FOOLS FOR LIFE:

CHAPTER 31: HAVING A ...WHAT?

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Buffy sighed. She took another drag from her cigarette and looked at Spike.

"Look, I......do have feelings for you. I do. And I ..... 'want' you. I've already admitted that. But we......just can't be, Spike. And right now, what does it matter what I say anyway? I'm not myself. I'm half you! And speaking of that....I've been having thoughts...points of view, that I can tell are yours. And I understand you a little better now maybe. And yes, it got me mad to see Halfrek walk out of your crypt."

He just looked at her. At least she admitted it. But he could already predict the next part.

"But it doesn't change anything, it doesn't matter what I may or may not feel for you. 'We' are a bad idea Spike. You have no soul and that would split us up sooner or later, even if I said we could start 'going steady' tomorrow!"

Spike just clenched his jaws. He'd heard this song. And she was still wrong. "Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "Keep telling yourself that. Even though every single time something like this happens you react the same. Sooner or later maybe it'll stick."

He sighed and felt like hitting something. But he decided not to push it any further right now. She had admitted it. IT was something. Bit by bit, Rome wasn't built in a day. She looked at him and suddenly there was some kindness in her eyes.

"But feeling what you feel...what you are.....it's hard for me to be too mad......Maybe it's your personality talking here but....I think I do forgive you. I may want to check again if we manage to cure me, but....."

Spike forced a smile. "Well, I guess I'll take that. I'll take it any way I can right now. If you got any angrier, the ongoing process of forgiving me......" He pulled a painful face. "Well, let's just say if it takes too long, I won't have any parts left!"

Buffy chuckled and held up her hand to admire her nails. "Oh, seemed like you had got plenty left for me to work on ...for a while anyway."

"Well, you 'working' on my parts will always have a little bit of a nice ring to it," he said with a teasing smile.

She gave him a look. "Ohh, don't get all cocky again! I said it's an ongoing process that whole forgiving thing, didn't I? I'm still plenty mad! Keep this up and I'll take out my hairbrush and belt...again!"

He grinned as he remembered several nights in the past few months. The nights when he discovered Dru had almost been a squeamish little girl compared to Buffy with a horny mood and her 'mean on'. "Hmm, promises, promises."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, really! Fine! Do keep this up then. And we'll see how long that grin will stay on this time!"

Spike flustered a bit at that. "Hey now, that's not fair. I lasted long enough! As long...as you told me to!"

"As well you should. I had won our little game of the evening, and you had to let me do whatever I wanted! But I do believe the grin was gone soon enough. And you always did have trouble with the concept of 'hold still' didn't you, Mr. Not-So-Tough-After-All?" She was grinning gleefully now.

Spike shifted a little like he could still feel it. "Yeah, well...with your Slayer strength...."

"Oh, I don't know what you were complaining about. That white skin of yours looked quite fetching with a little...color." She gave him a teasing laugh and elbowed him in the side.

"Wouldn't know, never saw it....." he shrugged, a little embarrassed now, but still enjoying how freely she was talking of their 'time' together. And without any trouble about the wilder aspects of it. Had to be a bit of his attitude in her again...And no, he had no complaints. After all it had all ended in rough sex again, as everything in those days seemed to do.

Then he noticed her smile had faded as she looked at the spot of his coat where she'd hit him

"What?" Spike asked, not understanding.

"You've......got something there," she said, still looking at the spot.

"Uh, it's nothing luv." But she kept her eyes on it.

"What? Look, it's just....." he reached in and took out a plastic bag of blood. "I stopped at my crypt on the way here. I kept it in case I needed it. Got hungry or something."

She turned away and hid her face behind her hands, a cigarette still sticking out between the fingers of one of them.

"What? Look, Slayer, a guy's gotta eat!"

"I could smell it when I hit your side."

Spike frowned, checked the bags for leaks but didn't find any. She continued, "It sloshed and I could smell it through the plastic."

"Buffy.....what are you saying?"

She looked up at him with a look that was disgusted and desperate at the same time. "It smelled delicious!!"

"Wuh...?" Spike said. "Bloody hell. You sure about that?"

"YES! I can still smell it. Oh my god, I'm turning into a vampire!!"

"Luv, no! No come on, it's just fake spell stuff. You just feel that way. You're not a vampire. It's no worse than the smoking."

She eyed the bag. "The pizza tasted fine but I could tell it didn't do much for my hunger. Well, now I know why! Buffy the Bloodsucker! Isn't that funny!"

