Title: The Fanfic Formerly Known As.... Part 32
Author: Dark Day For Anime (Mark A Page)
Email: ayanami@internode.on.net
IRC: Mappy on DALnet's #AJAS
Fic Rating: Is that a UFO in your pocket, or are you just pleased to
abduct me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Fanfic Formerly Known As....
by DDFA (Now having replaced Minako after escaping his bonds)
Part Thirtytwo - The Scumbag
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: DDFA's hovel. Having reclaimed his seat from a disappointed
Minako, he gets down to reading some of the mail that has arrived,
and is surprised to find one from his spurned lover....
From: Crispy
To: DDFA
Subject: Re: [FFML] [FF][Spoof][St.Luminous] The Girls
I have, scumbag.
Crispy.
DDFA shakes his head, wondering if she answers everyone this way
when he asks them if they've heard of St Luminous Mission High
School. Of course, Crispy is still bitter about the time DDFA left
her by the park bench, having told her that he was in love with
someone else, and never wanted to see her again. Crispy has been
having a hard time dealing with this, just KNOWING that, under that
rotund, grizzled exterior, DDFA has to give a DAMN about her. And
so, she goes on, reminding DDFA of their brief fling on the beach
in Hawaii....
Ahem. So, DDFA decides to bring in the entire cast of WfM, and they
give him a rousing cheer for, once more, getting a rise out of
Crispy.... One, two, three....
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
DDFA pauses, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.
DDFA: Why, thankyou, everyone. You're so kind to me.
Minako: We just wanted you to know how we all REALLY feel about
you.
DDFA: That's so touching. I'll remember this for a long time.
Koenma: Och, that be what we're afraid of, laddie.
DDFA: Thankyou. Now, get back to your positions, or I'll have
you killed in a brutal, painful and mildly humourous
manner.
All: YES SIR!
The cast quickly disappears as DDFA sinks lower in his seat,
wondering if he should ask Crispy for the gold ring back, knowing
that Crispy's reply would be something along the lines of "You know
where you can insert the ring".
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi is pointing to a security monitor in the
corner of the records office as Koenma stamps a couple of times on
ChuChu for trying to eat his hat.
Usagi: Ano....
Koenma: What be the problem, there, lassie?
ChuChu: Chuuuuu.... Chuuuu....
Usagi: There are a couple of girls in skimpy outfits,
emasculating the tentacle demon you have at your front
desk.
Koenma: Good thing, too.
ChuChu: Chuuuu.... Chuchuchuuuu....
Usagi: Is it?
Usagi thinks it over.
Usagi: Come to think of it, yeah, it probably is a good thing.
Still, that just HAS to hurt.
Koenma: It's been a load o' pants ever since we hired that yon
beastie t'cover the front desk.
ChuChu: Chuuuuuuuuuu......
Usagi: A load of what?
Koenma: PANTS, lassie. PANTS! Tha' stupid bastard goes an'
ravages all th' good-lookin' girls we get in 'ere. Ah
mean, th' atmospherics o' this place 'as jus' gone down,
I tell ye.
Usagi: Well, he won't be.... ravaging.... any good looking girls
from now on.
Koenma: Och, don't you go bettin' on it, lassie. he'll be
growin' new ones in a wee bit o' time.
Usagi: Remind me not to be in the building when he does.
Meanwhile, in Koenma's office, Shishio, Yumi, Usui and Hoji are
lying in a pile, on top of the desk. Standing atop them all is
Mokona, who lights a cigarette, smiling evilly.
Mokona: Aku Soku Puuuuuuu! :D
Back in the records office, Usagi, Koenma-sama and ChuChu are
staring at the security monitor, grimly, watching as the two girls
in skimpy outfits wreak havoc in the front office
Usagi: Hmmm....
Koenma: Hmmm....
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: Hmmm....
Koenma: Hmmm....
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: Hmmm....
Koenma: Hmmm....
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: ....
Koenma: ....
ChuChu: ....
Usagi: Well?
Koenma: Well what?
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: What are you going to do about them?
Koenma: Ah, Ah was waitin' fer you t' ask.
ChuChu: Chuu....
Koenma-sama strikes a dramatic pose.
Koenma: This looks lahk a job fer.... HELL'S BELLES!
Insert Thunderbirds theme here as the walls of the records office
retract, exposing the office's true nature.... A huge hangar vault,
filled with hundreds of mecha of varying shapes and sizes. From
doorways in the walls of the hangar, hundreds of super-kawaii girls
from every rpg game imaginable emerge, all wearing pilot suits of
varying colours and descriptions. Usagi's jaw drops as the girls
stand in front of each and every mecha, saluting Koenma-sama.
