief second I reached for her
beside me in the bed.
Somewhere in between awake and asleep my mind still believed
she was with me.
Silly me.
But I died.
I died every day I woke up without her beside me in the bed.
It was a painful death when my mind remembered.
When memories brought back her living face.
I rose every day.
The need to survive won over my own longing to die.
So I rose.
Wanting to feel the pain I had caused.
She came into the diner just before I was about to close.
She was dressed in a black dress.
Her hair shone.
Lorelai.
Beauty.
And I hated myself for seeing the beauty in her.
She walked up to me where I stood.
Pride glowing in me.
I refused to stumble.
I wanted to show that I was doing all right.
"Luke..."
"Lorelai..."
Silence.
She sat down at the counter.
She avoided my eyes as she spoke:
"I came for..."
"I know why you came."
"Luke..."
"Don't, Lorelai..."
I wanted to run from her.
But I couldn't.
Maybe it was time to face her.
So I stood my ground as she lifted her gaze towards me.
"Please, Luke..We need to talk about...I need to talk."
"No! We have nothing to talk about."
Then I walked away from her and left her there at
the counter in my own diner.
-------------------------------------------------
I laid the suit out the day before.
I had picked the right shoes to go with.
Even the tie.
Everything was ready as I walked upstairs.
I peel of my clothes in the afternoon sun.
Then I head into the shower.
I stand there and let the cold water wash over my body.
Trying to feel.
Anything.
Trying to get my cold shell of a body warm.
No use.
Then I grant myself a few minutes in front of the mirror.
Then I return into the living room.
To put on my suit.
To get ready.
For saying goodbye to her.
-----------------------------------------------
I stood there a long time after the mourners had come and gone.
Staring at her coffin.
Trying to find the right words to say goodbye to her.
How do you say goodbye?
How do you let go?
How do you let go of someone that you have loved for so long?
Several lifetimes.
I stood there while the rain washed over me trying to find
some words.
Anything.
Alone I stood.
"I never meant..."
Silly.
Like she could hear me.
But I needed something.
To talk to a coffin.
So I stood there.
Talking to no one.
"I never meant any of this to happen.....I thought..I was mad...
I was afraid to lose you.....God, I don't..."
I kept seeing her face.
The pain in her eyes when she told me.
"I'm sorry for everything...I wish there were some way I could
take it all back...That.."
Silence.
My words seemed so small.
I had so much inside of me that it felt like I was going to
explode at any moment but it was only my skin that kept me whole.
The pain struck me hard as I dared to move.
I stumbled forward on weak legs.
My hands trembled as I reached out and touched the coffin.
Wanting to be near her.
"Rachel...I'm sorry for so many things..I should have told you
more that I loved you...I should have held on to you...and never
let go..I should...have.."
My voice faded to black.
In that moment something inside of me broke.
And I fell.
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the ground.
Tears made my sight blurry.
"Come back, please...Come back to me..I don't..I can't..I don't
know how to go on without you..To breathe without you..It feels
like I'm slowly dying..God, it hurts..."
I lifted my head towards the black sky.
Letting the rain wash over my face.
A silent plea to a God that wasn't listening.
To bring her back to me.
To have mercy on a bleeding heart.
-------------------------------------------
I don't remember how I got home.
All I can remember is waking up in my own bed.
The moon was the only light in the room as I rose.
Trying to move without breaking.
Fearing I would fall apart if I moved too fast.
Trying not to actually feel.
I changed my clothes and headed downstairs.
To try to erase memories.
To work.
Easier than dealing with the pain.
I moved around the diner trying to not remember.
Trying not to feel her present.
I have never worked that hard.
A knock on the door brought me back to reality.
The clock on the wall showed little after one in the morning.
It was still dark outside.
She was standing at my door.
Lorelai.
She looked tired.
Like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"Luke..."
"Lorelai..What are you doing here? It's one in the morning."
"I saw your light and I thought..."
"What?"
"I need to..."
