2001
Buffybot was happy. Willow had let her go grocery shopping. That was a very big responsibility, after all. Something only done by the most trustworthy.
Buffybot had everything she could ask for, loving friends, a little sister. If only Spike would smile at her again, or have wild monkey sex with her in his crypt…
FLASH!
Buffy stumbled, dropping a brown paper bag. A carton of eggs fell out, cracking open on the pavement.
"Oh crap." She looked around. "Now where's my yo-yo?"
1997
Buffybot blinked. It was suddenly night and she was in a graveyard. Sitting on a headstone.
And her yo-yo wouldn't come up. Darn.
Buffybot sighed unhappily. Darn that yo-yo!
"Hey," a voice said from behind her.
It was an annoying voice, reminiscent of hair gel and stupidity.
"Angel."
"Is this a bad time?"
Buffybot thought hard. "Yes, it is. You are here, talking to me. I don't like you, but I am forced to spend time with you, nevertheless."
Angel sighed and lowered his head. "Look, Buffy, I'm sorry for whatever I did. But you didn't need to practically…mate…with Xander on the dance floor."
Buffybot frowned. "I did not mate with Xander. He's my friend. I am incapable of producing biological offspring, thus I do not 'mate.'"
Angel sighed again. "Whatever. It's okay, Buffy. I know you only did it to make me jealous. Besides," he added with a smirk. "I saw what happened after. He wasn't man enough for you."
Buffybot smiled cheerfully. "Of course not. Only Spike is man enough for me!"
Angel frowned. "Spike? You aren't talking about the same Spike I think you're talking about, are you? No, of course not. You don't know Spike. Buffy, who are you talking about?"
Angel was thoroughly confused.
Buffybot was about to respond when a vampire broke out of his grave from behind. Buffybot searched her pockets. "Where is Mr. Pointy?"
Angel frowned again. "You named your stake?"
While Buffybot searched for her favorite stake, the newly risen vampire grabbed a shovel from the ground and whacked Angel on the head.
Finally finding a stake on the ground (which wasn't Mr. Pointy, but which would have to do for now), Buffybot calmly regarded the vamp and the grave he had come out of.
"You shouldn't have done that, Mr. Stephan Korshak," Buffybot said brightly. "Now your shovel is most likely bent out of shape by Angel's stupid hair." With that, she ducked a thrust of the shovel and plunged her stake into the vampire. "That'll put marzipan in your pie plate, bingo!"
Angel groaned and climbed up to his feet, rubbing his head. Miraculously, his hair still stood straight up, despite being flattened by a shovel. "What? Buffy, what did you say?"
Buffybot ignored him. "Is there something else you are going to say? Please speak, then you can go to LA, Angel."
"Look, Buffy, I don't know what I did—"
"If you are just going to talk all night, I'm going to leave. I have a job to do. Vampires of the world, beware!"
Buffy turned and walked away…only to fall into an open grave. Angel ran to the edge, peering in.
"Oh, dear me! I didn't notice—"
FLASH!
Angel blinked, staring down at a very annoyed Buffy.
"What the hell am I doing in a open grave?" Buffy yelled. "Is this some kind of sick joke?"
She climbed out, ignoring Angel's attempts to help.
"Spike is much nicer than you," she muttered, leaving the graveyard.
Angel frowned. Buffy was truly very confusing. And who exactly was this "Spike" she kept talking about? He only knew one person who went by that name, and he was last seen somewhere in Europe with Drusilla.
2001
Buffybot blinked. She had a bottle of opened nail polish in her hands. Pearly pink. And she was in the middle of painting Dawn's fingernails.
"Hi, Dawn. I'm back!" she said happily.
Dawn gave Buffybot a strained smile. "That's great, Bottie." She took the bottle of polish and recapped it.
"They were out of 'Purple Passion,'" a masculine voice announced from the doorway. "So I got the…"
Buffybot jumped up happily. "Oh Spike! I've missed you so very much! Angel is bloody stupid."
The vampire jumped away. "The Bot is back, then?"
Dawn nodded.
Buffybot grew sad. "You don't like me?"
"Oh no," Dawn said quickly. "We like you. It's just…we were sort of in the middle of doing something with the other Buffy. But we could always do that another time."
"I love you," Buffybot said, giving Dawn a hug. "You're my sister."
She turned to the doorway. "And I love you too—"
The vampire was gone.
1997
Buffy and Xander walked into the library, only to come across a very strange scene.
Giles cleared his throat. "W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable." He paused, staring at the empty chair. "You idiot!"
"Boy...I guess we never realized how much you like that chair," Buffy said dryly.
"I-I-I was just working on—" He knocked over a few books.
"Your pickup lines?"
"Um, in a manner of speaking, yes." He bent and picked up the books.
"Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood," Buffy commented.
"Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on," Xander mused, glancing at Buffy.
"I fear you." Buffy walked over to the table. "You also might wanna avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous', you know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um..."
"England?" Giles supplied.
"Yeah," Buffy replied. "You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.'"
"Oh, thank you, Cyrano," Giles interjected sarcastically.
"I'm not finished. Then you say, 'How do you feel about Mexican?'"
"About Mexicans?" Giles was confused.
"Mexican. Food? You take her for food, for which you then pay," Buffy explained, sitting at the table.
