FOOLS FOR LIFE
CHAPTER 49: FOOLS THAT WE ARE, FOOLS THAT WE MAY BE
** **
He stood there with his mouth open. "Uh………….that's not how that was supposed to go," he stuttered.
She cleared her throat. "Yeah. So that's what I get. A letter which has you trying to be all melodramatic and noble. You don't come to me, talk to me, maybe ask what *I* think of all this?"
He shrugged and looked weak and vulnerable. "I-I just…..wanted to……."
"Yeah. Whatever," she said as she crumpled the letter into a little ball and tossed it over her shoulder. She walked over until she was face to face with him. Lord, he looked tired and worn out. And not fit enough to swat a fly. He avoided her eyes.
"Just……let me go……" he said softly.
"That's what you want?" she countered.
He still avoided her eyes and when several seconds passed like that, he made a move to walk away. She stopped him and gave him a small but forceful shove that backed him up against a wall. He stood against it for a moment trying to think of what to do and his legs just gave way. It was more his mind giving up any fight left in him than his body. He slid down the wall until he sat on the ground with her standing over him.
She lurched down so she faced him again. He still didn't look her in the eyes. "What do you want, Buffy?" he said. "I did what I promised, I lifted the curse, and now I'm doing what you've been wanting me to do for a while……I'm leaving, getting out of your life. After all this time, you'd think you would be happy I finally agree….."
She caressed his cheek. Her eyes welled up a little again and with a teasing smile she softly said, "You know I've done some thinking lately. I've come to the conclusion we're all just victims of our own nature no matter what we do. You were a romantic idiot who bent over backwards for a woman who treated you like crap……and let's face it, you never stopped being that."
He gave a little laugh. "There's a truth…."
"And Xander, and Anya and all of us…..even Halfrek……..we're in many ways still in the messes we've always been in."
He nodded. "Yeah, I know……Been thinking about that too lately…….I wanted to become this feared monster when I'd just become a vamp……a feared killer and fighter and lover……and yeah Angelus was a role model, or at least a goal…..someone to catch up with and outdo……Look where it got me. Spike was as much a sap for Dru as William was for Cecily……and later for you. Once a fool……."
"Yeah well, we're all of us fools. I figured out my own stuff too. Seeing me through your eyes showed me what I am: I am and always have always been:……"
Spike looked up now, curious what she was going to say. She thought for a beat and continued: "Bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way. Yeah. And I'll probably always be."
"Buffy, no. Don't….."
"Shh, me talking," she said putting a finger on his mouth. "And that's why you're going to do as I want. Because Buffy is the center of my universe since I'm bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way, and Buffy is the center of your universe because you love her."
She paused and looked deep into his eyes. "Don't you?"
His eyes got moist and looked away under her gaze. She grabbed his face by the jaw from underneath and pulled his head back to facing her.
"Don't you? Honestly now, William. If you've changed, if you're basically a whole new guy that I haven't met before, now that you've got your soul back….."
He looked at her with eyes that could break a stone's heart. "…'s the one thing I know for certain through the big mess that used to be my head……."
She nodded. "Good. Then we all can just give in to our faults……..and I get my way. So you see, that makes it easy on you." The smile came back. "It doesn't matter what you think is a good idea, or what you think is noble. Only matters what I want, remember? Both to you and to me. So you're not going anywhere."
Her look was still teasing, as were her words themselves, but the meaning in them started to dawn on him.
"Buffy…."
"No Spike, I don't care what romance-movie letters you write, or how disgusted you feel. I've seen your memories, and I know what vampires do. And I've loved one before that was worse than you.……"
He didn't say anything, but his face had changed a little after the words "loved one before….."
She caught it and bent forward. She kissed him lightly on the lips and rested her forehead against his.
He closed his eyes. "Don't……….want your gratitude…..or your pity……."
She lifted her head up. "You know, in the old days I would've punched you in the nose for a lot less than that! Now that you're all sad broody guy………..," And she gave him a slap on his cheek. Just enough to get his attention.
"That's for even thinking that. And when you're better than this, I probably WILL punch you in the nose. Or better yet, take out the brush again!"
She sighed. "All kidding aside, you know me better. I am grateful for what you did for me, how can I NOT be grateful? I doubt in all of the council's books there is even one record of a vamp who willingly got his soul back. That's one area you definitely outdid Angel. And I do feel sorry for you in the sense that anyone feels bad when they see someone they care for in pain. But that's not what I'm talking about."
She took his face in both her hands. "Look, I….I……you were all I could think about since I got better. The thought of what you did and what may have happened to you nearly broke my heart. I cried for you dammit! Do I have to spell it out?"
