A/N: Awe, the story's nearing its end. Oh well, there's still some laughs
to be had. R&R if you can, only maybe 1 or 2 more chapters. Bah. I'll
post my fanart to go with this fic soon (for those of you who care =P).
Sorry this chapter is so long people, but I'm working in an office during
the summer and have nothing else to do but make up these scenarios in my
head. Sad, I know.
Cheers.
PS: THANKS TO MY BETA-READER TWINLAKESHGRL! YOU ROCK FOR REVIEWING THIS LONG CHAPTER.
Title: Patience
Author: Eyana
Rating: PG-13. Will be strong language later... now its pretty tame.
Summary: Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine... So I'm left with crap.
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com. No flames please.
CHAPTER SIX:
Hour: Five
There is absolutely nothing in the universe more disgusting than crawling with your hands and knees on a sticky pink carpet that smells like pixie barf.
One winced with every move and tried to sink into the horrible fluffy surface as little as possible and waited for Princess Aurora (also known as Samantha) and Princess Mologugu (also known as That Bastard) to board the wagon. Twitching, One turned over his hand and looked at the soiled surface, refusing to imagine what his pants now looked like. He had tried to conceive why he and his brother were now unable to phase, but it made his poor dreadlocked head hurt and eventually the program gave up and kneeled there silently. One wondered if he would ever be able to phase again, not because he needed to heal but because he desperately needed to regenerate his clothes. He had thought he spotted a loose thread and it scared him, deeply.
Two was itching his scalp under the revolting blonde wig Samantha had plunked on his head, convinced it was the home to at least 20 new species of lice. The dress he was now wearing smelled funny, like it had been rubbed against a wet dog, but Two believed he could handle it as long as he could see his other half shuddering on the carpet. Samantha had been carefully applying an insane shade of red onto her lips, however most of the lipstick resided on her cheeks and chin - making her smile literally spread from ear to ear.
Two was sure that even he could apply makeup better than that pig-nosed pickle.
Smiling into the over-sized pink mirror, Samantha looked up and shot a look at Two, whose heart immediately catapulted against his ribcage.
Shit. He made eye contact.
"Dos youz wants sum lipsticky?" Her horrid grin was even more troubling now that it had tripled in size.
"What makes you possibly think that I would answer 'yes' to that question?" Two snorted.
"Becauses I knows yuz wants to bes pretty toos."
Two's eyebrows knitted together, deeply disturbed by the child's reason.
"..... How do I logically respond to that?"
The two princesses were interrupted by a loud grunt from the floor.
"UGH! AREGH YOUGH GONNAGH STARTH 'THISTH OR NOTH?" One struggled to form words around the large bridle in his mouth.
"Calms down horesey or I gets dah whip." Samantha purred.
Two's eyes budged with a mixture of disgust and amusement. "Did the Merovingian program you to be this kinky?"
The midget princess lifted her dress and elegantly boarded the wagon, adjusting her tiara as she sat down so that it gleamed in the light at just the right angle. The wagon was just big enough for two people to sit, one behind the other, rather uncomfortably. The "ugly sister" followed, looked around with fear at the small area he had to sit and grumbled. He would have to hang both of his legs on either side of the wagon, as there was no room to kneel like Samantha was doing at the front.
Two wondered if Samantha had planned it that way.
She probably did.
Reluctantly, and now convinced that every shred of dignity he had once retained was now taken by this sparklingly pink frilly nightmare, Two sat and tried to get as comfortable as possible. His rather binding dress only allowed him to maneuver in certain ways, however he managed to barely fit in the end of the wagon, nevertheless ripping his dress even further.
"AAAARRGGH! WHATGH THEH FUCKGH ISH IN DEES CARPETSH?" One complained loudly from the front.
Samantha suddenly grabbed the reins that where attached to One's bridle. She then pulled a rather strange device from a pocket in her dress, a glittery twirl baton with springs of shimmering ribbon coming out the ends. Not wasting any time, she held the reins sternly and abruptly poked One with the stick.
In the butt.
Hard.
"OOOWWWGH! WHATGH THEH FUCKGH WAHS THATGH?"
Some muffled laughter came from Two.
"Okays horsey, wes bez twos booteful princessesss and wes be wantings to gets to dah ball! Dahs prince wills bes waiting."
"DID YOUGH JUSTGH POKE MY ASSGH WITGH A STICKH?!"
Samantha didn't respond. She simply poked him stiffly twice more.
"OWGH!"
"OWGH!"
