V.I.A.N: Okay people today's Very Important Author's Note is Very Important because updates are gonna be getting a lot slower b/c of school, which I have starting in about three days. This story does not, in fact, have that much left (about three, four chapters I think… but because the updates will be sporadic, if you don't wanna miss a chap as it goes up maybe it'd be a good idea to put it on alert or something. Anyway. ^_^ I'm going to see X-Men 2 tonight… yay, Nightcrawler! He was cool in the comics. I got the idea for a scene in here from the Old Archives at , a VERY COOL online comic by Shady. She restarted it recently, but if you have time, the old archives are cool! I love the manga. Check it out. Spread the word. Make them have anime conventions in Australia. Well, spread the word anyway…

"You're a black belt in martial arts, but a white belt with dealing with people. You have to train for that too, except you have to train in the city, not on a mountain somewhere. Without hurting people, and being hurt by others, you can never become a person who gets along well with people."

-Souma Shigure, Fruits Basket.

Anata wa hitorijyanai: you're not alone

Chapter 5: Ie no Renga

A House of Bricks

Inside the cave, a quite attractive, if a bit thin, girl pressed herself closer to the sleeping swordsman. His head had stopped tossing, but his teeth were digging into his lip. Reiko gripped his hand tighter, feeling some of his terror. It radiated off him… he was just… so scared.

'I don't know… I don't know! I… I didn't want to… I didn't WANT to kill people!'

Soujiro's eyes widened. He'd… he'd said it. But if he didn't want to kill people, and he didn't do that, then wouldn't that make him weak?

'Soujiro-san.' The girl whispered, laying her hand atop his on the damp stone. 'Lots of people don't want to kill. They live their lives, never having killed another human. And yes, they are weak… but only, Soujiro-san, in the sense of martial arts.'

'But…' Soujiro whispered, looking down at her rain-spotted hand covering his. 'But I… I am strong! I learnt martial arts!'

'Soujiro… do you remember, how Yumi-san and Sagara Sanosuke used to call you a naïve kid?'

Soujiro's black head flew up, his eyes wide. The girl placed two fingers on his lips, preventing him from asking the obvious question.

'It is because…you had not lived. Living by the "strongest" truth is a very lonely place to be. Because you were a child, you never had the conflict of interests most people have as they grow up. The people you call weak… are they really, Soujiro? When you are one who knows little except how to wield a sword? Could you live like they do?'

'But they're so vulnerable!' Soujiro protested, anger rising up like floodwater. His fury just made the girl tilt her head, and she smiled slightly.

'Soujiro… are you afraid?'

Shock ripped through Soujiro's body, and he flew to his feet, the wakizashi swinging around in a deadly arc that sopped just before the girl's pale neck. His lips thinned into a hard line.

'I am not afraid.' He said, in a shaking voice. 'I- who are you?! Why are you telling me this?! I was… I was finding my own-'

'But I am you.' The girl smiled, changing position so she could kneel in her kimono, with her hands on his shoulders. She didn't seem frightened at all. 'I am you, Soujiro… I am just the thoughts you were afraid to think. I am the tiny part of you that you shut away. The part that grew up. I am the part of you you hated back then, and I am the part of you you fear now, because I can really prove your ideals wrong, make you more confused.'

'You… look like someone…' Familiarity rolled over her, but…

'Yes… I had to take a form you would listen to, because you never listened to me, as you.'

'Reiko.' Soujiro breathed, and the Not-Reiko-Really form smiled a different smile, from his or Reiko's… slow, knowing… the smile of one that watched but rarely spoke. The image slipped two fingers under the boy's chin, lifting it just so slightly. Hot breath brushed past Soujiro's cheek when it next spoke. Soujiro couldn't seem to move.

'I will always be here. I am you… never forget me again, or you will never find it. Our truth…'

Soft lips brushed Soujiro's, and then this rain-and-blood-soaked world seemed to disappeared above him, like he was falling down a long, black hole…

Soujiro's eyes flew open, and he sat up hurriedly.