Girls: HAIL KOENMA-SAMA!
Koenma gets up on ChuChu's desk, gesticulating with his hands.
Koenma: Mah fearless lassies, the front office is being attacked
by yon heartless harridans of the highest order. It is
time for you ta show me your true skills, and defeat this
menace that dares ta threaten tha very heart of Hades!
Yoko: Does that mean we have to use our robots?
Koenma: Uhhh.... Yes.
Suzume: But I might scratch my mecha-chan.
Kimiko: 'Heartless harridans' sounds so scary.
Yuko: I might break out into a sweat.
Suzume: I spent all night polishing my mecha-chan.
Rika: I don't need my mecha to beat these bitches into
smithereens!
Arisu: Rika-chan, KOWAI!
Rika: Aha... Ahahahahahaha....
Koenma-sama sweatdrops.
Koenma: Look, will yon lassies PLEASE beat tha livin' crap outta
these two. Ah mean, they threaten yon source of sugar...
Tha life source of all kawaii girls.
The girls all smile. standing to attention.
Girls: HAAIIIII!!!!! ^_^
The girls start leaping about, giggling, as they get into their
respective mechas. Koenma, Usagi and ChuChu put up their hands to
shield their faces from the blasts of the mechas' rockets as they
fly up and through a chute in the roof. When the last has
disappeared, Koenma-sama crosses his arms and puts on a dark
expression.
Koenma: This is not good.
Usagi: What is?
ChuChu: Chuuu. Chu chu chu.
Koenma points to a large tunnel to their left.
Koenma: They were s'posed ta go that way. The one in tha roof
leads to tha cafeteria.
Usagi: Geh....
Koenma: Ahve got a bad feelin' 'bout this.
Usagi: You've got a bad feeling?
ChuChu: Chuuuu....
Usagi: You're front office is being trashed by a pair of under-
dressed bimbos, and your first and only line of defence
has a worse sense of direction than Ryouga on a BAD day.
Yes, you can say you deserve to have a 'bad feeling'.
Koenma: Now now now, lassie.... Don't you be gettin' all worked
up, noo.... We still have.... THE GRANBUZER!
Dramatic music plays as Koenma-sama's face develops an enigmatic
shadow. Usagi backs away in fear.
Usagi: Kowai....
Koenma-sama blinks and puts a hand behind his head, giggling.
Koenma: Och, sorry 'bout that, happens whenever I mention....
THE GRANBUZER!
Dramatic music plays and Koenma-sama's face once more goes into
shadow. He giggles and starts to dance around on the desk.
Koenma: A cool effect, wouldna ye say, lassie?
Usagi: Uh.... Ha... hai....
Koenma-sama stops, posing.
Koenma: So, lassie. Go ahead. Ask me what THE GRANBUZER! is.
More dramatic music. More face in shadow. Usagi sweatdrops.
Usagi: What? What is THE GRANBUZER!?
Koenma: Ah, so you is asking what THE GRANBUZER! is, are ye?
Usagi: Ha... hai. I'm asking what THE GRANBUZER! is.
Koenma-sama laughs, maniacally.
Koenma: Well, it's....
END OF PART 32
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
What is THE GRANBUZER!? (Cue dramatic music as DDFA's face goes
into shadow). Who is Crispy? Does she have anything to do
with THE GRANBUZER! (Cue dramatic music as DDFA's face goes into
shadow). Will Hell's Belles deal with her? Has Mokona really
managed to defeat the entire cast of worthwhile villains from
Rurouni Kenshin? Did ChuChu really try to eat Koenma-sama's hat?
Has DDFA managed to truly wrestle control of the fic away from
Minako? Will Minako ever appear again? Is that necessarily a bad
thing? Will DDFA ever write a hentai fic? Will it be more horrible
than any other hentai fic ever written? Are the Lovely Angels
really Makoto and Ami in disguise? Is this a hint of a plot? Was
there ever a point to putting plot in this at all? For absolutely
no answers to any of this, read the next waffle-packed chapter of
"The Fanfic Formerly Known As....", the well-known danger to
shipping. In that order, even.
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net
/\
\/ \/ Black Jellybeans will SAVE THE WORLD
\___________/ Or give it the runs, whatever comes first.
