FOOLS FOR LIFE:

CHAPTER 36: CAN I TALK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR?

** **

"You don't know what you're asking."

"Sure I do," Spike shrugged.

"No! You really don't! Who do you think you'll be dealing with here? Do you think he'll just go 'Oh sure, all curses lifted, glad to be of service'?? This is D'Hoffryn! Master of Arash Ma'har!! Lord of Vengeance!! He doesn't do requests!"

"Just let me talk to him, luv." Spike sat on the bed and remained unmoved by Halfrek's speech. Absent-mindedly his fingers rubbed Buffy's boot right next to him on the edge of the bed. She was still sleeping, but it seemed more peaceful now. And more like actual sleep than drug-induced unconsciousness.

"Do you have any idea how old he is? How powerful? What, have you heard he's well mannered? He is! But that doesn't mean he's a pushover, or stupid! He knows things, has done things that are the stuff of legend, that the most powerful sorcerers can only guess at!"

Clem still stood with the three coffee cups in one of those cardboard holders. "Uh, maybe you should listen to her, Spike. She probably knows what she's talking about. D'Hoffryn, that's big league!"

"Look I don't really need the sales pitch. I know: He's an ancient and powerful Demon Lord and I'm a gnat that puts pig's blood in a microwave before he crashes in front of the telly. Got it. He's up there, I'm down here." He looked at them both. "And I want to talk to him." He stood up and went to Halfrek. "I know you're not dying to see him right now, but look at it this way luv, if you call him now, me being here and having the gall to do this will probably draw his attention away from you a little."

"Spike...William, don't ask this. Don't do this. He can squash you like a bug. And he most likely will. He's not crazy about vampires. Or long eared demons actually."

Clem gulped audibly.

"Well we'll see about that then. And that's my risk nobody else's. Clem, better if you leave. If this bloke is that well-mannered he probably won't kill you for just being here even if he doesn't like the floppy eared ones of the world, but why take chances eh?"

"Spike, buddy, don't do this. So Buffy is getting a little vampish. But maybe she'll adjust! Maybe it's a good thing in the long run. You'll have more in common."

"Yeah a little too much. No, this gotta be done. Come on, pet, I won't piss him off.....at least not intentionally. It's what I want, and it's better for you as well. And you gotta admit, you kinda owe me here. Call him."

She sighed. "Alright...." she said quietly.

"Clem, could you hang around the neighborhood? If something goes wrong, could you check and get Buffy home if I'm not here to do it?"

Clem nodded. "S-sure pal, you can count on me. But....try and stay in one piece ok?"

Spike slapped him on the back as he opened the door for him. "Sure....I'll try. Hey you know me, I always pop back up. Next week we'll be playing poker again."

Clem nodded as he left, looking less than convinced.

Spike closed the door and faced Halfrek. "Well then love, let's get this show on the road."

She nodded and pulled out a large container of salt from a drawer. When she saw his wondering look she shrugged. "From Walmart. It's the easiest thing." And she opened the small lid and poured the salt on the ground. First in a circle, then in a pentagram through the circle. "I can do without, but given the circumstances I'd rather be as official and proper in etiquette as I can be..."

Spike nodded in understanding.

Then she sat down in the symbol, closed her eyes and started the chant. "Blessed be, in the name of D'Hoffryn, let this space now be a gateway..."

** **

"Buffy! Spike! Anyone here?"

Tara and Willow wandered through Spike's crypt. The upstairs part was quickly found to be empty. After they'd been downstairs it was obvious the place was deserted.

"Well so much for that idea," Willow said with a slight pout.

"But the fact that Spike's not here either is kind of meaningful."

"Yeah, do you think they went off together for some reason?"

"I don't know. Maybe he did kidnap her. She could have been out cold from the spell doing something new or just asleep."

Willow nodded. "Maybe. Well, if he did, I'm not worried he'll hurt her. He most likely thought of something to do for her. Something that didn't include us. And for all those possibly good intentions....Pffff, I hope he doesn't do something stupid, or try out one of his harebrained schemes."

"Well, maybe he has some contacts and stuff we don't know about," Tara wondered.

"Yeah, maybe, but Spike is more known for diving into things headfirst than calmly assessing and researching."

"Like we are. Maybe that's what bothered him."

"Or maybe he's going to do something we would never agree with. Like sacrificing a virgin or something. Ah, we have to find them. Let's go, we're not learning anything here."

"No, I get the impression they were never in here last night. I mean it's hard to tell, but..."

"I know..kind of a mess right now. Still I gotta say, for the dark crypt of a scary bloodsucking vampire...."

"Kinda cozy," Tara nodded. "I like what he did with the downstairs bit."

"Oh I know, with the bed and the nightstand! And that lamp. Nice......"