I knew what she wanted but I hadn't the strength to face her.
Not yet.
"No, Lorelai...Not now..I can't..."
I backed away from her.
She came towards me.
"We need to talk, Luke..We need to talk about."
"No, Lorelai...Go home.."
"How can you say that!?"
I looked at her.
This woman I had wanted for so long.
But as I stood there I felt nothing.
I was empty inside.
"I buried her today...and you come here.."
"We need to talk about what happened."
I walked away from her.
She came after.
I could hear the door shut.
I stopped in front of the counter.
I could feel her behind me.
"How can you come hear today and ask me to..."
"All I want is to talk..."
I turned towards her.
Her eyes were dark as she looked at me.
They seemed to occupy her whole face.
"We have nothing to talk about..."
I could see the pain that flashed across her face.
"How can..."
"We killed her."
I wanted the pain to rip through her.
I wanted her to feel the pain.
The need to blame someone won over the need to find peace.
She backed away from me.
Tears made its presence known in her eyes.
"Don't say that!"
"She stood here in this room and told me that she had seen us..
She was there, Lorelai.."
"..when you kissed me."
"And you kissed me, remember?"
"I.."
"Don't lie, Lorelai.."
"I never thought..."
"She was waiting for me when I come home and she told me..She stood
here and told me...God..I hurt her...I broke her heart...and I hate
myself for doing that to her...I wish.."
"I know."
"No, you don't. NO! You don't know. How can you know the feeling
of losing everything all at once?"
"Luke, please.."
"No! I lost her that day...She walked away from here and..."
"She came to me, Luke."
The pain struck me, hard.
I almost stumbled.
"No..You're lying."
"No, Luke. She came to me and asked me.."
It couldn't be true.
It had to be a lie.
"Asked you what?"
"About what happened."
"What did you tell her?"
"The truth..."
"What truth?"
"About the kiss..and the way..."
"What? What else?"
"She asked me..Rachel asked me if...I had feelings for you."
"And?"
"I said yes..."
"No!"
"It's the truth..."
I never knew pain like that.
"How can you come here today and..."
"I needed..."
"I loved her..She made me happy."
"I know that."
"Then why did you come here, today?"
"I thought I might help."
"With what?"
"Everything."
"What possible things can you help me with, Lorelai?"
"Don't be like that, Luke."
"No, answer me, Lorelai."
"I don't.."
"You brought this on."
"No, Luke...It was an accident."
"You did this with your mind games."
"Please, Luke..I never meant.."
"What did you think would happen?"
"I just wanted to tell the truth."
"What possible things could come from it?"
"She asked me...I told her the truth."
"You drove her to her death."
"Don't say that.
I wanted so badly to hurt her.
I wanted to make her feel the pain that ripped through
me with every breath I took.
"It's the truth, isn't it?"
"No..I never thought.."
"That's you, Lorelai. You don't think. Have you ever considered
how you affect other people? No you don't. You came in here every
day for the last couple of years..playing your games.."
"What?"
"Flirting. Smiling..Turning heads. But when I finally found happiness
you couldn't take it...You just had to ruin it."
"It wasn't like that."
I moved towards her.
I wanted to break her.
Make her fall.
Hurt her.
"Then tell me. Why, Lorelai? You just couldn't leave it alone."
"She asked me..She came to me. And asked."
"You could have lied..Told her something, anything..."
"I couldn't."
She backed away from me.
Trying to run again.
"Why, Lorelai? Why her?"
"I'm sorry."
"No, you're not sorry."
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at me.
I saw pain there.
Sorrow.
But I didn't care.
Not this time.
I had no mercy as I moved towards her.
I wanted to break her.
Cause her pain.
I refused to fall this time.
Not ever again.
"Don't say that. She was my friend."
"She was never your friend."
"How can you say that!?"
"I know you, Lorelai. People like her..You hated her."
"NO!"
"You disliked her from the moment she stepped into the diner."
