FOOLS FOR LIFE:
CHAPTER 19: Hard Work
"What do you mean it's not that simple?"
Anya sighed. "It just isn't, it's hard to explain."
"Well," Xander said "Could you try? Because it seems pretty cut and dried to me. If you're so sure Halfrek put a spell on Buffy, it's clear that Spike was cooking himself up a little bucket o' payback."
"Xander, let her explain." Willow chided him. "What do you mean Anya?"
Anya sighed. "Look, when a wish is made, we provide the power, but the wish comes from, well..the wisher."
"Exactly!" Xander cut in.
"Xander!" Willow said sternly. He got up and paced the room with a muttered 'fine'. He could tell Willow was getting her resolved face on and knew better than to cross her.
Anya shot a little annoyed look Xander's way and continued. "They provide the wish, but even then it's not that black and white. It really depends on several circumstances."
"Like what?" Tara asked.
"Well suppose.." she thought for a moment, "SUPPOSE someone got hurt, let's say, left at the altar." She glanced in Xander's direction. "..and wanted revenge." Xander looked at the ceiling and said nothing.
"Like, she wanted his brain to explode, or his guts to boil, or his genitals to....."
Xander raised a hand, cutting her off. "I think....we got the idea, An."
"Please go on, what are you trying to say?" Willow said, trying to get Anya back to the topic at hand.
"Well, suppose a Vengeance Demon came along and got such a girl wishing. Now part of our job is to ..you know, nudge them a little in certain directions. In order to get the most out of the whole thing. And the more clearly defined the wish is the easier the magic. Of course the true expert can still leave options open." It was clear by her rather proud tone who she considered such an expert.
"For instance, if the girl got her heart broken and she wishes someone would break HIS heart, then you can go several ways with that."
Willow noddded "You can have spell that has a girl come by and break his heart emotionally, or..."
"Or conjure a demon to rip open his chest, tear his heart out and break it, you know..more literally. It still fits the wish." Anya said with a smile, obviously pleased Willow got it. In the background, Xander swallowed audibly.
"Okay," Tara said "but that wasn't what the girl meant. Doesn't that matter?"
"Well, you see at the heart of it all, she wanted him hurt, basically, and her phrasing was open to interpretation. So the Vengeance Demon has some room to be creative and steer the nature of the wish, as long as they stay sharp."
Anya smiled again. This was actually nice. It wasn't every day she could explain the intricacies of her work to laymen. Everyone always thought it was such easy work, never appreciating the art of it.
Tara and Willow, noticing this, managed to smile back as they tried to hide their discomfort with the whole subject matter.
Willow nodded. "So, you can steer a wish if you get the right phrasing. But that still doesn't explain...."
"Well I'm not done yet. You see, if the wisher is a little vague, the Vengeance Demon has to stay alert and steer things. But sometimes timing is difficult. If you wait too long with letting your power do it's work, they can add something to their wish that alters the whole deal. Or even retract it." She added with a sigh "These people are usually rambling on a bit."
"So you have to be fast then." Willow said.
"Yes, but you also have to be careful with being too fast. If you're all ready to go and they finally make a wish, sometimes it happens they wind up saying something you weren't expecting. And you've already made it come true before realizing it. That's when you have really no input on it, because you were too hasty. And then you better hope that the wisher is clear in thought and phrasing in that case!"
"Why, what could happen then?" Tara asked.
"Well, as a witch I'm sure you can see that at least *someone* in the equation should be clear in thought about it. Otherwise the spell lacks focus. I had a coworker once, who thought she was SO clever. She'd tried to get a wish out of this guy for weeks. Then she found out he talked in his sleep. So she sat next to his bed a few nights and finally fulfilled, well...something."
"What was the wish?"
"Pfff." Anya raised her hands. "We still don't know! But it was a mess. The guy's feet became 3 times as big, as well as his nose, and it didn't end there!"
"It didn't end?" Willow asked as she began to understand.
"No, that's the whole problem. The wish was unformed, in the mind and words of both the wisher and the Vengeance Demon. She didn't even really know what he was saying and he was asleep! So it kept going because it never reached an end goal. Because there sort of wasn't one."
She nodded with an earnest face. "It is....very frowned upon. Considered very sloppy."
"And you think that's what happened here, with Buffy?" Tara asked, worried now.
"Well, as I said, I could sense it when it happened, and it certainly wasn't a clearly defined wish-granting spell!"
"Could Spike have been asleep too then you think? It would explain how what happened is not really beneficial to Spike either in trying to get her back her or get back at her." Willow said.
Anya shrugged. "It's very possible. I'm telling you it was a mess. Those energies were all over the place. D'Hoffryn is going to give her an earful." She shook her head.
"Yes, well, I'm sure we all feel very sorry for her." Xander cut in. "But could we get back to Buffy? I mean if this is true, then all the book searching just became useless. I remember that from Buffy's birthday."
