I got a review from someone asking how Ken Mathis, Serena's dad, died in the car with Jake. Well, let me put it this way. If your teenage daughter came crying to you one day, telling you that she had been molested since she was a little girl and then raped when barely in her teens by a person whom you thought was your best friend, what would you do? If you were like me, you would open up a can of whoop ass on the bastard and that's exactly what Ken did, although the details will be revealed in a later chapter. About Andrew being the doctor, I've been dropping hints since the first chapter (not the prologue) about his identity. I mentioned that he had green eyes, his girlfriend had long, curly red-brown hair, Darien telling him to see a therapist because his work is getting to him, and finally, the vacation Dr. Eisner took with his girlfriend that coincided with 'Drew's.' Now that I look back on it, I guess they were really vague hints because who would guess that Dr. Eisner is really Drew just from the fact that the doctor has green eyes? Sorry about that o.O;
Is it just me, or is the server for ff.net always down? Every time I try to read someone's story, it always says 'Cannot find server.' What's up with that? Is it my connection or ff.net's problem? Anyway, enough of my silly rambling, time for the story!
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Wounded Souls
Chapter Eight-Separation Anxiety
By: crystal rose
June 9, 2002
***********************************
~~*Flashback*~~
Serena descended the stairs with a hastily packed suitcase in her hand. She glanced around almost reverently at the mansion that had been her home for about three to four months, taking in its beauty and trying to memorize it in her mind. 'My coming back here would depend on either one of two things: mom dying or mom recovering miraculously. Either way, do I really want to come back?' she thought.
Candace and Walter were waiting at the bottom to see her off. "Oh my dear, please tell your mother that Walter and I are keeping her in our prayers," Candace gushed as she hugged Serena goodbye. "Don't worry dear, your mother is a strong woman; she'll come out of this just fine, you wait and see."
"Yes, it takes a very strong woman to put up with you and that brother of yours," Walter said. "Don't worry girlie, your mother will bounce back good as new." In a surprising move that would have stunned Serena had she not been already feeling numb, Walter reached out and enveloped her in his arms.
"Oh Mr. Shields, I asked Amy to call around and come up with a list of physical therapists in this area to take over while I'm gone," Serena said shyly when she pulled away. "She should have some names for you by tomorrow or the next day."
Walter pretended to frown at her and pointed his index finger in her face. "Didn't I tell you not to concern yourself with me but to concentrate on your mother feeling better?" he asked sternly, like a schoolteacher disciplining a misbehaving student. "Walter Shields is nothing if not self-reliant. Men like me don't take kindly to outsiders trying to worm their way into our lives."
"What about me? By your description, I must have totally turned your life upside down," Serena replied, smiling slightly.
Walter smiled at her fondly and patted her cheek softly. "You girlie, are the exception to the rule, although I must admit, you certainly are correct in that you have turned my life upside down. But don't worry my girlie, it was all for the best."
Serena felt a few tears prick her eyes at Walter's kind words. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by two sharp blasts from a horn. "That's my cab, I'd better go before I miss my plane." She waved to the cab driver to acknowledge his presence and turned back to give Candace and Walter another quick hug goodbye.
"Oh, it's too bad that Darien isn't here to say goodbye to you. I'm sure he would have liked to have been here," Candace said mournfully.
"I'll bet. He said goodbye the moment he lied to me, but the worse part is, he doesn't even remember who he lied to," Serena muttered under her breath, obviously not meaning Candace to hear. Unfortunately, she didn't count on Walter's great sense of hearing.
'Hmm...So, I was right. Her change in attitude was caused by something the boy did. If my suspicions are correct, then girlie has every right to get angry at Darien.'
The cab driver honked his horn again. "Have a safe flight dear," Candace said as Serena made her way to the cab.
"Thanks for everything. I'll be back as soon as I can," Serena said and got into the cab. She rolled down the window and waved to Candace and Walter until the cab was out of the driveway.
~~*End flashback*~~
^**Toronto**^
Serena's plane touched down in Toronto at eight o'clock in the evening. She grabbed her carry on bag and breezed through customs. Serena had barely stepped through the gate when she heard Sammy's voice calling her from the crowd.
"Serena! Over here!" he cried, waving his arms so that she could see him.
Serena rushed towards him and gave him a hug. "How's mom?" she asked.
Sammy shook his head as he bent down to pick up her bag. "She's still able to walk around for a bit but she's getting weaker everyday. Where's the rest of your luggage?" he asked.
Serena motioned to her medium sized bag in his hands. "That's it. I left the rest of my stuff in LA."
"You mean, you're going back there when mom..." he trailed off, unable to continue.
Serena wrapped an arm around her brother's shoulder, which wasn't easy to do since he was significantly taller than she was. "Don't think like that, okay? Mom will get better; I know it. I just didn't have time to pack everything because I wanted to leave as soon as possible."
They made their way to Sammy's car in silence. Sammy put his sister's bag in the trunk and both got in the car. As he pulled out of the parking spot, Serena let out a tired breath. "I've forgotten how humid it gets in August. Turn up the A/C will you?"
Sammy gave her a tight smile and obliged. "You know what they say in these parts: 'it's not the heat, it's the humidity.' It's been like this for a week now. I expect it to rain in a few days."
"How did mom find out that the cancer was back?" she asked to break the uncomfortable silence that settled between them. Sammy didn't answer her right away as he changed lanes to overtake another car. "Sammy?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Mom got an x-ray for her annual physical when the doctor noticed something odd. He got her to do more tests, including a bone density test. When the results came back, they knew for sure that the cancer was back and had spread. The doctor gave her a couple of months at the most," Sammy explained flatly, as if he were explaining it for the hundredth time. "Aunt Celeste said that she'll come by the house on Friday."
Celeste Jacobs was Ilene's younger sister and Sammy and Serena's favourite aunt. She was a nurse at the same hospital Serena worked at before she moved to LA. At the age of forty-two, Celeste lived a carefree single life, often dating around. She wasn't promiscuous; she was looking for the ever-elusive Mr. Right. Despite their differences, Ilene and Celeste were the best of friends. Celeste had helped them through the difficult time of Ken's death and finding out the reason behind Serena's suicide attempt.
"That's good. I've really missed her while I was away," Serena murmured to herself. Five minutes later, Sammy pulled his car into the driveway of their mother's house. It was a little smaller than their childhood home, but Ilene had opted to sell it once she found out that Serena had been molested in the room right beside her own. Besides, when Serena and Sammy moved out into their own apartments in the city, Ilene didn't feel the need for such a large home.
