Twisted Kiss

A crazy fic by chocolate-freak

Chapter Three

Mmmm Mmmmm Good!

chocolate-freak- PEOPLE LOVE ME! THEY REALLY LOVE ME! *points accusingly at Marina* YOU TOLD ME THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER LOVE ME!

Marina- well they don't!

chocolate-freak- shut up! i have reveiwers and YOU don't!

Marina- not all of them like you.

chocolate-freak- *is using the flames to toast a marshmallow* don't you know that hate is love?

Marina- i was afraid of this.

chocolate-freak- what?

Marina- you turning into a hippie.

chocolate-freak- *growls* anyway, whatever, here's chapter three. to all my reveiwers, I LOVE YA! not as much as fudge covered oreo cookies *drools* but almost.

Marina- *bitch-slaps her*

chocolate-freak- ow

Marina- *pimp-slaps her*

chocolate-freak- ow

Marina- i'm running out of slaps...

[The Next Day at Lunch]

[Zoom in on the Slytherin table, where Draco, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle are being immature (yet in Draco's case, sexy) little piggies. Oink.]

Draco- *loudly, so all four tables can hear* and THEN i told father, I WANT A PONY! and would you believe it, he bought me one!

Pansy- *oink, oink*

Goyle- *takes a sip of his Campbell's and glances at Crabbe. Fancy love music plays and his eyes go all fluttery and crap.*

Crabbe- duh, ponies are awesome

Goyle- *takes his hand* duh, yeah

Crabbe- duh, what are you doing?

Draco- yeah, really? i thought you were straight...well, straight in the sense that you have no idea what anything sexual even is.

Goyle- duh, let's go mate like rabbits

Crabbe- duh, okay. *they duck under the table, random grunts and stupid chuckling noises are heard*

Pansy- oh my.

Draco- *takes a sip of Campbells and glances up at the staff table, laying eyes on Professor Sprout....*

Marina- NO! SWITCH TO A DIFFERENT SCENE!

chocolate-freak- yeesh, okay....

[Care of Magical Creatures Class, Hagrid's Hut. Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy are missing.]

Hagrid- *takes a sip of pina colada before he goes out to teach his class, which has been laced with Love Potion by none other than...*

chocolate-freak- quick, play the drumroll!

Marina- we don't have a drumroll, this is a low budget fic.

chocolate-freak- *pounds on a table for a drumroll effect*

*....ALBUS DUMBLEDORE!!*

Marina- *more sarcasm* big surprise.

Hagrid- *strolls outside and lays eyes on Hermione, fancy cheesy music plays and then there is a screeching noise.*

Marina- what happened?

chocolate-freak- tape player broke.

Marina- *slaps herself in the forehead*

Hermione- *squeay voice* hi, Hagrid!

Marina- NO! DON'T GO THERE!

chocolate-freak- oh, go there i will.

Hagrid- 'ello, 'Ermione....how's about helping me bring out today's project from inside me hut?

Hermione- *blissfully unaware* okay! *follows him into the hut*

[HALF AN HOUR LATER]

Ron- has class started yet?

Harry- i think it has for Hermione....

Marina- STOP! STOP STOP STOP!

chocolate-freak- okay, fine. i hate you just so you know.

Marina- the hate is mutually equal with moi.

Harry- i'm going to go up the Greenhouses and see if Professor Sprout knows what's going on here...

[At the Greenhouses]

Ron- *knocks on the Greenhouse door* PROFESSOR?

Harry- just go in. maybe she can't hear us.

Ron- *opens the door, looks in, and immediately closes it, looking sick*

Harry- what the? *glances in* oh god.

Draco- want to join us?

Sprout- *slurping noises*

Marina- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!!!!

chocolate-freak- i didn't write that.....

Marina- then who did?

chocolate-freak- maybe another one of my personalities.

Marina- WHAT?

chocolate-freak- well, today's monday. monday i have six personalities. saturday i have nine, and thursdays i have seven.

Marina- okay. the fic has to end here cos Insane Authoress has to take a little trip to the mental ward escorted by me.

chocolate-freak- ooh! do i get a pretty jacket that straps in the back?

Marina- i think it might be necessary.

I COMMAND YOU TO WORSHIP THIS MASTERPIECE OF LITERATURE BY REVIEWING IT! REVEIW! REVIEW! REVIEW! MWA HA HA HA!