Anya nodded. "Only a Vengeance Demon can break it's own spell. Halfrek has to lift it."
"Just like last time." Willow added. "Can you find her?"
"Well, I've actually been trying to locate her, but I'm having trouble with it." Anya frowned.
"Do you think she's gone? That she went to that dimension, what's it called, Arash Ma'har?"
Anya gave a little scoff. "Doubt that! If I felt her muck up that spell, you can be sure D'Hoffryn did. I don't think she's going to be facing him any time soon if she can help it."
"Can't he just find her?" Tara asked. "I-I mean if he's this big demon lord.."
"Oh, sure he can, but when we really muck up he sometimes takes his time. Let's us sweat a bit. I mean in the end we're going to have to face him anyway. Besides, he sometimes gives us a chance clean up our messes first." She nodded. "Which is really kind of considerate, for a demonic employer."
"Which brings us to the next question." Willow said. "Why hasn't she done that yet? If this spell, however is such 'bad form' in the eyes of D'Hoffryn, why is it still active? Why hasn't she just canceled it to do some damage control?"
Anya shrugged. "I...don't know. I've been wondering myself. It's certainly not earning her any points, I can tell you that. He'll have her on latrine duty for a year."
Xander raised his eyebrows. "You..have latrine duty in a demon dimension?"
"Oh sure," Anya nodded. "NOT fun, believe me. Especially after one of those big get-together-massacres and everyone's kind of irregular..."
"Forget.... I asked." Xander cut her off, feeling all appetite leave him.
"So what we need is to find Halfrek," Willow looked at the clock. "..and Buffy actually. She really should have been back by now."
"Great!" Xander muttered. "For all we know Spike had something else planned for her!"
"Xander, we don't know..." Willow started.
"Yeah, I know he was probably sleeping the sleep of the innocent." Xander interrupted her. "Fine, but I'm not so convinced of that yet. For all I know this could all be his twisted little plan and she's fallen into his clutches right now and he's carrying her into his little hole in the ground like some bleached count Dracula...."
"*Ahem*".
Everyone looked around at the living room door. There stood Spike, carrying a motionless Buffy in his arms, not entirely unlike in the movies.
"Door wasn't locked." he said. "Hope I'm not interrupting."
For a second, everyone just stared and no one said a thing. Then Anya looked intently at Buffy and frowned.
"So...has she grown a penis yet?" she asked, earnestly.
** ** TBC!
CHAPTER 19: Hard Work
"What do you mean it's not that simple?"
Anya sighed. "It just isn't, it's hard to explain."
"Well," Xander said "Could you try? Because it seems pretty cut and dried to me. If you're so sure Halfrek put a spell on Buffy, it's clear that Spike was cooking himself up a little bucket o' payback."
"Xander, let her explain." Willow chided him. "What do you mean Anya?"
Anya sighed. "Look, when a wish is made, we provide the power, but the wish comes from, well..the wisher."
"Exactly!" Xander cut in.
"Xander!" Willow said sternly. He got up and paced the room with a muttered 'fine'. He could tell Willow was getting her resolved face on and knew better than to cross her.
Anya shot a little annoyed look Xander's way and continued. "They provide the wish, but even then it's not that black and white. It really depends on several circumstances."
"Like what?" Tara asked.
"Well suppose.." she thought for a moment, "SUPPOSE someone got hurt, let's say, left at the altar." She glanced in Xander's direction. "..and wanted revenge." Xander looked at the ceiling and said nothing.
"Like, she wanted his brain to explode, or his guts to boil, or his genitals to....."
Xander raised a hand, cutting her off. "I think....we got the idea, An."
"Please go on, what are you trying to say?" Willow said, trying to get Anya back to the topic at hand.
"Well, suppose a Vengeance Demon came along and got such a girl wishing. Now part of our job is to ..you know, nudge them a little in certain directions. In order to get the most out of the whole thing. And the more clearly defined the wish is the easier the magic. Of course the true expert can still leave options open." It was clear by her rather proud tone who she considered such an expert.
"For instance, if the girl got her heart broken and she wishes someone would break HIS heart, then you can go several ways with that."
Willow noddded "You can have spell that has a girl come by and break his heart emotionally, or..."
"Or conjure a demon to rip open his chest, tear his heart out and break it, you know..more literally. It still fits the wish." Anya said with a smile, obviously pleased Willow got it. In the background, Xander swallowed audibly.
"Okay," Tara said "but that wasn't what the girl meant. Doesn't that matter?"
"Well, you see at the heart of it all, she wanted him hurt, basically, and her phrasing was open to interpretation. So the Vengeance Demon has some room to be creative and steer the nature of the wish, as long as they stay sharp."
Anya smiled again. This was actually nice. It wasn't every day she could explain the intricacies of her work to laymen. Everyone always thought it was such easy work, never appreciating the art of it.