"Yeah, sure I will admit it...I disliked her...But not for the
reason you thought...I had heard the stories about you two...I knew
the pain she had caused you..And I didn't want it to happen again."
"What's it to you what I do and don't do? It's my life and
it's my business I decide to ....love.."
My voice faded to black.
I backed away from her.
She reached for me.
Her hand brushed mine and for a single moment I wanted
to fall into her.
So sure she would catch me.
And maybe then I would forget about the world for a while.
It would be so simple.
To let somebody hold me.
For once.
But my heart kept remembering.
Seeing.
Hearing the voices that had brought me this pain.
"The doctor told me...Some doctor..I can't remember his name..Not
even his face..But I do remember his voice..."
I didn't know why I told her.
But I needed to tell someone.
Before I exploded.
Before this pain killed me.
I kept hearing the doctors voice.
DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT?
"He told me...right after...That she..That Rachel...was pregnant.."
Our eyes met.
Tears marked her face.
"Jesus...I didn't know."
"She was going to have my child, Lorelai..A baby.."
"I'm so sorry."
She moved closer to me.
She took my hand.
It felt so nice to feel a humans touch.
To feel the warmth of somebody.
Even her.
Tears came suddenly.
Crashing through my barricades.
Causing the walls around my heart to fall.
Leaving me vulnerble.
I looked at her now.
My friend.
The one that I had loved for so long that I was blind
for every one else.
That I didn't let anybody else in.
And that had caused me to let go of the only true thing in
my life.
To let her go.
Rachel.
My love.
But I needed her now.
My friend.
I needed her arms.
I fell towards her.
I wanted to lose myself in her.
For once.
I wanted her to erase the pain that caused my world
to be black.
I wanted her to save me.
Save me.
"Why? I loved her....."
My legs gave away and I fell.
I crumbled to the ground.
She kneeled down beside me and wrapped her arms around me.
I needed the strength of her arms.
I needed her tonight.
"I loved her..."
"I know.."
"Bring her back...please...I needed her....Please.."
I buried my nose in her shirt.
And I cried.
The moon shone in through the window as she helped me
into bed.
She helped my broken body into the warmth of my bed.
She lay down beside me.
Lorelai.
She wrapped her arms around me.
Held me.
While the storm raged inside of me.
And eventually I fell into the deep release of sleep.
I rose from the bed just before the sun touched the earth.
She was still sleeping.
I knew what I had to do.
I didn't need much.
I dressed in the early light of day.
I stood at her bedside.
Lingered there for a second.
"Goodbye.."
Then I moved.
Dared to actually move my broken body.
I walked downstairs and out the door.
I started the truck.
My rusty truck.
As the sun rose I headed out of town.
Setting out on narrow way.
Trying to kill those voices that proclaimed my own
guilt in all of this.
Searching for peace.
And maybe one day I will find it.
The things I crave for.
Peace.
Maybe
One day even I will be free.
----------------------------
Lorelai Gilmore was awaken by the morning sun.
She reached for him.
All she found was an empty space beside her in the bed.
The bed felt cold after he had left it.
He was gone.
The house was still.
Calm.
She just knew.
He was gone.
She could feel it.
But she refused to surrender.
She told herself to believe.
That one day
he would come back to her.
---------------------------------------
Feedback -----j_rothen@yahoo.se
Next part is called "Praying for blue skies" and is set five years
after the events of this story.
These are the things I never told you
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Category: Romance, AU, angst, V
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Lorelai/Luke, Luke/Rachel
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Is the truth always necessary?
AUTHORS NOTE: Luke and Rachel have been married for about a year.
She never left Stars Hollow. Lorelai is still Lorelai..:)
I promise, I swear..this time around..it will be a happy ending..
Just bear with me.
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: Sandra for being the greatest beta reader I have found...;)
*******************************
"Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go, yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you plann'd:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad."
("Remember" by: Christina Georgina Rossetti )
_______________________
Holding on to nothing (3/?)