/_/ \_\ PU
TROGGLE 1.0 - Monday, 31st May 1999
Author: Dark Day For Anime (Mark A Page)
Email: ayanami@internode.on.net
IRC: Mappy on DALnet's #AJAS
Fic Rating: Is that a UFO in your pocket, or are you just pleased to
abduct me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Fanfic Formerly Known As....
by DDFA (Now having replaced Minako after escaping his bonds)
Part Thirtytwo - The Scumbag
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: DDFA's hovel. Having reclaimed his seat from a disappointed
Minako, he gets down to reading some of the mail that has arrived,
and is surprised to find one from his spurned lover....
From: Crispy
To: DDFA
Subject: Re: [FFML] [FF][Spoof][St.Luminous] The Girls
I have, scumbag.
Crispy.
DDFA shakes his head, wondering if she answers everyone this way
when he asks them if they've heard of St Luminous Mission High
School. Of course, Crispy is still bitter about the time DDFA left
her by the park bench, having told her that he was in love with
someone else, and never wanted to see her again. Crispy has been
having a hard time dealing with this, just KNOWING that, under that
rotund, grizzled exterior, DDFA has to give a DAMN about her. And
so, she goes on, reminding DDFA of their brief fling on the beach
in Hawaii....
Ahem. So, DDFA decides to bring in the entire cast of WfM, and they
give him a rousing cheer for, once more, getting a rise out of
Crispy.... One, two, three....
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
All: DDFA'S A SCUMBAG!
Clapclap clapclap clap.
DDFA pauses, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye.
DDFA: Why, thankyou, everyone. You're so kind to me.
Minako: We just wanted you to know how we all REALLY feel about
you.
DDFA: That's so touching. I'll remember this for a long time.
Koenma: Och, that be what we're afraid of, laddie.
DDFA: Thankyou. Now, get back to your positions, or I'll have
you killed in a brutal, painful and mildly humourous
manner.
All: YES SIR!
The cast quickly disappears as DDFA sinks lower in his seat,
wondering if he should ask Crispy for the gold ring back, knowing
that Crispy's reply would be something along the lines of "You know
where you can insert the ring".
Meanwhile, in Hades, Usagi is pointing to a security monitor in the
corner of the records office as Koenma stamps a couple of times on
ChuChu for trying to eat his hat.
Usagi: Ano....
Koenma: What be the problem, there, lassie?
ChuChu: Chuuuuu.... Chuuuu....
Usagi: There are a couple of girls in skimpy outfits,
emasculating the tentacle demon you have at your front
desk.
Koenma: Good thing, too.
ChuChu: Chuuuu.... Chuchuchuuuu....
Usagi: Is it?
Usagi thinks it over.
Usagi: Come to think of it, yeah, it probably is a good thing.
Still, that just HAS to hurt.
Koenma: It's been a load o' pants ever since we hired that yon
beastie t'cover the front desk.
ChuChu: Chuuuuuuuuuu......
Usagi: A load of what?
Koenma: PANTS, lassie. PANTS! Tha' stupid bastard goes an'
ravages all th' good-lookin' girls we get in 'ere. Ah
mean, th' atmospherics o' this place 'as jus' gone down,
I tell ye.
Usagi: Well, he won't be.... ravaging.... any good looking girls
from now on.
Koenma: Och, don't you go bettin' on it, lassie. he'll be
growin' new ones in a wee bit o' time.
Usagi: Remind me not to be in the building when he does.
Meanwhile, in Koenma's office, Shishio, Yumi, Usui and Hoji are
lying in a pile, on top of the desk. Standing atop them all is
Mokona, who lights a cigarette, smiling evilly.
Mokona: Aku Soku Puuuuuuu! :D
Back in the records office, Usagi, Koenma-sama and ChuChu are
staring at the security monitor, grimly, watching as the two girls
in skimpy outfits wreak havoc in the front office
Usagi: Hmmm....
Koenma: Hmmm....
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: Hmmm....
Koenma: Hmmm....
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: Hmmm....
Koenma: Hmmm....
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: ....
Koenma: ....
ChuChu: ....
Usagi: Well?
Koenma: Well what?
ChuChu: Chuu....
Usagi: What are you going to do about them?
Koenma: Ah, Ah was waitin' fer you t' ask.
ChuChu: Chuu....
Koenma-sama strikes a dramatic pose.
Koenma: This looks lahk a job fer.... HELL'S BELLES!
Insert Thunderbirds theme here as the walls of the records office
retract, exposing the office's true nature.... A huge hangar vault,
filled with hundreds of mecha of varying shapes and sizes. From
doorways in the walls of the hangar, hundreds of super-kawaii girls
from every rpg game imaginable emerge, all wearing pilot suits of
varying colours and descriptions. Usagi's jaw drops as the girls
stand in front of each and every mecha, saluting Koenma-sama.
