Chapter Nine
… And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
A hand tapping his shoulder gently and a quiet, faintly concerned voice calling his name woke Harry from his unexpectedly deep sleep. He blinked his eyes open, anxiously examining Severus for any sign of improvement or distress as soon as he could make them focus. His view was unclear due to his lack of glasses, but he was able to reassure himself that the man was still alive and even looked somewhat better now. The night's sleep, Madam Pomfrey's treatment and maybe even Harry's hand-holding had clearly helped him, leaving him no longer looking half-dead.
Slightly relieved, Harry turned slightly towards the Headmaster, who was standing next to him. He realised that he must be the person who had woken him. Distantly he registered that it appeared to be light outside, enough filtering through the mostly-closed curtains to make the room reasonably bright. They must have let him sleep for quite a while, he thought, as another part of his mind tried to figure out how to answer Dumbledore's inevitable questions. The Headmaster's hand was still resting on his shoulder, and its weight felt rather like a restraint to Harry's mildly guilty conscience.
He began to speak, but only managed to get out a "Headmaster…" before he stopped himself again. He had no idea what to say, and if he tried to explain himself he'd probably just end up getting himself in trouble. If he wasn't already.
"Good morning, Harry," the Headmaster replied cordially, finally lifting his hand away. "I was rather hoping you could tell me something about why you were the one to bring Professor Snape here last night." The glance he flicked towards their still joined hands showed the other questions he wanted to ask.
"Oh," Harry drew his hand away and turned to face the old wizard fully. The strange feeling of guilt he felt intensified. He couldn't tell if that was because he'd been caught holding Severus' hand – by the Headmaster, of all people, and he suddenly remembered that Madam Pomfrey had probably seen last night as well. Or maybe it was because he'd automatically let go as soon as he was reminded about it.
Harry had the sudden urge to just give in, confess everything to Dumbledore, and beg wholeheartedly for forgiveness, even though none of it was his fault. He beat the unexpected impulse back, knowing that Severus would be extremely unhappy with him if he was to do that. Especially if Harry was to do something like that while the man was unconscious and unable to give his opinion or defend himself. And he didn't really want to explain himself anyway. It just seemed so much easier than hiding, all of a sudden.
"Well, it's not really my story to tell completely," he excused himself hastily. "Professor Snape really ought to be awake when I tell you, because it's his too. And… well, Ron helped me last night and I promised him that I'd explain everything to him, so he ought to be here too." Harry spotted his glasses on the bedside table and put them on. He was glad for the excuse to look away from the Headmaster, and he felt much more assured once they were in place and he could see clearly.
"Very well." Dumbledore appeared satisfied with Harry's cobbled-together assortment of excuses for the moment, although Harry knew it wasn't safe to take him at face value. He was probably already planning how to pry information out of Severus and Harry. "In that case," continued the old wizard, "why don't you go down to the Great Hall for some breakfast? You should just have time to shower and change."
"Uh, OK. He's going to be all right?" Harry had to know that before he could leave in good conscience. If only so that he could be sure that he wouldn't have to answer the inevitable questions by himself.
"Yes. He's just sleeping now, regaining some strength after the healing charms," Dumbledore reassured him, patting his shoulder again. "In fact, Poppy's quite amazed at how much he's improved overnight. He should be perfectly fine when he wakes up, as long as he gets some rest."
"Oh. Good. I'll, uh, be going then," Harry said, suddenly glad to be making his escape so easily.
"Be sure to come back here after breakfast, Harry. Bring Ron and Hermione if you think they'll need to hear your explanation too." Dumbledore smiled encouragingly at him, but it only served to remind firmly Harry that his escape was only temporary.
"Yes, sir. Thank you," he said, standing. He felt oddly reluctant at the thought of leaving, despite his eagerness to get away from the Headmaster and his questions. He decided that the reluctance was probably just the bond working again, and there would definitely be an interrogation if he stayed, so he ignored the feeling as best he could.
"It's nothing to thank me for, Harry." The sorrowful look the Headmaster gave Severus showed plainly just why he felt undeserving of gratitude.
As he left the hospital wing, Harry decided to be grateful for the reprieve and not worry too much about what he would do when the time to explain came around again. Hopefully by then he'd have Severus to help him. Not that the man would be much help, knowing him, but it was also about the only hope Harry had. He repressed a sigh.
***
Harry returned to the hospital wing with Ron and Hermione in tow. They'd been easily lured by the promise of explanations at long last. Severus was sitting up in bed, talking intently to Professor Dumbledore, when they entered. Harry was filled with mixed feelings on seeing him, clearly feeling better.