'Soujiro-san?'

Soujiro turned around. Reiko was kneeling behind him, her hands clasped in her lap. She looked tired… and worried.

'Are you all right?'

Soujiro stared at her, waiting for the dream to fade away, like so many dreams. It didn't.

'What?' he asked her.

'You… seemed to be having a nightmare.' Reiko said, her voice almost a whisper. Soujiro felt a stab of guilt, realising he'd made her think she was doing something unwanted.

'I'm… not sure what it was…' Soujiro murmured, looking at her. She… him… it… the bit that had said he was him, had used her words. I live by my heart… he was frightened? Frightened of living as so many knew it?

Well… Soujiro almost smiled, bitterly. That may be true.

And he had admitted it again, he realised, and somewhere, that voice whispered,

'Good.'

He looked at Reiko again; slim, frightened, worried, tired and clearly with her health regressing. A strange new determination rose up.

'I'm all right now, Reiko-san. I'm sorry for worrying you like that… did I keep you awake?' But his words sounded too stiff, too polite. He always distanced himself like that.

'It's.. no trouble.' Reiko said quietly. Soujiro leaned over to her and looked closely at her face. She was definitely more pale, tired-looking than he remembered.

'Reiko-san, if you're going to make yourself sick, please don't worry about me.' He said gently.

'But-' Soujiro placed two fingers on her lips, as his self in her form had done to him.

'Go to sleep. Get some rest.' He told her firmly. 'You an use my shoulder.'

Reiko nodded dumbly as he took his fingers away, and curled up next to him again, resting her head on his shoulder as he had told her. Soujiro leaned back against the wall, and smiled slightly as the half-asleep girl automatically edged closer to him, snuggling up against his side. It was… kind of nice. She smelled good, too. Soujiro could feel his own amusement at himself. It was a very strange feeling; he wondered if this was what it was like to have a split personality.

No, his inner voice said. Remember, I am the you that was locked away. I am the you that thought what you thought were 'bad' thoughts, ones that would make you weak. But in reality, I am the other half of your personality that thought about the different sides of things, watched the world around me with an open mind. But you must grow enough to catch up to me, before we can become one again.

'Finally.' Soujiro groaned, reaching the top of the hill and staring down at the sparkling blue ocean port beyond it. Yokohama… he could take the time to appreciate the view later, but it was just so hot! The weather had taken a totally unreasonable turn, in his opinion, and now it was hotter than summer. It wasn't summer, Soujiro considered, and therefore it had no right to be this hot. The trees were probably getting very confused. Soujiro collapsed rather theatrically against a tree and looked down the path; Reiko-san had stopped to buy some odango from a stall they had passed on the way up, and rest. She had told Soujiro to go on ahead and check out the view. Odango… Soujiro rested his head on the smooth bark of the tree, treasuring the shade. He was starving. He watched Reiko come up the hill, her sandals gently tapping against the occasional pebble in the road. The hotter weather suited her, Soujiro mused. She seemed happier when it was warmer, and she had seemed a lot better since yesterday morning, when the clouds had disappeared. She was tucking her small purse back into her bag with one slender hand, the other carefully holding the three sticks she had bought. Finally she reached him, kneeling down on the grass and presenting him with two odango sticks.

'Hai.' She smiled. Soujiro took them.

'Thankyou.' He said, biting into the first sauce-covered ball. Reiko, more delicately, began eating her own, looking at the seaside city.

'It's beautiful, isn't it.' She murmured. Soujiro followed her gaze, and swallowed.

'Yeah.' He agreed, and started on the next ball. Reiko giggled, and Soujiro said, 'What?'

Except it came out more as "whaf" because he had his mouth full. Reiko's grin widened, and Soujiro managed to stop himself from grinning along with her. He kept the expression of utter, innocent confusion on his face.

'You…' Reiko began, and then shook her head. 'Oh, it's not important.'