** **

The first thing Spike noticed was that it got dark in the room. Not like the room's lights went off, more like a shadow slowly crept over it. He thought it would disappear completely but it didn't. He could still see the furniture, but the only thing that still looked like it was in normal light was Halfrek.

As she finished the chant one part of the room got even darker, a pitch black hole that slowly appeared to get shape, then dark smoke and energy swirled and out of them seemed to be formed fabric of clothes and skin and bone...until he knew he was looking at the Lord of the Vengeance Demons.

He slowly strode forward, his arms in his large sleeves, his eyes pitch black. "Well now," he said with a grandfatherly voice. "Are you going to introduce me to your friend, Halfrek?"

Halfrek got up, looking a little nervous. "Uhm, yes, this is Spike, also known as William the Bloody. Spike this is D'Hoffryn, Lord of Arash Ma'har...."

Even Spike was a little off his usual swagger, but tried to not let it show. He nodded somewhat casually. "Hello there." He pulled out his pack of cigarettes, took one out and held it up to D'Hoffryn.

The Lord of Vengeance smiled almost imperceptibly and shook his head. "No thank you. Nasty habit." Spike half-shrugged, half nodded.

"Now then, what would this all be about?" D'Hoffryn said. "Is this the point where I tell you to have Halfrek home by eleven?"

"What? Uh, no, nothing like that." Spike said.

"Oh? That surprises me. No such intentions with her then. I believe you once thought otherwise did you not?"

Spike was flustered a bit. For a moment he wondered if Halfrek had told him but even before he looked at her face he knew already that that was not something she would be talking about among demons. The old bugger just knew.

"Yeah, well, long time ago. Was nice to catch up a bit. Quite the demon you made outta her."

"Indeed." D'Hoffryn's eyes twinkled a little. "Although she has been acting up a little lately."

Halfrek cleared her throat gently. "Yes, why don't we talk about me like I'm not here."

"You're right my dear," D'Hoffryn said as he turned to her. "You have been acting up lately, haven't you."

She twiddled with her hair again. "I wouldn't say acting up...."

"Why did I put that spell on you? Because you needed to be more careful with your magics. More aware and focused. And what's the first thing you do?? A Drunkard's Wish!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "I'm really getting tired of that one...."

"And why are you here Mr. William the Bloody? Are you going to tell me to not put Halfrek on a lesser pleasant duty in my halls?"

Halfrek scowled. "Ahhh no, not the toilets!! I'll never get the stink out of my hair!"

D'Hoffryn put his hands on her shoulders. "Well I think a little menial work wouldn't harm you right now. I think you should be taken off the field for a while, for your own good. And you can practice spells a little before you go back out there."

"I'm not a novice! Just having a bit of a rough time."

"I know what's best Halfrek, I have to be stern sometimes."

"Ahem," Spike cleared his throat. "Sorry to interrupt, but I'd like a word or two as well."

D'Hoffryn turned from Halfrek and looked at Spike. "Yes, so it would seem. Quite a rarity this, I am rarely addressed by vampires. Unkempt lot you are, generally. And most often utterly lacking in manners and focus." He thought for a moment "Well except for that Romanian, Vlad, I believe. He is definitely well versed in proper etiquette."

Spike scoffed a bit. "Yeah, right'n proper chap that is. Not here to discuss how Drac likes to sip his tea with his pinky up though."

D'Hoffryn smiled a little. "And what are you here to discuss then?"

"Right. That curse Halfrek did. The "drunkard's thing"....."

"You would be the drunkard."

"Yes," Spike's jaw clenched a little but he let it go. "I mean I did the wish. Didn't want it and I'd like to get it lifted."

D'Hoffryn's eyebrows went up. "Oh would you now? And you thought you'd dial the 'Wish Plumber' for that? 'D'Hoffryn for all your clogged spells'? Perhaps you'd like me to help you with that cockroach problem in your basement while I'm at it?? Or could I do the dishes?"

"Hey now, I just mean...." Spike tried.

"I know what you mean, little vampire," D'Hoffryn said and gestured to his left. Suddenly as though a light shone upon them the motel bed appeared with Buffy still on it. Briefly Spike wondered if they were still in the room, or in D'Hoffryn's dimension. Or maybe somewhere in between.

"You want me to free her of Halfrek's spell. To release her of the curse of having parts of your mind and body merging with her being. Before she turns into a vampire, or simply perhaps turns completely into you. Would that be it?"

Spike shifted. "Uh, yeah that'd cover it....basically."

"And do tell me, little lovesick vampire, who lives and dies by the merest gestures of the Slayer of his kind," D'Hoffryn said with a dark tone to his voice, "why on earth I would do such a thing?"

** **

TBC!

Now R&R