The 99th Platoon – Escape from Batula's Castle


(A/N No comment? Frankly I don't really think there's much to say. Just read it, enjoy it, review it if you wish. I'm trying to finish this off once and for all, so I'm really just running out of notes to give. Maybe the mix between extreme action and subtler humour won't work, but I'll try it anyway. Nothing ventured; nothing gained.)

Chapter 12: The Last Vampire

Stealth and Dark looked around, stunned. They were on the roof of the mansion, and as was common, it was larger when you were actually there. It was almost like a small arena.
A lightening bolt tore through the sky and clouds gathered over them. Dark looked upwards to feel the first drops of water on his face.
In a thunderous rumble the Count and a number of Vampires, some large, some small, appeared opposite the Ninja and the Panther. It was obvious that the Count had summoned the storm to block out the ever-approaching daylight.

Dark looked at the Vampires.
"Is this all you got?" Dark asked, removing his coat. Stealth rolled back the sleeves of his shirt. He tightened his belt. In one swift motion he drew his blade and discarded the sheath.
"Ve are ze last of our kind. I have gathered ze Vampires here…ve are ze best…ve shall use you and your friends to spread ze Vampire legacy to ze world…" He laughed. "You fool. Do you really think two of you can contend vith my vill? It iz time for you to stop."
Dark and Stealth took up defensive positions, preparing for the oncoming attack.
The Count's upper lip curled backward. He made a motion with his hand.
"Kill zem…"

Mon ran through the upper floors searching for the Amulet. Suddenly he stopped.
"Uh, hey...wait a sec....where's everyone else?"
He saw no one. He was lost. He turned to leave the room he had walked into and found the door locked behind him.
"Ooooookay.....HELLO!?!?"

*LLO?*
*LLo?*
*Llo?*
*llo?*

"This is getting freaky. Think...Think…Think...thinkthinkthinkthink… Wait a sec, my radio! Of course!" He bent down and fiddled with the knobs. Suddenly to his dismay he discovered that he was once again in the possession of the busted radio.

*In other news, Weasel Mob Leader, Don Weaso, was taken out of his office and spanked with pig fat rubbed on his buttocks. When asked to comment-*

"This is supposed to be a broadcasting radio...riiiight…" He looked at the stairway ahead of him. "Well that looks like the only place to go. And since there are no signs of the UnDead around…"

*HISSSSS!*

"Uh oh."
The Vampire Pyst had shot in the 'dark room' wasn't as dead as Pyst thought. Suddenly it hissed at Mon.

"Well look at what I have here, a soldier from the Platoon. Your gun totting friend gave me quite a sore back there…it's time to return the favour…"

Mon didn't hear any of that. He was forming a plan. At the banquet, before Hell broke out, he had stuffed his face with plenty of garlic-laced foods.
Gulping down air he belched long and hard in the Vampire's face. The Vampire laughed.
"Didn't you learn any manners?" It sniffed. "Garlic burp!? GaaAAaRrRgggHHhHhh!!" It coughed and spluttered as the powerful; overwhelming essence burnt its lungs out. It fell to the floor, shrivelling up like a dried prune until it was nothing but a sack of skin and then…nothing. Mon rubbed his stomach.
"Garlic. Never go into a UnDead infested place without it..."

Four Vampires leapt at Dark. They hissed, and the Count sent the other three at Stealth.
Dark shoved a stake in the first, whirling left and shoving his sword into the head of the second. Both fell to the ground as dust, and the Dark Flame growled low, staring the last two down.

The minion Vampire let out a war cry and ran at the Panther. A blur of silver was seen, and the sword ended up lodged in the Vampire's eye. The Vampire fell to dust, and Dark picked up his sword. His eyes now mere slits, the Panther dashed at the last of the Vampires. He ducked a punch, and slashed open the Vampire's gut. Roaring he impaled its heart.

Stealth's style of fighting was different to Dark's. It was almost an art form, each motion well revised and thought out. He slashed his final targets head off, a thin line of blood splashing across his shirt. Stealth didn't use silver; he merely went for the two 'kill zones' that still applied to a Vampire; the heart and the head.
He turned; ready to take on the Last Vampire now that they had eliminated the minions.
"Stealth! Look out!" Dark warned. But it was too late. The Count, the last of his line, the only one of his race, reached into the unholy deposit of strength he carried in his blood and smashed Stealth in the back. He went flying off the roof, screaming in pain.
The Count snatched Stealth's sword.
"Ve are both ze last of our kind…zere are no more Hunters…and no more Vampires…"
"It ends Batula. Here."

They lunged at each other.