Soujiro finished his mouthful and lazily waved the stick at her.

'Tell me, Reiko-san.' He said teasingly. The sun was affecting him too, it seemed.

'You're just so cute.' Reiko said, trying to stop herself from smiling. Soujiro stared at her in honest astonishment, and she giggled again.

'…oh.' He said, not really sure how to respond to that. Part of him argued there wasn't actually anything good about a guy over eight being called "cute", but the rest of him felt somewhat… pleased.

'Have I offended you?' Reiko said, looking worried again. Soujiro shook his head.

'No, no! I've just never been called cute before, that's all.'

'Oh, I see.' Reiko said, smiling beautifully. Half an hour later, they stood up and continued walking down the path to Yokohama. Soujiro fell behind Reiko a little bit, and watched her walk carefully down the hill in her faded travelling kimono, pushing the strands of dark hair away as the breeze swept them into her eyes. Soujiro glanced at the harbour, and felt an odd pang in his chest.

What…

'Wow.' Soujiro said, looking around the busy seaport in amazement and jumping out of the way of a man carrying a huge, very-heavy looking box. 'It's pretty… and really busy!'

'It is.' Reiko agreed, gazing up at a Western-style building. 'I suppose… there will be lots of buildings like this in Germany.'

It was the first time she had mentioned the country in a while; Soujiro looked at her. She looked.. sad.

'What's wrong?' he asked. 'Don't you want to go to Germany, Reiko-san?'

'Well… I suppose I'm just a bit scared, that's all.' Reiko said, turning around to look at him. Soujiro felt a start. She admitted fear without a second thought…

'Why?' he asked.

'Well, it's a new country, a new language…' Reiko said. 'Although I am glad I am going with Madam's sister. I think my nervousness is fairly normal.'

'People always get nervous when they're going somewhere new?' Soujiro asked. I suppose… what she's doing… isn't actually all that different from what I'm doing. Except my journey is inside of myself. Reiko smiled.

'Nearly always, I expect. I think… you'd have to be someone very special, not to get nervous at all when you're going somewhere you know almost nothing about.'

And Soujiro felt just a bit better, looking at that smile, listening to the words. Something else occurred.

'But… how are we suppose to find Kyoko-san in this city?!'

'Oh… I had not thought of that… Madam didn't give me an address…what about you?'

'I think it got wet…' Soujiro moaned, pulling a piece of paper out of his sleeve and holding it up. The ink was… a blob. Reiko looked at the rather pathetic piece of paper, and solemnly took it from him. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards. Like she was putting a lot of effort into not smiling, Soujiro realised with some suspicion.

'Do you think this is funny?' he demanded. Reiko glanced at his expression, and burst into rich gurgles of laughter. Soujiro blinked in bewilderment, and then fought his own laughter.

'G-Gomen-' Reiko managed, between her giggles.

'Stop apologising.' Soujiro said severely, but the effect was spoiled but the fact his voice kept skipping because he was trying not to laugh.

Soujiro knocked on the door and glanced behind him. Reiko stood there demurely, her eyes on her feet. Soujiro rolled his eyes up to the sky as he reached behind him and grabbed her hand, pulling him up next to him.

'You're the important one.' He told her. Reiko blushed. It was just a faint pink on her cheeks, but- Soujiro glanced down. He was still holding her hand. He let it go quickly, muttering an apology, and the door swung open. Reiko and Soujiro stopped looking in opposite directions and focussed on the door. The woman standing in it was about Soujiro's height and was wearing a kimono, less extravagant than Madam's but still obviously expensive. Wealthy family in general, I guess, Soujiro mused. The woman's sharp, dark eyes flicked between them, her mouth tight. Soujiro and Reiko both had to fight the urge to cringe, feeling like they had been caught doing something bad. The woman's glare suggested that whatever they did, it was wrong. And then the woman grinned broadly and flung her arms around Soujiro's neck, almost knocking him off his feet

'Whoaaa!'