Sighing and already feeling his mind slipping into insane anger from the jutting pain in his rear, One braced himself and started to try to pull the wagon. It was incredibly heavy (the weight largely contributed to by his dear brother) and One found his hands and knees sinking deeply into the carpeting with every effort. As a program, he was encoded with superior strength and stamina, rarely had he encountered an obstacle that in time he could not overcome. Therefore it was troubling that this was so difficult. In about five minutes he had pulled the wagon a mere three inches.
They remained like that for twenty more minutes, One on the floor with a pink saddle strapped to his back and covered in a gummy substance and Samantha perched elegantly at the front of the wagon poking One's butt with a stick every few seconds. Two's legs were sprawled awkwardly on either side of the "carriage" in the back, his shirt and vest puffing out past the pink gown making his stomach look bloated.
"Fashter horesey! Fashter!"
Grunting, and now twitching extensively, One attempted to abide to her wishes. Sweat trickled down his brow and temples, his mouth ached from the strain, and his hands seemed now permanently coated in the sticky residue. He could once again feel the tethers of his sanity unwind as both the physical and mental stress began to surpass his threshold.
"FASHTER!"
"Must..hold.. on"
"FASHTER!"
"Must... not... loose... it..."
"FASHTER!"
"Must. get. Key!"
Two could sense his brother's mounting tension. It began to worry him, he had never seen his brother convulse quite like that.
"FFFFAAAAAASSSSHHTTEEERRRRR!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!!!!!"
One stopped pulling, sharply removed the bridle from his mouth, and stood up before Samantha could react. He then roughly grabbed the baton from her outstretched hand (which was ready to poke One in the butt again) and snapped it in two.
This was it.
One took a deep breath, and prepared to say all that had been mounting in his brain for the past four hours. For the moment, all thoughts about the key and getting out of the room disintegrated into a raging puddle of albino fury.
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU ARE A SPOILED SELFISH INSANE CHUBBY HORRID LITTLE GIRL WHO COULD NOT GET ANYONE TO PLAY WITH HER WILLINGLY IF SHE TRIED! YOU LAUGH LIKE A BULLFROG GETTNG ELECTROCUTED, YOU SMELL STRANGELY LIKE AN OUTHOUSE IN THE SUN AND YOU'RE DIRTY! FILTHY! MOTHER OF MATRIX YOU NEED A BATH! AND YOU GOT ME DIRTY TOO! JUST LOOK AT MY PANTS! AND YOU KICKED ME IN THE CROTCH! DO YOU HAVE ANY POSSIBLE IDEA HOW MUCH MY LIFE WILL DEGRADE IF THERE IS SHRINKAGE AND I CAN'T PHASE? FUCK, IT BETTER NOT BE CROOKED! HONESTLY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
One panted, exhausted with everything he had released, yet waiting for the midget to respond with some stinging obnoxious comment.
There was none.
Surprised by the silence One looked up to see the child staring back at him, mouth open reveling her crooked teeth framed by that horrid red- painted border. Her body was frozen in position, her eyes wide and paralyzed, her eyebrows fixated into an awful hurt expression.
Then it happened.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tears sprung from her eyes, leapt in every direction, cascading down her face like newly formed waterfalls. Her mouth was a giant abyss, you could actually see her tonsils quake, producing the loudest most horrendous screeching sound the Twins have ever heard in their lives. It radiated into the air, shook every oxygen particle, bounced off the glittery walls and pounded into the ears of the brothers.
No human child could ever cry like this.
Two leapt off the wagon and ran to his brother in an attempt to get farther from the unbelievable noise. Both Twins desperately tried to block out the blast by covering their ears, however it accomplished little. Two was certain the sound would shatter his teeth from the vibration at any second. The whole room seemed to shake.
"What the hell is it doing?!" One attempted to yell over the noise.
"Good job you ASS. It's CRYING!" Two stammered.
"WHAT?" One was completely at a loss, after all, what he said wasn't that bad. "How do we stop it?"
"How the HELL am I supposed to know? I know just as much about CHILDREN as you do!"
One could feel his blood vessels begin to explode in his brain. This had to be stopped. Now.
"There MUST be SOMETHING you remember about crying children! THINK!" One yelled at his brother, whose sunglasses were beginning to crack from the blare.
