FOOLS FOR LIFE:

CHAPTER 30: HAVING A SMOKE

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"How about we kill Halfrek? Would that help?"

"Well, if your goal is to make absolutely sure the curse will never be lifted that would be the way to go," Anya said.

"Besides," she added, "she's still my friend and coworker, you know. I don't go around saying 'Hey Xander, let's go kill some of your stupid construction worker friends', do I?".

"Nnooo," Xander countered, "but then they don't go around cursing people!"

"No, just perfectly well organized dinner parties. Honestly, did that 'Jack' guy HAVE to get drunk, start belly dancing and puke on the carpet!?" Anya muttered.

Xander scratched behind his head. "Well, at least it wasn't a curse.....Ahem."

"Tell that to the carpet!"

"Uhm, guys?" Willow interrupted them. "Little more with the focusing now."

They were all sitting in the living room with Buffy, Willow and Tara on the couch, Anya and Xander on chairs, and Spike in the background leaning against a wall. Dawn had come home by now and was up to date. She'd listened to Willow and Tara explain and afterwards, when they were done and Buffy had come in and spoken to her, she just started to giggle. Buffy had been slightly less amused. Now Dawn sat on the ground next to Buffy, looking at her frowningly almost every time she moved or spoke.

"I'm sorry I laughed, it's just so weird," she said. "Even the way you walk, is....just..."

"I know Dawnie, it's just a soddin'..I mean it's a mess." Buffy said, catching herself, still refusing to get used to the accent. Dawn giggled a little again and Buffy gave her a look.

"What? Come on it IS kinda funny. Like when you said to turn off the 'telly'! That's a thing Giles would say!"

"Speaking of Giles," Tara said. "Maybe we should give him a call?"

"No," Buffy said. "I don't want to worry him. The reason he left was because he was afraid we.....I couldn't do without him. And as much as I wish he was here....no, not unless really necessary. Besides, he probably can't do much more than some extra book research, and I don't want him to ask the council for help. He will if he thinks we can't hack it, and I don't want those poncy buggers involved if possible." She frowned and sighed but didn't correct herself.

"Okay what else then?" Xander said. "Couldn't....you fulfill a 'counter- wish' or something, An?"

"Not really. It still has to be a wish somehow grounded in revenge or at least resentment, some need for retribution. A wronged party that feels hurt."

Buffy looked at Spike briefly at those words. Their eyes locked for a full second, with a myriad of emotions exchanged before she looked back down again.

"So if you can find someone that feels wronged by Buffy and gets a nice fulfilled sense of revenge by wishing her normal and healthy again, sure. Bring it on....."

"Could....could I try?" Spike said. Everyone looked at him.

"Way I see it, the first wish came from me, and while we'd had some..... issues, I didn't want to hurt her, and this still happened. Can't we do what you just described? Try it?"

Anya sighed. "Look, I.....don't know what your wish was. Something about her being like you. But I promise you even if it wasn't revenge, it still wasn't rooted in wanting to make her all happy. It was rooted in your hurt. A wish like you're proposing now will be rooted in you feeling guilty and about wanting her to be better! I can't work with that!"

Spike cursed silently and walked out of the room. "I'll be on the porch. Need a smoke," he muttered.

"Aren't there other wish granting beings?" Tara said.

"Yeah," Xander agreed, "Like genies in lamps?"

"Well," Anya said, "there are, but they're more likely to eat you than grant you a wish. Honestly, I don't know where those Disney people get there ideas."

For a moment Xander envisioned a large blue cartoon genie with Robin Williams' voice eating him, and shuddered.

'Never be able to see that movie again,' he thought to himself.

Willow sighed, "And I checked out wish-granting stones and charms. Most of them are either impossible to find, as in 'many have tried throughout the ages' or they're just plain tricky. Like the wishes will always find a way to turn against the wisher. There was a chapter in this book about a guy who wished he was.....ahem..." she glanced at Dawn, "uh....better 'endowed'."

Dawn sighed. "Willow, relax. I know what 'endowed' means, okay? I'm not stupid."

Buffy frowned. "How do you know what 'endowed' means?? You have no business having knowledge of 'endowed' things!"

