FOOLS FOR LIFE:
CHAPTER 47: TRYING TO LIVE
** **
The sound vampires make as they turn to dust was by now a familiar one. The sound that was missing in this scene in one of the Sunnydale graveyards was the accompanying funny banter.
Buffy just looked at the dust swirling in the air in silence. She wasn't in a jokey mood. Hadn't been for a while. She'd resumed her daily life in the past few weeks and had gone back to patrolling fairly quickly. Everyone was happy she'd been returned to normal, and most acknowledged Spike's sacrifice. Giles had been informed and although he'd been a little upset and not having been called in he was of course, glad everything was fine by now.
'Well, he left so we could learn how to take care of things without his help,' Buffy thought, still a teensy bit bitter at that. Giles would probably fly over in the next couple of weeks just to help make sure there were no after effects of the spell.
He too had shown surprise at the story of Spike's willingness to do...what he did. But the notion that it had been him who got her in that danger to begin with weighed a lot heavier to the watcher than to herself by now.
She didn't have Spike's memories anymore, but she did have ......well, the memories of having his memories. The sensation of having seen life through his eyes. And it had changed her outlook on things. Even when she dusted a fledgling vamp on a routine patrol, she couldn't watch them crawl out of that grave without remembering Spike doing the same thing.
Of course, she too had done that, but it was different. A new vampire had a drive and a confusion and a hunger and a....she didn't know how to describe it all but it felt different. Also it had surprised her how...well, 'innocent' was of course a wrong word but....how normal they saw themselves.. Shouldn't have surprised her, when you think about it. The vampires, in a way, couldn't help it. They were what they were. They didn't see themselves as she or other humans saw them, but then no one does. Everyone looks different from the inside out.
It didn't stop her from slaying of course. Vampires were a demonic infection. They fed on humans. She protected those humans. It was that simple. But it had still given her a new perspective. And what had Spike said again? 'You feed on cows and chickens everyday!' He'd been right. If chickens had a Slayer, it would go after humans.
Not a hundred percent the same but still...there was some truth to it.
And then there was how she saw Spike, or herself.
That had changed too. One of the hardest things to overcome was the memories of seeing herself and how she treated him through his eyes. And the worst aspect of that was that she didn't only see it through his eyes. She saw it through his eyes but she could still see that from a distance. She saw how cruel, unfair, abusive and cold she'd been, but she could also sense his unwavering love through that, and with her own mind she knew that made it all far worse. She didn't feel that love for herself like he did and without it, being able to see her handiwork from his eyes, she looked far, far worse.
She'd thought before that she'd been so aware of that whole bad phase she went through. But she really hadn't. And of course to top it off, she had been the one with a soul and he'd been the demon..and yet he was the one who acted out of love...
That night in the alley when she just hit and hit him, and he'd just let her....she'd stopped, already horrified at what she'd done. And later she realized it more...but now that she'd experienced that from the other end of things, watching herself on top of herself, smashing into her face...No, she hadn't truly known.
Not something she'd soon forget.
And she'd had no excuse save perhaps the traumatic experience of her resurrection...which really didn't cut it for her. There had been a monster in that relationship, but it had not been the soulless vampire.
And now he did have a soul.
If he was still alive. She'd driven to the desert where they'd been but there was no trace of him. She looked for him during patrolling. She'd asked some demons. Checked out his crypt and the bars. Nothing.
She still couldn't believe it. Her first experience with the contrast between vampires and humans, and the having of a soul or not had been Angel...and Angelus. It had set the whole concept in her mind of how those things were and how they worked. But apparently things could vary between individuals. Angelus was famous and feared even among evil vampires, no less than legendary in his cruelty. And she'd experienced that first hand. As much as Angel was noble and loving, Angelus was evil and diabolical. She tried to picture Angelus bearing torture to save Dawn..or willingly go for his soul.
She couldn't.
As much as part of her still loved Angel, and as good and brave as he was now, she knew his soulless self would never have done those things. And even the way Spike had loved and risked all for Drusila was nothing like how Angelus was.
She remembered Spike as a human, from when she had his memories. Dorky, poetic romantic fool...who kept the ability to love when he was turned. The demonic infection that is vampirism, the absence of a soul..none of it had been able to turn him totally evil.