"I've decided to stay here for the meantime too," Sammy explained in hushed tones as he led the way to one of the guest rooms. "I wanted to be here for you and mom just in case..."
Serena gave him a small smile in appreciation. "Where's mom?" she asked, equally silent.
"Probably in her room resting. Why don't you check in on her?" Sammy suggested. "I'll go out and pick up some take-out. I'll be back in half an hour." Serena watched her brother dash out the front door and sighed. She knew he found it hard to accept the fact that their mother was gravely ill. Sammy always used to take off every chance he got when their mother was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer. He would help out of course, but it was as if he were just going through the motions, like he was watching himself and everyone around him from afar. Sammy didn't want to acknowledge the fact that his mother was sick then, and he certainly didn't want to acknowledge that she was dying now.
Serena walked softly down the hall to her mother's room. She knocked gently on the door. "Mama?" she called softly. When she got no response, Serena opened the door and looked around the darkened room. She saw her mother lying on the bed, curled up in her blanket. 'She looks peaceful...a little too peaceful,' she thought. Her heart stopped and she dashed to her mother's bedside. She tried to see if her mother was still breathing but it was impossible to tell in the dark room.
"Mama? Mom...please wake up," Serena whimpered as she shook Ilene gently, tears running down her face. "Mama, wake up. Mama...Oh God, wake up! WAKE UP!!"
Ilene opened her eyes to see Serena crying hysterically on the floor beside her bed. She raised her hand up and gently put it on her daughter's heaving shoulders. "Serena? Why are you crying?" she asked hoarsely.
Instead of answering, Serena flung herself into her mother's embrace. "Oh mom! You're awake! I thought...I thought you...were..."
"Dead?" she asked, an amused smile on her face. "Don't worry, my baby. Mama's here, mama's here..." she cooed softly. Ilene ran her hand over Serena's back, soothing her. Finally, Serena stopped sobbing and eased out of her mother's arms. Ilene brushed away the remaining tears from Serena's face. "So I take it that Sammy called you?"
Serena nodded. Instantly, her eyes clouded up with tears and she was once again hugging her mom. "Don't go, mama. We need you-I need you..." she cried.
"Serena, it's my time to go. I've accepted it already, and so should you. I'm just glad that I got to see what fine adults my babies have grown up to be," Ilene said, tears forming in her eyes. 'I mustn't cry. I have to be strong for my children, especially Sere.' They stayed that way for a few more minutes until Serena's sobs were reduced to hiccups. "So, how have you and Darien been getting along?" Ilene knew she had said something wrong for she saw Serena's back stiffen and her face harden in suppressed anger.
"Fine," she replied curtly, not looking at her mother.
Ilene cupped her hand under Serena's chin and looked into her eyes. She saw tears of hurt and humiliation threatening to spill over. "What happened baby? I thought you were so happy, what went wrong?"
Serena shook her head and closed her eyes over the tears as if locking them back in. "Don't worry about me, mom. I'm a big girl now; I can handle my own problems. Besides, Sammy's coming back soon with the take-out," she replied, pasting a fake smile on her face. Serena felt Ilene staring at her in concern. "I'll tell you when we're alone, okay? I don't want Sammy to know."
Ilene nodded her head understandingly. She could understand Serena's reluctance about her brother knowing too much about her romantic life. As if on cue, Sammy walked in with bags of Chinese food containers. Ilene gave her daughter one last pat on the cheek and rose slowly from the bed with Serena's help and walked to the kitchen. The three ate quietly, with Ilene asking her children questions about their day. Finally, dinner was over and Ilene left Sammy and Serena to do the dishes while she went back to sleep. They cleared the dishes quickly and efficiently, hardly saying anything, knowing that words weren't needed to communicate the fear that they felt. When they were finished, Serena and Sammy said good night to each other and disappeared into their own rooms.
'The silence in this house is so oppressive,' Serena thought as she made her way to the window seat. She pulled back the curtain and looked out the window, gazing at the full moon. Briefly, she let her mind wander over to Darien, and how he managed to change her life so drastically in the three months that she's known him. 'My life is constantly going up and down, although I find that there are more downs than ups, especially since I met him. How could I have let my guard down so easily?' she thought.
~~*Flashback*~~
It had been exactly one week since Serena arrived on the doorstep of the Shields mansion and she was looking for something to do. Walter and Candace were at the moment entertaining some friends of theirs who had come over unexpectedly while Walter was in the midst of his exercises. Serena smiled and gave him the rest of the day off, but only after making him promise to work extra hard the next day. She was introduced to the visitors, whom she greeted politely, and made her way outside. She heard the pounding of hooves in the distance and immediately knew what her next destination would be.
Serena quickly made her way to the stable, a place she had been longing to visit the moment she first heard about it. She climbed her way to the top of a hill and looked down into the land below. A wooden fence bordered the corral and a huge wooden structure she surmised was the stable. A beautiful dark brown Arabian mare pranced around gracefully as Serena made her way to the building ahead.
"Hello?" Serena called out softly. Hearing no response except for the pounding of several hooves, she stepped inside and looked around. There were six stalls and five horses inside. She guessed that the empty one belonged to the beauty outside. There were names above the stalls, identifying each horse. Above a pure white stallion was a sign labeled 'Artemis.' The next stall contained a roan mare called Gaia, and the caramel coloured filly next to her was named Athena. Across from Artemis was the empty stall with 'Solaris' labeling the top. Then next two horses took Serena's breath away. A silvery-white mare called Selene occupied the middle stall and a stormy-looking ebony stallion named Endymion towered over her in the next stall.
"Selene and Endymion," Serena breathed. She felt an instant connection to Endymion and reached up to gently offer her hand to the intimidating horse. He sniffed her outstretched hand warily and allowed her to pat him gently on the cheek. Soon, she was nuzzling her face into his soft neck.
"Congratulations. It seems as if you got Endymion to trust you. No small feat considering he practically trampled on me the first time we met," a voice from the doorway said.
Serena jumped in surprise. She turned to the door and saw the silhouette of a tall man standing with the sun behind him. She squinted but couldn't see his face. "Who are you?" she asked.
The figure stepped into the stable and Serena could finally make out who had surprised her. It was Darien, standing in nothing but his jeans, the sweat glistening over his torso. He had some reigns looped over his shoulder and a burlap bag in his hand. Serena blushed at the dashing sight he made and almost fell over her own foot. Behind her, Artemis made some weird neighing sounds, as if he was laughing at her. Serena shot him a stern look but Artemis merely snorted and stomped his foot.