Dawn rolled her eyes "Geez, spaz much? I *am* a teenager, as I never get tired of pointing out. Anyway, what happened, Willow? Did he get a lot bigger? Was there a picture?" She giggled and tried to see into the book on Willow's lap, but it was quickly closed!

Buffy winced at Dawn saying 'bigger'. Willow winced as well, but because there indeed had been an accompanying drawing in the book. "Yeah, he did. But.....let's just say in terms of daily convenience that it didn't end well."

"Most wishing objects are like that." Anya nodded, "I remember this story about a guy who wished he was the most powerful man in the country. He had the Stone of Argubal I think. His wish transported him to a deserted island. Well, more like a rock sticking out of the water in the middle of the ocean..."

"Let me guess," Xander said. "Because he hadn't said WHAT country?"

"Precisely," Anya said. "Tricky business, wish granting. People should leave it to the professionals." She nodded to Willow. "Especially when they want their genitals enlarged like in your example. I mean, using a wishing stone for that....that's just stupid. Everyone knows that for that for a larger penis you need a potion with some dragon's urine, a hellhound's testicle, a....."

"Okay! Enough with the genitals!" Buffy called out.

"Well yeah, you can say that again if you don't add the bile of a Genga demon, 'cause otherwise drinking that will just make it all shrivel up like a....."

"Enough! Please. I don't care how old Dawn thinks she is. Bloody hell, *I* feel too young for this. We got the picture. Not the way to go."

"Besides, even if we had something that would grant us a wish, and that wouldn't turn on us, there's no guarantee it would be able to overturn a Vengeance Demon's spell," Willow said.

Buffy's face had by now not gotten any happier.

Outside, Spike's sharp hearing was still following it all as he sat on the steps of the porch in Buffy's backyard. It all pretty much confirmed what he was thinking. And reinforced him in his own idea. He was still wondering whether to share it with the sidekicks or......go his own way with it. A lot riskier, and he wasn't quite sure how to pull it off, but he knew that this or any idea coming from him, would result in some protests, then more debating. And the time for that was over as far as he was concerned. Yeah maybe it was time he took matters into his own hands.

He shifted a little, still feeling sore. She sure had done a number on him. But in spite of the pain he had to grin a little...that was still his girl.

Just as he thought that, the back door opened and Buffy walked out. Without a word she sat down next to him on the top of the porch steps and held out her hand.

"Uh...." he didn't quite understand.

"Gimme a cigarette you dope," she said, looking at him from the corner of her eye.

"Ah yeah of course." He got out his pack and she pulled one out. "You've uh, made your peace with that then?" he asked carefully.

She shrugged as she lit up. "More like I can't fight it. Willow says I may as well not try anyway, and she seems to be right. Plus she told me this was better than smoking in the toilet. I hate it but at the same time I need a smoke. And it feels natural too."

She looked at him. "Of course you couldn't be into salads and fat-free yogurt, noooo....."

He laughed and shrugged. Then added, hesitantly, "So.......we're okay? I mean......at least you meant it? You forgive me?"

She started to look angry again but managed to shrug. "Let's say your forgiveness is an ongoing process. But I believe you were duped, that much I can give you. Plus, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what your wish must have been. Maybe something to do with me walking a mile in your shoes?" She looked at him.

"Probably something like that yeah," he said, with some shame in his voice.

"Well, I know I've been...less than nice to you. And I hadn't intended on chewing you out so badly that night..."

"I didn't sleep with her," Spike said quickly, before anything else could be said.

"W-what?" Buffy said.

"Halfrek had watched TV with Clem and me. That evening. That's what I meant. Didn't know until she told me at Rack's that she'd spotted you coming over, 'ported back inside my crypt and walked out so you'd see her."

Buffy just stared at him for a moment. Then she took another drag. "Ahh.....okay. Vengeance Demons are tricky. Which reminds me, I should look her up sometimes to properly....thank her for all this."

Spike sensed she was changing the subject. He wondered if it was better to let her or not. This was maybe not the time or the place. But then again, maybe there wouldn't be any better.

"Buffy......" he started.

"Spike, don't! Not now," she said with her eyes closed.

"It's never 'now' Slayer! But you might wanna wonder why Halfrek would think that seeing her would upset you...." He tossed his cigarette with an angry motion.

"Or why it DID...!"

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TBC!

And the usual abbreviation-follow up: R&R!