She'd even remembered something about his mother. It had felt odd and strange like something vague out of a dream and she'd wondered if he remembered that clearly or if it was something he'd tried to forget or repress. But he'd wanted to save his mom from dying, and wanted to keep her with him. But she'd been more like Angelus once she'd been turned. Completely evil....
She knew one of Angelus' first deeds was to kill his entire family.
The funny thing was that in a way, it made her feel sorry for Angel too. And how he probably knew he had even more to atone for than some other vampires. Maybe that's why he lived in that constant state of brooding...the knowledge of how his soulless alter ego was famous for his evil, even among other vampires. He probably didn't know Spike still managed to love his mom as a vamp...and if he did it probably stung even more.
William the Bloody....a romantic fool, before and after death. Liam the Angel..feeling he only succeeded in doing bad things..in his life by being a drunken waste and a disappointment, after his death as utterly evil...... now forever trying to convince himself otherwise trying to find the good within, but always feeling he hasn't found enough.
She thought on and it hit her.....people don't really change in their core all that much. We can discover new things about ourselves along the way, and take new paths, but at the core, a lot of us stays the same.
Xander was still wishing he wasn't what he was and would probably spend his life either trying to come across as more, or hiding under jokes because he felt he wasn't. Never seeing that what he was, was just fine.
On the other end, Anya was still falling for men who hurt her, and still reacting the same way: wanting to hurt back.
And from what Spike told her, Halfrek was still looking approval from father figures, or seeking substitutes for them in suitors.
She sighed and sat on a tombstone.
And what about herself? What about the 'great Buffy'? Always easier to see this stuff in other people than in yourself. If anything, she was probably suffering from a slight sense of superiority along with this sense things should go her way....it came with being the Slayer, being all chosen and special, but she really had had it before. When she was this Cordelia-esque bimbette in school, people looked at her. People thought she was beautiful and great, and looked at her for how things should go. And part of her thought that was fine. How it should be.
And she should have her way, shouldn't she? Now that she was the Slayer, she had that even more strongly. It was right that things go her way. Where that could lead to had been clear in her treatment of Spike. He should be there when she wanted him, and when she wanted to pretend she never did those things, he should go away and leave her alone.
She fiddled with her stake and her face didn't exactly get any sunnier with all the introspection. Still, it was true. In her heart she was always insecure about things, about whether or not she was able to pull things off, but compared to other people she felt everyone should listen to her and let her have her way.
'And so it goes' she thought with a pout. 'Maybe that's it. Maybe we're all just stuck with our own weaknesses.'
She walked on and saw she was near Spike's crypt again. It had been empty every time she went there and for the past few days she'd just walked past it. It had bad memories. Good ones too..because she'd had fun with him there as well. Not just the sex, but..the whole patrolling together, anticipating all the things they'd do...the odd time they'd actually chat a bit...or like earlier when she went over there just to vent and relax in his presence. It had been soothing.
But now even those good memories were tainted by guilt. And worry. She didn't think he was dead, but she wondered. And what would he be like now? Angel differed greatly from Angelus, but then Spike already had managed to retain a lot of his humanity, even when evil. Maybe he'd not be so different. He couldn't have reverted back to William completely, no more than Angel was like Liam. Too much time had passed.
She wondered if he was alive, what state he was in. Angel had been traumatized badly when he'd gotten his soul back.
She missed him. She missed his presence. She had never allowed herself to go with her attraction for him. It wasn't just sexual. It hadn't been love either but...ah all of it had been so badly timed. She had been such a mess after her resurrection, and he, a soulless vampire in love, had not been much better especially after her constant 'come here/go away' attitude.
But she'd felt good with him. And when he came to her birthday it had been..nice. Of course his soulless-vampire reaction to his jealousy of Xander's friend had reminded her again of their differences, but before..sneaking away in the hall to whisper about their secret affair. She's said no a lot, as usual, but..it had been kinda neat really. And his jealousy had been cute. And she'd just naturally been drawn to him in the end, sitting with him alone behind the couch, until things got a little nasty and well..weird and magical as usual.
But every time there had been a moment like that something had either interfered or reminded her that, in the end, he was still a soulless vampire...and that their differences were too great when it all came down to it. Plus, the association with Angelus had always drifted to the surface and ruined all thought of it for her.
And now..if he had a soul.....
Ah, it was insane. She was the one having fantasies now. Wondering what he would be like if he was soulled and good but still the same Spike. What if he could be caring, and good towards other people now, but still with the same attitude and sexy swagger and glint in his eyes.