"It seems you've made friends with our resident bad ass," Darien commented lightly, his eyes skimming over Serena's body. She was dressed comfortably in a pair of hip-hugger flared jeans and a simple white tank top.
"Which one, Endymion or Artemis?" she asked dryly, still shooting Artemis a dirty look. Darien laughed at the picture of Serena and Artemis locked in a staring contest.
"Oh don't mind Artemis. He's just a practical joker, aren't you boy?" he asked, patting Artemis on the cheek affectionately. "Endymion's the one you should really watch out for. He's got a mean temper on him and he doesn't get along with the others too well. The only horse he likes is Selene."
"Is that why you named him Endymion?" she asked, trying not to stare at Darien's profile as he poured feed into Artemis' trough.
Darien smiled and looked back at her. "So I take it you know their story, huh? Not many people know the legend of Selene and Endymion. When I named him Endymion, my dad rolled his eyes and said, 'what kind of a fool name is Endymion? Is he that punk rapper that kids these days listen to? You know...Slim Shady?'" Darien said, doing a remarkable impression of Walter.
Serena laughed until she doubled over and Artemis joined her with his 'horse chuckles'. "Your dad thought you named your horse after Eminem?" she cried. She calmed down after a few minutes of laughing. "So why _did_ you name him Endymion?"
Darien made his way towards Selene and stroked her face gently. "When Endymion first came here, he was really hot-tempered, still is though he's calmed down a lot since then. He refused to stay in his stall, preferring to run around in the corral. The minute he saw Selene, however, he became gentler and more protective towards her. He wouldn't go to sleep until he made sure that Selene was back in her stall. Finally, I decided to put them together. Sometimes, I would see him nuzzling Selene's neck or they would go off in the corner of the corral and fall asleep together. That's why I named him Endymion; he can't rest without Selene."
Serena smiled softly and kissed Endymion on the nose. "Aww, that's so sweet. They're in love."
If anyone but Serena had said that his two horses were in love, Darien would have laughed in his face. But somehow, with Serena standing there in front of him, anything seemed possible. She could tell him that the moon was made of green cheese and he would believe her. "I guess they are," he replied softly. Just then, Serena and Darien heard a soft meowing sound behind them. A small, gray kitten had stumbled out of the clean hay to the side of the stable.
Darien picked the tiny kitten up and cradled her in his big hand. "Are you hungry, Diana?" he whispered. The kitten mewled again and licked his finger. "This cat was abandoned by her mother a few hours after she and her brothers were born. The rest of them died from malnutrition before the stable hand and I found them. We've been taking care of her ever since."
Serena watched, enraptured, as Darien took a tiny nursing bottle filled with milk and fed it to the hungry feline. She noted the firm, yet gentle, hold he had on Diana as she drank from the bottle in his other hand. She could almost see him holding a baby that way, feeding it from a bottle the way he was feeding Diana. 'Our baby,' she thought. Serena froze and for an instant, was almost afraid that Darien had somehow broken into her thoughts but was relieved to find him still engrossed in nursing the kitty. 'Where did that come from?' she wondered.
Behind her, Artemis snorted and stomped his foot once again. She whirled around and saw Artemis baring his teeth at her in what seemed to be a mocking smile. As if he knew what she was thinking, Artemis flung his head in Darien's direction and neighed loudly. "Don't tell!" she pleaded Artemis, not pausing to think about how ridiculous it was to be scared of a horse revealing her private thoughts.
Darien looked up from his position on the floor. "Don't tell what?" he asked.
Serena felt the blush creeping up her face and heard Artemis once again 'laughing' behind her. She scratched her head in embarrassment and looked down at the floor, searching for an answer. "Um...don't tell...don't tell me that this poor thing's mother just abandoned her and her brothers like that. That's not very nice," she fumbled.
Darien grinned lopsidedly at her. "Yeah, you're right, but that's the way nature works. Not all animals, or even people for that matter, were cut out to be parents," he said as he rocked Diana to sleep. It was then that Serena knew she had fallen in love with him.
~~*End flashback*~~
"Oh Darien, why did you have to make me fall in love with you?" she wept. "Why don't you love me like I love you?" She leaned her head against the cool window and cried herself to sleep.
Ilene had been in her room looking through old photo albums when she heard Serena weeping in the next room. "Why don't you love me like I love you?" she heard through the wall. Ilene closed the album and frowned. "Oh Ken, why does she have to suffer so much? I'm afraid to leave her so unhappy. Sammy will be fine but it's Serena I'm worried about. Please watch over her for me, sweetheart, for I no longer have the strength to do it myself," she prayed before she fell into a dreamless sleep.
^**LA**^
'What a week it's been,' Darien thought as he drove home from work. 'I'm so glad that deal finally got worked out. Now I can relax and take it easy for a while.' Darien smiled as he breezed through traffic, delighting in the fact that he could now afford to work from home for at least the next week. He glanced at the perfect bouquet of a dozen long-stem roses on the passenger seat. 'Tonight's the night I tell Sere how I feel about her. I'm going to tell her how much I love her.'
He drove up the driveway and parked his car in the garage. He noticed the car Serena was borrowing parked there along with his other vehicles. 'Good, she's home.' Darien picked up the bouquet carefully and practically sprinted into the house. He passed by the family room; fully intending to ignore his parents who were inside, when he heard his name coupled with Serena's. He stopped outside the door and listened to their conversation.
"Walter dear, don't you wish that Darien and Serena would just hurry it up and admit their feelings for one another?" Candace asked dreamily.
'Even mom knows how right we are together,' Darien thought.
Walter hesitated for a moment before answering his wife. "I think that girlie is perfect for the boy, but is he perfect for her?" he asked.
Darien's eyes narrowed. 'What the hell does he mean by that?'
"There's a lot we don't know about girlie, a lot of things she keeps private. She hides her pain behind a mask of happiness. I think girlie's been burned many times and that the 'incident' in the kitchen I told you about, just added to her list," Walter continued, looking at his wife pointedly.
'What incident?' Darien couldn't hear his mother's quiet words from outside the room but he could see her nodding her head in agreement with his father.
"...Have you noticed how distant she's gotten since the wedding?" Candace asked.
Walter nodded his head slightly. "She hasn't been the same since. Always moping about and quiet all the time. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I miss my girlie. The one who used to drive me insane with her stories and inane chatter."
"And now, she's gone back to Toronto," Candace said sadly.