Tara and Willow, noticing this, managed to smile back as they tried to hide their discomfort with the whole subject matter.
Willow nodded. "So, you can steer a wish if you get the right phrasing. But that still doesn't explain...."
"Well I'm not done yet. You see, if the wisher is a little vague, the Vengeance Demon has to stay alert and steer things. But sometimes timing is difficult. If you wait too long with letting your power do it's work, they can add something to their wish that alters the whole deal. Or even retract it." She added with a sigh "These people are usually rambling on a bit."
"So you have to be fast then." Willow said.
"Yes, but you also have to be careful with being too fast. If you're all ready to go and they finally make a wish, sometimes it happens they wind up saying something you weren't expecting. And you've already made it come true before realizing it. That's when you have really no input on it, because you were too hasty. And then you better hope that the wisher is clear in thought and phrasing in that case!"
"Why, what could happen then?" Tara asked.
"Well, as a witch I'm sure you can see that at least *someone* in the equation should be clear in thought about it. Otherwise the spell lacks focus. I had a coworker once, who thought she was SO clever. She'd tried to get a wish out of this guy for weeks. Then she found out he talked in his sleep. So she sat next to his bed a few nights and finally fulfilled, well...something."
"What was the wish?"
"Pfff." Anya raised her hands. "We still don't know! But it was a mess. The guy's feet became 3 times as big, as well as his nose, and it didn't end there!"
"It didn't end?" Willow asked as she began to understand.
"No, that's the whole problem. The wish was unformed, in the mind and words of both the wisher and the Vengeance Demon. She didn't even really know what he was saying and he was asleep! So it kept going because it never reached an end goal. Because there sort of wasn't one."
She nodded with an earnest face. "It is....very frowned upon. Considered very sloppy."
"And you think that's what happened here, with Buffy?" Tara asked, worried now.
"Well, as I said, I could sense it when it happened, and it certainly wasn't a clearly defined wish-granting spell!"
"Could Spike have been asleep too then you think? It would explain how what happened is not really beneficial to Spike either in trying to get her back her or get back at her." Willow said.
Anya shrugged. "It's very possible. I'm telling you it was a mess. Those energies were all over the place. D'Hoffryn is going to give her an earful." She shook her head.
"Yes, well, I'm sure we all feel very sorry for her." Xander cut in. "But could we get back to Buffy? I mean if this is true, then all the book searching just became useless. I remember that from Buffy's birthday."
Anya nodded. "Only a Vengeance Demon can break it's own spell. Halfrek has to lift it."
"Just like last time." Willow added. "Can you find her?"
"Well, I've actually been trying to locate her, but I'm having trouble with it." Anya frowned.
"Do you think she's gone? That she went to that dimension, what's it called, Arash Ma'har?"
Anya gave a little scoff. "Doubt that! If I felt her muck up that spell, you can be sure D'Hoffryn did. I don't think she's going to be facing him any time soon if she can help it."
"Can't he just find her?" Tara asked. "I-I mean if he's this big demon lord.."
"Oh, sure he can, but when we really muck up he sometimes takes his time. Let's us sweat a bit. I mean in the end we're going to have to face him anyway. Besides, he sometimes gives us a chance clean up our messes first." She nodded. "Which is really kind of considerate, for a demonic employer."
"Which brings us to the next question." Willow said. "Why hasn't she done that yet? If this spell, however is such 'bad form' in the eyes of D'Hoffryn, why is it still active? Why hasn't she just canceled it to do some damage control?"
Anya shrugged. "I...don't know. I've been wondering myself. It's certainly not earning her any points, I can tell you that. He'll have her on latrine duty for a year."
Xander raised his eyebrows. "You..have latrine duty in a demon dimension?"
"Oh sure," Anya nodded. "NOT fun, believe me. Especially after one of those big get-together-massacres and everyone's kind of irregular..."
"Forget.... I asked." Xander cut her off, feeling all appetite leave him.
"So what we need is to find Halfrek," Willow looked at the clock. "..and Buffy actually. She really should have been back by now."
"Great!" Xander muttered. "For all we know Spike had something else planned for her!"
"Xander, we don't know..." Willow started.
"Yeah, I know he was probably sleeping the sleep of the innocent." Xander interrupted her. "Fine, but I'm not so convinced of that yet. For all I know this could all be his twisted little plan and she's fallen into his clutches right now and he's carrying her into his little hole in the ground like some bleached count Dracula...."
"*Ahem*".
Everyone looked around at the living room door. There stood Spike, carrying a motionless Buffy in his arms, not entirely unlike in the movies.
"Door wasn't locked." he said. "Hope I'm not interrupting."
For a second, everyone just stared and no one said a thing. Then Anya looked intently at Buffy and frowned.
"So...has she grown a penis yet?" she asked, earnestly.
** ** TBC!