Girls: HAIL KOENMA-SAMA!
Koenma gets up on ChuChu's desk, gesticulating with his hands.
Koenma: Mah fearless lassies, the front office is being attacked
by yon heartless harridans of the highest order. It is
time for you ta show me your true skills, and defeat this
menace that dares ta threaten tha very heart of Hades!
Yoko: Does that mean we have to use our robots?
Koenma: Uhhh.... Yes.
Suzume: But I might scratch my mecha-chan.
Kimiko: 'Heartless harridans' sounds so scary.
Yuko: I might break out into a sweat.
Suzume: I spent all night polishing my mecha-chan.
Rika: I don't need my mecha to beat these bitches into
smithereens!
Arisu: Rika-chan, KOWAI!
Rika: Aha... Ahahahahahaha....
Koenma-sama sweatdrops.
Koenma: Look, will yon lassies PLEASE beat tha livin' crap outta
these two. Ah mean, they threaten yon source of sugar...
Tha life source of all kawaii girls.
The girls all smile. standing to attention.
Girls: HAAIIIII!!!!! ^_^
The girls start leaping about, giggling, as they get into their
respective mechas. Koenma, Usagi and ChuChu put up their hands to
shield their faces from the blasts of the mechas' rockets as they
fly up and through a chute in the roof. When the last has
disappeared, Koenma-sama crosses his arms and puts on a dark
expression.
Koenma: This is not good.
Usagi: What is?
ChuChu: Chuuu. Chu chu chu.
Koenma points to a large tunnel to their left.
Koenma: They were s'posed ta go that way. The one in tha roof
leads to tha cafeteria.
Usagi: Geh....
Koenma: Ahve got a bad feelin' 'bout this.
Usagi: You've got a bad feeling?
ChuChu: Chuuuu....
Usagi: You're front office is being trashed by a pair of under-
dressed bimbos, and your first and only line of defence
has a worse sense of direction than Ryouga on a BAD day.
Yes, you can say you deserve to have a 'bad feeling'.
Koenma: Now now now, lassie.... Don't you be gettin' all worked
up, noo.... We still have.... THE GRANBUZER!
Dramatic music plays as Koenma-sama's face develops an enigmatic
shadow. Usagi backs away in fear.
Usagi: Kowai....
Koenma-sama blinks and puts a hand behind his head, giggling.
Koenma: Och, sorry 'bout that, happens whenever I mention....
THE GRANBUZER!
Dramatic music plays and Koenma-sama's face once more goes into
shadow. He giggles and starts to dance around on the desk.
Koenma: A cool effect, wouldna ye say, lassie?
Usagi: Uh.... Ha... hai....
Koenma-sama stops, posing.
Koenma: So, lassie. Go ahead. Ask me what THE GRANBUZER! is.
More dramatic music. More face in shadow. Usagi sweatdrops.
Usagi: What? What is THE GRANBUZER!?
Koenma: Ah, so you is asking what THE GRANBUZER! is, are ye?
Usagi: Ha... hai. I'm asking what THE GRANBUZER! is.
Koenma-sama laughs, maniacally.
Koenma: Well, it's....
END OF PART 32
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
What is THE GRANBUZER!? (Cue dramatic music as DDFA's face goes
into shadow). Who is Crispy? Does she have anything to do
with THE GRANBUZER! (Cue dramatic music as DDFA's face goes into
shadow). Will Hell's Belles deal with her? Has Mokona really
managed to defeat the entire cast of worthwhile villains from
Rurouni Kenshin? Did ChuChu really try to eat Koenma-sama's hat?
Has DDFA managed to truly wrestle control of the fic away from
Minako? Will Minako ever appear again? Is that necessarily a bad
thing? Will DDFA ever write a hentai fic? Will it be more horrible
than any other hentai fic ever written? Are the Lovely Angels
really Makoto and Ami in disguise? Is this a hint of a plot? Was
there ever a point to putting plot in this at all? For absolutely
no answers to any of this, read the next waffle-packed chapter of
"The Fanfic Formerly Known As....", the well-known danger to
shipping. In that order, even.
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@internode.on.net
/\
\/ \/ Black Jellybeans will SAVE THE WORLD
\___________/ Or give it the runs, whatever comes first.
/_/ \_\ PU
TROGGLE 1.0 - Monday, 31st May 1999