Two frantically searched through his memory files, looking for anything that could remotely help their situation. He came across a small bit of information, a hazed memory from long ago. He had been waiting with his brother in a doctor's office, Merovingian was inquiring to the surgeons there about some sort of nipple surgery. The Twins didn't want to know more than that. After about an hour a young woman entered the office with her husband and baby. Immediately disturbed, the Twins moved over one seat away from the squirming wrinkly pink thing that the mother was holding. One buried his face in the "Martha Stewart Living" he was reading, attempting to block out the hairless chubby midget by analyzing the proper way to make quiche crust. Two, on the other hand, decided to calmly observe the small being and its mother, he had never really seen a human baby this closely. Frightened by the albino's leering stare the baby started to cry, a sound that made One get up and leave to "go to the washroom." It was then that the mother did something to calm the plump maggot, she bent lower to it and.. began to SING. The soothing melody instantly stopped the baby's wails, and it fell to sleep.
"AHA!" Two exclaimed happily, having successfully retrieved the bit of data.
"What?!" One demanded.
Samantha had not quieted down in the slightest. If anything, she was getting louder.
"I know what will stop her from crying. One of us needs to sing to her, the sound appears to have some sort of hypnotic effect on children. It will instantly cease her howling." Two said proudly, protruding his chin out slightly.
"WHAT? SING? THAT'S INSANE!"
"Do you have any better ideas?"
"No. But your idea still sucks ass."
"You know what? I think you should be the one to sing to her."
"ME? I don't know any songs that children would like!"
"YOU made her cry. This is technically your fault."
"SHE KICKED ME IN THE CROTCH AND POKED ME IN THE ASS WITH A STICK!"
"It was a baton. Not a stick."
"WHAT-FUCKING-EVER!"
Samantha was beginning to turn blue. The child had not drawn breath since she had started to cry.
Two's code was about to scramble from the unbelievable volume still spewing from the creature's lungs.
"I don't give a hamster's ASS what you sing, just SING SOMETHING BEFORE WE ALL GET CORRUPTED!"
One fumed and gritted his teeth, yet he knew that his brother was right. However he had no idea what he could possibly sing that would soothe the child enough to stop crying. Most of the music he listened too involved heavy screeching rock and too many lyrics with blasphemous cusses and numerous versions of the word "SEX" in them. Not very appropriate. Wincing, there was only one other song he knew. Like many things he learned, One had acquired this tune from TV. It was a guilty pleasure to sing along when it happened to come up.
A puddle was forming around Samantha's runners. Her dress was practically soaked with tears.
Shit. This would be the first time he would sing this in front of anyone. It would probably be the last.
One took a deep breath, opened his mouth, closed his eyes so as not to see his brother's reaction, and began.
"'Doo doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-WAH!'"
Samantha quieted down slightly, allowing for One's voice to be a little more audible.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT COMES, FRESH GOES BETTER IN LIFE, AND MENTOS IS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE.."
Two's mouth fell into a horribly disgusted expression.
"NOTHING GETS TO YOU, STAYING FRESH STAYING COOL, WITH MENTOS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE!"
Samantha's eyes opened enough to see One through her tear-stained vision.
One's body got into it for the grand finale, his hips jiggled and he did "jazz hands".
"FRESH GOES BETTER, (MENTOS FRESHNESS), FRESH GOES BETTER WITH MENTOS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE!"
Samantha smiled; her crying had now been reduced to muffled whimpers. Two smacked his head against the wall loudly. One grabbed one of the broken baton pieces and held it up as if it we a candy dispenser.
"MENTOS. THE FRESHMAKER!"
Two was frozen is a mixture of awe and uncomprehending horror. Samantha giggled and clapped her hands.
One blushed slightly, lowered his hands and dropped the baton. He glanced over at his brother who had a confused expression on his face.
"What the HELL do those words mean anyway? 'Fresh goes better in Life? What the fuck!" Two asked, an eyebrow raised.
One smirked, brushed off his hands, and motioned for Two to look at the child, who had completely stopped crying.
Two sighed with relief and he slowly lowered his hands from his ears. "Good job."
But Samantha now had her arms crossed, her face sculpted into an anticipating expression. It was quite obvious what she was waiting for. An apology.
*****************************************************************
Hmm... I think there's only going to be one more chapter. BTW, I don't own the Mentos song, Mentos candy, and any other companies that song is associated with. But I will say it must be one of the most strange and confusing jingles ever written. "Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life?" What the fuck does that mean? It boggles the freak'n mind!
Cheers.
PS: THANKS TO MY BETA-READER TWINLAKESHGRL! YOU ROCK FOR REVIEWING THIS LONG CHAPTER.
Title: Patience
Author: Eyana
Rating: PG-13. Will be strong language later... now its pretty tame.