Darien's ears pricked up. 'She's gone? Why?' He didn't notice that he dropped the roses as he barged into the room, startling both his parents. "What do you mean she's gone?" he demanded.
Walter looked at him and sighed. "Her brother called this morning and told her that her mother is dying from cancer. She rushed back home to be with them as soon as she heard," he explained. Darien's eyes widened in shock.
"Why didn't you call and tell me? I would've rushed home right away," he said.
Candace shook her head. "There was no time. Serena was gone in less than an hour after the phone call."
"How long will she be gone?" Darien asked quietly.
Walter and Candace looked at each other carefully before Candace decided to answer him. "Sweetheart, she'll be gone for about two months, possibly longer. We don't know if she's planning on staying here or moving back home if her mother...you know," she explained gently.
"You don't know if she's coming back?" he asked dejectedly, like a child who had just lost his best friend, which in a sense he did. Not waiting for an answer, Darien turned and fled from the room, his shoulders sagging heavily as he trudged up the stairs. Candace and Walter watched him worriedly from the doorway of the family room. Candace was on the verge of following him, when she felt Walter's hand restraining her. In his other hand was the discarded bouquet.
"Let him go, Candy. I think he needs to be alone," he said. Walter gazed mournfully at the pristine red roses in his hand. "I think Darien's lost his chance with girlie and the sad part is, he doesn't even know what he did to lose it."
******************************
Later that night, Darien tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. 'Why would she leave without even saying goodbye?' he thought. Not liking the silence that answered him back, he turned on the radio and listened to the DJ announcing the next song.
"All right you insomniacs, here's 'Nobody Knows' by The Tony Rich Project," the DJ's velvety voice crooned.
Darien sighed and leaned back against the headboard. He heard the soft beats and Babyface's melodic voice emitting from the speakers.
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more everyday
And I'm dyin' inside,
And nobody knows it but me.
Like a clown, I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside,
And nobody knows it but me.
Why didn't I say,
The things I needed to say?
How could I let my angel get away?
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down.
I can say it so clearly,
But you're nowhere around.
Chorus
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' 'bout the love that we had
and I'm missin' you
and nobody knows it but me
I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
and I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
and nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
but like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn
all apart
A million words wouldn't say just how
I feel
A million years from now ya know
I'll be lovin' you still
chorus
Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the
dusty road
gonna find you wherever, ever you
might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope
you come back to me
said when the nights are lonely...
chorus
Darien angrily pushed the button on the remote to shut off the stereo. 'Dammit, even the fucking radio's against me!" He threw the bedcovers off and walked out into the hallway, pausing before Serena's door. He hesitated for a moment, then turned the knob and entered. He was relieved to still find the majority of her belongings strewn about the room. 'That means she's coming back.' He picked up her pillow and sniffed it. 'Strawberries,' he thought. Having gotten what he came for, he threw one last reverent look around the room and closed the door. He made his way back to his own room, and lay on his bed, hugging the pillow tightly. 'Please come home soon, Sere.'
***************************
Two days later, he met Drew, and the rest of his friends for lunch at Luigi's, the same restaurant he had taken Serena a few months back. They sat at the patio, so Darien didn't see the table where he waited impatiently for Serena, or the tree he had knocked down when she arrived.
"Hey Darien. Earth to Darien," Drew said, waving his hand in Darien's face. "What're you so spaced out about?"
"What else, but the lovely Serena?" Chad laughed. Darien looked at him sharply and Drew shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Chad just ignored his friend's murderous look. "So have you figured out why she's been giving you the cold shoulder lately?" he asked.
Darien sighed and shook his head. "Nah, and I won't for a long time. She's gone back home for a family emergency. She's staying there for about two months," he answered sadly. Drew said nothing. He, being her therapist, already knew that and guessed that she would be hesitant about returning to LA after everything that had passed between them.
"Do you really love her, or is this just another conquest for you? You know, banging the girl who turned you down then leaving her for another?" asked Greg.
Darien narrowed his eyes dangerously while Greg, in turn, swallowed nervously. Drew listened carefully, hoping to hear that Darien hadn't lied about his feelings for Serena that night. "Of _course_ I love her! If you weren't my friend, Greg, I'd beat your ass inside out for saying that."
Drew sighed. 'At least he loves her, even if he doesn't remember telling her already.'
"I don't know what to do. Before she left, I felt like she was trying to avoid seeing me in the house. She'd go to down to the dining room before I even have a chance to ask if I can walk her down like I usually do. She hardly ever talked to me and after meals, she'd rush to her room and lock the door. I don't know what I did wrong," Darien said.
Drew cleared his throat nervously. "Maybe it's something you did unconsciously," he suggested timidly.
"I guess," Darien conceded. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Oh God! Do you think that she found out that I slept with another woman the night before Amy's wedding?" he asked Drew worriedly. He could see worry flicker in Drew's eyes.
Drew became fidgety under Darien's stare. "Um, could we talk about something else?" he asked.
Darien looked at him. "Why? What aren't you telling me, Drew?" he asked suspiciously.
"Nothing Darien," he said, not looking into his eyes.
Suddenly, a memory flashed into Darien's head. He had been sitting with Serena on the couch in the family room on the day they had lunch together at the very restaurant he was at now. Darien remembered that she had an appointment that day and also remembered how drained she was when she got back. When he questioned her on her lack of energy, Serena smiled sadly and said it was nothing. He continued to press until she admitted that she went to a doctor's appointment.
'What kind of doctor's appointment leaves a person feeling worn out?' he asked.
He remembered seeing an inner struggle waging in Serena's sub-conscious before she slumped dejectedly. 'A therapist. I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, even when I was back in Canada. Please just don't ask me any more...'
Drew saw a flicker of understanding in Darien's eyes and hoped that he remembered what happened that night. 'Please Darien, just remember. I can't tell you anything if you don't remember,' he pleaded silently to his friend.
"You're her therapist," Darien said in a low tone that sent chills up Drew's spine. Drew didn't say anything in response but he didn't have to for Darien had already seen the answer in his eyes. Darien frowned. He didn't like the fact that another man knew more about Serena than he did. "So, what did she say?" he demanded, raking a hand through his hair.
Drew looked at him regretfully. "You know that's confidential, Darien. Whatever she said in the office, stays in the office."
"Aw, you suck, man. C'mon, just tell us what the crazy chick said," Chad pried. Drew cast him a warning glance and Darien looked like he was going to beat Chad up.