'Oh, you got here safely! I'm so happy! I was kind of worried, but you're both fine! And you've looked after Rei-chan as well! May I call you Rei-chan? I may? Thankyou so much! Oh, you're such a cute girl, but you're so thin! We'll have to fix that! And you too young man, your name is Soujiro, right? Come in, come in, don't stand there like strangers!'

Herded in by the whirlwind of energy, Soujiro barely managed to think that in fact they were total strangers, before he was firmly seated in a chair with a cup of tea in front of him. Reiko was looking a bit breathless, thought he had to say he felt the same.

'Well, I'm Kyoko Tsukimura, Shiori's older sister.' Kyoko announced. 'Please call me Kyoko. Shiori sent me a letter telling me you were coming. How was your trip? Did you get caught in the rain?'

'Um… yes?' Soujiro ventured, and got a grip on himself. As he related their trip in general, Reiko timidly sipped the western tea, and helped herself to one of the creamy-yellow coloured biscuits on the plate in the middle of the table. After a little while, she gingerly reached out and took another. Then she stopped, realising both Kyoko and Soujiro were looking at her; Kyoko looked faintly amused. Soujiro looked a bit surprised. She flushed, and hurriedly put the biscuit back.

'Take it, dear.' Kyoko grinned. 'You need it. You like shortbread?'

Reiko nodded.

'We had some at Madam's house once.' Reiko said. 'An English businessman bought them as a gift. I've never had Western tea before, though.'

'You haven't? I love it.' Kyoko smiled. 'What about you, Soujiro?'

'I have had some, occasionally.' Soujiro admitted. 'It's been a while, though.'

'Well then, help yourselves.' Kyoko said. 'There's plenty. Rei-chan, our ship leaves tomorrow morning… both of you see that you get enough rest, all right? Soujiro-kun, you'll see us off, won't you?'

'Huh? Well…' there it was again, the pain through his chest. It was getting worse. 'Of course.'

Reiko smiled to herself, but Soujiro and Kyoko saw it. Kyoko's eyes softened. She had sharp eyes and a brain she knew how to use, much like her sister. But she also knew goodbyes were never easy.

Soujiro had never felt so depressed on seeing the rising sun before. He sat up in bed and heard the port, always busy, in the distance, and someone cooking in the kitchen down the hall. And then… there was a dull pain in his chest. Today Reiko-san was leaving for Germany. No one knew when she would come back. Even if she did… what were the chances of him seeing her again?

Soujiro shook his head. He could deal with it. He got up and got dressed, but the pain was still there. He found himself unable to really concentrate on anything much; his thoughts kept straying back to the future absence of a certain smile in his life. It was silly, but the pain wouldn't leave him. As they walked down to the docks, it got to a point where Soujiro caught himself thinking about just dropping the bags he had been volunteered to carry and running. After realising he was thinking this, he almost threw the thought away, but then examined it further because he'd never had a feeling like that before.

Why didn't he want to say goodbye? Because saying "goodbye" meant… that it was "goodbye". Acknowledge the parting. A farewell, another "genki de ne". He didn't think he could stand the pain. He almost smiled, bitterly. What a strange thought that had been…

'We're here.' Kyoko said, and Soujiro blinked. They were. He glazed up at the huge ship, feeling irrationally angry towards it. He didn't understand why… but then again, perhaps he did, he was just… frightened of it. He numbly put down the bags, and a porter, who was given the room information by Kyoko as Reiko and Soujiro silently stared up at the ship, took them away. Kyoko looked at the pair, and smiled sadly. This wasn't going to be easy. She had knew she no idea of what had gone on between them, what one had done for the other or vice versa. She could only see two people who knew that parting was for the best, but…

There was always that "but", followed by silence. Kyoko smiled at them, rasing her voice to get their attention.

'Well then, I'll wait on the deck for you, Rei-chan. It was lovely to meet you, Soujiro. My son will be looking after my house for me while I am away; I've told him you're welcome there at any time.'