On one hand, he was glad of the proof that the man was really all right, but it also meant that he'd have to face him. He didn't just have the old problems to deal with now, but with the new realisations from last night too. Severus was just so much easier to deal with when he was battered and unconscious, generally helpless and unable to flay Harry verbally for only doing what he thought was the right thing.
Perhaps that was an unworthy thought, but that didn't stop him thinking it, and didn't stop it being true.
As they approached, pausing a few feet from the bed, Severus turned to look at them. Harry's breath caught at the sheer exasperation in the 'What are they doing here?' glare that was bestowed on him, and by extension, his friends. He felt his mouth twist into a wry smile. Why assume anything had changed between them – changed back, even – just because Harry had saved his life last night?
Severus turned back to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, perhaps Potter needs to be here to explain himself to you, but I fail to understand the necessity for the presence of his… sidekicks."
Harry almost gasped at the sheer injustice of that sentence. He was the one who had to explain himself, after he'd given his help when Severus had asked for it? Well, maybe 'asked' wasn't quite the right word, but he sure as hell hadn't been in any position to demand then. He exerted a considerable amount of will to keep his mouth from gaping open.
"Poppy informs me that Harry would have been unable to bring you here last night without Ron's assistance." Luckily, Dumbledore defended Harry, because he was too outraged to say anything in reply to that himself.
Severus gave Ron an unmistakably surprised glance before his eyes faded back to characteristic coolness, and he looked back at the Headmaster. "Indeed?" he asked, more than a little sceptically.
"Yes," Harry interrupted. Severus ignored him.
Once again, Harry found himself wondering why on earth he still felt what he did for the man. His mind insisted, traitorously, on flinging up images of their friendship, and that one kiss, which had admittedly been rather wonderful. Right up till Severus said his mother's name. While Harry was distracted by that, his mind brought up some of the other things he'd been avoiding thinking about for good measure. He pulled his mind back on track impatiently. Immediate problems, he reminded himself. One thing at a time.
Ron was starting to look annoyed with the man's ungratefulness and Harry agreed completely with the sentiment. Hermione merely looked very curious. Ron had, apparently, told her all about last night's little adventure, and she was doubtless storing away all the little bits and pieces of evidence they were giving her to put together afterwards. Bits and pieces Harry at least was sure he didn't' even know he was providing.
"At any rate," said the Headmaster, "I gather that Harry promised Ron an explanation in gratitude for his assistance." In helping to save your life was unsaid, but Harry was certain that everyone in the room heard it anyway. Severus scowled at the reminder.
"I felt it unwise to exclude Hermione," Dumbledore continued, as if he had not noticed the infuriated expression on his Potions master's face. He twinkled cheerfully at the three Gryffindors.
Severus glared at Harry again, but said nothing. Probably he dared not, after Dumbledore's defence of them, and his justification of Ron and Hermione's presence.
"Sit down, children," Dumbledore said encouragingly. He indicated the chairs that had been added across the bed from him, and they took them quickly. "Now Severus, Harry, I believe you have some explanations for us?"
***
Harry felt an unexpected, tentative contact. //Harry.//
//What do you want?// He attempted to put as much disdain as possible into his mental voice. Maybe it was just a bit childish, he admitted to himself, but Severus had started it, after all. So he felt that it was perfectly justified. If the man had the right to be petulant, then so did he. After all, Severus was twenty years older than him.
//We need a story.// It was a statement, not a request or an offer of cooperation, but Harry had a requirement of his own.
//Just the… the essentials.// He replied firmly. //I know we can't tell them everything, but I'm not going to lie to my friends.//
Severus gave him the mental equivalent of a raised eyebrow, but assented without argument. Harry wondered if he ought to be suspicious, and decided that the answer was 'Always'.
***
Their mental conversation had lasted mere moments. Harry dared a quick questioning glance over at the man sitting in the bed, and got a 'you first' look in answer.
"Well, um," he began hesitantly, finding himself wishing that Severus had wanted to take control of the conversation from the beginning. Harry really didn't want to be in charge of trying to explain this. He looked over the bed – and the lump of Severus' legs - at Dumbledore. He thought it would be easier than watching his friends as he tried to explain the decidedly peculiar situation. Even without mentioning the complications, he was realising all over again just how odd it was as he tried to put it into words.
"You know my mother and Professor Snape were, um, friends," he started. The Headmaster nodded encouragingly, probably sensing his nervousness and struggle for the right words.
