Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings or any recognizable characters
and/or places.
Musicgirl: Thank you! The last line was meant to do that, actually. (yes, I am terrible evil with cliff-hangers ()
Pandapearl: Actually there will not be much of a plot. This story is based more on emotion, a sort of type of diary following the life of a silent Elf. It also goes through to the end of the war, so it has got some plot, but not the best of one. But please stick with it! It's better than it sounds, I promise.
Aldrea: Thanks! It really is encouraging to hear things like that.
And thanks to my lovely beta reader, without whom I probably would have a lot more spelling errors.
Chapter Two
Elrond's Perspective
******
Coming out of Celebrian's bedchamber, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. The boys had fallen asleep, slumped over each other and leaning against the wall. A peace that, in waking, they never radiated seemed to hang over them, and for a moment my eyes lingered on them, taking comfort in the sight of my children, but it was not so with Addaliel. As I turned my head I saw her, standing there against the wall, hands behind her back. I had not even known she was awake. Her face had a very aloof look on it, as though she knew so much.
"What do you know?" I wanted to shout at her. "Tell me what you know!" But I kept this inside. Tempted though I was to shake her until she screamed, just to break that terrible silence, I only turned my head and walked on. There was accusation in her eyes, an accusation that I will forever dream about. If only she could speak, I wonder what she would have said.
*****
Addaliel's Perspective
*****
I had been in bed, but in a very light sleep, and hoofbeats interrupted my dreams. As if in a trance I slipped from my bed and walked to my bedroom door. By standing on the tips of my toes I was able to reach the doorknob (here you must remember that I was very small) and pushed open the door, and sneakingly entered the hallway
Very few times had I been outside at night, and the world was completely different after Anor had set. The air bit at my throat, cheeks, nose, and ears. Rubbing my nearly frozen fingers together, I gazed at the darkened shapes of the near-by trees, and at the stars, so clear in the heavens above.
My feet were bare, and I wore only sleeping clothes; light pants and a loose tunic that provided little protection from the elements. A howling wind chilled me to the bone, at the same time caressing and carving into me. Dancing from foot to foot, I waited in the shadows and darkness for my brothers. The wait was a short one.
I knew as soon as my brothers returned that Atara would not make it. I knew that even if she did, by choice she would leave us for Valinor. I knew that the others would be grief-stricken, Ada worst of all. I loved them all dearly, and more than anything I wanted to tell them, but how could I?
Elladan made stopped first, dismounting. Before him in the saddle was a figure as limp as a rag-doll, which I identified as my Atara. Elladan took her in his arms and began to run inside as Elrohir took their horses to the stables. Halfway to the door Ada met him, and he took Atara from Elladan.
Elrohir was back in an instant. The twins followed Atara and Ada inside, but I remained outside for a few moments longer. The night was as beautiful as ever, as perfect and chilling, but I could no longer appreciated. Silently, alone, I wept bitterly. Then I turned and headed inside.
For hours I stood outside of Atara's bedchamber, just waiting for Ada to come out, so I could tell him what I knew. The words grew in my throat, ready to come out, but as soon as Ada was there. . .I could not even open my mouth, let alone speak.
I did not, as I would later tell Ada, go straight to my bed after that. Instead I reached up and turned the doorknob, slipping into my Atara's bedchamber. Why I did this I shall never know, but I do not regret it and doubt I ever will. In the first few moments I did not think at all, just slipped inside and shut the door quietly behind me.
As soon as I turned to face the room, the atmosphere hit me. The severity of the unspoken rule I was breaking shook me. Yet I did not turn around, but took one tiny step forward. One step led to another, and soon I stood by my Atara's side.
The sight made me sick. Atara's face was as pale as death, awash in a cold sweat. Her hair was lifeless and unorganized about her face. If not for the steady rise and fall of her chest, I would not have thought her to be alive. White linen sheets, pulled up to her chin and already soiled with a heavy sweat, covered most of her body. Her lips were slightly parted.
I reached out my hand to feel her breath. It came, as a great relief to me. I was satisfied that she had lived, but a perverse idea had crept into my head, and slowly it consumed me. With the speed of the slowest snail in Middle-earth I lifted the bedding from her body, gazing through her semi- transparent nightgown, and was at once awed by the scars and wounds all over my Atara's perfect body.
Suddenly the window slammed shut., and Atara groaned. I dropped the coverlet back over her and ran from the room as fast as my legs would carry me.
Arwen is my big sister, but as soon as I saw her later that morning I realized that she was not nearly as. . .aware as I. She knew that something was wrong, but she did not know what. I froze up; only twenty-six years old, and Arwen so much my senior. I had counted on her for comfort yet could not seek it from her.
