FOOLS FOR LIFE:
CHAPTER 37: BUSINESS MEETING
** **
"No," Spike said.
"What?" D'Hoffryn asked, not expecting that to be Spike's next word.
"No' as in: 'why on earth would you do that' is not a question you ask me. That's the question I ask you."
"You dare much vampire, but please start making some sense soon, so I can know if I'm being insulted or not."
Spike lit up a cigarette. "Yeah, I know, you're this high'n mighty big shot. And you obviously know all you need or want to know about this whole thing. Fine. But I'm not stupid, I figure lifting vengeance spells is not exactly a thing you like to do, right?"
"Very observant. You think it's good for my reputation? The Lord of Vengeance going around undoing vengeance spells?"
Spike shook his head. "No. I knew that before I had her call you. But then there's more going on here. Because this spell is a bleedin' mess isn't it? And not only that, it affects the Slayer, which makes it a bit of a high profile bleedin' mess. A lot of people in the demon world are going to know. Kind of embarrassing to the Vengeance crowd isn't it?"
He smirked a little now. "And right now all it does is give her some of my lovable traits which, if anything, is going to make her meaner! And maybe that's all it will do, maybe she'll stay like that. I doubt anyone will be happy with that, and they'll know to blame you guys...and the fact it was just a goof-up won't make them an less pissed, but will make you look like a joke! Let's face it, this spell is not exactly going to make it into the 'Vengeance Hall of Fame' is it?"
"Interesting you should say that, we actually have one. And no, this particular one won't....*quite* make it in there."
He shot a glance at Halfrek who mumbled, "Yes, and everyone can quit pointing out Halfrek's shortcomings any time now."
Ignoring her, Spike continued. "I imagine you'd like it better if this gets swept under the rug. So, I'm thinking you want this spell gone as much as I do. And in spite of what you said about hating to lift spells, you probably would have lifted it already."
"Really."
"Yeah. But then there's also that little spell you put on Halfrek, and there's the real problem. You'd have to go against your own decision. And that's why you haven't done it yet, because you probably don't want your commands to, well.. 'devaluate' by just taking them back so easily."
D'Hoffryn shifted a little. Sensing he hit a nerve, Spike went on.
"Like: 'I declare your next five spells will be permanent. No matter what! Oh, but not this one, just let me fix that'. I'd wager that's the real reason you're letting this spell go on. Can't have word get out that the boss' decrees are not all that rock solid. Hey, just stop me if I'm wrong here."
D'Hoffryn cleared his throat. ".....I'm listening."
"Right! So you have a problem. You'd really prefer the spell gone too, but don't want to 'just' do it. So I say, name your price. What would make you lift the spell? Strike a deal with me here. And I'll do it. I'll find it. Or I'll kill it. Whatever you want. I'm sure you can put me to use somehow. And that would sound better to the work force, wouldn't it? 'Lowly vamp came pleading to great Lord', and you used me to your own advantage, maybe that had been your 'plan' with this spell all along! You'll look just peachy."
"I see....and you believe I would have use for you?" D'Hoffryn said, stroking his beard.
"Well, everyone's got something. An itch they can't scratch. Maybe you got a few people you want dead but rather not have folks know YOU did it. Maybe some ancient truces with other Demon Lords you can't break or something? Hey, anything like that, I'll take out whoever you want, the they can think I was just a lone vampire nut, your own folk see you as this strategic genius AND this embarrassing little spell gets lifted!"
"If we struck such a deal, you could make enemies. That does not worry you?"
Spike looked at Buffy. He saw her face as she lay sleeping on the bed, surrounded by the darkness of the Vengeance Lord. He saw her breathe gently, her pretty eyes closes, her hair draped over the sheets.
It made everything easy. He shrugged and said, "Whatever. Never been popular anyway."
D'Hoffryn smiled. "Interesting. You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
"From six in the morning till six in the evening, sitting in garbage," Spike nodded.
** **
Willow opened the door for Xander. "And? Any luck?"
He shook his head. "I looked everywhere I could think of. Either where Buffy would go or where Spike likes to hang out. And let me tell you Willie's bar is easier to enter when the Slayer is with you!"
