**********************************
Abby barely noticed they were gone.
Her eyes were staring at Carter's pale face, and she could see none of his spark. She could only hope that it would return when he woke up.
When he woke up… What would become of them then? When he looked at her, would she see blame in his eyes forever? She shuddered at that thought.
Would they be able to get past this?
So many questions, and the only way she could get answers was for Carter to wake up.
"Come on, Carter…" she managed, in a broken whisper.
"Please."
**********************************
"Excuse me, Ma'am?"
Susan whirled around and came face to face with a female Cop. She jumped back and placed her hand on her chest.
"Sorry, Ma'am. Didn't mean to startle you." A few inches shorter than Susan, the similarly blonde woman nodded her apology. "You wouldn't happen to be-" She checked her notes. "-Abigail Lockhart, would you?"
"No. Susan Lewis. Abby's through there, but I'd rather you didn't bother her at the moment."
"Only I need to ask her a few questions about a shooting-"
"I know what it's about. I was there, for god's sake." Susan snapped, and then regretted it. "Sorry, it's just been a long night, that's all. I didn't mean to-"
"No sweat. Maybe we could go somewhere, and I could get your account of the shooting, and then I'll come back to talk to Miss Lockhart later on. Would that be ok?"
Susan thanked her with a smile. "That'll be fine, Detective…?"
The cop looked visibly embarrassed that she had forgotten to introduce herself.
"Johns, Ms Lewis. Detective Johns."
"Detective Johns. Ok, the lounge should be empty; we can go talk in there. Follow me."
**********************************
When Susan returned, with the detective in tow, almost three hours had passed.
They had gotten coffee – or as Susan called it, a tainted mix of motor oil and rat poison – and talked about the shooting, for a while off the record, so that the detective could get the facts straight, and for longer on the record as Susan made a statement.
Now, it would be Abby's turn.
Susan gently pushed through the doors, but the Detective had the sense to stay outside.
"Abby?" Susan placed her hand on Abby's shoulder, making her flinch. She turned, glancing up to see who it was.
"Susan." She turned back, barely acknowledging her friends presence.
"There's a cop outside. She needs to ask you a few questions."
"Later."
Susan sighed, and crouched next to her so she could look her in the eye.
"Abby." She didn't take her eyes off Carter.
"Abby. Listen to me. You want this guy in jail, right? You want him to pay for this…" As Abby slowly faced her, she gestured with a hand to Carter. "The one way you can be sure that he's never coming back is to put him in jail. Are you hearing me, Abby?"
Twenty minutes later, Abby, Susan and Detective Johns were sat around the table in the lounge. The detective was listening intently to Abby's account, and Susan was holding her hand, squeezing gently as she spoke.
"That's all I can remember… I'm sorry." She had only managed to recount snippets of the argument before Carter got shot. Most of it she had tried to block out, but some of it was still there when she closed her eyes. She picked up a glass of water in a trembling hand, and sipped. The cool liquid steadied her, somewhat.
"It's ok, Miss Lockhart, really. You've had one hell of a night, I understand. It's important, though, that you try and remember as much as you can."
Abby shook her head, so her dark hair played about her troubled face. "I'm sorry. I've tried. I can't-"
"Ok. Well, we have enough to go on for now." The detective pulled a white card from her pocket and handed it over the table to Abby. "Here. I daresay the details will came back to you. Please, when they do, call me. I have to be getting back to the station." She stood up and pulled on her jacket. "I'm sorry, Miss Lockhart. I promise, we'll do all we can."
Abby nodded, and Susan stood up to show her out.
**********************************
Susan and Abby returned to Carter's side, and there they waited out the visiting hours, conversation sporadic and stilted. Abby just wanted to watch over Carter, but Susan's concern was for Abby.
"Are you hungry?"
"No." Abby shook her head.
"Thirsty, then?"
"I'm fine, Susan."
"Ok. You're sure?"
"Yes."
And so the silence descended again, till it was broken by an announcement over the Intercom, explaining that it was six o'clock, and that visiting hours were now over.
Susan stood up, stifled a yawn, and waited for Abby to follow her lead. When she didn't, Susan gently spoke.
"Abby, we have to go. We can stop by your apartment, if you like, pick up some bits?"
"What if something happens, while I'm gone?"
Susan sighed. "They have my number, and both Kerry and Elizabeth know that you're staying with me. They'll call if anything happens. You need to get some sleep. Come on, Abby, Let's go home." She moved around the bed and placed her hand on Abby's shoulder. "He'll be fine."
Abby stood, albeit reluctantly. Leaning down she kissed Carter's hand tenderly, then kissed his forehead.
Exhaling heavily, she gently placed his hand back on the bed, and allowed Susan to lead her away.