"These are the things I never told you"
by: Jessica
***************************
It's the little things I remember about that day.
The day we laid her to rest.
It was raining.
I remember how the rain felt against my skin.
I remember the sound of the rain beating, angrily
against the wooden coffin.
I remember voices that tried to mend my heart.
They had come from all over the country to say goodbye to her.
People I didn't know.
Faces I had never seen.
We buried her under a big oak tree overlooking the town.
I know she would have liked this place.
I had picked out the flowers.
The coffin that would be her final resting place.
No one else would.
I opened the diner as usual that day.
I woke early and for a brief second I reached for her
beside me in the bed.
Somewhere in between awake and asleep my mind still believed
she was with me.
Silly me.
But I died.
I died every day I woke up without her beside me in the bed.
It was a painful death when my mind remembered.
When memories brought back her living face.
I rose every day.
The need to survive won over my own longing to die.
So I rose.
Wanting to feel the pain I had caused.
She came into the diner just before I was about to close.
She was dressed in a black dress.
Her hair shone.
Lorelai.
Beauty.
And I hated myself for seeing the beauty in her.
She walked up to me where I stood.
Pride glowing in me.
I refused to stumble.
I wanted to show that I was doing all right.
"Luke..."
"Lorelai..."
Silence.
She sat down at the counter.
She avoided my eyes as she spoke:
"I came for..."
"I know why you came."
"Luke..."
"Don't, Lorelai..."
I wanted to run from her.
But I couldn't.
Maybe it was time to face her.
So I stood my ground as she lifted her gaze towards me.
"Please, Luke..We need to talk about...I need to talk."
"No! We have nothing to talk about."
Then I walked away from her and left her there at
the counter in my own diner.
-------------------------------------------------
I laid the suit out the day before.
I had picked the right shoes to go with.
Even the tie.
Everything was ready as I walked upstairs.
I peel of my clothes in the afternoon sun.
Then I head into the shower.
I stand there and let the cold water wash over my body.
Trying to feel.
Anything.
Trying to get my cold shell of a body warm.
No use.
Then I grant myself a few minutes in front of the mirror.
Then I return into the living room.
To put on my suit.
To get ready.
For saying goodbye to her.
-----------------------------------------------
I stood there a long time after the mourners had come and gone.
Staring at her coffin.
Trying to find the right words to say goodbye to her.
How do you say goodbye?
How do you let go?
How do you let go of someone that you have loved for so long?
Several lifetimes.
I stood there while the rain washed over me trying to find
some words.
Anything.
Alone I stood.
"I never meant..."
Silly.
Like she could hear me.
But I needed something.
To talk to a coffin.
So I stood there.
Talking to no one.
"I never meant any of this to happen.....I thought..I was mad...
I was afraid to lose you.....God, I don't..."
I kept seeing her face.
The pain in her eyes when she told me.
"I'm sorry for everything...I wish there were some way I could
take it all back...That.."
Silence.
My words seemed so small.
I had so much inside of me that it felt like I was going to
explode at any moment but it was only my skin that kept me whole.
The pain struck me hard as I dared to move.
I stumbled forward on weak legs.
My hands trembled as I reached out and touched the coffin.
Wanting to be near her.
"Rachel...I'm sorry for so many things..I should have told you
more that I loved you...I should have held on to you...and never
let go..I should...have.."
My voice faded to black.
In that moment something inside of me broke.
And I fell.
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the ground.
Tears made my sight blurry.
"Come back, please...Come back to me..I don't..I can't..I don't
know how to go on without you..To breathe without you..It feels
like I'm slowly dying..God, it hurts..."
I lifted my head towards the black sky.
Letting the rain wash over my face.
A silent plea to a God that wasn't listening.
To bring her back to me.
To have mercy on a bleeding heart.
-------------------------------------------
I don't remember how I got home.
All I can remember is waking up in my own bed.
The moon was the only light in the room as I rose.
Trying to move without breaking.