"She's not crazy. She's just got...issues that she needs to talk about with someone who won't judge her. I can't violate her trust like that. It goes against everything I stand for," he said firmly.
Darien and Chad relented. "Fine, don't tell me what she said. At least tell me what she's seeing _you_ for?" Darien said.
Drew didn't miss the extra emphasis on 'you.' He knew Darien was jealous that Serena had unconsciously confided in his friend rather than himself when he was already in love with her. "I'm sorry, but that's private information and I can't discuss it. What I can tell you is that she's had a really hard life and that she's been hurt-a lot. It won't be easy to regain her trust," he said.
"'Regain her trust?' I knew it! I did something wrong to hurt her!" Darien exclaimed. Drew cursed himself for letting that one slip out.
"No, I mean her trust in general. So many people have hurt her that she finds it hard to trust anyone anymore," Drew quickly covered up.
Darien sighed. He respected his friend's firm stance on his work ethics but couldn't help but feel as if he needed to know something important about Serena. Something that started a long time ago, before she even knew him.
^**Toronto**^
Serena's dream
She was in her childhood home, walking through its empty corridors. All of a sudden, she heard a whimpering coming from her old room. With a sinking feeling, Serena pushed open the door and saw her eight-year old self laying on the bed with Jake between her knees as he assaulted her. Serena rushed forward and tried to shove him away but her hand just passed through Jake's body. She realized that she would not be able to help her younger self.
"Please help me," the little girl whimpered at her.
"I'm sorry, I tried but I can't. My hand just goes through him," she apologized, tears falling from her face as she watched the helpless child live through another night of torture at the hands of Jake.
"Nobody's around to help you, you little slut," Jake said roughly, taking his mouth away from little Serena's genitals. "Your pretty mommy is asleep right now. Maybe I should go wake her up? Would you like that, little slut?"
The little girl shook her head no and closed her eyes once more. "Please don't hurt my mommy, Uncle Jake. I'll be good, I promise."
"That's a good slut," he replied and once more continued with his horrific deed. The adult Serena watched helplessly as the little girl bore the assault without a sound. She reached down and took the child's hand.
"Don't worry, I'm here with you. We'll get through this together," she whispered determinedly. She watched as the scene changed once more, only to find her adult self on the bed with Darien in Jake's place.
"I love you, you slut," Darien whispered harshly.
Serena shook her head firmly. 'No, Darien and Jake are two different people. They both hurt you, but in different ways. As bad as what Darien did to you, he would never do what Jake did,' she thought to herself.
Once more, Serena took her double's hand and gave it a squeeze. "We'll get through this together."
End dream
Serena shot up in bed and looked out the window. This is the third day back and still she couldn't forget about Darien's deception. She thought back to the dream and immediately felt queasy. She ran to the washroom and threw up just in time.
'You can't keep throwing up every time you think about Jake. You have to be strong for yourself, and especially mama," she told herself in the mirror. With that said, she rinsed out her mouth and prepared to start another day.
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Sorry this one's short but I didn't want to give away anything too soon. Thanks for reviewing the previous chapters, you guys. You make me blush ~.~;
Oh and Sean, don't worry about the questions I had about your fic. I just wanted to know if Serena will be able to forgive Darien for what he did to her. That's the main question I have in my head and I would appreciate an answer SOON! So get cracking on another chappie, you hear?
GOD!!! This is sooo frustrating! I'm trying to load this story as I type but the frigging server is down AGAIN!! Don't blame me because this update is later than it was supposed to be. DAMMIT @_@ SHIT!! Sorry, but I've been trying to upload this chapter since I finished it and the stupid Internet won't let me.
FF.net is being SUCH a bitch tonight...
Is it just me, or is the server for ff.net always down? Every time I try to read someone's story, it always says 'Cannot find server.' What's up with that? Is it my connection or ff.net's problem? Anyway, enough of my silly rambling, time for the story!
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Wounded Souls
Chapter Eight-Separation Anxiety
By: crystal rose
June 9, 2002
***********************************
~~*Flashback*~~
Serena descended the stairs with a hastily packed suitcase in her hand. She glanced around almost reverently at the mansion that had been her home for about three to four months, taking in its beauty and trying to memorize it in her mind. 'My coming back here would depend on either one of two things: mom dying or mom recovering miraculously. Either way, do I really want to come back?' she thought.
Candace and Walter were waiting at the bottom to see her off. "Oh my dear, please tell your mother that Walter and I are keeping her in our prayers," Candace gushed as she hugged Serena goodbye. "Don't worry dear, your mother is a strong woman; she'll come out of this just fine, you wait and see."
"Yes, it takes a very strong woman to put up with you and that brother of yours," Walter said. "Don't worry girlie, your mother will bounce back good as new." In a surprising move that would have stunned Serena had she not been already feeling numb, Walter reached out and enveloped her in his arms.
"Oh Mr. Shields, I asked Amy to call around and come up with a list of physical therapists in this area to take over while I'm gone," Serena said shyly when she pulled away. "She should have some names for you by tomorrow or the next day."
Walter pretended to frown at her and pointed his index finger in her face. "Didn't I tell you not to concern yourself with me but to concentrate on your mother feeling better?" he asked sternly, like a schoolteacher disciplining a misbehaving student. "Walter Shields is nothing if not self-reliant. Men like me don't take kindly to outsiders trying to worm their way into our lives."
"What about me? By your description, I must have totally turned your life upside down," Serena replied, smiling slightly.
Walter smiled at her fondly and patted her cheek softly. "You girlie, are the exception to the rule, although I must admit, you certainly are correct in that you have turned my life upside down. But don't worry my girlie, it was all for the best."
Serena felt a few tears prick her eyes at Walter's kind words. She opened her mouth to say something but was interrupted by two sharp blasts from a horn. "That's my cab, I'd better go before I miss my plane." She waved to the cab driver to acknowledge his presence and turned back to give Candace and Walter another quick hug goodbye.
"Oh, it's too bad that Darien isn't here to say goodbye to you. I'm sure he would have liked to have been here," Candace said mournfully.
"I'll bet. He said goodbye the moment he lied to me, but the worse part is, he doesn't even remember who he lied to," Serena muttered under her breath, obviously not meaning Candace to hear. Unfortunately, she didn't count on Walter's great sense of hearing.
'Hmm...So, I was right. Her change in attitude was caused by something the boy did. If my suspicions are correct, then girlie has every right to get angry at Darien.'
The cab driver honked his horn again. "Have a safe flight dear," Candace said as Serena made her way to the cab.