"Did anyone..?"
"Well I had a few invitations that had the word 'dinner' in them, but somehow I got the idea I wouldn't be so much a 'guest' as.."
"The main course?" Willow said worriedly, as she closed the door.
"Sadly no. More like an appetizer, which was a bit insulting. I managed to get out in one piece. But no Spike. Or Buffy. And no one had seen them since the night before."
Willow sighed. "Same with us. Not a trace. Did you go by the Magic Shop?"
He nodded. "Yes, but no dice. I asked Anya if she could get a bead on where Halfrek was, but when she tried she said she couldn't sense her anymore. Maybe D'Hoffryn came by already."
"Damn!" Willow cursed. "Another door shut! For all we know they're now buying a duster for her!"
"Any ideas left?" Xander asked.
She sighed. "Tara and I will have to look into a locator spell. Which will be hard because Buffy's essence is a little mixed up now. Maybe we'll have to do one that searches for her and Spike at the same time. And working that out will take most of the day."
"Mind if I keep driving around? I have to do something. I don't just wanna sit here while you do your stuff."
"Probably a good idea. Maybe you'll get lucky."
"Well I'm not even going to Anya's, and even if I did I don't think she'd...."
He stopped as Willow looked at him. He grinned awkwardly.
"Right. You mean..lucky...finding Buffy. I knew that."
Willow raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Uh huh."
** **
"Alright then." D'Hoffryn gestured and suddenly the bed with Buffy on it disappeared.
"HEY!!" Spike yelled.
"Oh relax, I am simply taking us three all the way to Arash Ma'har instead of mid-way as we were, and Ms. Summers will be quite alright in her motel room."
"Yeah but she's there alone! And there's plenty of demons around there! Clem would check on her but that will be a lot later probably! Who knows what might happen before that! She's helpless!"
D'Hoffryn sighed. "Oh, very well." He closed his eyes for a moment. "There, a spell protects the room. No can enter or leave it but you and those you choose. Will that suffice?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess it will. Thanks."
D'Hoffryn sighed. "Honestly, relations between vampires and Slayers are not what they used to be."
"What about me?" Halfrek asked as they stood in the darkness.
"You are going to think things over while you start with some clean up duty! Matter of fact, why don't you go dust off the awards in the Hall of Fame. Gives you some nice examples of what a vengeance spell is supposed to look like."
She sighed. "Fine, fine. I guess I could really use a break from work by now....Just don't put me on latrine duty. Please."
"We'll see. Go now Halfrek, we'll talk later."
Halfrek turned to Spike. "Alright. I'm sorry William. This whole mess.."
"Well, can't say I'm happy with it, but... I've done plenty of stupid stuff myself. I'm the last one to point the finger. And through it all it was still ....good to see you again. Don't think of the past much, but.."
"I know.." She took his hand and for a moment, Spike remembered how she was, and how a movement of her eyes could make or break him. Funny how things go.
"Well," she said, "if you ever want some real revenge on someone, let me know."
"Well there is this bloke whose hair gel I'd like a curse on. You'll be the first to hear it," he grinned.
"Yes" D'Hoffryn cut in. "And I most likely the last. Go now Halfrek." He gestured and she was gone. She didn't disappear in a cloud or a glow. She was just gone. To some other part of Arash Ma'har, leaving Spike alone with the Lord of this realm.
"Come," D'Hoffryn said. They were still surrounded by darkness, but now as they walked a throne had appeared. And to the sides, Spike saw torches hanging from walls he couldn't quite make out. He was aware there were demons too. Dark shapes hidden in the darkness. Well can't go the halls of a ruler and not have some security watching you.
D'Hoffryn sat down on the throne and tapped his fingers on the arm rest. "You are a curious being, William the Bloody. A soulless vampire, risking life and limb not just for love, but for the love of a Slayer....and so far, a bit of an unrequited love at that as I understand. You hope to change this by helping her?"
"Not really, no," Spike answered, staying polite but really not in the mood to discuss his motivations. "What do you want me to do anyway? Do I have to take somebody out?"