Fearing I would fall apart if I moved too fast.
Trying not to actually feel.
I changed my clothes and headed downstairs.
To try to erase memories.
To work.
Easier than dealing with the pain.
I moved around the diner trying to not remember.
Trying not to feel her present.
I have never worked that hard.
A knock on the door brought me back to reality.
The clock on the wall showed little after one in the morning.
It was still dark outside.
She was standing at my door.
Lorelai.
She looked tired.
Like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"Luke..."
"Lorelai..What are you doing here? It's one in the morning."
"I saw your light and I thought..."
"What?"
"I need to..."
I knew what she wanted but I hadn't the strength to face her.
Not yet.
"No, Lorelai...Not now..I can't..."
I backed away from her.
She came towards me.
"We need to talk, Luke..We need to talk about."
"No, Lorelai...Go home.."
"How can you say that!?"
I looked at her.
This woman I had wanted for so long.
But as I stood there I felt nothing.
I was empty inside.
"I buried her today...and you come here.."
"We need to talk about what happened."
I walked away from her.
She came after.
I could hear the door shut.
I stopped in front of the counter.
I could feel her behind me.
"How can you come hear today and ask me to..."
"All I want is to talk..."
I turned towards her.
Her eyes were dark as she looked at me.
They seemed to occupy her whole face.
"We have nothing to talk about..."
I could see the pain that flashed across her face.
"How can..."
"We killed her."
I wanted the pain to rip through her.
I wanted her to feel the pain.
The need to blame someone won over the need to find peace.
She backed away from me.
Tears made its presence known in her eyes.
"Don't say that!"
"She stood here in this room and told me that she had seen us..
She was there, Lorelai.."
"..when you kissed me."
"And you kissed me, remember?"
"I.."
"Don't lie, Lorelai.."
"I never thought..."
"She was waiting for me when I come home and she told me..She stood
here and told me...God..I hurt her...I broke her heart...and I hate
myself for doing that to her...I wish.."
"I know."
"No, you don't. NO! You don't know. How can you know the feeling
of losing everything all at once?"
"Luke, please.."
"No! I lost her that day...She walked away from here and..."
"She came to me, Luke."
The pain struck me, hard.
I almost stumbled.
"No..You're lying."
"No, Luke. She came to me and asked me.."
It couldn't be true.
It had to be a lie.
"Asked you what?"
"About what happened."
"What did you tell her?"
"The truth..."
"What truth?"
"About the kiss..and the way..."
"What? What else?"
"She asked me..Rachel asked me if...I had feelings for you."
"And?"
"I said yes..."
"No!"
"It's the truth..."
I never knew pain like that.
"How can you come here today and..."
"I needed..."
"I loved her..She made me happy."
"I know that."
"Then why did you come here, today?"
"I thought I might help."
"With what?"
"Everything."
"What possible things can you help me with, Lorelai?"
"Don't be like that, Luke."
"No, answer me, Lorelai."
"I don't.."
"You brought this on."
"No, Luke...It was an accident."
"You did this with your mind games."
"Please, Luke..I never meant.."
"What did you think would happen?"
"I just wanted to tell the truth."
"What possible things could come from it?"
"She asked me...I told her the truth."
"You drove her to her death."
"Don't say that.
I wanted so badly to hurt her.
I wanted to make her feel the pain that ripped through
me with every breath I took.
"It's the truth, isn't it?"
"No..I never thought.."
"That's you, Lorelai. You don't think. Have you ever considered
how you affect other people? No you don't. You came in here every
day for the last couple of years..playing your games.."
"What?"
"Flirting. Smiling..Turning heads. But when I finally found happiness
you couldn't take it...You just had to ruin it."
"It wasn't like that."
I moved towards her.
I wanted to break her.
Make her fall.
Hurt her.
"Then tell me. Why, Lorelai? You just couldn't leave it alone."
"She asked me..She came to me. And asked."
"You could have lied..Told her something, anything..."
"I couldn't."