Summary: Merovingian has a little 'test' in store for the Twins.
Distribution: Ask me first, archive later.
Warnings: Minor Twin/Twin allusions, but mostly just ridicules and delicious fun.
Author's Note: My first fanfic. Note: I made the twins a lot more individual than I would have if this had been a serious fic (using "I" instead of "We" etc), but its humor so I think I have a bit more freedom to screw around. The story is set before Reloaded, but I guess it doesn't really matter with this story too much. Also, I'm sure there are some mistakes about the technicalities of the Matrix in here (keys, etc) but just try to ignore them.
Disclaimer: God, I WISH I owned the Twins. Matrix universe property WB etc. blah blah blah. Everything else is mine... So I'm left with crap.
Feedback: E-mail me at chrissy_butter@hotmail.com. No flames please.
CHAPTER SIX:
Hour: Five
There is absolutely nothing in the universe more disgusting than crawling with your hands and knees on a sticky pink carpet that smells like pixie barf.
One winced with every move and tried to sink into the horrible fluffy surface as little as possible and waited for Princess Aurora (also known as Samantha) and Princess Mologugu (also known as That Bastard) to board the wagon. Twitching, One turned over his hand and looked at the soiled surface, refusing to imagine what his pants now looked like. He had tried to conceive why he and his brother were now unable to phase, but it made his poor dreadlocked head hurt and eventually the program gave up and kneeled there silently. One wondered if he would ever be able to phase again, not because he needed to heal but because he desperately needed to regenerate his clothes. He had thought he spotted a loose thread and it scared him, deeply.
Two was itching his scalp under the revolting blonde wig Samantha had plunked on his head, convinced it was the home to at least 20 new species of lice. The dress he was now wearing smelled funny, like it had been rubbed against a wet dog, but Two believed he could handle it as long as he could see his other half shuddering on the carpet. Samantha had been carefully applying an insane shade of red onto her lips, however most of the lipstick resided on her cheeks and chin - making her smile literally spread from ear to ear.
Two was sure that even he could apply makeup better than that pig-nosed pickle.
Smiling into the over-sized pink mirror, Samantha looked up and shot a look at Two, whose heart immediately catapulted against his ribcage.
Shit. He made eye contact.
"Dos youz wants sum lipsticky?" Her horrid grin was even more troubling now that it had tripled in size.
"What makes you possibly think that I would answer 'yes' to that question?" Two snorted.
"Becauses I knows yuz wants to bes pretty toos."
Two's eyebrows knitted together, deeply disturbed by the child's reason.
"..... How do I logically respond to that?"
The two princesses were interrupted by a loud grunt from the floor.
"UGH! AREGH YOUGH GONNAGH STARTH 'THISTH OR NOTH?" One struggled to form words around the large bridle in his mouth.
"Calms down horesey or I gets dah whip." Samantha purred.
Two's eyes budged with a mixture of disgust and amusement. "Did the Merovingian program you to be this kinky?"
The midget princess lifted her dress and elegantly boarded the wagon, adjusting her tiara as she sat down so that it gleamed in the light at just the right angle. The wagon was just big enough for two people to sit, one behind the other, rather uncomfortably. The "ugly sister" followed, looked around with fear at the small area he had to sit and grumbled. He would have to hang both of his legs on either side of the wagon, as there was no room to kneel like Samantha was doing at the front.
Two wondered if Samantha had planned it that way.
She probably did.
Reluctantly, and now convinced that every shred of dignity he had once retained was now taken by this sparklingly pink frilly nightmare, Two sat and tried to get as comfortable as possible. His rather binding dress only allowed him to maneuver in certain ways, however he managed to barely fit in the end of the wagon, nevertheless ripping his dress even further.
"AAAARRGGH! WHATGH THEH FUCKGH ISH IN DEES CARPETSH?" One complained loudly from the front.
Samantha suddenly grabbed the reins that where attached to One's bridle. She then pulled a rather strange device from a pocket in her dress, a glittery twirl baton with springs of shimmering ribbon coming out the ends. Not wasting any time, she held the reins sternly and abruptly poked One with the stick.
In the butt.
Hard.
"OOOWWWGH! WHATGH THEH FUCKGH WAHS THATGH?"
Some muffled laughter came from Two.
"Okays horsey, wes bez twos booteful princessesss and wes be wantings to gets to dah ball! Dahs prince wills bes waiting."
"DID YOUGH JUSTGH POKE MY ASSGH WITGH A STICKH?!"
