Chapter 12
Emma quietly walked into the room behind the examination chair Adam had already set up the Pod. The lights were keeping rhythm with the hum of equipment. Brennan appeared to be asleep she watched him for a few minutes then moved toward the door.
"Emma?" Brennan whispered.
"Hey, I thought I was the mind reader in this family." Her voice trembled as she slowly made her way toward the lab chair.
"After that last Psionic episode...? No thanks, you can keep that job" he laughed
He could sense the pause in her step as well as her breath. He had intended to bring them in to talk to and prevent the guilt thing. It wasn't working.
"They weren't kidding when they said when you loose your sight your other senses take over. Get this straight. NOT YOUR FAULT. So stop it." he grimaced a bit but then continued, "Stop blaming your self. It's not even in you to wish this on your worst enemy. So let it go. Ok? Its me who needs to apologize. What I did ...I said ... they were wrong. But I wont ask you to forgive me. I don't deserve it. Still I need your help... I need you... to keep the others from losing it."
He waited a moment for something that let him know he had her attention. All he heard where stifled whimpers.
"Adam, Shal and Jesse are going to need you strength." He sat up lowering his legs over the side of the chair....his chest heaving with ever word spoken as if they were being pushed out by shear will. "They are all blaming themselves. Emma, I preyed on that... I didn't mean to... I was angry, scared... I was wrong. And I am.. so sorry. But sorry is too late. I need to tell them... I really didn't... blame them. It wasn't their fault. Please... please
"My strength?" she snickered defiantly, " no one I have known, no ones who's life I ever crossed ever accused me of that."
"Then you crossed paths with a lot of fools. Listen to me; I don't... regret anything about being around you ...despite what I said before. You were right, I was only trying to... to hurt you... to push you away. But the truth is; I finally know what people meant... when they say they are blessed... for having someone...special in their life. I know because of you. Because of you... I have known seen... and done... so many things in my life. I swear to you, you have... brought me nothing but hope from the day... we met and every day after. And for that I am grateful " He could hear her attempts to stifle the tears that began to parade down her cheek, fail. He reached out for her and she stepped next to the Med-chair His hands gently running his hands over her face then softly wiping away the wet trail that curved down her face
"Oh, Emma. Don't ...count me out yet." He smiled as he pulled her into his embrace. " I have no intention... on making Mason Eckart's life... any easier, by giving up." Her tears came down harder. "Shhhh, don't ...Please don't do this, I.... can't stand to hear you cry. I don't know... what it is about you ...that makes me want ...to protect you. I never had a family... worth giving a damn about until you came into my life, now ...I have a sister, a brother, and overbearing... headstrong father.
She laughed, pushing aside the tears she smiled because she new exactly what he meant together they were so much more than a team " and Shalimar?"
"Yea and Shal." He put his head down. "I uh I find I um... care for Shal a lot, Emma. I think... I hoped she felt the same. Yet now... I understand why there can't ...be anything more. God, this hurts". He put his head in his hands unsure what he was going to say but he knew he had to say something Emma was his only hope to make an bad situation "less bad, because nothing would make it better. Whether he lived or died his dreams of loving shalimar had to end. He would not put her through the pain she already experienced too often in her life. "I need you to help her Emma, You... saw how she was after Richard ...well you know. I need you ...to help her. No matter what happens. She ....has to know I didn't mean to hurt her. The things I said were so that she would hate me. Cause I thought if she hate me she wouldn't know the pain... the pain, I'm feeling here " he drew his hands over his heart. Then gently back to the side Emmas face "... I didn't want to hurt her..."
"Isn't this something you should be talking to her about."
H swallowed hard hoping to control the pain and the difficulty in breathing "I can't, not now. I like to ...think I have a choice in this but I really can't be sure." I don't think she would ever forgive ...me for the things.. I said. But even if ...I did I won't leave her clinging to false hopes. "
Then what exactly had you planned on telling her. Because up to now you have been a real jerk to her."
"What exactly do you want me to say "hey Shalimar, Now that I am dieing, I just thought I would let you in on a secret, I love you?"
"Humm, somehow I thought it would sound more poetic than that."
Both Emma and Brennan had gotten so caught up in their banter that no one had heard Shalimar walk in the room.
Brennan pushed himself to a standing position; slowly turning to face the direction Shalimar's voice came from. His face flushed with red and his starting to glaze over.
"I'm sorry for interrupting." she whispered noticing the discomfort in his and Emma's face.
"No, I was just going to call you in" Emma announced as she walked out the door. "You two need to talk."
Shalimar stood uncomfortably at the door. Finally she took a deep breath and walked over to Brennan who clung too the bed sheet as if he were a child with a security blanket.
How could she stay mad a him.
"Brennan your suppose to be laying down." she whispered almost wishing she had not said anything
"we need to talk."
"Adam thinks he found a surgeon to put you back together, humpty dumpty."
"I need to talk to you," he grunted trying to push through the pain that was building in his head
"There is no time Jesse is getting the Helix ready."
"Please let me talk to you, just a moment. Please."
She walked next to Brennan and gently caressing his face. "I have to go with Emma. Jesse will be here if you need anything."
"I need you, I need you to understand, I never really wanted to say the things I did to hurt you. I do... you know..."
"I know," she smiled sadly knowing he could not see the tears that streamed down her face. "And as soon as you are back on your feet we will talk."
"And if I am neve..."
"uhn uh" she quickly placed her finger over his lips "we don't let our selves think that way remember."
"As for the things you said before. I know you were hurting when you said them."
So, I will beat the apology out of you when you're better."
"You really have to work on your bedside manor." He whispered as she guided him into the bed
"How's this" She pulled his face into hers and gently pressed her lips to his. He seemed to melt in to her embrace, "Now get into bed and stay put until Adam says other wise."
