Chapter Two: Mienai, wakarenai I can't see, I can't understand

'Seta-sama.'

Soujiro glanced away from where he was sitting, watching the trees from the edge of the room he had been given. Reiko knelt in the doorway, neat and clean. She had collapsed before; he'd carried her as Madam had ordered, on his back, back to this huge house. Reiko was beautiful; he had noticed that when he'd first looked at her as well. There was a kind of fragility about her that was natural- she reminded Soujiro of a sheet of ice over a pond in winter. Easily shattered. She didn't seem sick before, though she needed more rest.

'Yes, Reiko-san?'

'Madam will see you now, Seta-sama.' Reiko said. 'If you could follow me, please.'

As Soujiro padded softly alongside Reiko through the hallways, he pondered something that had been troubling him. He had just murdered the lord of this house, but there were no signs of human grieving. He had heard preparations for a funeral being carried on, but it was done blank-faced. Madam herself had seemed composed. Even the children… there was no love towards the Master here, when no one outside was watching.

Evidently Soujiro was no worth worrying about. Reiko knelt on the floor and pushed open the door.

'Madam, Seta-sama is here.'

'Thankyou, dear. Oh no, stay here.' Reiko stopped, and stepped in behind Soujiro, shutting the door. Madam was seated by the window, her clothes fresh but simple, in mourning for her husband.

'How are my children?'

'Sleeping, madam.'

'Good. Then we have some time. Both of you please sit.'

Soujiro and Reiko did as she bid, and Madam settled her shrewd brown eyes on Soujiro. He saw no sign of grief.

'As you are no doubt aware you did kill my husband.' She began. Soujiro nodded; nothing in her voice. He'd been right; there was no love here. 'While to the people outside of this house this is a terrible event for his family and household, it is in fact for the better. My husband led a dissolute life and as I have already told you, he was almost constantly drunk, asleep and involved in disgustingly barbaric acts of violence.'

Reiko was not mentioned, Soujiro suspected, because she was involved in most of these on a level that did not bear talking about; Madam was not the mood for blunt revelations but business. A suspicion bloomed in the back of Soujiro's mind.

'In his state he was not fit to govern the business or this household.' Madam continued.

'You took over, didn't you.' Soujiro said. Madam nodded.

'Indeed; I became both master and mistress for this household. Fortunately the help we have here have been forced to use their intelligence to deal with my husband's incompetence- they accepted my leadership and even helped me to increase by knowledge to our business's benefit, since initially I was not trained for business management. As a result, however, I have had near total control of this house for the

past several years. You could say my husband was a blight on this household, so you have done us a favour. I suspect many in town realise this but because of the current values in our world they will not admit to it.'

'My children hated him. I hated him. He was my husband whom I was supposed to love out of duty, but I hated him.' Madam turned away to look out at the gardens, sighing, and then got a grip on herself. 'Now, Soujiro, this is what we will do, and I say we. The funeral preparations will go ahead as if we a truly in grief here. I will have to make several losses in the market and then gradually pick up again so our house's collapse seems real and is not suspected. Kenji will have to taken on responsibility; I refuse to marry again. The problem of you is not so simple.'

What she had talked about doing wasn't as simple as she made it sound, Soujiro knew, and he also knew he was smiling again.

'I feel I should thank you, but this isn't an appropriate course of action where the rest of the world is concerned, even in this town.' She looked at his inquiring expression. 'My husband murdered all the policemen who came here. He liked to feel as if he was an emperor.' She sighed. 'Swords are still commonplace here.'

'I will leave, of course.' Soujiro said. 'I did not plan to stay. I am amazed my your kindness to me already.'

'And yet you have done us nothing favours.' Madam smiled. 'If I let you stay here, Soujiro, I'm afraid this house may indeed collapse. I wish you could stay- I believe I have grown quite fond of you.'

Soujiro laughed quietly.

'Well, I'm flattered, Madam, but-' he stopped. Yumi… she'd seemed fond of him too. It wasn't impossible, then, for people to "grow fond of him". Was that weakness, to do it so suddenly? And yet Madam was far from weak; she had two children, a sick friend and handmaid in Reiko, and had run a huge household and business almost by herself. She was not weak in that sense but…

…in other ways she was.

She was watching him, and Soujiro tried to school his expression.

'I heard an English businessman say once,' she said blandly, apparently out of nowhere, 'that nothing is in black and white, but shades of grey. It is frustrating, and means there is little in the world to go by but accepting that fact and dealing with is as best you can. I believe this is the greater truth, but there is nothing wrong with finding a smaller one to make life easier.'

'Madam-'

She stood.

'Now, Soujiro, why don't you join us for dinner? Reiko, eat with us, won't you? You are not bound to my husband any longer so you don't have to stay here- but I should like you to stay, and help me. It is your choice. Give me your answer when you have thought it over.'

Soujiro glanced at Reiko, whose expression indicated she didn't know what to think.

'Ne, niichan. Niichan? Soujiro!'

Soujiro glanced at Kenji.