Twisted and ILZ charged into the Grinder room.
"I and I saw's 'im go in 'ere!"
"Where the heck did he go?"
ILZ knelt to examine the blood around the grinder. It was fresh.
"Oh, no mon…I 'av'an idea of wot happ'd!"
"Pyst? Where the hell are you?!"
There was no answer.
"Ho boy..."
"Firs' Fla'Feet, no' Pyst!"
"He was a great guy, although I'd never say that in front of his face..."
ILZ and Twisted gave a quick salute.
"Don't party just yet guys!"
ILZ and Twisted look up to see Pyst hanging onto an out stretched line of duct tape, which was stuck to a broken support beam. Pyst swung on the duct tape and landed in front of ILZ and Twisted. He kissed the roll of duct tape.
"This stuff saved my ass more times than I can remember!"
"A'ight mon! Ya made it!"
"What happened?"
"A little family reunion. My dumb **** head brother got grinded into a bloody pulp."
Pyst stood in front of the grinder.
"AIN'T THAT RIGHT? YOU STUPID **** SUCKING ASS ******!!!"
"I take it you guys didn't get along?"
"Hell no! Alright, let's find that amulet and save F.F.!!!"

Squeaky and Mon met ILZ, Twisted and Pyst on the upstairs landing.
"Any luck?" Squeaky asked.
"Nope."
"Damn!"
"Watch your mouth ****head!" Pyst yelled.
"**** you piss-face!"
"Yeah well shove it up your *** ****nut!"
"****-sucker!"
"*****-hound!"
"****-for-brains!"
"Boy," Twisted whispered, "Playing Scrabble DOES teach them new words…"

Deja and Sarge stood in the cemetery tending to the fallen Stealth. From down on the ground the fight was merely a battle between two blurs, with the occasional flash of silver coming from between them. Deja looked at Sarge.
"He'll be ok." She propped Stealth up leaving him to recover. She looked at the roof.
"It's up to him now…" Sarge whispered. Deja nodded. They watched on…

Chael and Oreos worked their way from room to room searching for the Amulet. Their ammo was running low now, after hours of intense fire fights…they opened the next door and stared in horror at the larger than average Zombie waiting for them.
They raised their weapons and pulled the trigger…

*cl-click-click*

"...Need a little...help guys?..."

FlatFeet lunged at the Zombie from behind, gnawing its neck with his razor sharp teeth. The beast fell to the floor, squirming as FlatFeet began tearing chunks out of its head. Suddenly he stopped and spat.

"Ugh! I will never get used...to this" he groaned.
"Thanks Josh," said Chael.
"No problem," FlatFeet replied, "But I should be going. I'm starting to see you...as a marinated medium rare Oreos Steak, with Chael...on the side!"
"Uuhhh...maybe you should go FlatFeet," said Oreos with concern. FlatFeet left the room, his teeth chattering away behind. 
"Man, we really have to save him. He's starting to see us as food!"
"Daylight's in a couple of hours…we've got to hurry."
They set off again in their search for the Count's Amulet.

"You are forgetting something." The two duellers stood back, their blades at their sides.
"What?"
The Count reached deep into his robes and drew the Amulet with his free hand. He laughed menacingly.
"I still have your friend hostage…"
"Thanks Count. I was looking for that."
In one swift motion Dark had sliced off Batula's hand. The Amulet, with Batula's aged hand still attached to it, fell off the roof.
Batula roared in pain, cradling his stump. His wrath doubled, he lunged at Dark with a new born fury.

Everyone had gathered to watch the final showdown. When the emerald green medallion was thrown off the roof they all lunged towards it.
"I got it!" Pyst dove and slid across the grass. He reached for the amulet as it slowly fell towards the sewer drain.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Pyst just snagged the chain of the amulet.
"YES! I got it! Who da man?! WHO DA MAN?!" Pyst stood up. The amulet snagged the side of the sewer drain. The chain slipped out of Pyst's hand and the amulet fell into the castle's sewerage system.
"Oops..."
"You stupid idiot!!!" RedStorm swore.
"Now we gotta go after it!" CoolGuy groaned.
"Relax guys, what could possibly be trying to kill us in the sewers?"

Pyst kicked the sewer drain open. He noticed a ladder on the side and reached for it. Suddenly a giant clawed hand grabbed him by his chest and dragged him inside.
"JEE-ZUZ!!!" Pyst yelled from down below. "MUTHA FU-"
*RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT*
*SCREEEEE!!!*
*RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT*
*SIROOW!!!*
*RAT-TAT-TAT*
*RAT-TAT-TAT*
*RAT-TAT-TAT*
*click-click*
*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!*
"That's not all I got ya bastard!!!"
*BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM
BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM
*

"Alright guys! It's clear to come down!"

The Count had lost his focus now…whatever foul concoction or incantation had brought the storm was no longer being supported by an iron will…
The clouds parted just as the first rays of daylight seeped over the horizon.
The Count swiped his sword at the panther's neck. DarkFlame made a swift duck and roll. He brought his blade up to meet Batula's. They clashed again. Sparks flew from the two blades. Dark sprung back. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he lunged forward. The sun suddenly dazzled Batula as its first rays gleamed in his eyes.
"I vas ze last…" he whispered.
Blood covered the ground as Dark took off the Count's head.

He picked up Stealth's sword, lifting both blades into the air triumphantly and roared as sunlight began flooding the land once more…
"Good job soldier…" said Sarge breathing with relief.