"Perhaps but that's not the core of what I had in mind. You see, here at Arash Ma'har we are into the revenge business. That is our goal and mission. But wish granting is our tool for that. It is a very powerful form of magic. It took eons to develop. It can not be countered by most other spells."
Spike recalled when Buffy had told him how Anya had created a whole alternate universe with little more than saying the word 'done'. Yeah, it was powerful alright.
He pulled out another cigarette. "I feel a 'but' coming on."
"Well, the only thing that can counter our spells is another form of wish granting magic. Not all of course. There are many that are far weaker than the power of a Vengeance Demon. But there are some that are indeed more potent. Some beings, some stones, some charms."
"And you're not too crazy about them, am I right?"
D'Hoffryn shrugged. "No one likes competition. I have, over the centuries acquired more than a few objects and artifacts. One, to prevent them from being used to counter our spells, and secondly....well it has become a bit of a collection. Now there was a lot of truth in your words. I would prefer not to lift the spell, but I also don't want it continued. I think I have a way we can meet both our goals."
"I'm all ears, mate," Spike said.
"Indeed. Well, there is a particularly powerful wishing stone. It's a ruby named the Eye of Azazu. It's powers can grant any wish, overturn any magic. I have been trying to get it for a while."
"And you want me to get it, no problem."
"There's more to that. Yes, I want you to get the jewel. But also, with it, you can overturn Halfrek's spell on the Slayer yourself. That way I don't have to dirty my hands with that at all. You will then bring the stone to me."
"Uh, okay..just wondering, but..."
"Why would I trust you to actually hand such a powerful stone over to me after you've got it? Simple. A being of your, no offense, lower order can only make one wish with it. And I have the impression that no other wish than to bring your lady back to her normal self will take precedence for you. Also, if you have cured her and you don't bring the stone to me I will have you, her and everyone you know, killed."
Spike nodded, in complete understanding. "I can see that."
D'Hoffryn shrugged again. "Banal, but it works."
"Alright, so I nick this stone, wish Buffy back to normal and bring it to you. Then we're squared right? No funny business of hidden clauses with prolonged servitude or anything."
"Please," D'Hoffryn waved his hand. "What am I, some Rumpelstiltskin that tricks people out of their infants? Do I have fiddle contests with humans to get their souls? This is a deal of convenience for both of us, as you said."
"Fair enough, so why haven't you gotten the thing yourself yet? Not that it matters, but I'm just wondering. If it's just a political thing, fine but if it's a problem even you can't handle, I'm not sure what I could do."
"Whoever seeks the stone, and wishes to enter the place it is kept in, must have a genuine need for a wish in his mind and heart, and it has to be selfless. Those are rules of magic set on the stone's resting place that apply to gods as much as ants. The stone is older than your world. As a Higher Lord of Demonic Order, I am beyond that kind of wishing. As for selfless...well..," he shrugged a third time, "not really a quality we Dark Lords excel at either. But in your unique case....."
"Yeah, I hear ya. Selfless Spike. That's me." He chuckled a little at that. "So where is it then? And if it's far....don't suppose you could give me a ride."
"It's in another dimension , actually and no I cannot transport you there. All part of the rules I'm afraid. But fear not, but there are several entrances to your world. One in Nepal, one in Scotland, one in Moscow...and one in a Californian desert about 2 hours driving from the Hellmouth..."
"Ahhh," Spike grinned. "Good old Hellmouth. Demons, magic, interdimensional gateways..you name it, it's there. Almost like Walmart."
"Actually in most Walmarts there are gateways to other dimensions, but not to this one though."
"Ok, I'll..keep that in mind. Anything else I need to know? Is it being guarded? Do I have to fight?"
D'Hoffryn cleared his throat. "There MAY be a protector or two....Perhaps, if she's able, Ms Summers can join you? It is for her own benefit after all."
"Ah....well..I........could ask," Spike stammered, remembering drugging and chaining and kidnapping Buffy. He gulped.
"Yeah, I can ask....."
** **
TBC!