"…….would be nice……" he said softly.
"Well, too bad," she said. "I'm not saying the words….. yet. Nor are we picking out curtains right now. Give it time, okay? A lot has happened, and we already had an unbelievably messy history together. And now we both need to deal with all the results of this thing. Give it time, give ME time is what I ask. But I want you here. Stay here. I want you in my life. I want to find out what we could be to each other. Let me help you through this. Let yourself find the good man you were, the one that even the demon part of you couldn't completely wipe out. Let me really get to know you now that you have a soul. Give it a chance, give *us* a chance, and I'll do the same."
With that, still holding his face she bent forward and kissed him, long and deep this time. Then she looked in his eyes up close and said, "You realize there's not really another option for you than to say 'yes,' right?"
He nodded, looking like a little boy.
"Good," she smiled. "But I knew that. Because I'm Bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way."
He smiled. Genuinely smiled. For the first time since she'd come in. "That's better," she whispered. "Come on," she said as she got up and tugged on his arm.
"Where….?" he started.
"With me, on patrol. You've been lying in corners moping for weeks now. I happen to know that Angel perfected that art and I'd prefer you to NOT beat him in that department. He didn't get back together till someone gave him a nice kick in the butt and gave him something to do."
Spike scowled. "You gonna bring him up a lot, are you then?"
"Get over it. He had no one, and when he finally got something to do, something constructive instead of lying around being all Hamlet-y he finally got his act together. Well, you're lucky, because you got me to kick your butt on a daily basis now."
He gulped visibly. She smiled and rested her arms around his neck.
"Ohh my. I can see already my little faithful vamp is suddenly a sensitive puppy. Don't worry, you can just watch me patrol then. Feel free to step in any time you want. But I won't have you lying around anymore. You feel guilty? Take the newer Angel route. Road to redemption lies not in dark sad corners but out there kicking demon butt."
She saw his face and rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll think of a different name than 'Angel route'. Deal?"
He nodded.
"Good," she said, resting her forehead against his again. "You'll live here, just like before. I'll come by every day. Maybe I'll bring food sometimes, if you still like hotwings. And we'll talk, and patrol, spend time together and see where it takes us. Ok?"
He nodded again. "I may be stupid, but even I'm not stupid enough to say no to all that….."
"Barely….," she teased and got a little smile again. "Oy, you'll need some work I can see. We'll get that attitude back. By the way, if you wanted to avoid me, was this really a smart place to be all of a sudden? I've been here looking for you plenty of times."
He shrugged. "I figured that. Also figured you'd have given up by now. And I just wanted to pick up some stuff before I left."
"Uh huh," she said, lifting her head back a little, giving him a look. "And where were you going?"
He scratched himself behind his head. "Uhm, hadn't really figured that out yet……"
She sighed. "Brilliant. What would you do without me?"
He smiled. "Dunno, obviously. Come to think of it, haven't done much lately that didn't focus on you……."
She nodded. "Yeah, well, you know what? You're gonna be fine. Cuz I figured something else out."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"Maybe we're just stuck with ourselves and with all the cracks in our characters, but maybe seeing them for what they are and accepting that they're with us forever is the best way to deal with them……..and not let them bother us anymore."
"Yeah………I was just thinking something along those lines actually." He smiled again. "And the best way to deal with She-who-gets-her-way………..?"
"What else?" Buffy said with a smile so big it almost reminded him of the Buffybot, "Let her have her way!"
Never too soon to start proper training of your man, she thought to herself……..but he didn't need to hear that one just yet. Maybe soon…….
"I can do that," he said.
"Goood, I can see you'll do just fine." They both laughed. Then she started walking towards the door, taking his hand.
"Oh, and one more thing," she said as she opened the door, leading to the graveyard, ready to patrol, ready to take the first step of a scary, but exhilarating road.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Seeing how well you get the concept of me and getting my way, now that you're all souled again, let's rectify that other great injustice you did. And I know just how you're going to do that."
He looked at her with a frown, not understanding. She laughed and turned around, walking outside, pulling him along behind her with her hand.
"What else? You're writing me a poem of course!" she said. "Halfrek got piles of odes to her beauty and I got secret sweater-sniffing? Oh no, I don't think so!"
The last sound to echo through the crypt before it was left empty was Spike's loud and audible 'gulp'………….
** **
THE END
Alrighty. Phew, that was that then. Sorry this became such a friggin' epic! Really got away from me. I had planned it to be 15-20 chapters tops. Thanks for sticking with me.
And let me know now that it's wrapped up, if as a whole, it was worth reading, hehe.
