A/N: Sorry for the long time between updates! I'm working on another story right now, as well as juggling varying loads of schoolwork (drat that compendium!). For those of you that have no idea what I'm writing about, I suggest you watch "Intervention" in Season 5 (ahem, Kazi). Or you could always go to www.buffyworld.com if you're lazy (like me).

1997

Buffybot patrolled happily through the cemetery. Tomorrow night was Parent-Teacher Night, and she wanted her mom to be proud of what a great job she was doing with the decorations. Buffybot was glad that Willow had programmed all those art skills. She had only spilled the paint twice and the other Willow had assured her that she could get the blue paint out of her white carpet. Then she had nicely suggested that Buffybot go out to patrol while she and Xander finished the banners.

What nice friends she had.

What Buffybot wanted to do right now was find Spike, of course. And her internal tracking led her here.

And yet, Spike was nowhere to be seen.

"Spike? Where are you?" she called out again. "It's dark and scary and I need your extremely sexy yet manly—"

"What is your bloody problem?!" He stepped out from behind the Alpert crypt, practically livid. Well, as livid as a corpse could be. "Can't we just fight, get it over with?"

Buffybot gave him what she thought was a sultry smile. If vampires could pee…

Buffybot advanced on her hapless victim. "Ready for a little rough and tumble?" she asked breathily, shrugging off her jacket.

The vampire backed away rapidly, until he was flattened against a nearby crypt wall, unable to back away further.

"Hold it right there," he choked out. "Slayer, are you mental?"

Buffybot just gave him a brilliant smile and advanced…

2001

Buffy strolled through the cemetery, waiting to be pulled back at any minute. Just any minute now.

She stopped walking and sighed, impatiently tapping her heeled boots on the ground. What was taking so long? She wanted to be with her friends…the friends in her own time. Everyone here was super-nice and all, but there was so much that she didn't understand. So much they weren't telling her.

Hmm. Where could she go pass the time? Buffy smiled to herself. The Bronze was always a good choice on any night of the week.

She sighed. There really was nowhere else to be. She didn't really want to go back to the house and be with her family and friends. Family and friends who were practically strangers.

And not to mention the temptation that was always lurking around. Why did she have to go for those lurky types? Why not settle down with a nice, normal guy or something?

FLASH!

Buffybot looked around in confusion.

"Where did he go?"

She sighed sadly, then headed back for Revello Drive. How had the vampire been able to get over there so very quickly?

Maybe Willow would know. Willow, after all, was her best friend. And recently gay.

1997

Buffy jumped away like she had touched a hot plate. Her face flushed more brightly than her best friend's hair.

"I-I…um…"

The vampire that had previously been pinned to the ground by robotic strength scrambled up and fastened the buttons of his prized duster. His black T-shirt was ripped to shreds, a casualty of war.

"That's it! No sodding Slayer is worth this."

"W-wait!" Buffy called out, confused. "Um, I'm really sorry for whatever might have happened. I swear, if I didn't know better, I would have thought I got zapped back to 1997 or something, but that can't be right 'cause you're here, right? Anyway, I'm babbling. The thing is, I was just patrolling, I swear, and suddenly I'm here, straddling you and umm…"

Spike just stared at the small blond girl. Something was slightly off about her. She was…different. Not in just a schizophrenic way.

"Let's just get this over with," he gritted out. "You, me, fight. No cheating, no dirty tricks. No following a bloke around and straining his nerves."

"Um, Spike, I'm really, really sorry. Really. I swear. And I definitely wasn't stalking you. No way," she babbled. "I mean, I like you. I really do. But you knew that already, right?"

He snorted. "Sure got a way of showing it," he muttered darkly.

Buffy didn't hear. "But I'm not following you around or anything. 'Cause I know you like the Buffy from 2001, not me. So that's why I really want Willow to get her ingredients together…so I can be back. For good." She blushed and drew in a big breath, gathering courage. "So I can get together with you…the other you."

Spike just stared at the insane Slayer babbling in front of him. Bloody hell was she twisted…

"And I'm sure you want this to be over, too, so that you can get together with the other Buffy. And I'm really sorry if I did anything inappropriate."

