The 99th
Platoon – Escape from Batula's Castle
Credits
Rico "Sarge" Rodriguez: "Gappap"
"Oreos": "PatrickSim"
"Chael": "Chael"
Rick "Pyst" Gores: Matt "Pyst Dude" Bujold
Squeaky Fuzz Acore: Tony "Squeaky" Lucero a.k.a. "Zepa" or "Squeaky the Zepa"
--=--
*Pyst walks out the identity room*
PYST: Hey! Check it out *Holds up hands* Ain't that cool? No fingerprints!!!
*He looks at the big soldier on guard*
PYST: Ain't that cool Chops?
CHOPS: Don't call me that.
PYST: Aw, get a sense of humour Chops.
--=--
Joshua "FlatFeet" Evans: Josh "Flatfeet" Evans
Stealth LeVasseur: Christian "Stealthkiller300" Levasseur
Renato "DaMedic" Mon: Renato "DaYetiMon" Whitaker
"Dark Flame": Ryan "Dark05" Miralos Gonzales
"Twisted": Josh "RazielUnlimited" Cloos
--=--
*ILZ grabs the newspaper and flips through it*
ILZ: What de hell is dis bull****?!
*Showing everyone the newspaper, ILZ points to an article that reads,
"Rastafarian killed trying to stop crazed clown."*
ILZ: De newspaper runnin' out of ideas, it seem.
*ILZ tosses the paper on the table and walks over to a vending machine. After
putting some quarters in and making his decision, he presses the button.
Nothing comes out of the machine*
ILZ: What be wrong wit dis ting?
*ILZ kicks the machine*
ILZ: Work, damn yu!
--=--
Kenny "CoolGuy" Johnson: Jose "Retroman87" Daniel Osechas
Miles "RedStorm" Crowell: Glenn "DustyX" Crowell
Michael "Iron Lion Zion: Candrell: Riley "Shadow Sniper" Kale Silva
--=--
PYST: That's not how you get a vending machine to work!
*Pyst draws his gun and fires at the machine. All the bullets bounce off it*
PYST: What the?
CHOPS: Bulletproof armour and glass. You'll never break that.
PYST: Why would you put armour on a vending machine? Why not a tank or hum-vee
or something?
CHOPS: Uh...That's classified…
--=--
Dana "Déjà vu" Rodriguez: "Dejavu"
--=--
*Chael goes to the vending machine and removes a side panel. He strikes two
wires together and an avalanche of snacks pours out*
CHAEL: You may not be able to break it open. But it sure as hell can be ****ed
with in other ways, eh Chops?
CHOPS: Don't call me that.
--=--
Guest Starring:
Andrew Jackson "Ajax FireStorm" McGregor the Tabby: "Stormfront"
Eric Cartman the Squirrel: "Eric Cartman"
Thomas "WWW" Warclat the Tediz: Thomas
"WWW.whydowecare.ca" Blight
Gavyn "Viper" Sykes the Mercenary: "Baldmonkey"
Samuel Graham Snickers the Squirrel: Adam "SkaterX" Taylor Neal
--=--
EXERPT FROM THE DAILY SQUIRREL-GRAPH
"In related news Sergeant Major Rico Rodriguez died in a tragic fishing
accident. It appears that Sgt. Maj. Rodriguez was fishing for piranhas when one
of the fish leapt out of the bucket and bit his test-"
SARGE: Conker!!! What the **** is this all about!!!
--=--
Count Batula of Squirrelsvania: as himself.
Cherry Evans: as herself.
Roger Gores: as himself.
Major B. Addass: as himself.
Conker T. Squirrel: as himself.
--=--
*The doors to The Agency close with a pneumatic hiss. We travel up through the
elevator shaft…out of the building and view Windy from a bird's eye view…in the
distance we see the sun shining down on Windy…*
*The Platoon Escaped Batula's Castle…they lived to seen another sunrise…and
with their absorption into The Agency, Windy is now a safer place…*
PYST: The more psychotic trigger happy jack asses we
get in this Platoon the better! Come on guys, let's get drunk and shoot some
defenceless little animals!
*Or maybe not*
--=--
--Proudly Written and Directed by Gappap--
No Squirrels, Panthers, Zombies, Vampires or Small Defenceless Mammals were
harmed in the making of this picture.
~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~THE END~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~~-~
Closing notes from the
Author:
Jee wiz…it's now Wednesday the 23 of July 2003, 4:54 AM. E.F.B.C. was started
on the 3/27/2002 2:44:05 PM.
What can I say? It's a great feeling to finally have another fan-fic in the
bag. I hope you, the readers, have enjoyed another chronicle of the bizarre
antics the 99th Platoon gets itself into. We have a lot of fun on
these missions and it's nice to be able to share it with others. If we didn't
get our story out and merely kept it contained in our own memories…then it
would fade and dim into obscurity.
I've two ones coming up for you next…the large and daunting FlatFeet Saga, a
three part adventure tale, and PatrickSim has passed the baton of "Tediz
Attack: Choose your own adventure" over to me. I've got it all planned out and
now need only to start writing it.
Whether you enjoy them or not they're here none the less…Plat99n: Komiz Isle;
Escape From Batula's Castle; WWW's Dream: Uniting the Tediz. A little piece of
our history now spreads to you.
To the Platoon: I hope I've managed to put your characters across, as you would
like. No one can write exactly like another writer. We've all got our unique
styles and if you look through this fic you can see the little pieces of Dark,
of Pyst, of Oreos…sticking through the main weave.
Thank you for seeing this one, like all the others, through with me. This
story, and all the rest, was a team effort and only a team could pull it off.
To anyone interested in signing up: We hang out at www.gamefaqs.com. In my opinion, GFAQS is
the best place to Be on the net… Drop by the Conker's Bad Fur Day boards and
leave a message. We'll find you don't worry.
I hope you enjoyed yourself and felt that you too faced the horrors of Batula's
castle side-by-side with the 99th. I know that when I write these I
get sucked back into the mission and find myself carried away…far away…just as
these stories, just as any good tale, should…
I've said too much now. Without further adieu, I leave you with this; a phrase
I believe applies to the fighting spirit we all possess as human beings.
Remember this:
To believe in the Heroic makes Heroes…
Thank you for your time.
-~=G.A.P.=~-
