FOOLS FOR LIFE:

CHAPTER 41: INTO THE DESERT

The desert landscape flashed by them. The single road cutting through it was almost as desolate as the surroundings. They had passed 2 trucks, one camper and a very old Volkswagen bus in about an hour's time.

'Well, now....' Spike thought to himself. 'Driving through the desert in a stolen car with her sitting next to me. This is a situation I hadn't imagined myself to be in a few days ago.' He glanced to the seat next to him where Buffy looked out the window, leaning on her arm. She didn't look particularly worried or anxious, more kind of distracted. Not angry, not frustrated, or even sad as he'd half expected.

She had fed on him, and he had fed on the bags, a cycle they'd repeated until two of the sports bags were empty. They'd brought the third along just in case. For Spike it had been no less than the stuff of dreams, to share that with her such intimacy, and on his level.

She had accepted it quickly enough. Eagerly biting down on him as soon as he gave the okay. Next to the curse working, maybe it was his mind's influence her head. Maybe it was the kind of self indulgence all people have when they know they have an excuse and no witnesses. Wasn't that what they're whole affair had been like?

He wondered where they were now. She had broken up with him after the hayseed had been back. Probably because he reminded her of good little Buffy she used to be. And then the thing with Anya....her jealousy showed there was something there. That had been clear, but she had told him off. Came to his crypt and told him it was over, and it was her complete absence of the usual disgust and malice that had hit him the hardest. Because now he could believe it.

He also still believed part of her loved him. Or at least could. And now? Now she'd had a few trips through his life, his mind and his feelings. And it had changed her. He knew it had. 'I hope I still remember' she had said.

SHE hoped?? Stars above, he would give his right arm for her to remember. It wouldn't mean she would love him now...would LET herself love him now, but at least....maybe, just maybe he'd have a shot....

But now was not the time to discuss it. Although he was a bit nervous that her remembering or not could depend on how he phrased or visualized his wish to cure her. If he did it wrong, maybe it would be so it had never happened. He'd seen that before. Or maybe it would be that she was exactly as she was before the curse, with her memory of the past few days gone. Her friends would have to tell her about what happened....He grinded his teeth at that thought. Maybe there wouldn't be anything different if she remembered, but the past few days...he'd be damned if they were going to be erased! For good or bad, things had happened that had mattered! And he'd try his best to preserve them....

He'd wondered if she'd want to bring her friends along just in case. But she hadn't suggested it and he wasn't about to do it for her. They'd only muck things up. Well she usually wanted everyone out of her way too unless really necessary. And maybe after their time in the motel room she wasn't really in Scoobie mode.

Also not unlike their affair had been like. The parts of her that he appealed to....the side of her that was dark, and passion and fire, that liked to hunt and fight, that could devour him like a panther, that could give him that grin, that grin he could die for.....they were all sides of her that had no place among her friends. That she didn't want them to see.

She had enjoyed the feeding. And not just the curse that made her vampiric- of-sorts. It had been some tiny curious parts of her own mind, as she'd said, that had latched on to the aspects of the vampire. She was right. And it made sense. A Slayer was as much a hunter as he was. Maybe she now felt how much more of a pay-off a vampire can have at the end of it's hunt. Maybe that was why she would sometimes stay so antsy after patrolling. Like there had been no...well, climax.

"Funny," she suddenly said. "Last time I was in these areas, I followed a big cat to a Neanderthal Slayer who said death was my gift."

"Say what ?"

"Was a bit further back. Some spirit guide ritual. Death was my gift. Got me kinda blah. Thought it meant I was just a killer. Then with the whole Glory and Dawn thing it struck me maybe it had meant something else."

Spike swallowed. No matter how much time past, he could never think back to that night without feeling that little crack in his heart. "I'm sorry..." He said.

She looked at him. "Oh get over that. It wasn't your fault. You tried your best. And you didn't have to. You chose to help. I always appreciated that. So, you zigged when you shoulda zagged. It's alright"

"Yeah. The 'Big Bad'. The Bloody Little Limp Noodle when it mattered. It just still pisses me off."

"I know," she said with a slight smile. "I remember it. I mean I remember as you remember it."

"Great. Spike's moments of embarrassment now running through your head as a "Best of" feature in your brain then?"

She laughed. "No, but.....now that I'm a little less chaotic, it's interesting to .. 'see' I guess. I just focus on a little and things you remember about your life pop in my head."

"Oh bloody.....look just....take a nap or something will you? By the time I wake you we'll either be killed or you'll be cured, either way my memories should not be an issue anymore."

"Ohhh no this is too good to pass up." She stared ahead of her, not seeing the road or the desert, or the night sky. "Where shall I dig...oh yeah I was kinda curious. Dawn said you were into me way before I caught on. Later I started to think back a little and..."