As confused and shocked as Spike had been, nothing terrified him more when the Slayer suddenly stepped forth and gave him a hug. Nothing overwhelming or passionate like she had been mere minutes ago.

Just a friendly hug.

"I guess I'll see you later," she said, slightly abashed. Then the girl ran off through the tombstones.

Spike stared off after her. He couldn't fathom this one, try as he might. Infuriating, yes. Utterly annoyingly exasperating. Truly a terrifying specimen. Just wait until Saturday.

Yet as he walked back toward the Factory to be with his dark princess, a part of the vampire thought still of her soft vanilla fragrance as her small, soft body enveloped his in a gentle embrace. And he could easily imagine that same body in different positions, much like the ones she had forced him into earlier…

These feelings were wrong, utterly and completely. Drusilla was his only love, after all. But the Slayer! Her influence still lingered. She had polluted his mind; she was destroying him from the inside out.

Maybe he should kill her before St. Vigeous.

2001

"Buffybot! How was your trip?" Willow asked, seeing the blank smile on the Slayer's face as she walked into the door. "Remember what we said about facial expressions?"

Buffybot shook her head, still smiling. "No, Willow, my best friend. You're recently gay." She looked around. "Where is Spike? I was about to have lots of sex with him, but he disappeared."

The redheaded witch blanched. "W-what? What are you talking about? Bottie, did you have a memory glitch?"

Buffybot shook her head, still cheerful. "Oh, no! When that nasty vampire attacked me in the alley, he cleared up a few memory blocks and enabled the disabled functions. That's all."

Willow shook her head, still puzzled. "Vampire…alley…where?"

"Outside the Bronze," Buffybot replied happily. "He said something about St. Vigeous. Maybe it's important. Should I tell Guy-iles?"

Willow grew paler and shook her head frantically. "No! No, don't tell Guy-iles…uh, Giles…anything. Are you sure he mentioned St. Vigeous?"

Buffybot nodded. "Yes, I'm completely certain." Then she grinned mischievously. "And Spike was there, too. He was playing hard-to-get."

"Uh, what do you mean by that?" Willow asked nervously, swallowing the growing lump in her throat. This was bad, very bad. Time travel was so dangerous because of the chance that one might accidentally change events in the past. "Did-did he happen to say anything to you? Did you talk to him?"

Buffybot's face blanked as she began to replay the audio.

"[Sounds of clapping.]

'Nice work, luv.'

'Spike! I-I want to hurt you, but I can't resist the sinister attraction of your cold and muscular body. Oh, Spike, ravish me!'

[A thump. Flesh on flesh.]

'Oh, so that's Mr. Mystery Guy. Your new boyfriend?'

'Spike, don't you want me?'

'Slayer, you're bloody crazy. I've never seen you in my sodding life. I don't know what the bloody hell you're talking about, or how you even know my na—

[Another thump.]

'Are you gonna do it that way? Not even give a bloke a chance to fight back—'

'No.'

[A sound of fabric ripping.]

'This way.'

'Do it already.'

'I could never do it.'

[A clatter of something falling to the ground.]

'I'm helpless against you, you fiend. Darn your sinister attraction.'

'ARRRGH!'

[Another thump. Sounds of running.]"

Buffybot gave Willow a wide smile. "End playback," she announced proudly. "Now where's Spike?"

Willow sighed, beginning to massage her forehead. "That vamp must have hit you harder than you thought. Bottie, let's go get you fixed up. And don't ever tell anyone what you just showed me."

1997

Parent-teacher night.

Buffy was doling out drinks into cups, trying to make things as perfect as possible. No big bad demons tonight. No apocalypse she had to fight. Just her own skin to save.

Willow walked over, with a cheerful smile and long red hair. Buffy had missed that in the older version of her friend.

"What kinda punch did you make?"

"Uh, lemonade." Buffy promptly gave her a cup. "I made it fresh and everything," she said proudly.

"How much sugar did you use?" Willow asked, taking a small sip. She made a face and quickly put the cup down while Buffy remained oblivious.

"Sugar?"