"Oh. Right."
So this chair-woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right?" Xander asked.
"W-what makes you think that?" Giles asked nervously.
"Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably doll-some, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her," said Xander, also sitting down.
"And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you. Add it all up and it all spells 'duh,'" Buffy added.
"Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?" Xander commented.
"You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business," Giles remarked, going up the stairs to the stacks.
"You know, because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen," Xander added.
Giles stopped walking and looked back at them. "So, um, how did things go last night? Did Mr. Korshak show up on schedule?"
"Huh? I mean, yeah, more or less, I guess. I think Angel and I took care of him."
"Angel," Xander said.
Buffy shot him a look. "There's something else, though. I found an empty grave."
"Another vampire?" Giles wondered.
"No. No, this one was dug up and the body was taken out."
"Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting," the Watcher mused.
"I know you meant to say gross and disturbing," Buffy said.
"Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it."
"So. Why does someone want to dig up graves?" Xander wondered.
"Well, I'll, uh, collect some theories. Uh, it would help if we knew who the body belonged to."
"Meredith Todd. Ring a bell?" Buffy asked.
"No," Xander said with a shrug.
"She died recently. She was Dawn's age. Uh, our age."
"Drawing a blank," Xander replied.
Giles gestured toward the computer. "Why don't we ask Willow to, uh, fire this thing up and, uh, track Meredith down?"
Buffy shrugged. "Sure." She picked up her bag. "Well, I gotta go. See you guys later."
2001
Buffybot made sandwiches. And more sandwiches. And more—
"Um, Bottie, that's probably enough sandwiches," Tara said, coming into the kitchen. Buffybot smiled.
"Okay, Tara. What should I do now?"
"Um, I th-think maybe you could—"
FLASH!
Buffy stared at the piles of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches lying around the kitchen. "Okay, very interesting setup you have here."
Tara gave her a smile. "The other Buffy was making sandwiches."
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Is she some type of robot without an 'off' switch?"
Tara gave a weak laugh. "No, not exactly."
Buffy frowned. "What—"
"Hey! Buffy, you're back!" Dawn ran up to the startled Slayer and gave her a hug. "Now we can finish your nails. Spike didn't find the shade you wanted, though."
Buffy smiled at the younger girl's eagerness. "Sure, Dawnie."
1997
No one noticed the flash of light.
The dark-haired boy flashed another picture of Cordelia.
"Stop it! What are you doing? We are under fluorescent light, for God's sake."
"The camera loves you!" he replied.
"I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till spring," she remarked haughtily.
The boy took another picture and winked. "It's for my private collection."
"Eric! Will you quit it?" another boy said.
Buffybot walked over to where Willow stood, by the Science Fair sign-up table. "Hi, Willow! Oooh! I love science!"
Buffybot saw the boy with the camera and gave him a big smile.
"Looking good, Summers," Eric said with a wink. He snapped a succession of pictures.
Buffybot kept on smiling. "Thank you for the compliment. I don't know you. Who are you?"
Eric didn't have a chance to respond as the boy Willow was speaking to dragged him away.
"Uh, hey Buffy. What are you doing here?"
Buffybot looked at the table. "Apparently I am here to sign up for a science fair project. Oooh, I think I'll do robotics."
Willow stared at her friend as she signed herself up on the sign-up sheet.
2001
Buffy chattered away with Dawn about clothes and boys, finding out shocking news about fashions to come.
"Omg! My favorite white jacket is going out by '98? That cost 3 months of allowance!"
Dawn rolled her eyes. To think this was her older, self-righteous sister. She leaned forward conspiratorially. "So, what's the scoop on your guy?"
It was Buffy's turn to roll her eyes. "I don't have a guy."
"I thought you were going with Angel?" Dawn said with a smirk.
Buffy sighed. "I thought I was. Then he started actually like an arrogant son-of-a…um, a not-nice person. A self-involved, egotistical jerk."
Dawn smiled to herself. She'd never liked Angel. "So, any other love interests?"
Buffy blushed. "Um, no! Of course not!"
Dawn giggled. "Yeah, right. Don't forget, I am your sister. I know when you're lying."
Buffy frowned. "Oh yeah, by the way, I don't think anybody exactly explained the whole you're-my-sister deal."
Dawn rolled her eyes. "You know I can't tell you that. Don't try to get off topic. Spill." She leaned forward eagerly, wriggling her newly-pink toes.
A slow smile broke out over Buffy's face. "I know it's not exactly right; I mean, it could never possibly work," she began.
Outside the room, coming up the stairs with a new bottle of "Purple Passion", a vampire suddenly stopped walking.
Dawn rolled her eyes again. "Oh, puh-lease. Like that's ever stopped you?" she muttered under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing. Go on."
"Well, he's been really nice, "Buffy continued. "The times he's around, that is. Really sweet, which is rare to find in a guy. Plus he's hot. Majorly hot."
"And his name would be…"
Buffy glanced around the room. "It's that guy that always hangs around here. Spike."
"I knew it! I knew you had a thing for him!" Dawn squealed as Buffy's face colored again. The girls heard a thump and a yell of, "Oh, bloody hell!" coming from outside.
Buffy paled. "Omg…"
Dawn gulped.
FLASH!