"Thanks for everything. I'll be back as soon as I can," Serena said and got into the cab. She rolled down the window and waved to Candace and Walter until the cab was out of the driveway.
~~*End flashback*~~
^**Toronto**^
Serena's plane touched down in Toronto at eight o'clock in the evening. She grabbed her carry on bag and breezed through customs. Serena had barely stepped through the gate when she heard Sammy's voice calling her from the crowd.
"Serena! Over here!" he cried, waving his arms so that she could see him.
Serena rushed towards him and gave him a hug. "How's mom?" she asked.
Sammy shook his head as he bent down to pick up her bag. "She's still able to walk around for a bit but she's getting weaker everyday. Where's the rest of your luggage?" he asked.
Serena motioned to her medium sized bag in his hands. "That's it. I left the rest of my stuff in LA."
"You mean, you're going back there when mom..." he trailed off, unable to continue.
Serena wrapped an arm around her brother's shoulder, which wasn't easy to do since he was significantly taller than she was. "Don't think like that, okay? Mom will get better; I know it. I just didn't have time to pack everything because I wanted to leave as soon as possible."
They made their way to Sammy's car in silence. Sammy put his sister's bag in the trunk and both got in the car. As he pulled out of the parking spot, Serena let out a tired breath. "I've forgotten how humid it gets in August. Turn up the A/C will you?"
Sammy gave her a tight smile and obliged. "You know what they say in these parts: 'it's not the heat, it's the humidity.' It's been like this for a week now. I expect it to rain in a few days."
"How did mom find out that the cancer was back?" she asked to break the uncomfortable silence that settled between them. Sammy didn't answer her right away as he changed lanes to overtake another car. "Sammy?"
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. Mom got an x-ray for her annual physical when the doctor noticed something odd. He got her to do more tests, including a bone density test. When the results came back, they knew for sure that the cancer was back and had spread. The doctor gave her a couple of months at the most," Sammy explained flatly, as if he were explaining it for the hundredth time. "Aunt Celeste said that she'll come by the house on Friday."
Celeste Jacobs was Ilene's younger sister and Sammy and Serena's favourite aunt. She was a nurse at the same hospital Serena worked at before she moved to LA. At the age of forty-two, Celeste lived a carefree single life, often dating around. She wasn't promiscuous; she was looking for the ever-elusive Mr. Right. Despite their differences, Ilene and Celeste were the best of friends. Celeste had helped them through the difficult time of Ken's death and finding out the reason behind Serena's suicide attempt.
"That's good. I've really missed her while I was away," Serena murmured to herself. Five minutes later, Sammy pulled his car into the driveway of their mother's house. It was a little smaller than their childhood home, but Ilene had opted to sell it once she found out that Serena had been molested in the room right beside her own. Besides, when Serena and Sammy moved out into their own apartments in the city, Ilene didn't feel the need for such a large home.
"I've decided to stay here for the meantime too," Sammy explained in hushed tones as he led the way to one of the guest rooms. "I wanted to be here for you and mom just in case..."
Serena gave him a small smile in appreciation. "Where's mom?" she asked, equally silent.
"Probably in her room resting. Why don't you check in on her?" Sammy suggested. "I'll go out and pick up some take-out. I'll be back in half an hour." Serena watched her brother dash out the front door and sighed. She knew he found it hard to accept the fact that their mother was gravely ill. Sammy always used to take off every chance he got when their mother was first diagnosed with ovarian cancer. He would help out of course, but it was as if he were just going through the motions, like he was watching himself and everyone around him from afar. Sammy didn't want to acknowledge the fact that his mother was sick then, and he certainly didn't want to acknowledge that she was dying now.
Serena walked softly down the hall to her mother's room. She knocked gently on the door. "Mama?" she called softly. When she got no response, Serena opened the door and looked around the darkened room. She saw her mother lying on the bed, curled up in her blanket. 'She looks peaceful...a little too peaceful,' she thought. Her heart stopped and she dashed to her mother's bedside. She tried to see if her mother was still breathing but it was impossible to tell in the dark room.
"Mama? Mom...please wake up," Serena whimpered as she shook Ilene gently, tears running down her face. "Mama, wake up. Mama...Oh God, wake up! WAKE UP!!"
Ilene opened her eyes to see Serena crying hysterically on the floor beside her bed. She raised her hand up and gently put it on her daughter's heaving shoulders. "Serena? Why are you crying?" she asked hoarsely.
Instead of answering, Serena flung herself into her mother's embrace. "Oh mom! You're awake! I thought...I thought you...were..."
"Dead?" she asked, an amused smile on her face. "Don't worry, my baby. Mama's here, mama's here..." she cooed softly. Ilene ran her hand over Serena's back, soothing her. Finally, Serena stopped sobbing and eased out of her mother's arms. Ilene brushed away the remaining tears from Serena's face. "So I take it that Sammy called you?"
Serena nodded. Instantly, her eyes clouded up with tears and she was once again hugging her mom. "Don't go, mama. We need you-I need you..." she cried.
"Serena, it's my time to go. I've accepted it already, and so should you. I'm just glad that I got to see what fine adults my babies have grown up to be," Ilene said, tears forming in her eyes. 'I mustn't cry. I have to be strong for my children, especially Sere.' They stayed that way for a few more minutes until Serena's sobs were reduced to hiccups. "So, how have you and Darien been getting along?" Ilene knew she had said something wrong for she saw Serena's back stiffen and her face harden in suppressed anger.
"Fine," she replied curtly, not looking at her mother.
Ilene cupped her hand under Serena's chin and looked into her eyes. She saw tears of hurt and humiliation threatening to spill over. "What happened baby? I thought you were so happy, what went wrong?"
Serena shook her head and closed her eyes over the tears as if locking them back in. "Don't worry about me, mom. I'm a big girl now; I can handle my own problems. Besides, Sammy's coming back soon with the take-out," she replied, pasting a fake smile on her face. Serena felt Ilene staring at her in concern. "I'll tell you when we're alone, okay? I don't want Sammy to know."
Ilene nodded her head understandingly. She could understand Serena's reluctance about her brother knowing too much about her romantic life. As if on cue, Sammy walked in with bags of Chinese food containers. Ilene gave her daughter one last pat on the cheek and rose slowly from the bed with Serena's help and walked to the kitchen. The three ate quietly, with Ilene asking her children questions about their day. Finally, dinner was over and Ilene left Sammy and Serena to do the dishes while she went back to sleep. They cleared the dishes quickly and efficiently, hardly saying anything, knowing that words weren't needed to communicate the fear that they felt. When they were finished, Serena and Sammy said good night to each other and disappeared into their own rooms.
