Title: The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... Part 30
Author: Might as well have a lobotomy.
Email: ayanami@internode.on.net
IRC: Mappy on DALnet's #AJAS
Fic Rating: On the bonnie bonnie banks of Loch Lomond......


Begin Happy99.exe................................................NOT


The Fanfic Formerly Known As....
by Aino Minako (In DDFA's absence)

Part Thirty - The Office
Smooth Draft (a Rough Draft with all the crunchy bits taken out)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

--------------------------------------------------------------------


Scene: The hideout of the Outers. Minako is standing in front of
DDFA, smiling.


Minako: So, what do you think of that as a solution?

DDFA: .....

Minako: Yes, it's sure to confuse everyone.... But at least I
ended "Waiting for Minako" by chapter 30, eh?

DDFA: .....

Minako: What's wrong? Why don't you say anything?

DDFA: .....

Minako: Oh, right. I should take your gag off, first.

DDFA: -_-;;

Setsuna: Well, I'm not satisfied.


Minako turns to the four Outers, who are standing behind her, arms
crossed.


Minako: Why? What's wrong?

Haruka: Merely changing the name of the fanfic is not enough.

Michiru: We demanded that this fanfic be brought to an end.

Minako: But it's not that fanfic, anymore.

Haruka: Of course it is. It's just the same fanfic by another
name.

Minako: Ah, does that mean the readers will know when this is
posted.

Outers: .....

DDFA: .....

Minako: See, a solution to the problem. Now, if you'll excuse
me, I have a fanfic to write.


And with that, Minako walks from the hideout. Everyone winces as
she forgot to open the door on her way out.


Setsuna: That's going to be a bugger to replace.


DDFA sweatdrops, still bound and gagged to his chair, and in a state
of panic over what Minako is doing to his fanfic....


Meanwhile, in the office of Koenma-sama, in Hades....


Koenma: Och, Ahm tellin' yer, lassie.... Yon ain't suppoosed to
be dead, yet. Are yer understandin' me?


Usagi, who is standing on the opposite side of Koenma-sama's desk,
stares down at the pint-sized demon lord of the underworld, then
over at Kanaru, who is in the corner of the room, sweatdropping.


Usagi: Since when did he have a Scottish accent?

Kanaru: Well.... Umm....

Koenma: Ah, don' you be worryin' aboot answerin' such questions,
Kannie me lassie. She obvioosly nay know aboot the
horrible truth....


Usagi turns to Koenma-sama, nervously.


Usagi: And.... what horrible truth would that be....?

Koenma: Tha' the entire afterlife is roon bah Scots.... We try
ta hide tha fact froom everyboody bah usin' other
languages.... Like ma role oon ma show.... It's soo
hard ta keep it up, episode in, episode art.


Usagi sighs and shakes her head.


Usagi: Is that all.... I thought it was something REALLY bad.

Koenma: What were you expectin', then? For me ta be German
there, noo?


Koenma-sama turns to Kanaru.


Koenma: Will you get tha lassie some refreshments, Kannie? Ah
bet she's had a roof time since she arrived.

Kanaru: Haaaaaiii.


Smiling, Kanaru disappears into thin air. Usagi scratches her head.


Usagi: I thought Botan-chan was your secretary, or something.

Koenma: Ah yes.... Botan.... Not a pretty story.

Usagi: What happened to her.


Koenma-sama sighs, lowering his head.


Koenma: One day, she came up ta me an' said ah paid her naught
much more than a pittance of what she was worth, and she
up an'left me ta join Pink Pineapple. She nah makes
hentah anime for tha dead.

Usagi: Ack.

Koenma: Well, ah said it wa'nt a pretty story. Tak a seat,
there lassie.


Koenma gestures to a seat, off to one side. Usagi nods and sits
down. Koenma is about to hop out of his chair, when a sheet of
paper glides by. He turns to see the top drawer of his filing
cabinet open, with paper flying out to the sound of contented pu's.


Koenma: Ah, blast it! That wee beastie has got inta mah files
again! Must be tha fourth time this moonth.


Koenma jumps out of his chair and knocks the drawer shut. Then,
holding onto the top of the cabinet, he locks it, chuckling.


Koenma: There, ya wee beastie.... Tra an' get outta that one.


As Koenma gets down from the cabinet and walks around the desk,
Usagi stares at the cabinet, which is rocking from side to side as
Mokona tries to escape his prison, with a chorus of disconcerted
pu's.