**********************************
Abby lay on her back, wide awake. Sleep seemed to have become so distant, even though she felt so tired. Sitting up, she rubbed her face, and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.
Padding toward the kitchen through Susan's lounge, a large cabinet caught her gaze. Looking at it through blurry eyes, she knew exactly what it held. Silently walking over to it, her head told her to walk away now, to go back to bed, to stay away. But her body wasn't listening. She reached up and pulled open the door.
Inside were a few different bottles, cocktail mixers, and some glasses lined up on a shelf above. She selected a half empty bottle of vodka, and took a glass down from the shelf.
She was shaking as she poured, and she fought to hold the glass still.
As she stood there, full glass in hand, staring into the clear liquid, all she could hear was Carter's voice, whispering over and over. "You want to go back to this?" She could hear his disappointment in her. If she drank this now, that's all she would ever hear.
Her body wanted it so badly, though, and it tightened its grip on the glass.
Her mind won out.
"I don't want this!" She lost control and the glass shattered in her hand, sending vodka and glass all over the floor.
She must have cried out, because Susan was at her side in an instant, sleep in her eyes.
"Abby?!? What…?"
"I broke your glass…" Abby said, staring at her shredded hand.
"My god, your hand…"
**********************************
It had been three days. Abby had barely left Carter's side. She arrived at the start of visiting hours, and Susan met her at the end.
She always took up the same seat, and grasped his hand. Sometimes, when Susan came to pick her up after her shift, she would be asleep, hunched over, her head on Carter's hand.
Susan knew that she wasn't getting any sleep during the nights, and often she found her in the mornings sitting beside the phone.
"Abby? You been here all night?" Susan gently placed her hand on Abby's shoulder.
She flinched at Susan's touch, and looked up at her with tired eyes.
"I thought that if something happened, and they called then I could…" She looked across at the phone that sat on its cradle only a few feet away.
"You can't go on like this... It's been days since you got the decent kind of sleep. You're gonna burn out if you keep this up."
"I can't sleep, Susan. I physically can't. I lay there and all I can think about is Carter, laying somewhere else." She returned her gaze to Susan.
"I'd take something, you know, to help me sleep? Only you don't seem to have anything. Kind of unusual, for a Doctor."
Susan looked away quickly.
"In fact, there isn't anything in your medicine cabinet at all. Except for plasters and Indigestion tablets." Abby's voice was monotonous, but her eyes said it all.
She'd thrown everything out that first night back, after finding Abby, but she'd hoped that Abby wouldn't notice.
Susan sat herself next to her, and tried to look her in the eye. "Abby… I was worried that you might…"
"Try to kill myself? I know. I don't blame you. If it wasn't for you, I-"
She was cut off by the seemingly deafening ring of the phone. Susan got to it before Abby could.
"Hello?"
"Susan? It's Elizabeth."
"What's wrong?" Susan snapped.
Abby was pacing, biting the nails on her un-bandaged hand, but when she heard Susan ask that she froze. Susan caught the alarmed stare from those big brown eyes and regretted sounding so tense.
"Everything's fine." Elizabeth reassured Susan, from the other end of the phone line, and she visibly relaxed.
Susan nodded to Abby that everything was ok, and she exhaled slowly, attempting to calm her swift heart.
"Could you tell Abby that we started bringing Carter off his sedatives earlier this morning, and he should start coming around by this evening."
"That's great news. Of course I'll tell her. Did Kerry get hold of his family?"
"His Grandmother has been in a couple of times, but I gather his mother and father are out of the country."
"Ok. Well, I'm sure we'll see you later. Thanks, Elizabeth."
"Sure."
She hung up the phone and began to recount what Elizabeth had said, enjoying seeing Abby's face erupt into a grin when she explained about the sedatives.
"You ready to go a bit early?"
Abby tilted her head questioningly. "Its two hours till visiting time, Susan, and at least three till your shift."
"Today is a good day. We should be able to get in a little early. You up for that?"
"Thanks, Susan. I'll just go change."
She disappeared into Susan's spare room, and Susan let out a heavy sigh. Maybe today would be the turning point. There was no way that Abby could go another few days like these.
**********************************
Abby felt Carter's fingers twitch under her own. She jumped up out of the chair, and leaned over him until her face was directly above his, studying it intently. With her other hand she stroked his cheek and hair, waiting and willing for him to open those big brown eyes she had missed for so long.
Finally, he managed it, and she gasped with relief, then with joy.
"Hey, Carter… Missed you."
He managed a tiny feeble smile.
Abby hit the buzzer, and Elizabeth and a couple of nurses were there in an instant.
"What's wrong?" Elizabeth's face was intense, worried. Abby smiled at her and simply said "He's back."
Elizabeth moved quickly around and began to shine her pen-light in Carter's eyes.