She sat by herself in the dining hall, eating breakfast. Eating; it was so normal, so uncannily usual, that it filled me with rage. I wanted to slap her for being so ignorant, but I did not. Instead I walked silently to her and stood by her side.
"Something is going on," she told me absently. I nodded, but Arwen was not watching me. In this moment I realized that because I was without words, Arwen saw me as little more than a doll. Trying to prove her wrong I walked over to her and gave her a hug, which she shook off without another thought. "I will tell you when I find out what it is," she promised me.
Three days later, Atara left for Valinor.
"Celebrian," Ada pleaded, "this is unnecessary. Think of the children, Celebrian! Would you deny them an Atara?"
"Elrond, I cannot expect you to understand," Atara replied in a sympathetic voice. "I love our children, and I love you, very much, but I cannot remain here."
"Why can you not?" This had come from Elladan. The twins stood by the door, hand-in-hand, watching as Atara packed her belongings and prepared to leave.
"Whatever it is we have done in the past, Atara, we will do better," Elrohir promised.
"Oh, ion-nin," Mother sighed. She placed her hands on Elrohir's face, and gazed into his eyes. "I love you more than you can know. But after what happened to me in those caves, I cannot go on living in this world. I am sorry."
"At least think of Addaliel!" Elladan cried. The last thing I wanted was to be called into defense. Somehow, I could not bring myself to argue with Atara. Someday, I knew, I would understand, and until then I would not argue. "She is only a child."
"I am so sorry," Mother whispered, kneeling and taking me in her arms. "There are some things, my child, that you are too young to understand." I wrapped my thin arms around her, holding on as tightly as possible. This would be the last time she ever held me, and I wanted to savor the moments, her warmth, the feel of her hair falling slightly over my face. After a time she reached up and loosed my grip, and I allowed this.
Once more she kissed her sons and her daughter Arwen, embraced her husband and begged him to understand, and then she left us for what to me looked like an eternity. "We will see her again," Ada said, but my siblings and I knew that we would not see her again--not for a very long time.
*****
*Ada is Dad (Adar is Father, but Ada is more of a term of endearment, really)
*Atara is Mother
*Anor is Sun
*ion-nin is my son
*Valinor is the name for the Undying Lands
Musicgirl: Thank you! The last line was meant to do that, actually. (yes, I am terrible evil with cliff-hangers ()
Pandapearl: Actually there will not be much of a plot. This story is based more on emotion, a sort of type of diary following the life of a silent Elf. It also goes through to the end of the war, so it has got some plot, but not the best of one. But please stick with it! It's better than it sounds, I promise.
Aldrea: Thanks! It really is encouraging to hear things like that.
And thanks to my lovely beta reader, without whom I probably would have a lot more spelling errors.
Chapter Two
Elrond's Perspective
******
Coming out of Celebrian's bedchamber, I was physically and emotionally exhausted. The boys had fallen asleep, slumped over each other and leaning against the wall. A peace that, in waking, they never radiated seemed to hang over them, and for a moment my eyes lingered on them, taking comfort in the sight of my children, but it was not so with Addaliel. As I turned my head I saw her, standing there against the wall, hands behind her back. I had not even known she was awake. Her face had a very aloof look on it, as though she knew so much.
"What do you know?" I wanted to shout at her. "Tell me what you know!" But I kept this inside. Tempted though I was to shake her until she screamed, just to break that terrible silence, I only turned my head and walked on. There was accusation in her eyes, an accusation that I will forever dream about. If only she could speak, I wonder what she would have said.
*****
Addaliel's Perspective
*****
I had been in bed, but in a very light sleep, and hoofbeats interrupted my dreams. As if in a trance I slipped from my bed and walked to my bedroom door. By standing on the tips of my toes I was able to reach the doorknob (here you must remember that I was very small) and pushed open the door, and sneakingly entered the hallway
Very few times had I been outside at night, and the world was completely different after Anor had set. The air bit at my throat, cheeks, nose, and ears. Rubbing my nearly frozen fingers together, I gazed at the darkened shapes of the near-by trees, and at the stars, so clear in the heavens above.
My feet were bare, and I wore only sleeping clothes; light pants and a loose tunic that provided little protection from the elements. A howling wind chilled me to the bone, at the same time caressing and carving into me. Dancing from foot to foot, I waited in the shadows and darkness for my brothers. The wait was a short one.
I knew as soon as my brothers returned that Atara would not make it. I knew that even if she did, by choice she would leave us for Valinor. I knew that the others would be grief-stricken, Ada worst of all. I loved them all dearly, and more than anything I wanted to tell them, but how could I?