Usagi: I take it you're very acquainted with the bunny-thing,
then?

Koenma: You bet mah maiden aunt ah am, lassie. Damn beastie is
tha menace of the underworld.

Usagi: It's a little cruel, locking him in there like that,
though.

Koenma: Och, ahm tellin' you, lassie.... That's no ordinary
rabbit.... That's the most foul, cruel and bad tempered
rodent you've ever laid eyes on.


Suddenly, the second drawer flies open, and Mokona jumps up
triumphantly, smiling.


Mokona: Pu! ^_^

Koenma: Och, ya see wha' I mean? Ya can't win agin' such a
beastie. It's blessed bah Kami-sama, I tell ya.


Mokona turns as a small, yellow, rat-like thing with a tail the
shape of a lightning bolt pops up next to him.


Mokona: Pu? O_O

Pikachu: Pika pika. ^_^

Mokona: Pu pupu pu pupupu pu pu. ^_^

Pikachu: Pii ka kachu pii pika kachu. ^_^

Usagi: What are they saying?

Koenma: These be things we are never meant ta know, lassie. Yon
kawaii beasties ha' a language all of tha oon.


Usagi sighs.


Usagi: Anyway. You said I wasn't supposed to be dead, yet....

Koenma: Hmm?

Usagi: Remember? The reason you dragged me to your office.

Koenma: Oh tha'.... Ye, of course. Nah when ah was lookin'
through ma files, ah spotted your name. Now ah knew
you weren't s'posed to be here, yet, so I sent oot
Kannie oot ta get ye. In tha meantime, ah looked
through tha files....


He gestures to the papers, now scattered across the room.


Koenma: ....Whatever order they were in, an' ah foond tha' you
were brought to your premature demise through a
conspiracy.

Usagi: A conspiracy?

Koenma: That is wha' ah said, lassie. Ma accent ain't that ba'.

Usagi: What do you mean by a conspiracy?

Koenma: Well, this be a DDFA fic, ah tell you.... However, ah
suspec' the real reason has somethin' ta do wi' tha fac'
tha' this entire fanfic ha' actually bin railroaded by
an outside force....


Dramatic music fills the room. Everyone looks around for its
source.


Koenma: Ya see what ah mean.... Where tha hell did tha' come
from?

Usagi: Mokona! Have you been playing with the muzak tapes,
again?


Mokona shuffles on his feet, trying to look innocent.


Meanwhile, outside Koenma-sama's office building, a banana in
pyjamas is sneaking up behind one of the two security demons,
standing outside the front entrance, looking bored. As the demon
turns and looks away, B1 clouts him over the back of his head with
a stone teddy bear. The demon falls into B1's waiting arms and is
dragged away. The other demon eventually notices his companion is
missing.


Demon: Bob? Yo, Bob? Where've you gone?


Before the demon can say anymore, B2 lands on top of him, knocking
him to the ground. The pair roll around for several moments,
grappling with each other, before B2 lands a victory blow across the
demon's chin. B2 then drags the demon away.

Seconds later, two young women, wearing the demons' security
uniforms (both too big for them) meet back at the front entrance.
One has long, black hair and pale skin, the other short red hair
with tanned skin.


Kei: I tell you, for the underworld, the security here really
sucks.

Yuri: Don't let those idiots fool you. We've gotta get past
the hideous tentacle rape monster at the front desk.

Kei: .....

Yuri: .....

Kei: .....

Yuri: .....

Kei: Can we go home, now?

Yuri: Shuddup and get inside.


Yuri pushes Kei through the front doors.


END OF PART 30


--------------------------------------------------------------------

^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

--------------------------------------------------------------------


What is Minako doing to this fanfic? Is she really to blame for
Usagi's premature demise? Is the afterlife run by Scots? Why were
Kei and Yuri dressed as B1 and B2? Did Mokona really mess with the
muzak? And where the hell are Ami and Makoto? For absolutely,
positively almost no answers, read the next enthralling chapter of
"The Fanfic Formerly Known As....", available with a free Mokona. I
have to get rid of the little bastard before he completely trashes
the house....


Mokona: Pu! ^_^

_________
/ @ \ Aino Minako (in DDFA's absence)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net
/\ Manic-Depressive Sailorsenshi without a clue
\/ \/ Professional failure in quotations
\___________/ Massive avoider of responsibility
/_/ \_\ PU!


TROGGLE 1.0 - Tuesday, 2nd March 1999