Spike hastily put the bag back in his pocket. "Come on, it's no worse than the cigs or the bourbon! You won't want it once you're cured! I'll......I'll just go toss this out."

"No!" She stopped him from getting up. "No, let me just smell it. NO! I didn't just say that! Or no, yes, you're right, just throw it out. Ah no that's nuts I can deal with this. It's disgusting, it's disgusting...."

Spike looked at her and it tore his heart to see her suffer like this. "Uh....." he said softly and very carefully, "you....you want a taste? Try it, I mean? Maybe..."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "NO! Are you nuts! Never! No way!"

He held up his hands "Okay, okay, just an idea. Just thought maybe it would still the urge a little. Like you said, with the cigarettes. And it won't kill you. The booze and smoking are probably a lot worse for you, now that I think of it."

She sat there shaking her head, rubbing her eyes. "Owww, god I am going to kill Halfrek!"

"Luv, it's not your fault. It's easier when you *do* have a smoke right? So maybe this'll be like that. If you want me to toss it, I'll toss it, but...."

She peeked through her fingers, at the bag and back at him. "....maybe a little drop....just.... out of curiosity.....," she said almost inaudibly and he could hear her licking her lips behind her hands, but he pretended he didn't notice.

He tried not to smile and dipped his finger into the bag, and held it up for her. She stared at it as torn as she could be.

"Oh, this is just our whole bad affair all over again. You tempting me with stuff you shouldn't. And me giving in! I'm so ...."

"Look luv, as I said, it's just a thought. Maybe it will still the urge a bit when you know what it's like to taste it. But if it's a bad idea, that's fine. I'll just...." But before he could move away or finish his sentence, she grabbed his arm with both hands, put his finger in her mouth and gave a hungry suck on it. "Uhmmmmm. Oh man...that's good! Is that that weed stuff you always talk about..hmmmmmmm"

She looked up, and back over her shoulder if no one was watching them. "Again..?" she asked. Spike held his composure, afraid to break the moment. He dipped his finger in the blood again, a little deeper this time. He held it up and she grabbed it again.

Spike swallowed, closed his eyes and tried to think of his poker buddies....or Manchester united....or... 'bloody Angel in a tutu' he hissed to himself, hoping to ignore how incredibly arousing this was! It didn't work. Buffy still sucked his finger and Angel in a tutu became Buffy in a thong in his head. He could feel the effect in his loins, hidden behind the safety pins which he was really glad he had now!

Buffy looked up, releasing his finger from her mouth, but still holding onto his arm. "Oh bloody hell!" she exclaimed, staring at his pants. "I-I could feel that, hear that...the blood moved in you....the rush, the....flow...." Her eyes stayed fixated on the spot....he knew what she felt....the aspect of a vampire where the hunger for blood and the lust for sex blend in one insatiable mix ....

Her voice was as raw and sensual as he'd ever heard her in his crypt in the past few months. She was breathing harder. Spike's throat felt dry....he tried to speak but instead he just felt himself move close to her. She didn't move away as he did this, still holding onto his hand, her mouth a little open, still hovering over his finger with a few light specks of blood on her lips....

"Hey guys," a voice said behind them. They both jumped up, with a slight 'yelp' on her side and a 'Yeah?!' on his. Willow looked at them, Buffy wiping her face, adjusting her hair, and Spike shoving a plastic bag inside his coat, turning his back on both of them, neither of them looking at each other or her.

"Uh, not interrupting anything... am I?" she asked.

"No, of course not!" Buffy said turning around now. "Just...having one of those horrible cigarettes." She forced a smile. "Hopefully not for long."

"Yeah," Spike said. "Wouldn't want you to get into any.....nasty habits again....."

Buffy cleared her throat and walked past him up the steps. "SO, Will any news?"

"Well," she said, still frowning a bit at the obviously weird vibe that hung over them, "not much but we want to try another spell, that maybe will slow things down, or allow us to direct the energies to, say, something innocent, like just your uh, feet or something."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "A spell that will give me Spike's feet?? *This* is your plan?"

"Well, okay wrong example, just something that will focus it on something harmless or slows it, so we buy some more time and explore other options."

Spike said nothing but he'd heard enough. He was going ahead with his own plan. Without either the Scoobies' knowledge.....or even Buffy's permission, if need be.

And let's face it, she'd never agree to this...

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TBC!