'The silence in this house is so oppressive,' Serena thought as she made her way to the window seat. She pulled back the curtain and looked out the window, gazing at the full moon. Briefly, she let her mind wander over to Darien, and how he managed to change her life so drastically in the three months that she's known him. 'My life is constantly going up and down, although I find that there are more downs than ups, especially since I met him. How could I have let my guard down so easily?' she thought.
~~*Flashback*~~
It had been exactly one week since Serena arrived on the doorstep of the Shields mansion and she was looking for something to do. Walter and Candace were at the moment entertaining some friends of theirs who had come over unexpectedly while Walter was in the midst of his exercises. Serena smiled and gave him the rest of the day off, but only after making him promise to work extra hard the next day. She was introduced to the visitors, whom she greeted politely, and made her way outside. She heard the pounding of hooves in the distance and immediately knew what her next destination would be.
Serena quickly made her way to the stable, a place she had been longing to visit the moment she first heard about it. She climbed her way to the top of a hill and looked down into the land below. A wooden fence bordered the corral and a huge wooden structure she surmised was the stable. A beautiful dark brown Arabian mare pranced around gracefully as Serena made her way to the building ahead.
"Hello?" Serena called out softly. Hearing no response except for the pounding of several hooves, she stepped inside and looked around. There were six stalls and five horses inside. She guessed that the empty one belonged to the beauty outside. There were names above the stalls, identifying each horse. Above a pure white stallion was a sign labeled 'Artemis.' The next stall contained a roan mare called Gaia, and the caramel coloured filly next to her was named Athena. Across from Artemis was the empty stall with 'Solaris' labeling the top. Then next two horses took Serena's breath away. A silvery-white mare called Selene occupied the middle stall and a stormy-looking ebony stallion named Endymion towered over her in the next stall.
"Selene and Endymion," Serena breathed. She felt an instant connection to Endymion and reached up to gently offer her hand to the intimidating horse. He sniffed her outstretched hand warily and allowed her to pat him gently on the cheek. Soon, she was nuzzling her face into his soft neck.
"Congratulations. It seems as if you got Endymion to trust you. No small feat considering he practically trampled on me the first time we met," a voice from the doorway said.
Serena jumped in surprise. She turned to the door and saw the silhouette of a tall man standing with the sun behind him. She squinted but couldn't see his face. "Who are you?" she asked.
The figure stepped into the stable and Serena could finally make out who had surprised her. It was Darien, standing in nothing but his jeans, the sweat glistening over his torso. He had some reigns looped over his shoulder and a burlap bag in his hand. Serena blushed at the dashing sight he made and almost fell over her own foot. Behind her, Artemis made some weird neighing sounds, as if he was laughing at her. Serena shot him a stern look but Artemis merely snorted and stomped his foot.
"It seems you've made friends with our resident bad ass," Darien commented lightly, his eyes skimming over Serena's body. She was dressed comfortably in a pair of hip-hugger flared jeans and a simple white tank top.
"Which one, Endymion or Artemis?" she asked dryly, still shooting Artemis a dirty look. Darien laughed at the picture of Serena and Artemis locked in a staring contest.
"Oh don't mind Artemis. He's just a practical joker, aren't you boy?" he asked, patting Artemis on the cheek affectionately. "Endymion's the one you should really watch out for. He's got a mean temper on him and he doesn't get along with the others too well. The only horse he likes is Selene."
"Is that why you named him Endymion?" she asked, trying not to stare at Darien's profile as he poured feed into Artemis' trough.
Darien smiled and looked back at her. "So I take it you know their story, huh? Not many people know the legend of Selene and Endymion. When I named him Endymion, my dad rolled his eyes and said, 'what kind of a fool name is Endymion? Is he that punk rapper that kids these days listen to? You know...Slim Shady?'" Darien said, doing a remarkable impression of Walter.
Serena laughed until she doubled over and Artemis joined her with his 'horse chuckles'. "Your dad thought you named your horse after Eminem?" she cried. She calmed down after a few minutes of laughing. "So why _did_ you name him Endymion?"
Darien made his way towards Selene and stroked her face gently. "When Endymion first came here, he was really hot-tempered, still is though he's calmed down a lot since then. He refused to stay in his stall, preferring to run around in the corral. The minute he saw Selene, however, he became gentler and more protective towards her. He wouldn't go to sleep until he made sure that Selene was back in her stall. Finally, I decided to put them together. Sometimes, I would see him nuzzling Selene's neck or they would go off in the corner of the corral and fall asleep together. That's why I named him Endymion; he can't rest without Selene."
Serena smiled softly and kissed Endymion on the nose. "Aww, that's so sweet. They're in love."
If anyone but Serena had said that his two horses were in love, Darien would have laughed in his face. But somehow, with Serena standing there in front of him, anything seemed possible. She could tell him that the moon was made of green cheese and he would believe her. "I guess they are," he replied softly. Just then, Serena and Darien heard a soft meowing sound behind them. A small, gray kitten had stumbled out of the clean hay to the side of the stable.
Darien picked the tiny kitten up and cradled her in his big hand. "Are you hungry, Diana?" he whispered. The kitten mewled again and licked his finger. "This cat was abandoned by her mother a few hours after she and her brothers were born. The rest of them died from malnutrition before the stable hand and I found them. We've been taking care of her ever since."
Serena watched, enraptured, as Darien took a tiny nursing bottle filled with milk and fed it to the hungry feline. She noted the firm, yet gentle, hold he had on Diana as she drank from the bottle in his other hand. She could almost see him holding a baby that way, feeding it from a bottle the way he was feeding Diana. 'Our baby,' she thought. Serena froze and for an instant, was almost afraid that Darien had somehow broken into her thoughts but was relieved to find him still engrossed in nursing the kitty. 'Where did that come from?' she wondered.
Behind her, Artemis snorted and stomped his foot once again. She whirled around and saw Artemis baring his teeth at her in what seemed to be a mocking smile. As if he knew what she was thinking, Artemis flung his head in Darien's direction and neighed loudly. "Don't tell!" she pleaded Artemis, not pausing to think about how ridiculous it was to be scared of a horse revealing her private thoughts.
Darien looked up from his position on the floor. "Don't tell what?" he asked.