Abby could barely contain her relief and her delight. She was back to smiling her broad trademark smile and her eyes shone.
Elizabeth nodded to the nurses, "Get Dr Lewis and Dr Weaver, and call his family." and they left the three of them alone.
"Carter, do you remember what happened?" Elizabeth had her stethoscope on Carter's chest.
Carter nodded.
Elizabeth backed off, her exam done.
"You had to have surgery, to remove the bullets and repair the damage."
"Thank you." Carter managed, his throat dry.
"The bullet in your shoulder" Elizabeth continued, "caused some nerve and tendon damage. There's a chance that your use of that arm may be reduced. We'll have to wait and see."
Carter nodded again.
"You're on quite a high dose of pain meds, but we'll gradually reduce them as you recover. I'll be back to check on you soon." Elizabeth nodded, smiled, and disappeared, leaving Carter and Abby watching each other.
Abby was watching him, looking for the answers to her questions; Carter was watching her, just because he could.
Finally, he broke the silence.
"How long was I out?"
"About four days."
"Wow."
Carter's eyes fell on her bandaged hand. "What happened? Did he get to you?" Carter was frantic.
She pulled her hand away, out of sight, and ashamedly muttered "I broke a glass, that's all."
"Oh." Carter met her eyes, and she met his. Hers began to sting with tears as she realised what she was seeing. There was no trace of blame, only the love that she knew so well.
Carter frowned a little at her expression. "Are you ok?"
"I missed you so much." She smiled at him, and blinked back the tears.
"I dreamt about you."
She giggled. "Really?"
Just at that moment, Susan and Kerry came in, chatting excitedly amongst themselves. They reached Carter's bedside and beamed huge smiles at both Abby and Carter.
"Hey, Carter!" Susan bent down and hugged Carter, but Kerry just stood at the end of the bed grinning like a kid. "How're you feeling?"
"A little groggy, I guess."
Suddenly Susan and Kerry looked horrified. They looked at each other, then back to Carter. Kerry articulated their despair. "You need your rest. If you want us to go-"
"-No, Please, stay. Sit down." Carter managed a smile. "Tell me what's going on down in the ER."
**********************************
They didn't stay long. For a while, Carter and Abby sat in comfortable silence, glad to be once more together. Carter slipped in and out of sleep, the sedatives still having some effect. Then Elizabeth returned, did another check, made sure he wasn't in any pain, and then bustled out.
"Who's Bobby?" Abby almost whispered, anxiously reading Carter's face, checking for something, anything.
"Who told you about Bobby?" He frowned, and then added "Have my parents been in to visit? Did they say something to you about Bobby?"
"No, Carter, they're overseas. You told me about Bobby. You said he was sick."
Carter sighed, and nodded. "I didn't think they'd have come. Do they know? I should call them."
"Carter…" Abby squeezed his hand.
"Not now, Abby. Not here, hey?" The weariness really showed in Carter's voice now, and it had a waver that worried her.
"Ok, Carter. It's ok." She paused. "Do you want me to get you the phone? Kerry tried but we didn't have a current number."
Carter relaxed, but didn't smile. Clearly the thought of talking to his parents wasn't appealing. "I'll do it some other time."
"Kerry left a ton of messages. They'll call sooner or later. Just concentrate on getting well enough to come home."
A thought dawned on Carter. "Are you at home on your own? Alone?"
"I'm staying with Susan."
"Good. Good. You haven't seen him again, have you?" If she'd said yes, Carter, weak as he was, would have been out of that bed in a second. She knew as much, and it felt warm and fuzzy to have someone love her so. She smiled.
"Abby?"
She shook herself out of it, and soon she had no warm fuzzy feeling, just that hollow fear. "No. The police are still looking for him."
"Oh." Carter looked away from her to his other hand, lying in a sling on his chest. He tried to wiggle his fingers, but he couldn't. Pulling it from her grip, he used his other hand to squeeze his fingers, slowly, one by one.
"I can't feel-"
Abby tried to reassure him.
"It's ok. Elizabeth said it would take time…"
Carter just looked at her, his eyes distant; the next wave of pain meds seemed to be kicking in.
"So tired." He murmured. "Dreaming."
"What about?" Abby humoured him, selfishly trying to keep him awake so he wouldn't close his big brown eyes.
"Little girl… She looks like you."
His eyes closed despite her, but he kept talking.
"You're there too. It's sunny. It's nice."
"Sounds wonderful." Abby would give anything to be somewhere warm with Carter right now.
Carter was smiling. "She's our little girl, Abby. She's ours." He breathed a heavy, happy sigh, and drifted off to sleep.
She was ginning. Astonished, but grinning. A little girl. Their little girl.
Wow…
**********************************