She shook her head and walked on. See? Still the same Buffy. Already thinking on what it means for HER....how she'd like it. Well, she was human. She couldn't help but have her thoughts drift. And it proved more than ever her feelings were beyond friendship or lust by now. She didn't dare call it love. Not yet. So much had happened between them, both good and bad. And they'd both changed after all this. HE certainly must be different now. But she knew she wanted him in her life. She thought about him all the time now. Wouldn't it be ironic that him getting her cursed would be the thing that finally had her admit she could love him? Given time.....If he was still alive....
Still ends with that thought. The uncertainty was maddening. She had to know what happened. Where he was..the thought of him dying alone in the desert sun choked her up every single time.
She was almost past the crypt when she heard a sound in it. She instantly stopped and turned her head. Someone was definitely in there.
She stopped herself from calling his name instantly. It could just be a couple of vamps, taking over the vacant 'pad'. Well, they wouldn't be staying here!!
She walked to the entrance and stayed next to it, a bit to the back to surprise whoever would come out. She heard footsteps, hoping to see the blond hair, gripping her stake tight in case she didn't.
The door opened and she saw who walked out.
"Clem!" she yelled. She'd been looking for him. Being Spike's friend she'd hoped he would be able to tell her something but he'd been as elusive as Spike.
The loose-skinned demon was startled by her sudden yelling behind him and he gave a scared 'yelp'! as a shock went through his body, making his skin flaps wiggle from head to toe.
He turned around clutching his chest. "Ahh!! Buffy!! Don't DO that."
"Sorry! I'm sorry! I just...I've been looking for you!"
Clem's eyes shifted a little uncomfortably and he just went on about the scare she gave him. "God you nearly gave me a heart attack! I have an uncle how died just like that! When they threw this surprise party...."
"Clem! Really...I'm sorry. But I have to talk to you. Have you seen Spike? Have you heard from him lately?"
Clem cleared his throat. "Uh Spike? No, no..I mean..I was just..watching TV.." He reminded Buffy of a bank robber with a mask and a big bag with a dollar sign on it telling the cop he had NO idea what he was talking about.
She folded her arms and gave him a stern look. "Clement...."
He gulped a little at the use of his name like that. "No really...I mean, oh you mean Spike! Well, I heard he went on vacation.."
Buffy didn't say anything or moved. Just raised an eyebrow.
"Oh alright! Yes, I've seen him! I know all about what happened! No, he's not here, I was just in there to get the TV guide I left the other night. But yes I've seen him. He asked me not to tell you, okay? He didn't tell me you have eyes that can drill holes in my skull!"
She reached out and touched his arm. "Clem...please..how is he, is he alright?"
He nodded and half shrugged. "Bit of a mess. Man...a soul. That's quite a thing for a vamp, you know? I've been helping him out. There's this demon I know who makes potions. It doesn't do anything bad, but it made him lucid, helped make his thoughts a little coherent. It's like an ointment for traumatized minds. It helped. First few days though.."
Buffy swallowed. "How bad was it?"
He sighed. "Can't really explain, you know? He talked about voices in his head, about faces he saw of people he killed. He told me some about that..he remembered families he ate..it's all tearing him up now. I was afraid of that when I got his call.."
"He called you?"
"Yeah I have a cell phone. He had a moment in the desert when he was lucid enough to realize he wanted to live and that if he stayed there, he'd die. He said he doesn't remember too clearly, but he could easily have been out there at sunrise. He was a little incoherent but he told me sort of what happened and I came to get him."
He looked at her firmly. "He wanted to live. He couldn't die without knowing if at least it had all worked and you were okay again."
"A-and he knows?"
Clem nodded. "Yeah, the word is you're patrolling, same as ever. Buzz goes quickly. I told him what I heard. By that time I had him drinking that stuff already. It did help. But he's pretty bummed." He shook his head. "He already was a sensitive guy, having a soul didn't make that any less."
Buffy's eyes teared up a little. "Clem, where is he? Please I have to see him."
Clem looked at her with a sad face. Then he reached into his pocket and took out an envelope. The word 'Buffy' was written on it in an almost elegant hand.
"He asked me to give you this." Clem said.
She took it and opened it up. She took out the letter and folded it open with a slight tremble in her fingers.
'Buffy,' it read.
'By the time you read this, I'll be long gone..'