She backed away from me.
Trying to run again.
"Why, Lorelai? Why her?"
"I'm sorry."
"No, you're not sorry."
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at me.
I saw pain there.
Sorrow.
But I didn't care.
Not this time.
I had no mercy as I moved towards her.
I wanted to break her.
Cause her pain.
I refused to fall this time.
Not ever again.
"Don't say that. She was my friend."
"She was never your friend."
"How can you say that!?"
"I know you, Lorelai. People like her..You hated her."
"NO!"
"You disliked her from the moment she stepped into the diner."
"Yeah, sure I will admit it...I disliked her...But not for the
reason you thought...I had heard the stories about you two...I knew
the pain she had caused you..And I didn't want it to happen again."
"What's it to you what I do and don't do? It's my life and
it's my business I decide to ....love.."
My voice faded to black.
I backed away from her.
She reached for me.
Her hand brushed mine and for a single moment I wanted
to fall into her.
So sure she would catch me.
And maybe then I would forget about the world for a while.
It would be so simple.
To let somebody hold me.
For once.
But my heart kept remembering.
Seeing.
Hearing the voices that had brought me this pain.
"The doctor told me...Some doctor..I can't remember his name..Not
even his face..But I do remember his voice..."
I didn't know why I told her.
But I needed to tell someone.
Before I exploded.
Before this pain killed me.
I kept hearing the doctors voice.
DID YOU KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT?
"He told me...right after...That she..That Rachel...was pregnant.."
Our eyes met.
Tears marked her face.
"Jesus...I didn't know."
"She was going to have my child, Lorelai..A baby.."
"I'm so sorry."
She moved closer to me.
She took my hand.
It felt so nice to feel a humans touch.
To feel the warmth of somebody.
Even her.
Tears came suddenly.
Crashing through my barricades.
Causing the walls around my heart to fall.
Leaving me vulnerble.
I looked at her now.
My friend.
The one that I had loved for so long that I was blind
for every one else.
That I didn't let anybody else in.
And that had caused me to let go of the only true thing in
my life.
To let her go.
Rachel.
My love.
But I needed her now.
My friend.
I needed her arms.
I fell towards her.
I wanted to lose myself in her.
For once.
I wanted her to erase the pain that caused my world
to be black.
I wanted her to save me.
Save me.
"Why? I loved her....."
My legs gave away and I fell.
I crumbled to the ground.
She kneeled down beside me and wrapped her arms around me.
I needed the strength of her arms.
I needed her tonight.
"I loved her..."
"I know.."
"Bring her back...please...I needed her....Please.."
I buried my nose in her shirt.
And I cried.
The moon shone in through the window as she helped me
into bed.
She helped my broken body into the warmth of my bed.
She lay down beside me.
Lorelai.
She wrapped her arms around me.
Held me.
While the storm raged inside of me.
And eventually I fell into the deep release of sleep.
I rose from the bed just before the sun touched the earth.
She was still sleeping.
I knew what I had to do.
I didn't need much.
I dressed in the early light of day.
I stood at her bedside.
Lingered there for a second.
"Goodbye.."
Then I moved.
Dared to actually move my broken body.
I walked downstairs and out the door.
I started the truck.
My rusty truck.
As the sun rose I headed out of town.
Setting out on narrow way.
Trying to kill those voices that proclaimed my own
guilt in all of this.
Searching for peace.
And maybe one day I will find it.
The things I crave for.
Peace.
Maybe
One day even I will be free.
----------------------------
Lorelai Gilmore was awaken by the morning sun.
She reached for him.
All she found was an empty space beside her in the bed.
The bed felt cold after he had left it.
He was gone.
The house was still.
Calm.
She just knew.
He was gone.
She could feel it.
But she refused to surrender.
She told herself to believe.
That one day
he would come back to her.
---------------------------------------
Feedback -----j_rothen@yahoo.se
Next part is called "Praying for blue skies" and is set five years
after the events of this story.