'Were you calling me "niichan"? I'm sorry, I didn't know.'

'Would I be calling Reiko-san "niichan"?' Kenji demanded, pointing at the girl seated on Souiiro's other side. 'You're the only boy here who's older than me!'

'Oh, I guess so.' Soujiro said, laughing sheepishly. Niichan? 'What is it, Kenji-san?'

'Kenji, just Kenji!' Kenji groaned, and hurried on. 'Anyway, niichan, are you gonna stay here forever?'

'I can't.' Soujiro said. Kenji's face fell.

'But-'

'Kenji.' Madam said softly. Kenji glanced at his mother and fell silent, looking utterly miserable. Soujiro watched the boy for some time before resuming eating. Somehow it didn't taste so good.

"Soujiro! Are you trying to make a fool out of me?!"

The wooden hilt of the sheathed katana struck Soujiro across his cheek. Blood spattered the ground as the eight-year-old stumbled, falling to the ground with a choke of pain.

The women…they stood and watched as the blows rained down.

"I'll KILL YOU!"

Soujiro tried to breathe, but all he could taste was blood. Their voices rang in his ears, abnormally loud, warped and terrifying as thunder began to roll in the distance.

"Wait, won't that look kind of bad?"

"Oh, as long as we tell the cops we'll be fine. There's a dangerous criminal hiding out around here, remember?"

"Right, and since we're giving them information we'll all be richly rewarded…"

"Go ahead and do it, brother…"

"Right, I'll KILL you, brat!"

'EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'

The door to his room was pushed open almost as soon as Soujiro sat up, panting, eyes wide. Sweat trickled down his forehead and hit the futon. When the door moved, Soujiro's sword swung through the air.

Stop! His inner voice screamed at him.

…and he did. Reiko's eyes were blank as blood trickled down from her throat, where the blade rested. Soujiro forced the sword away from his hand as if it had bitten him- it clattered to the ground, a metre away from them.

'I'm so sorry, Reiko-san.'

'It was my fault for intruding.' Reiko said. 'I heard you scream and I was concerned. I see I am merely being a bother to you. I apologise.' She bowed deeply, while Soujiro stared. 'I will leave now.'

As she stood, Soujiro's sharp eyes noticed the bruises that laced her collarbone, not usually revealed by the kimono she usually wore. He caught her wrist as she turned to go.

'Wait a moment.' He said. 'Stay here. I want to ask you something.'

'Do I… like being weak?'

Soujiro nodded, watching her. Reiko looked at her small hands, folded neatly in her lap, as she considered the question.

'Well, Seta-sama… I don't like being sick, no. But in every other sense… I prefer things the way they are. I always have.'

'Even when the master-'

'Yes, Seta-sama.' Reiko said, smiling gently, beautifully in the moonlit room. 'I'm just not a strong person like you or Madam. I prefer things the way they are.'

Soujiro's eyes widened.

"I think I'll give that sword back to Shishio-san…I'm just not a strong person like he is, and anyway, I like things as they are…"

'Seta-sama, did I say something to trouble you? I'm sorry.' Reiko said. Soujiro's smile failed him.

'I'm fine, Reiko-san. But what about you? You look so tired.'

Anything to distract him from the different views that had been told to him, anything…

'I am fine, Seta-sama.' Reiko said. But her face was paler as she stood. 'I think I had better leave you to-' she coughed. And coughed harder and harder, falling to her knees. The blood soon came.

'Reiko-san…' Soujiro murmured. The girl stopped, and then thick blood hit the tatami. Soujiro's eyes widened. That was even worse than before-

'She should be all right.' Madam said, as they watched Reiko sleep. 'She's had worse attacks, but now she will have to rest for quite a long time. The doctor says now that my husband is dead, she will be able to improve. She will always be a fragile girl, though.'

'I see.' Soujiro said, standing. Madam looked up at him.

'You are leaving?'

Soujiro nodded.

'Well then, visit the kitchen. They have prepared food and money for you to take with you. I refuse to take no for an answer.' She added, as Soujiro opened his mouth. 'Must I escort you to the kitchen like a child, Soujiro?'

'No, Madam.' Soujiro said, bowing. 'Thankyou.'

'No, thankyou, Soujiro. Genki de ne.'

Soujiro smiled, almost bitterly. His life seemed to be full of these.

'Hai… genki de ne… Shiori-san.'

She smiled.

'I'm just not a strong person like you or Madam. I prefer things the way they are.'

'Is being weak… really all that bad? If you can be content…'

The early morning sun hit the mist over the forest, creating tiny sparkles and strange light effects around him. I wish I could talk to myself as a child. Maybe he could clear up a few things… help me remember. He seems like… a different person now. But because he became me, and I was him, so he should still be here, shouldn't he?

Because if he wasn't here, somewhere…

The memories wouldn't hurt so much.

But…

But I…

'I'm just not a strong person like you or Madam. I prefer things the way they are.'

I want to but… I can't… I can't seem to understand that way of thinking anymore…