I'll have a new story up in a day or two, if anyone's curious………
CHAPTER 49: FOOLS THAT WE ARE, FOOLS THAT WE MAY BE
** **
He stood there with his mouth open. "Uh………….that's not how that was supposed to go," he stuttered.
She cleared her throat. "Yeah. So that's what I get. A letter which has you trying to be all melodramatic and noble. You don't come to me, talk to me, maybe ask what *I* think of all this?"
He shrugged and looked weak and vulnerable. "I-I just…..wanted to……."
"Yeah. Whatever," she said as she crumpled the letter into a little ball and tossed it over her shoulder. She walked over until she was face to face with him. Lord, he looked tired and worn out. And not fit enough to swat a fly. He avoided her eyes.
"Just……let me go……" he said softly.
"That's what you want?" she countered.
He still avoided her eyes and when several seconds passed like that, he made a move to walk away. She stopped him and gave him a small but forceful shove that backed him up against a wall. He stood against it for a moment trying to think of what to do and his legs just gave way. It was more his mind giving up any fight left in him than his body. He slid down the wall until he sat on the ground with her standing over him.
She lurched down so she faced him again. He still didn't look her in the eyes. "What do you want, Buffy?" he said. "I did what I promised, I lifted the curse, and now I'm doing what you've been wanting me to do for a while……I'm leaving, getting out of your life. After all this time, you'd think you would be happy I finally agree….."
She caressed his cheek. Her eyes welled up a little again and with a teasing smile she softly said, "You know I've done some thinking lately. I've come to the conclusion we're all just victims of our own nature no matter what we do. You were a romantic idiot who bent over backwards for a woman who treated you like crap……and let's face it, you never stopped being that."
He gave a little laugh. "There's a truth…."
"And Xander, and Anya and all of us…..even Halfrek……..we're in many ways still in the messes we've always been in."
He nodded. "Yeah, I know……Been thinking about that too lately…….I wanted to become this feared monster when I'd just become a vamp……a feared killer and fighter and lover……and yeah Angelus was a role model, or at least a goal…..someone to catch up with and outdo……Look where it got me. Spike was as much a sap for Dru as William was for Cecily……and later for you. Once a fool……."
"Yeah well, we're all of us fools. I figured out my own stuff too. Seeing me through your eyes showed me what I am: I am and always have always been:……"
Spike looked up now, curious what she was going to say. She thought for a beat and continued: "Bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way. Yeah. And I'll probably always be."
"Buffy, no. Don't….."
"Shh, me talking," she said putting a finger on his mouth. "And that's why you're going to do as I want. Because Buffy is the center of my universe since I'm bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way, and Buffy is the center of your universe because you love her."
She paused and looked deep into his eyes. "Don't you?"
His eyes got moist and looked away under her gaze. She grabbed his face by the jaw from underneath and pulled his head back to facing her.
"Don't you? Honestly now, William. If you've changed, if you're basically a whole new guy that I haven't met before, now that you've got your soul back….."
He looked at her with eyes that could break a stone's heart. "…'s the one thing I know for certain through the big mess that used to be my head……."
She nodded. "Good. Then we all can just give in to our faults……..and I get my way. So you see, that makes it easy on you." The smile came back. "It doesn't matter what you think is a good idea, or what you think is noble. Only matters what I want, remember? Both to you and to me. So you're not going anywhere."
Her look was still teasing, as were her words themselves, but the meaning in them started to dawn on him.
"Buffy…."
"No Spike, I don't care what romance-movie letters you write, or how disgusted you feel. I've seen your memories, and I know what vampires do. And I've loved one before that was worse than you.……"
He didn't say anything, but his face had changed a little after the words "loved one before….."
She caught it and bent forward. She kissed him lightly on the lips and rested her forehead against his.
He closed his eyes. "Don't……….want your gratitude…..or your pity……."
She lifted her head up. "You know, in the old days I would've punched you in the nose for a lot less than that! Now that you're all sad broody guy………..," And she gave him a slap on his cheek. Just enough to get his attention.
"That's for even thinking that. And when you're better than this, I probably WILL punch you in the nose. Or better yet, take out the brush again!"
She sighed. "All kidding aside, you know me better. I am grateful for what you did for me, how can I NOT be grateful? I doubt in all of the council's books there is even one record of a vamp who willingly got his soul back. That's one area you definitely outdid Angel. And I do feel sorry for you in the sense that anyone feels bad when they see someone they care for in pain. But that's not what I'm talking about."
She took his face in both her hands. "Look, I….I……you were all I could think about since I got better. The thought of what you did and what may have happened to you nearly broke my heart. I cried for you dammit! Do I have to spell it out?"
"…….would be nice……" he said softly.