** **
TBC!
CHAPTER 47: TRYING TO LIVE
** **
The sound vampires make as they turn to dust was by now a familiar one. The sound that was missing in this scene in one of the Sunnydale graveyards was the accompanying funny banter.
Buffy just looked at the dust swirling in the air in silence. She wasn't in a jokey mood. Hadn't been for a while. She'd resumed her daily life in the past few weeks and had gone back to patrolling fairly quickly. Everyone was happy she'd been returned to normal, and most acknowledged Spike's sacrifice. Giles had been informed and although he'd been a little upset and not having been called in he was of course, glad everything was fine by now.
'Well, he left so we could learn how to take care of things without his help,' Buffy thought, still a teensy bit bitter at that. Giles would probably fly over in the next couple of weeks just to help make sure there were no after effects of the spell.
He too had shown surprise at the story of Spike's willingness to do...what he did. But the notion that it had been him who got her in that danger to begin with weighed a lot heavier to the watcher than to herself by now.
She didn't have Spike's memories anymore, but she did have ......well, the memories of having his memories. The sensation of having seen life through his eyes. And it had changed her outlook on things. Even when she dusted a fledgling vamp on a routine patrol, she couldn't watch them crawl out of that grave without remembering Spike doing the same thing.
Of course, she too had done that, but it was different. A new vampire had a drive and a confusion and a hunger and a....she didn't know how to describe it all but it felt different. Also it had surprised her how...well, 'innocent' was of course a wrong word but....how normal they saw themselves.. Shouldn't have surprised her, when you think about it. The vampires, in a way, couldn't help it. They were what they were. They didn't see themselves as she or other humans saw them, but then no one does. Everyone looks different from the inside out.
It didn't stop her from slaying of course. Vampires were a demonic infection. They fed on humans. She protected those humans. It was that simple. But it had still given her a new perspective. And what had Spike said again? 'You feed on cows and chickens everyday!' He'd been right. If chickens had a Slayer, it would go after humans.
Not a hundred percent the same but still...there was some truth to it.
And then there was how she saw Spike, or herself.
That had changed too. One of the hardest things to overcome was the memories of seeing herself and how she treated him through his eyes. And the worst aspect of that was that she didn't only see it through his eyes. She saw it through his eyes but she could still see that from a distance. She saw how cruel, unfair, abusive and cold she'd been, but she could also sense his unwavering love through that, and with her own mind she knew that made it all far worse. She didn't feel that love for herself like he did and without it, being able to see her handiwork from his eyes, she looked far, far worse.
She'd thought before that she'd been so aware of that whole bad phase she went through. But she really hadn't. And of course to top it off, she had been the one with a soul and he'd been the demon..and yet he was the one who acted out of love...
That night in the alley when she just hit and hit him, and he'd just let her....she'd stopped, already horrified at what she'd done. And later she realized it more...but now that she'd experienced that from the other end of things, watching herself on top of herself, smashing into her face...No, she hadn't truly known.
Not something she'd soon forget.
And she'd had no excuse save perhaps the traumatic experience of her resurrection...which really didn't cut it for her. There had been a monster in that relationship, but it had not been the soulless vampire.
And now he did have a soul.
If he was still alive. She'd driven to the desert where they'd been but there was no trace of him. She looked for him during patrolling. She'd asked some demons. Checked out his crypt and the bars. Nothing.
She still couldn't believe it. Her first experience with the contrast between vampires and humans, and the having of a soul or not had been Angel...and Angelus. It had set the whole concept in her mind of how those things were and how they worked. But apparently things could vary between individuals. Angelus was famous and feared even among evil vampires, no less than legendary in his cruelty. And she'd experienced that first hand. As much as Angel was noble and loving, Angelus was evil and diabolical. She tried to picture Angelus bearing torture to save Dawn..or willingly go for his soul.
She couldn't.
As much as part of her still loved Angel, and as good and brave as he was now, she knew his soulless self would never have done those things. And even the way Spike had loved and risked all for Drusila was nothing like how Angelus was.
She remembered Spike as a human, from when she had his memories. Dorky, poetic romantic fool...who kept the ability to love when he was turned. The demonic infection that is vampirism, the absence of a soul..none of it had been able to turn him totally evil.