Elladan made stopped first, dismounting. Before him in the saddle was a figure as limp as a rag-doll, which I identified as my Atara. Elladan took her in his arms and began to run inside as Elrohir took their horses to the stables. Halfway to the door Ada met him, and he took Atara from Elladan.
Elrohir was back in an instant. The twins followed Atara and Ada inside, but I remained outside for a few moments longer. The night was as beautiful as ever, as perfect and chilling, but I could no longer appreciated. Silently, alone, I wept bitterly. Then I turned and headed inside.
For hours I stood outside of Atara's bedchamber, just waiting for Ada to come out, so I could tell him what I knew. The words grew in my throat, ready to come out, but as soon as Ada was there. . .I could not even open my mouth, let alone speak.
I did not, as I would later tell Ada, go straight to my bed after that. Instead I reached up and turned the doorknob, slipping into my Atara's bedchamber. Why I did this I shall never know, but I do not regret it and doubt I ever will. In the first few moments I did not think at all, just slipped inside and shut the door quietly behind me.
As soon as I turned to face the room, the atmosphere hit me. The severity of the unspoken rule I was breaking shook me. Yet I did not turn around, but took one tiny step forward. One step led to another, and soon I stood by my Atara's side.
The sight made me sick. Atara's face was as pale as death, awash in a cold sweat. Her hair was lifeless and unorganized about her face. If not for the steady rise and fall of her chest, I would not have thought her to be alive. White linen sheets, pulled up to her chin and already soiled with a heavy sweat, covered most of her body. Her lips were slightly parted.
I reached out my hand to feel her breath. It came, as a great relief to me. I was satisfied that she had lived, but a perverse idea had crept into my head, and slowly it consumed me. With the speed of the slowest snail in Middle-earth I lifted the bedding from her body, gazing through her semi- transparent nightgown, and was at once awed by the scars and wounds all over my Atara's perfect body.
Suddenly the window slammed shut., and Atara groaned. I dropped the coverlet back over her and ran from the room as fast as my legs would carry me.
Arwen is my big sister, but as soon as I saw her later that morning I realized that she was not nearly as. . .aware as I. She knew that something was wrong, but she did not know what. I froze up; only twenty-six years old, and Arwen so much my senior. I had counted on her for comfort yet could not seek it from her.
She sat by herself in the dining hall, eating breakfast. Eating; it was so normal, so uncannily usual, that it filled me with rage. I wanted to slap her for being so ignorant, but I did not. Instead I walked silently to her and stood by her side.
"Something is going on," she told me absently. I nodded, but Arwen was not watching me. In this moment I realized that because I was without words, Arwen saw me as little more than a doll. Trying to prove her wrong I walked over to her and gave her a hug, which she shook off without another thought. "I will tell you when I find out what it is," she promised me.
Three days later, Atara left for Valinor.
"Celebrian," Ada pleaded, "this is unnecessary. Think of the children, Celebrian! Would you deny them an Atara?"
"Elrond, I cannot expect you to understand," Atara replied in a sympathetic voice. "I love our children, and I love you, very much, but I cannot remain here."
"Why can you not?" This had come from Elladan. The twins stood by the door, hand-in-hand, watching as Atara packed her belongings and prepared to leave.
"Whatever it is we have done in the past, Atara, we will do better," Elrohir promised.
"Oh, ion-nin," Mother sighed. She placed her hands on Elrohir's face, and gazed into his eyes. "I love you more than you can know. But after what happened to me in those caves, I cannot go on living in this world. I am sorry."
"At least think of Addaliel!" Elladan cried. The last thing I wanted was to be called into defense. Somehow, I could not bring myself to argue with Atara. Someday, I knew, I would understand, and until then I would not argue. "She is only a child."
"I am so sorry," Mother whispered, kneeling and taking me in her arms. "There are some things, my child, that you are too young to understand." I wrapped my thin arms around her, holding on as tightly as possible. This would be the last time she ever held me, and I wanted to savor the moments, her warmth, the feel of her hair falling slightly over my face. After a time she reached up and loosed my grip, and I allowed this.
Once more she kissed her sons and her daughter Arwen, embraced her husband and begged him to understand, and then she left us for what to me looked like an eternity. "We will see her again," Ada said, but my siblings and I knew that we would not see her again--not for a very long time.
*****
*Ada is Dad (Adar is Father, but Ada is more of a term of endearment, really)
*Atara is Mother
*Anor is Sun
*ion-nin is my son
*Valinor is the name for the Undying Lands