CHAPTER 37: BUSINESS MEETING
** **
"No," Spike said.
"What?" D'Hoffryn asked, not expecting that to be Spike's next word.
"No' as in: 'why on earth would you do that' is not a question you ask me. That's the question I ask you."
"You dare much vampire, but please start making some sense soon, so I can know if I'm being insulted or not."
Spike lit up a cigarette. "Yeah, I know, you're this high'n mighty big shot. And you obviously know all you need or want to know about this whole thing. Fine. But I'm not stupid, I figure lifting vengeance spells is not exactly a thing you like to do, right?"
"Very observant. You think it's good for my reputation? The Lord of Vengeance going around undoing vengeance spells?"
Spike shook his head. "No. I knew that before I had her call you. But then there's more going on here. Because this spell is a bleedin' mess isn't it? And not only that, it affects the Slayer, which makes it a bit of a high profile bleedin' mess. A lot of people in the demon world are going to know. Kind of embarrassing to the Vengeance crowd isn't it?"
He smirked a little now. "And right now all it does is give her some of my lovable traits which, if anything, is going to make her meaner! And maybe that's all it will do, maybe she'll stay like that. I doubt anyone will be happy with that, and they'll know to blame you guys...and the fact it was just a goof-up won't make them an less pissed, but will make you look like a joke! Let's face it, this spell is not exactly going to make it into the 'Vengeance Hall of Fame' is it?"
"Interesting you should say that, we actually have one. And no, this particular one won't....*quite* make it in there."
He shot a glance at Halfrek who mumbled, "Yes, and everyone can quit pointing out Halfrek's shortcomings any time now."
Ignoring her, Spike continued. "I imagine you'd like it better if this gets swept under the rug. So, I'm thinking you want this spell gone as much as I do. And in spite of what you said about hating to lift spells, you probably would have lifted it already."
"Really."
"Yeah. But then there's also that little spell you put on Halfrek, and there's the real problem. You'd have to go against your own decision. And that's why you haven't done it yet, because you probably don't want your commands to, well.. 'devaluate' by just taking them back so easily."
D'Hoffryn shifted a little. Sensing he hit a nerve, Spike went on.
"Like: 'I declare your next five spells will be permanent. No matter what! Oh, but not this one, just let me fix that'. I'd wager that's the real reason you're letting this spell go on. Can't have word get out that the boss' decrees are not all that rock solid. Hey, just stop me if I'm wrong here."
D'Hoffryn cleared his throat. ".....I'm listening."
"Right! So you have a problem. You'd really prefer the spell gone too, but don't want to 'just' do it. So I say, name your price. What would make you lift the spell? Strike a deal with me here. And I'll do it. I'll find it. Or I'll kill it. Whatever you want. I'm sure you can put me to use somehow. And that would sound better to the work force, wouldn't it? 'Lowly vamp came pleading to great Lord', and you used me to your own advantage, maybe that had been your 'plan' with this spell all along! You'll look just peachy."
"I see....and you believe I would have use for you?" D'Hoffryn said, stroking his beard.
"Well, everyone's got something. An itch they can't scratch. Maybe you got a few people you want dead but rather not have folks know YOU did it. Maybe some ancient truces with other Demon Lords you can't break or something? Hey, anything like that, I'll take out whoever you want, the they can think I was just a lone vampire nut, your own folk see you as this strategic genius AND this embarrassing little spell gets lifted!"
"If we struck such a deal, you could make enemies. That does not worry you?"
Spike looked at Buffy. He saw her face as she lay sleeping on the bed, surrounded by the darkness of the Vengeance Lord. He saw her breathe gently, her pretty eyes closes, her hair draped over the sheets.
It made everything easy. He shrugged and said, "Whatever. Never been popular anyway."
D'Hoffryn smiled. "Interesting. You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?"
"From six in the morning till six in the evening, sitting in garbage," Spike nodded.
** **
Willow opened the door for Xander. "And? Any luck?"
He shook his head. "I looked everywhere I could think of. Either where Buffy would go or where Spike likes to hang out. And let me tell you Willie's bar is easier to enter when the Slayer is with you!"