'Thankyou, Kyoko-san.' Soujiro said, genuinely grateful. Not because he thought he would need the help, but because… well, you wouldn't find many people so quick to be warm to a swordsman. And he was just… always surprised. Perhaps it was a family trait- Kyoko whacked the back of his head.

' "Kyoko"!' she snapped. 'I said, "Kyoko"! No "san"!'

'Arigatou, Kyoko.' Soujiro amended. The woman smiled, and trotted up the steps to the deck of the ship. Soujiro and Reiko smiled to themselves as they heard the boisterous woman greet the sailors. Finally Reiko turned to fully face him, and bowed deeply. Soujiro's heart sank. He hadn't been aware it had risen, but now it felt like there was a lump of lead in his chest.

'Thankyou so much for all of your help.' Reiko said. 'I will never be able to repay your kindness.'

'It's…no trouble.' Soujiro said, fighting the feeling inside of him. Reiko stood up. She was being so… so formal… then again, perhaps it was best… parting with a business partner… was much easier than a friend, after all… even his thoughts sounded pained.

'Soujiro-san, I'm sorry, but I would like to ask one more favour of you.' She said quietly, nervously. Soujiro forced a smile.

'Sure, what is it?'

'Can I… give you a hug? Please?'

Soujiro stared at her, and after a very long moment have a slow, stunned nod. Reiko stepped close and wrapped her arms around him tightly, burying her head in his chest.

'Thankyou.' She whispered, her voice choked. Soujiro's eyes widened. She wasn't… crying, was she? Her fingers gripped the material on his shoulders, and Soujiro felt his own arms wrap around her shoulders.

'No, thankyou, Reiko.' He whispered in her ear. His hands tightened. He didn't want to let her go. He hated the idea; letting her go met seeing her face turn away from him, up the ramp, away on the ocean, leaving him alone. Alone to find his truth… hitori. Alone.

'I.. I don't really… know what exactly it is you want to find.' She murmured, her voice muffled. 'But… I'll always be with you, somehow. Anata wa… hitorijyanai…'

Soujiro's eyes widened, and his teeth clenched as he restrained himself from tightening his grip on her. Finally, he forced himself away from her, and looked at her face. Gently, he raised a hand and lifted the tears off her cheek.

'Thankyou. And… neither are you.' He said, somehow getting the words out. It was like he was watching himself from a distance… everything seemed so surreal, somehow. And she smiled, a real, warm smile, just for him, nodded.

'Madam said if you stop by you can read my letters.'

'I'll do that.' Soujiro said, and Reiko hugged him again, very tightly, and turned away at last, almost running up the stairs. Soujiro knew why. He'd have to do the same, or he'd never be able to leave.

What a strange… feeling. He stared at the cobbles. There were droplets on them, turning the light grey into dark. There had been a sparkle in the air when she turned- she had been crying? Something swelled up inside him, and he turned to look up at the ship, as the horn rang out over the docks.

'Reiko!' he yelled. She leaned over the side. 'Get better quickly!'

'Good luck, Soujiro!' she called back, waving. The ship pulled back from the docks. Kyoko appeared beside her, and waved a lacy handkerchief.

'Goodbye, Sou-chan!!!'

Soujiro paused.

' "Sou-chan"?' he repeated to himself. He could see Reiko's somehow both horrified and amused expression, and saw Kyoko nudge the girl. Reiko shook her head and then shrugged, turning back to wave at him.

'See you, Sou-chan!'

Soujiro laughed, feeling heat in his cheeks. Then the ship drifted out of sight. Soujiro watched it until it had totally disappeared, and then, like the others wishing their loved ones goodbye, he turned around, and left.

So… "Sou-chan"… what do we do now?

We…we keep on building that house of bricks.

I've never had a nickname before. "Sou-chan". I don't think I should tell Madam, Kenji and Souta about that one…