Her eyes widened. "OH my god! I can't believe..Riley never told me he caught you sniffing my sweater!! In my BEDROOM. I can't believe you did that! Well, I knew later you'd swiped some of my stuff, but..."

Spike silently cursed to himself. Buffy started to giggle. "Ohhh sorry but....that's funny. AND kinda scary. Stalking me indeed."

"Yeah, I'm just loving this topic...." he snarled.

"Okay, okay, I'll let up. Hm....interesting memory. And I do smell nice."

"Yeah you do," he said and gave her a little look before turning his attention back to the road.

"Okay I'll be nice," she giggled.

"Really. Why do I doubt that."

"No I mean it. How's this for nice. You are way, way more attractive than a Chaos Demon." She looked at him from the corners of her eyes.

".....yeah thanks. But I sorta knew that."

She smiled, but then suddenly looked disgusted. "Man, where does the slime come from? The antlers??"

"Not a clue. Better than the mucus the Fyeral demons shoot through their noses though."

"Pfff there are a lot of demons on this planet. And most of them kind of icky. At least some of you can look normal. Like you vampires, or vengeance demons."

"And even with our demon faces on I'd say us vamps still beat out the 'flayed face' look that those vengeance types have."

"I know, I remember Anya......"

She stopped talking and Spike looked at her. Her eyes widened as if she saw something. Just as he was about to ask her what it was, he realized she'd said Anya's name.. 'Oh no', he thought.

"AHHHH! GROSSS!" she yelled as she put her hands in front of her eyes. Inside her head, the images of a memory flashed through her thoughts. She was lying on a table, and as she looked down she saw Anya's face, moaning and panting. She felt her tongue as they kissed, and she felt herself inside...

"AAGHHH!!! ACKK!! NOOHHH ..." She let her head fall forward on the dashboard and banged it on there a couple of times. "Ohhhh, someone please rinse out my brain!!"

"Easy luv, you're damaging the car. I mean I don't care, I've nicked cars before but you're the one who wrote the bloody note...." Spike said quickly trying to distract her from a memory he didn't really feel like discussing.

"Yes! I left a note. And we are going to return the car when we're done!"

"Pfff so far the 'Spike's thoughts are in my head'- thing." he said as he pointed at her head. " 'Oh so sorry, we bloody well took your car but we're going to bring it back. No really. Really really. We're HONEST car thieves. Cross our heart and hope to die.'"

"Not quite what I wrote, thankyouverymuch."

He shrugged and snickered a little. She fell back into her seat and for a while they drove in silence.

"I can't believe you made a deal with D'Hoffryn. Don't know if you're brave or stupid."

"Probably a little o'both," he said not without pride. "I can't believe Willow didn't think of it. Really nothing else to it."

"I agree. That's why we're doing this." She looked at him and a solemn look came over her eyes. "You are trying to make it right. I know that. Don't think I don't...appreciate it."

He didn't answer that with anything other than a slight movement of his eyebrow. To him doing anything for her she needed was a given. And she really should know that by now.

They drove another mile or so when he slowed down and drove off the asphalt into the desert. Not far, just until they were near a tock formation surrounded by Joshua trees.

"Well here it is then," he said as he killed the engine. "Should be that big rock up ahead. I say the right words and we can walk right into..well wherever it is." They both got out of the car and looked around.

"Yeah, there." Spike said pointing to a corner in the rocks which he remembered D'Hoffryn describing to him. "Any speeches luv? I know you like to give them before battle."

"No. Just....well, whatever happens now, I do..officially forgive you."

"Really? And that doesn't mean you wanna go back to the car first and work me over with your nails for an hour or so before we go in??"

"Keep up the sarcasm and it might."

He grinned. "Yeah just joking. Good to know anyway." Then in order to bring some levity, he added: "Hey and it means I can get on your nerves again without feeling guilty."

She eyed him and suddenly smiled. "Oh, Spike it's okay. You won't get on my nerves so much anymore. I understand you soo much better now that I've had some of your..aspects, and especially memories."

"Well, that's good," he said, not sure what she was referring to. She started to walk towards the formation with a smile on her face and said:

"Oh yeah, it really is. Who knew you used to be so...poetic??"

"Po..." Spike stammered. Then closed his eyes and mumbled a desperate 'bollocks!'.

"Oh yeah," Buffy said as she still walked on. "And if you must know I'm a teensy bit insulted. I mean...for HER you wrote volumes of poems, and what did I get? Secret sweater-sniffing!"

She stopped and looked back at him standing with his mouth a bit open and pretty much devoid of any chance of a nice come-back. She laughed and gave him one of her teasing grins.

"Come on, William the Bloody, a lark has spake twixt it's wee beak that we should get a bloody move on!"

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TBC!