Harry swallowed, and continued. "Well, with your… plan," Dumbledore nodded again to indicate that he understood. Harry was tempted to look at what Hermione thought of that bit of evasion, but resisted the temptation.
"She thought he might need some, er, some help," he picked up the explanation once more. "So she used some old spell that she found and she bound her blood to his, or something. Me to him, as it turns out, because she didn't manage to fulfil the conditions that she set, and she'd designed it to pass it on to the children."
Harry gave in and looked around to see how everyone was taking it. Even Dumbledore looked vaguely surprised by Harry's startling disclosure. Ron was close to gaping, while Hermione appeared absolutely intrigued. Harry suspected that he'd have to spend a lot of time over the next few days avoiding her questions if they were to keep any part of this a secret.
"Well anyway," he continued hurriedly, "I found out about this, this bond on my last birthday when it, er, activated. Um, when I got back to school I spoke to Professor Snape and we sort of figured out how to block it, although it took a while." He was carefully picking his way through the truth without actually giving too much away, explaining the absolute minimum. It was starting to give him a headache, and he resisted the urge to rub at his temples.
He glanced over at his friends. "That's why I had to have so much 'tutoring' last term," he explained, before returning his gaze to Dumbledore. "Anyhow, once we figured out how to control it…"
Snape interrupted. "Once we had discovered a suitable method of shielding the bond from interfering with our everyday lives, there was no longer any need to spend time together, particularly as it appeared to have little practical use. Therefore, I informed Mr Potter that it was clearly a waste of time to attempt to find a use for it, and we were able to stop spending time in each other's company."
Harry had to expend a great deal of effort to keep an unruffled face. //You…//
//You told me you would not lie to your friends. I am merely relieving you of that distasteful task,// Severus said coldly. Harry refused to notice that there was perhaps a hint of concern in the sentence, an undertone of wanting to prevent him from betraying his principles.
//Well, stop,// he snapped, unwilling to accept help from the man who had been so obviously unhappy to be helped by him.
//Would you rather tell them the whole truth?// There was more than a hint of scorn in the question. Harry ignored it, because he knew that he was comfortable with neither answer, and returned to telling the story.
"Anyway, last night, while I was sleeping, I had a… an odd feeling." No real need to go into his dream right now, and it had left him feeling decidedly strange, after all. He tried not to think about how what he'd just said would be read by his listeners, but Severus had no such compunctions.
//Lying by omission, Potter. I'm impressed.// Sarcasm, but also truth.
Harry resolutely ignored him, continuing to recount the events of the previous night, determined to get through them as quickly as possible. "I woke up and Professor Snape sort of appeared next to me. It was… like Apparating, except it couldn't have been, obviously." He shrugged and looked up to see the Headmaster nodding again. "I saw how he looked, and I knew he needed to get here. I knew I wouldn't be able to do it myself so I woke Ron to get him to help me."
All five of them were silent for a moment, the three listeners digesting what they had just heard. Finally Dumbledore said, "I suppose that explains the unusually fast healing, if Lily used the spell I suspect. It was a good thing you stayed with him last night, Harry."
Harry felt distinct surprise from Severus. Had he not realised? Harry snorted mentally. Of course not. That would mean that he owed Harry something else, and he'd want to avoid knowing that at all costs.
"And… uh, that was why the hand-holding?" asked Ron, with relief.
Even more surprise. Harry would have been amused, but he wasn't about to forgive Severus for… well, for anything at all just yet. Besides, he had many more pressing problems. Deciding that there was no way that Ron, let alone anyone else, would be able to handle the truth right now, Harry went for the easy answer. "Um, yes."
"Oh. Er, good." Ron was close to stammering.
Harry smiled, as expected. It helped that he found the look of sheer relief on his friend's face honestly funny.
"I'm sure that you will want to do other things with your Sunday," suggested Dumbledore after a few thoughtful moments. "Harry, I will need to see you and Severus later on, however. Perhaps after dinner?"
"Yes, sir."
***
As they were walking out, Harry felt another tentative contact.
//Harry, we need to talk.// The mental voice was distinctly unsure, but it carried a surprising amount of hope.
//Yes, I think we do,// Harry agreed. He hadn't really expected this overture, though if he had to admit it, he had hoped for it a little. There were many things he wanted to say to Severus, but he hadn't wanted to make the first move. It would have felt too much like giving in.
Wry. //Well, you know where to find me.//
Neutral. //Yes.//