"Did anyone..?"
"Well I had a few invitations that had the word 'dinner' in them, but somehow I got the idea I wouldn't be so much a 'guest' as.."
"The main course?" Willow said worriedly, as she closed the door.
"Sadly no. More like an appetizer, which was a bit insulting. I managed to get out in one piece. But no Spike. Or Buffy. And no one had seen them since the night before."
Willow sighed. "Same with us. Not a trace. Did you go by the Magic Shop?"
He nodded. "Yes, but no dice. I asked Anya if she could get a bead on where Halfrek was, but when she tried she said she couldn't sense her anymore. Maybe D'Hoffryn came by already."
"Damn!" Willow cursed. "Another door shut! For all we know they're now buying a duster for her!"
"Any ideas left?" Xander asked.
She sighed. "Tara and I will have to look into a locator spell. Which will be hard because Buffy's essence is a little mixed up now. Maybe we'll have to do one that searches for her and Spike at the same time. And working that out will take most of the day."
"Mind if I keep driving around? I have to do something. I don't just wanna sit here while you do your stuff."
"Probably a good idea. Maybe you'll get lucky."
"Well I'm not even going to Anya's, and even if I did I don't think she'd...."
He stopped as Willow looked at him. He grinned awkwardly.
"Right. You mean..lucky...finding Buffy. I knew that."
Willow raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Uh huh."
** **
"Alright then." D'Hoffryn gestured and suddenly the bed with Buffy on it disappeared.
"HEY!!" Spike yelled.
"Oh relax, I am simply taking us three all the way to Arash Ma'har instead of mid-way as we were, and Ms. Summers will be quite alright in her motel room."
"Yeah but she's there alone! And there's plenty of demons around there! Clem would check on her but that will be a lot later probably! Who knows what might happen before that! She's helpless!"
D'Hoffryn sighed. "Oh, very well." He closed his eyes for a moment. "There, a spell protects the room. No can enter or leave it but you and those you choose. Will that suffice?"
"Uh, yeah. I guess it will. Thanks."
D'Hoffryn sighed. "Honestly, relations between vampires and Slayers are not what they used to be."
"What about me?" Halfrek asked as they stood in the darkness.
"You are going to think things over while you start with some clean up duty! Matter of fact, why don't you go dust off the awards in the Hall of Fame. Gives you some nice examples of what a vengeance spell is supposed to look like."
She sighed. "Fine, fine. I guess I could really use a break from work by now....Just don't put me on latrine duty. Please."
"We'll see. Go now Halfrek, we'll talk later."
Halfrek turned to Spike. "Alright. I'm sorry William. This whole mess.."
"Well, can't say I'm happy with it, but... I've done plenty of stupid stuff myself. I'm the last one to point the finger. And through it all it was still ....good to see you again. Don't think of the past much, but.."
"I know.." She took his hand and for a moment, Spike remembered how she was, and how a movement of her eyes could make or break him. Funny how things go.
"Well," she said, "if you ever want some real revenge on someone, let me know."
"Well there is this bloke whose hair gel I'd like a curse on. You'll be the first to hear it," he grinned.
"Yes" D'Hoffryn cut in. "And I most likely the last. Go now Halfrek." He gestured and she was gone. She didn't disappear in a cloud or a glow. She was just gone. To some other part of Arash Ma'har, leaving Spike alone with the Lord of this realm.
"Come," D'Hoffryn said. They were still surrounded by darkness, but now as they walked a throne had appeared. And to the sides, Spike saw torches hanging from walls he couldn't quite make out. He was aware there were demons too. Dark shapes hidden in the darkness. Well can't go the halls of a ruler and not have some security watching you.
D'Hoffryn sat down on the throne and tapped his fingers on the arm rest. "You are a curious being, William the Bloody. A soulless vampire, risking life and limb not just for love, but for the love of a Slayer....and so far, a bit of an unrequited love at that as I understand. You hope to change this by helping her?"
"Not really, no," Spike answered, staying polite but really not in the mood to discuss his motivations. "What do you want me to do anyway? Do I have to take somebody out?"