Emma quietly walked into the room behind the examination chair Adam had already set up the Pod. The lights were keeping rhythm with the hum of equipment. Brennan appeared to be asleep she watched him for a few minutes then moved toward the door.
"Emma?" Brennan whispered.
"Hey, I thought I was the mind reader in this family." Her voice trembled as she slowly made her way toward the lab chair.
"After that last Psionic episode...? No thanks, you can keep that job" he laughed
He could sense the pause in her step as well as her breath. He had intended to bring them in to talk to and prevent the guilt thing. It wasn't working.
"They weren't kidding when they said when you loose your sight your other senses take over. Get this straight. NOT YOUR FAULT. So stop it." he grimaced a bit but then continued, "Stop blaming your self. It's not even in you to wish this on your worst enemy. So let it go. Ok? Its me who needs to apologize. What I did ...I said ... they were wrong. But I wont ask you to forgive me. I don't deserve it. Still I need your help... I need you... to keep the others from losing it."
He waited a moment for something that let him know he had her attention. All he heard where stifled whimpers.
"Adam, Shal and Jesse are going to need you strength." He sat up lowering his legs over the side of the chair....his chest heaving with ever word spoken as if they were being pushed out by shear will. "They are all blaming themselves. Emma, I preyed on that... I didn't mean to... I was angry, scared... I was wrong. And I am.. so sorry. But sorry is too late. I need to tell them... I really didn't... blame them. It wasn't their fault. Please... please
"My strength?" she snickered defiantly, " no one I have known, no ones who's life I ever crossed ever accused me of that."
"Then you crossed paths with a lot of fools. Listen to me; I don't... regret anything about being around you ...despite what I said before. You were right, I was only trying to... to hurt you... to push you away. But the truth is; I finally know what people meant... when they say they are blessed... for having someone...special in their life. I know because of you. Because of you... I have known seen... and done... so many things in my life. I swear to you, you have... brought me nothing but hope from the day... we met and every day after. And for that I am grateful " He could hear her attempts to stifle the tears that began to parade down her cheek, fail. He reached out for her and she stepped next to the Med-chair His hands gently running his hands over her face then softly wiping away the wet trail that curved down her face
"Oh, Emma. Don't ...count me out yet." He smiled as he pulled her into his embrace. " I have no intention... on making Mason Eckart's life... any easier, by giving up." Her tears came down harder. "Shhhh, don't ...Please don't do this, I.... can't stand to hear you cry. I don't know... what it is about you ...that makes me want ...to protect you. I never had a family... worth giving a damn about until you came into my life, now ...I have a sister, a brother, and overbearing... headstrong father.
She laughed, pushing aside the tears she smiled because she new exactly what he meant together they were so much more than a team " and Shalimar?"
"Yea and Shal." He put his head down. "I uh I find I um... care for Shal a lot, Emma. I think... I hoped she felt the same. Yet now... I understand why there can't ...be anything more. God, this hurts". He put his head in his hands unsure what he was going to say but he knew he had to say something Emma was his only hope to make an bad situation "less bad, because nothing would make it better. Whether he lived or died his dreams of loving shalimar had to end. He would not put her through the pain she already experienced too often in her life. "I need you to help her Emma, You... saw how she was after Richard ...well you know. I need you ...to help her. No matter what happens. She ....has to know I didn't mean to hurt her. The things I said were so that she would hate me. Cause I thought if she hate me she wouldn't know the pain... the pain, I'm feeling here " he drew his hands over his heart. Then gently back to the side Emmas face "... I didn't want to hurt her..."
"Isn't this something you should be talking to her about."
H swallowed hard hoping to control the pain and the difficulty in breathing "I can't, not now. I like to ...think I have a choice in this but I really can't be sure." I don't think she would ever forgive ...me for the things.. I said. But even if ...I did I won't leave her clinging to false hopes. "
Then what exactly had you planned on telling her. Because up to now you have been a real jerk to her."
"What exactly do you want me to say "hey Shalimar, Now that I am dieing, I just thought I would let you in on a secret, I love you?"
"Humm, somehow I thought it would sound more poetic than that."
Both Emma and Brennan had gotten so caught up in their banter that no one had heard Shalimar walk in the room.
Brennan pushed himself to a standing position; slowly turning to face the direction Shalimar's voice came from. His face flushed with red and his starting to glaze over.
"I'm sorry for interrupting." she whispered noticing the discomfort in his and Emma's face.
"No, I was just going to call you in" Emma announced as she walked out the door. "You two need to talk."
Shalimar stood uncomfortably at the door. Finally she took a deep breath and walked over to Brennan who clung too the bed sheet as if he were a child with a security blanket.
How could she stay mad a him.
"Brennan your suppose to be laying down." she whispered almost wishing she had not said anything
"we need to talk."
"Adam thinks he found a surgeon to put you back together, humpty dumpty."
"I need to talk to you," he grunted trying to push through the pain that was building in his head
"There is no time Jesse is getting the Helix ready."
"Please let me talk to you, just a moment. Please."
She walked next to Brennan and gently caressing his face. "I have to go with Emma. Jesse will be here if you need anything."
"I need you, I need you to understand, I never really wanted to say the things I did to hurt you. I do... you know..."
"I know," she smiled sadly knowing he could not see the tears that streamed down her face. "And as soon as you are back on your feet we will talk."
"And if I am neve..."
"uhn uh" she quickly placed her finger over his lips "we don't let our selves think that way remember."
"As for the things you said before. I know you were hurting when you said them."
So, I will beat the apology out of you when you're better."
"You really have to work on your bedside manor." He whispered as she guided him into the bed
"How's this" She pulled his face into hers and gently pressed her lips to his. He seemed to melt in to her embrace, "Now get into bed and stay put until Adam says other wise."