Samantha didn't respond. She simply poked him stiffly twice more.
"OWGH!"
"OWGH!"
Sighing and already feeling his mind slipping into insane anger from the jutting pain in his rear, One braced himself and started to try to pull the wagon. It was incredibly heavy (the weight largely contributed to by his dear brother) and One found his hands and knees sinking deeply into the carpeting with every effort. As a program, he was encoded with superior strength and stamina, rarely had he encountered an obstacle that in time he could not overcome. Therefore it was troubling that this was so difficult. In about five minutes he had pulled the wagon a mere three inches.
They remained like that for twenty more minutes, One on the floor with a pink saddle strapped to his back and covered in a gummy substance and Samantha perched elegantly at the front of the wagon poking One's butt with a stick every few seconds. Two's legs were sprawled awkwardly on either side of the "carriage" in the back, his shirt and vest puffing out past the pink gown making his stomach look bloated.
"Fashter horesey! Fashter!"
Grunting, and now twitching extensively, One attempted to abide to her wishes. Sweat trickled down his brow and temples, his mouth ached from the strain, and his hands seemed now permanently coated in the sticky residue. He could once again feel the tethers of his sanity unwind as both the physical and mental stress began to surpass his threshold.
"FASHTER!"
"Must..hold.. on"
"FASHTER!"
"Must... not... loose... it..."
"FASHTER!"
"Must. get. Key!"
Two could sense his brother's mounting tension. It began to worry him, he had never seen his brother convulse quite like that.
"FFFFAAAAAASSSSHHTTEEERRRRR!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH!!!!!"
One stopped pulling, sharply removed the bridle from his mouth, and stood up before Samantha could react. He then roughly grabbed the baton from her outstretched hand (which was ready to poke One in the butt again) and snapped it in two.
This was it.
One took a deep breath, and prepared to say all that had been mounting in his brain for the past four hours. For the moment, all thoughts about the key and getting out of the room disintegrated into a raging puddle of albino fury.
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? YOU ARE A SPOILED SELFISH INSANE CHUBBY HORRID LITTLE GIRL WHO COULD NOT GET ANYONE TO PLAY WITH HER WILLINGLY IF SHE TRIED! YOU LAUGH LIKE A BULLFROG GETTNG ELECTROCUTED, YOU SMELL STRANGELY LIKE AN OUTHOUSE IN THE SUN AND YOU'RE DIRTY! FILTHY! MOTHER OF MATRIX YOU NEED A BATH! AND YOU GOT ME DIRTY TOO! JUST LOOK AT MY PANTS! AND YOU KICKED ME IN THE CROTCH! DO YOU HAVE ANY POSSIBLE IDEA HOW MUCH MY LIFE WILL DEGRADE IF THERE IS SHRINKAGE AND I CAN'T PHASE? FUCK, IT BETTER NOT BE CROOKED! HONESTLY, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?"
One panted, exhausted with everything he had released, yet waiting for the midget to respond with some stinging obnoxious comment.
There was none.
Surprised by the silence One looked up to see the child staring back at him, mouth open reveling her crooked teeth framed by that horrid red- painted border. Her body was frozen in position, her eyes wide and paralyzed, her eyebrows fixated into an awful hurt expression.
Then it happened.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Tears sprung from her eyes, leapt in every direction, cascading down her face like newly formed waterfalls. Her mouth was a giant abyss, you could actually see her tonsils quake, producing the loudest most horrendous screeching sound the Twins have ever heard in their lives. It radiated into the air, shook every oxygen particle, bounced off the glittery walls and pounded into the ears of the brothers.
No human child could ever cry like this.
Two leapt off the wagon and ran to his brother in an attempt to get farther from the unbelievable noise. Both Twins desperately tried to block out the blast by covering their ears, however it accomplished little. Two was certain the sound would shatter his teeth from the vibration at any second. The whole room seemed to shake.
"What the hell is it doing?!" One attempted to yell over the noise.
"Good job you ASS. It's CRYING!" Two stammered.
"WHAT?" One was completely at a loss, after all, what he said wasn't that bad. "How do we stop it?"
"How the HELL am I supposed to know? I know just as much about CHILDREN as you do!"
One could feel his blood vessels begin to explode in his brain. This had to be stopped. Now.
"There MUST be SOMETHING you remember about crying children! THINK!" One yelled at his brother, whose sunglasses were beginning to crack from the blare.