She'd even remembered something about his mother. It had felt odd and strange like something vague out of a dream and she'd wondered if he remembered that clearly or if it was something he'd tried to forget or repress. But he'd wanted to save his mom from dying, and wanted to keep her with him. But she'd been more like Angelus once she'd been turned. Completely evil....
She knew one of Angelus' first deeds was to kill his entire family.
The funny thing was that in a way, it made her feel sorry for Angel too. And how he probably knew he had even more to atone for than some other vampires. Maybe that's why he lived in that constant state of brooding...the knowledge of how his soulless alter ego was famous for his evil, even among other vampires. He probably didn't know Spike still managed to love his mom as a vamp...and if he did it probably stung even more.
William the Bloody....a romantic fool, before and after death. Liam the Angel..feeling he only succeeded in doing bad things..in his life by being a drunken waste and a disappointment, after his death as utterly evil...... now forever trying to convince himself otherwise trying to find the good within, but always feeling he hasn't found enough.
She thought on and it hit her.....people don't really change in their core all that much. We can discover new things about ourselves along the way, and take new paths, but at the core, a lot of us stays the same.
Xander was still wishing he wasn't what he was and would probably spend his life either trying to come across as more, or hiding under jokes because he felt he wasn't. Never seeing that what he was, was just fine.
On the other end, Anya was still falling for men who hurt her, and still reacting the same way: wanting to hurt back.
And from what Spike told her, Halfrek was still looking approval from father figures, or seeking substitutes for them in suitors.
She sighed and sat on a tombstone.
And what about herself? What about the 'great Buffy'? Always easier to see this stuff in other people than in yourself. If anything, she was probably suffering from a slight sense of superiority along with this sense things should go her way....it came with being the Slayer, being all chosen and special, but she really had had it before. When she was this Cordelia-esque bimbette in school, people looked at her. People thought she was beautiful and great, and looked at her for how things should go. And part of her thought that was fine. How it should be.
And she should have her way, shouldn't she? Now that she was the Slayer, she had that even more strongly. It was right that things go her way. Where that could lead to had been clear in her treatment of Spike. He should be there when she wanted him, and when she wanted to pretend she never did those things, he should go away and leave her alone.
She fiddled with her stake and her face didn't exactly get any sunnier with all the introspection. Still, it was true. In her heart she was always insecure about things, about whether or not she was able to pull things off, but compared to other people she felt everyone should listen to her and let her have her way.
'And so it goes' she thought with a pout. 'Maybe that's it. Maybe we're all just stuck with our own weaknesses.'
She walked on and saw she was near Spike's crypt again. It had been empty every time she went there and for the past few days she'd just walked past it. It had bad memories. Good ones too..because she'd had fun with him there as well. Not just the sex, but..the whole patrolling together, anticipating all the things they'd do...the odd time they'd actually chat a bit...or like earlier when she went over there just to vent and relax in his presence. It had been soothing.
But now even those good memories were tainted by guilt. And worry. She didn't think he was dead, but she wondered. And what would he be like now? Angel differed greatly from Angelus, but then Spike already had managed to retain a lot of his humanity, even when evil. Maybe he'd not be so different. He couldn't have reverted back to William completely, no more than Angel was like Liam. Too much time had passed.
She wondered if he was alive, what state he was in. Angel had been traumatized badly when he'd gotten his soul back.
She missed him. She missed his presence. She had never allowed herself to go with her attraction for him. It wasn't just sexual. It hadn't been love either but...ah all of it had been so badly timed. She had been such a mess after her resurrection, and he, a soulless vampire in love, had not been much better especially after her constant 'come here/go away' attitude.
But she'd felt good with him. And when he came to her birthday it had been..nice. Of course his soulless-vampire reaction to his jealousy of Xander's friend had reminded her again of their differences, but before..sneaking away in the hall to whisper about their secret affair. She's said no a lot, as usual, but..it had been kinda neat really. And his jealousy had been cute. And she'd just naturally been drawn to him in the end, sitting with him alone behind the couch, until things got a little nasty and well..weird and magical as usual.
But every time there had been a moment like that something had either interfered or reminded her that, in the end, he was still a soulless vampire...and that their differences were too great when it all came down to it. Plus, the association with Angelus had always drifted to the surface and ruined all thought of it for her.
And now..if he had a soul.....
Ah, it was insane. She was the one having fantasies now. Wondering what he would be like if he was soulled and good but still the same Spike. What if he could be caring, and good towards other people now, but still with the same attitude and sexy swagger and glint in his eyes.