"Well, too bad," she said. "I'm not saying the words….. yet. Nor are we picking out curtains right now. Give it time, okay? A lot has happened, and we already had an unbelievably messy history together. And now we both need to deal with all the results of this thing. Give it time, give ME time is what I ask. But I want you here. Stay here. I want you in my life. I want to find out what we could be to each other. Let me help you through this. Let yourself find the good man you were, the one that even the demon part of you couldn't completely wipe out. Let me really get to know you now that you have a soul. Give it a chance, give *us* a chance, and I'll do the same."
With that, still holding his face she bent forward and kissed him, long and deep this time. Then she looked in his eyes up close and said, "You realize there's not really another option for you than to say 'yes,' right?"
He nodded, looking like a little boy.
"Good," she smiled. "But I knew that. Because I'm Bossy Buffy, She-who-gets-her-way."
He smiled. Genuinely smiled. For the first time since she'd come in. "That's better," she whispered. "Come on," she said as she got up and tugged on his arm.
"Where….?" he started.
"With me, on patrol. You've been lying in corners moping for weeks now. I happen to know that Angel perfected that art and I'd prefer you to NOT beat him in that department. He didn't get back together till someone gave him a nice kick in the butt and gave him something to do."
Spike scowled. "You gonna bring him up a lot, are you then?"
"Get over it. He had no one, and when he finally got something to do, something constructive instead of lying around being all Hamlet-y he finally got his act together. Well, you're lucky, because you got me to kick your butt on a daily basis now."
He gulped visibly. She smiled and rested her arms around his neck.
"Ohh my. I can see already my little faithful vamp is suddenly a sensitive puppy. Don't worry, you can just watch me patrol then. Feel free to step in any time you want. But I won't have you lying around anymore. You feel guilty? Take the newer Angel route. Road to redemption lies not in dark sad corners but out there kicking demon butt."
She saw his face and rolled her eyes. "Fine, I'll think of a different name than 'Angel route'. Deal?"
He nodded.
"Good," she said, resting her forehead against his again. "You'll live here, just like before. I'll come by every day. Maybe I'll bring food sometimes, if you still like hotwings. And we'll talk, and patrol, spend time together and see where it takes us. Ok?"
He nodded again. "I may be stupid, but even I'm not stupid enough to say no to all that….."
"Barely….," she teased and got a little smile again. "Oy, you'll need some work I can see. We'll get that attitude back. By the way, if you wanted to avoid me, was this really a smart place to be all of a sudden? I've been here looking for you plenty of times."
He shrugged. "I figured that. Also figured you'd have given up by now. And I just wanted to pick up some stuff before I left."
"Uh huh," she said, lifting her head back a little, giving him a look. "And where were you going?"
He scratched himself behind his head. "Uhm, hadn't really figured that out yet……"
She sighed. "Brilliant. What would you do without me?"
He smiled. "Dunno, obviously. Come to think of it, haven't done much lately that didn't focus on you……."
She nodded. "Yeah, well, you know what? You're gonna be fine. Cuz I figured something else out."
"Yeah? What's that?"
"Maybe we're just stuck with ourselves and with all the cracks in our characters, but maybe seeing them for what they are and accepting that they're with us forever is the best way to deal with them……..and not let them bother us anymore."
"Yeah………I was just thinking something along those lines actually." He smiled again. "And the best way to deal with She-who-gets-her-way………..?"
"What else?" Buffy said with a smile so big it almost reminded him of the Buffybot, "Let her have her way!"
Never too soon to start proper training of your man, she thought to herself……..but he didn't need to hear that one just yet. Maybe soon…….
"I can do that," he said.
"Goood, I can see you'll do just fine." They both laughed. Then she started walking towards the door, taking his hand.
"Oh, and one more thing," she said as she opened the door, leading to the graveyard, ready to patrol, ready to take the first step of a scary, but exhilarating road.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Seeing how well you get the concept of me and getting my way, now that you're all souled again, let's rectify that other great injustice you did. And I know just how you're going to do that."
He looked at her with a frown, not understanding. She laughed and turned around, walking outside, pulling him along behind her with her hand.
"What else? You're writing me a poem of course!" she said. "Halfrek got piles of odes to her beauty and I got secret sweater-sniffing? Oh no, I don't think so!"
The last sound to echo through the crypt before it was left empty was Spike's loud and audible 'gulp'………….
** **
THE END
Alrighty. Phew, that was that then. Sorry this became such a friggin' epic! Really got away from me. I had planned it to be 15-20 chapters tops. Thanks for sticking with me.
And let me know now that it's wrapped up, if as a whole, it was worth reading, hehe.
I'll have a new story up in a day or two, if anyone's curious………