Two frantically searched through his memory files, looking for anything that could remotely help their situation. He came across a small bit of information, a hazed memory from long ago. He had been waiting with his brother in a doctor's office, Merovingian was inquiring to the surgeons there about some sort of nipple surgery. The Twins didn't want to know more than that. After about an hour a young woman entered the office with her husband and baby. Immediately disturbed, the Twins moved over one seat away from the squirming wrinkly pink thing that the mother was holding. One buried his face in the "Martha Stewart Living" he was reading, attempting to block out the hairless chubby midget by analyzing the proper way to make quiche crust. Two, on the other hand, decided to calmly observe the small being and its mother, he had never really seen a human baby this closely. Frightened by the albino's leering stare the baby started to cry, a sound that made One get up and leave to "go to the washroom." It was then that the mother did something to calm the plump maggot, she bent lower to it and.. began to SING. The soothing melody instantly stopped the baby's wails, and it fell to sleep.
"AHA!" Two exclaimed happily, having successfully retrieved the bit of data.
"What?!" One demanded.
Samantha had not quieted down in the slightest. If anything, she was getting louder.
"I know what will stop her from crying. One of us needs to sing to her, the sound appears to have some sort of hypnotic effect on children. It will instantly cease her howling." Two said proudly, protruding his chin out slightly.
"WHAT? SING? THAT'S INSANE!"
"Do you have any better ideas?"
"No. But your idea still sucks ass."
"You know what? I think you should be the one to sing to her."
"ME? I don't know any songs that children would like!"
"YOU made her cry. This is technically your fault."
"SHE KICKED ME IN THE CROTCH AND POKED ME IN THE ASS WITH A STICK!"
"It was a baton. Not a stick."
"WHAT-FUCKING-EVER!"
Samantha was beginning to turn blue. The child had not drawn breath since she had started to cry.
Two's code was about to scramble from the unbelievable volume still spewing from the creature's lungs.
"I don't give a hamster's ASS what you sing, just SING SOMETHING BEFORE WE ALL GET CORRUPTED!"
One fumed and gritted his teeth, yet he knew that his brother was right. However he had no idea what he could possibly sing that would soothe the child enough to stop crying. Most of the music he listened too involved heavy screeching rock and too many lyrics with blasphemous cusses and numerous versions of the word "SEX" in them. Not very appropriate. Wincing, there was only one other song he knew. Like many things he learned, One had acquired this tune from TV. It was a guilty pleasure to sing along when it happened to come up.
A puddle was forming around Samantha's runners. Her dress was practically soaked with tears.
Shit. This would be the first time he would sing this in front of anyone. It would probably be the last.
One took a deep breath, opened his mouth, closed his eyes so as not to see his brother's reaction, and began.
"'Doo doo doo doo, doo-doo, do-WAH!'"
Samantha quieted down slightly, allowing for One's voice to be a little more audible.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT COMES, FRESH GOES BETTER IN LIFE, AND MENTOS IS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE.."
Two's mouth fell into a horribly disgusted expression.
"NOTHING GETS TO YOU, STAYING FRESH STAYING COOL, WITH MENTOS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE!"
Samantha's eyes opened enough to see One through her tear-stained vision.
One's body got into it for the grand finale, his hips jiggled and he did "jazz hands".
"FRESH GOES BETTER, (MENTOS FRESHNESS), FRESH GOES BETTER WITH MENTOS FRESH AND FULL OF LIFE!"
Samantha smiled; her crying had now been reduced to muffled whimpers. Two smacked his head against the wall loudly. One grabbed one of the broken baton pieces and held it up as if it we a candy dispenser.
"MENTOS. THE FRESHMAKER!"
Two was frozen is a mixture of awe and uncomprehending horror. Samantha giggled and clapped her hands.
One blushed slightly, lowered his hands and dropped the baton. He glanced over at his brother who had a confused expression on his face.
"What the HELL do those words mean anyway? 'Fresh goes better in Life? What the fuck!" Two asked, an eyebrow raised.
One smirked, brushed off his hands, and motioned for Two to look at the child, who had completely stopped crying.
Two sighed with relief and he slowly lowered his hands from his ears. "Good job."
But Samantha now had her arms crossed, her face sculpted into an anticipating expression. It was quite obvious what she was waiting for. An apology.
*****************************************************************
Hmm... I think there's only going to be one more chapter. BTW, I don't own the Mentos song, Mentos candy, and any other companies that song is associated with. But I will say it must be one of the most strange and confusing jingles ever written. "Fresh goes better, Mentos freshness, fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life?" What the fuck does that mean? It boggles the freak'n mind!