"It's very good," Willow said, trying to sound sincere and failing miserably. But her friend didn't notice, trying with all her might to make this night a perfect one for her mom.

"Okay, now all I have to do is keep my mother and Snyder from crossing paths for the rest of the night."

Willow glanced behind Buffy and immediately put on a big smile. "Hi, Mrs. Summers!"

Buffy's eyes widened as she turned to face Joyce.

"Hi, Willow. Hi, honey. Did you, uh, do all this?"

"Yeah! Um, here, have some lemonade. Right after Willow shows you the library. I have to stay here and hostess." She raised her eyebrows in the direction of the rat-like man approaching this way.

Willow got the message. "Great, the library. Uh, um, ooh, no, G-Giles and everyone..."

"...Is locked in there studying. Right. French class it is!"

She smiled brightly as Willow led her unsuspecting mother away, then sighed, deflating slightly as her heart rate slowed to normal. Giles was researching on St. Vigeous and Snyder had been so close to—

"Was that your mother?"

Buffy grabbed a cup and a ladle full of lemonade and turned toward him. "Here."

She "accidentally" spilled the drink. Anything for a delay. "Oh! Oh, sorry! Um, yeah! Yeah, I was gonna introduce you, but, um, she wouldn't have said much. Y'know, she doesn't speak a word of English."

The principal didn't exactly believe her. He gave Buffy a suspicious glare and moved in the direction Willow had taken her mother.

Buffy glanced up at the clock. Just 6:15. Almost three hours of pure torment left…

2001

Buffybot cheerfully set the table, taking care to make everything perfect, even adding a centerpiece.

"Bottie! We do not put the houseplants on the table!" Willow quickly maneuvered the potted tree off the table and back into the corner. "I know you're trying, Bottie, but try not to overdo it, okay?"

Buffybot didn't understand why here recently gay best friend was so impatient and perplexed today. Usually it took more than a simple mistake to cause Willow to raise her voice.

"I'm sorry, Will—"

FLASH!

Willow groaned. So not what she needed right now.

"—I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and—oh, hi, Willow. Thank God I'm back here. Talking with Cordelia on Parent-Teacher Night? Not fun."

The redheaded witch just stared, all anxieties gone. Gone and replaced by new fears.

"P-parent-Teacher Night?" she stammered, seeming for a moment like the babbling Willow Buffy knew and loved.

Her friend nodded. "Yeah. What about it?"

Willow sighed. Oh, boy. "Um, well…"

The back door opened. A bleached-blond vampire trudged in, setting the take-out on the kitchen counter.

Willow gulped. She was so caught up in her own problems that she didn't see the Slayer next to her blush a deep crimson.

1997

"Hi. I'm Joyce Summers. I'm Buffy's mother."

Buffybot merely smiled, seeing Mrs. Summers, her biological ancestor, offer her hand to the rat-like principal.

He ignored her gesture. "Principal Snyder. I'm afraid we need to talk. My office is down here."

Buffybot watched them walk away with a bright smile on her face. The brunette next to her mirrored her expression.

"When they're done talking...My guess? Tenth high school reunion, you'll still be grounded."

Buffybot looked at her for a moment as the information processed.

"You're Cordelia! You're a cheerleader. And you work with Angel in LA. He's lame and his hair grows straight up."

Cordelia narrowed her eyes. "What drugs are you taking?"

"Cordelia, have some lemonade," Willow suggested kindly, ever the problem solver. Buffybot gave her a dazzling smile.

"You're my best friend! You're very smart."

Willow smiled sheepishly. "No big. We all have Cordelia-related problems."

Just then, Principal Snyder walked back with Joyce Summers. He looked oddly smug; she looked furious.

"In the car, now."

Buffybot smiled and nodded happily. "Of course, Mom." She started to follow her mother out.

When suddenly a large window exploded inwards.

Two vampires burst through.

More and more followed them, until a small gang of them assembled in a rather orderly fashion. Like everyone else in the room, Buffybot stared at these new arrivals. But not with fear or panic, but rather adoration.

And lust. Don't forget the lust.

"What can I say? I couldn't wait," the lead vampire said with a cocky smirk.

That was the wrong thing to say.