She shook her head and walked on. See? Still the same Buffy. Already thinking on what it means for HER....how she'd like it. Well, she was human. She couldn't help but have her thoughts drift. And it proved more than ever her feelings were beyond friendship or lust by now. She didn't dare call it love. Not yet. So much had happened between them, both good and bad. And they'd both changed after all this. HE certainly must be different now. But she knew she wanted him in her life. She thought about him all the time now. Wouldn't it be ironic that him getting her cursed would be the thing that finally had her admit she could love him? Given time.....If he was still alive....
Still ends with that thought. The uncertainty was maddening. She had to know what happened. Where he was..the thought of him dying alone in the desert sun choked her up every single time.
She was almost past the crypt when she heard a sound in it. She instantly stopped and turned her head. Someone was definitely in there.
She stopped herself from calling his name instantly. It could just be a couple of vamps, taking over the vacant 'pad'. Well, they wouldn't be staying here!!
She walked to the entrance and stayed next to it, a bit to the back to surprise whoever would come out. She heard footsteps, hoping to see the blond hair, gripping her stake tight in case she didn't.
The door opened and she saw who walked out.
"Clem!" she yelled. She'd been looking for him. Being Spike's friend she'd hoped he would be able to tell her something but he'd been as elusive as Spike.
The loose-skinned demon was startled by her sudden yelling behind him and he gave a scared 'yelp'! as a shock went through his body, making his skin flaps wiggle from head to toe.
He turned around clutching his chest. "Ahh!! Buffy!! Don't DO that."
"Sorry! I'm sorry! I just...I've been looking for you!"
Clem's eyes shifted a little uncomfortably and he just went on about the scare she gave him. "God you nearly gave me a heart attack! I have an uncle how died just like that! When they threw this surprise party...."
"Clem! Really...I'm sorry. But I have to talk to you. Have you seen Spike? Have you heard from him lately?"
Clem cleared his throat. "Uh Spike? No, no..I mean..I was just..watching TV.." He reminded Buffy of a bank robber with a mask and a big bag with a dollar sign on it telling the cop he had NO idea what he was talking about.
She folded her arms and gave him a stern look. "Clement...."
He gulped a little at the use of his name like that. "No really...I mean, oh you mean Spike! Well, I heard he went on vacation.."
Buffy didn't say anything or moved. Just raised an eyebrow.
"Oh alright! Yes, I've seen him! I know all about what happened! No, he's not here, I was just in there to get the TV guide I left the other night. But yes I've seen him. He asked me not to tell you, okay? He didn't tell me you have eyes that can drill holes in my skull!"
She reached out and touched his arm. "Clem...please..how is he, is he alright?"
He nodded and half shrugged. "Bit of a mess. Man...a soul. That's quite a thing for a vamp, you know? I've been helping him out. There's this demon I know who makes potions. It doesn't do anything bad, but it made him lucid, helped make his thoughts a little coherent. It's like an ointment for traumatized minds. It helped. First few days though.."
Buffy swallowed. "How bad was it?"
He sighed. "Can't really explain, you know? He talked about voices in his head, about faces he saw of people he killed. He told me some about that..he remembered families he ate..it's all tearing him up now. I was afraid of that when I got his call.."
"He called you?"
"Yeah I have a cell phone. He had a moment in the desert when he was lucid enough to realize he wanted to live and that if he stayed there, he'd die. He said he doesn't remember too clearly, but he could easily have been out there at sunrise. He was a little incoherent but he told me sort of what happened and I came to get him."
He looked at her firmly. "He wanted to live. He couldn't die without knowing if at least it had all worked and you were okay again."
"A-and he knows?"
Clem nodded. "Yeah, the word is you're patrolling, same as ever. Buzz goes quickly. I told him what I heard. By that time I had him drinking that stuff already. It did help. But he's pretty bummed." He shook his head. "He already was a sensitive guy, having a soul didn't make that any less."
Buffy's eyes teared up a little. "Clem, where is he? Please I have to see him."
Clem looked at her with a sad face. Then he reached into his pocket and took out an envelope. The word 'Buffy' was written on it in an almost elegant hand.
"He asked me to give you this." Clem said.
She took it and opened it up. She took out the letter and folded it open with a slight tremble in her fingers.
'Buffy,' it read.
'By the time you read this, I'll be long gone..'
** **
TBC!