"Perhaps but that's not the core of what I had in mind. You see, here at Arash Ma'har we are into the revenge business. That is our goal and mission. But wish granting is our tool for that. It is a very powerful form of magic. It took eons to develop. It can not be countered by most other spells."
Spike recalled when Buffy had told him how Anya had created a whole alternate universe with little more than saying the word 'done'. Yeah, it was powerful alright.
He pulled out another cigarette. "I feel a 'but' coming on."
"Well, the only thing that can counter our spells is another form of wish granting magic. Not all of course. There are many that are far weaker than the power of a Vengeance Demon. But there are some that are indeed more potent. Some beings, some stones, some charms."
"And you're not too crazy about them, am I right?"
D'Hoffryn shrugged. "No one likes competition. I have, over the centuries acquired more than a few objects and artifacts. One, to prevent them from being used to counter our spells, and secondly....well it has become a bit of a collection. Now there was a lot of truth in your words. I would prefer not to lift the spell, but I also don't want it continued. I think I have a way we can meet both our goals."
"I'm all ears, mate," Spike said.
"Indeed. Well, there is a particularly powerful wishing stone. It's a ruby named the Eye of Azazu. It's powers can grant any wish, overturn any magic. I have been trying to get it for a while."
"And you want me to get it, no problem."
"There's more to that. Yes, I want you to get the jewel. But also, with it, you can overturn Halfrek's spell on the Slayer yourself. That way I don't have to dirty my hands with that at all. You will then bring the stone to me."
"Uh, okay..just wondering, but..."
"Why would I trust you to actually hand such a powerful stone over to me after you've got it? Simple. A being of your, no offense, lower order can only make one wish with it. And I have the impression that no other wish than to bring your lady back to her normal self will take precedence for you. Also, if you have cured her and you don't bring the stone to me I will have you, her and everyone you know, killed."
Spike nodded, in complete understanding. "I can see that."
D'Hoffryn shrugged again. "Banal, but it works."
"Alright, so I nick this stone, wish Buffy back to normal and bring it to you. Then we're squared right? No funny business of hidden clauses with prolonged servitude or anything."
"Please," D'Hoffryn waved his hand. "What am I, some Rumpelstiltskin that tricks people out of their infants? Do I have fiddle contests with humans to get their souls? This is a deal of convenience for both of us, as you said."
"Fair enough, so why haven't you gotten the thing yourself yet? Not that it matters, but I'm just wondering. If it's just a political thing, fine but if it's a problem even you can't handle, I'm not sure what I could do."
"Whoever seeks the stone, and wishes to enter the place it is kept in, must have a genuine need for a wish in his mind and heart, and it has to be selfless. Those are rules of magic set on the stone's resting place that apply to gods as much as ants. The stone is older than your world. As a Higher Lord of Demonic Order, I am beyond that kind of wishing. As for selfless...well..," he shrugged a third time, "not really a quality we Dark Lords excel at either. But in your unique case....."
"Yeah, I hear ya. Selfless Spike. That's me." He chuckled a little at that. "So where is it then? And if it's far....don't suppose you could give me a ride."
"It's in another dimension , actually and no I cannot transport you there. All part of the rules I'm afraid. But fear not, but there are several entrances to your world. One in Nepal, one in Scotland, one in Moscow...and one in a Californian desert about 2 hours driving from the Hellmouth..."
"Ahhh," Spike grinned. "Good old Hellmouth. Demons, magic, interdimensional gateways..you name it, it's there. Almost like Walmart."
"Actually in most Walmarts there are gateways to other dimensions, but not to this one though."
"Ok, I'll..keep that in mind. Anything else I need to know? Is it being guarded? Do I have to fight?"
D'Hoffryn cleared his throat. "There MAY be a protector or two....Perhaps, if she's able, Ms Summers can join you? It is for her own benefit after all."
"Ah....well..I........could ask," Spike stammered, remembering drugging and chaining and kidnapping Buffy. He gulped.
"Yeah, I can ask....."
** **
TBC!