Serena felt the blush creeping up her face and heard Artemis once again 'laughing' behind her. She scratched her head in embarrassment and looked down at the floor, searching for an answer. "Um...don't tell...don't tell me that this poor thing's mother just abandoned her and her brothers like that. That's not very nice," she fumbled.
Darien grinned lopsidedly at her. "Yeah, you're right, but that's the way nature works. Not all animals, or even people for that matter, were cut out to be parents," he said as he rocked Diana to sleep. It was then that Serena knew she had fallen in love with him.
~~*End flashback*~~
"Oh Darien, why did you have to make me fall in love with you?" she wept. "Why don't you love me like I love you?" She leaned her head against the cool window and cried herself to sleep.
Ilene had been in her room looking through old photo albums when she heard Serena weeping in the next room. "Why don't you love me like I love you?" she heard through the wall. Ilene closed the album and frowned. "Oh Ken, why does she have to suffer so much? I'm afraid to leave her so unhappy. Sammy will be fine but it's Serena I'm worried about. Please watch over her for me, sweetheart, for I no longer have the strength to do it myself," she prayed before she fell into a dreamless sleep.
^**LA**^
'What a week it's been,' Darien thought as he drove home from work. 'I'm so glad that deal finally got worked out. Now I can relax and take it easy for a while.' Darien smiled as he breezed through traffic, delighting in the fact that he could now afford to work from home for at least the next week. He glanced at the perfect bouquet of a dozen long-stem roses on the passenger seat. 'Tonight's the night I tell Sere how I feel about her. I'm going to tell her how much I love her.'
He drove up the driveway and parked his car in the garage. He noticed the car Serena was borrowing parked there along with his other vehicles. 'Good, she's home.' Darien picked up the bouquet carefully and practically sprinted into the house. He passed by the family room; fully intending to ignore his parents who were inside, when he heard his name coupled with Serena's. He stopped outside the door and listened to their conversation.
"Walter dear, don't you wish that Darien and Serena would just hurry it up and admit their feelings for one another?" Candace asked dreamily.
'Even mom knows how right we are together,' Darien thought.
Walter hesitated for a moment before answering his wife. "I think that girlie is perfect for the boy, but is he perfect for her?" he asked.
Darien's eyes narrowed. 'What the hell does he mean by that?'
"There's a lot we don't know about girlie, a lot of things she keeps private. She hides her pain behind a mask of happiness. I think girlie's been burned many times and that the 'incident' in the kitchen I told you about, just added to her list," Walter continued, looking at his wife pointedly.
'What incident?' Darien couldn't hear his mother's quiet words from outside the room but he could see her nodding her head in agreement with his father.
"...Have you noticed how distant she's gotten since the wedding?" Candace asked.
Walter nodded his head slightly. "She hasn't been the same since. Always moping about and quiet all the time. I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I miss my girlie. The one who used to drive me insane with her stories and inane chatter."
"And now, she's gone back to Toronto," Candace said sadly.
Darien's ears pricked up. 'She's gone? Why?' He didn't notice that he dropped the roses as he barged into the room, startling both his parents. "What do you mean she's gone?" he demanded.
Walter looked at him and sighed. "Her brother called this morning and told her that her mother is dying from cancer. She rushed back home to be with them as soon as she heard," he explained. Darien's eyes widened in shock.
"Why didn't you call and tell me? I would've rushed home right away," he said.
Candace shook her head. "There was no time. Serena was gone in less than an hour after the phone call."
"How long will she be gone?" Darien asked quietly.
Walter and Candace looked at each other carefully before Candace decided to answer him. "Sweetheart, she'll be gone for about two months, possibly longer. We don't know if she's planning on staying here or moving back home if her mother...you know," she explained gently.
"You don't know if she's coming back?" he asked dejectedly, like a child who had just lost his best friend, which in a sense he did. Not waiting for an answer, Darien turned and fled from the room, his shoulders sagging heavily as he trudged up the stairs. Candace and Walter watched him worriedly from the doorway of the family room. Candace was on the verge of following him, when she felt Walter's hand restraining her. In his other hand was the discarded bouquet.
"Let him go, Candy. I think he needs to be alone," he said. Walter gazed mournfully at the pristine red roses in his hand. "I think Darien's lost his chance with girlie and the sad part is, he doesn't even know what he did to lose it."
******************************
Later that night, Darien tossed and turned in his bed, unable to sleep. 'Why would she leave without even saying goodbye?' he thought. Not liking the silence that answered him back, he turned on the radio and listened to the DJ announcing the next song.
"All right you insomniacs, here's 'Nobody Knows' by The Tony Rich Project," the DJ's velvety voice crooned.
Darien sighed and leaned back against the headboard. He heard the soft beats and Babyface's melodic voice emitting from the speakers.
I pretend that I'm glad you went away
These four walls closin' more everyday
And I'm dyin' inside,
And nobody knows it but me.
Like a clown, I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside,
And nobody knows it but me.
Why didn't I say,
The things I needed to say?
How could I let my angel get away?
Now my world is just a-tumblin' down.
I can say it so clearly,
But you're nowhere around.
Chorus
The nights are lonely, the days are so sad
And I just keep thinkin' 'bout the love that we had
and I'm missin' you
and nobody knows it but me
I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
and I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm tremblin' inside and nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screamin' at night as if I thought
you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is callin' you
and nobody knows it but me
How blue can I get
You could ask my heart
but like a jigsaw puzzle it's been torn
all apart
A million words wouldn't say just how
I feel
A million years from now ya know
I'll be lovin' you still
chorus
Tomorrow mornin' I'm hittin' the
dusty road
gonna find you wherever, ever you
might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope
you come back to me
said when the nights are lonely...
chorus
Darien angrily pushed the button on the remote to shut off the stereo. 'Dammit, even the fucking radio's against me!" He threw the bedcovers off and walked out into the hallway, pausing before Serena's door. He hesitated for a moment, then turned the knob and entered. He was relieved to still find the majority of her belongings strewn about the room. 'That means she's coming back.' He picked up her pillow and sniffed it. 'Strawberries,' he thought. Having gotten what he came for, he threw one last reverent look around the room and closed the door. He made his way back to his own room, and lay on his bed, hugging the pillow tightly. 'Please come home soon, Sere.'
***************************
Two days later, he met Drew, and the rest of his friends for lunch at Luigi's, the same restaurant he had taken Serena a few months back. They sat at the patio, so Darien didn't see the table where he waited impatiently for Serena, or the tree he had knocked down when she arrived.
"Hey Darien. Earth to Darien," Drew said, waving his hand in Darien's face. "What're you so spaced out about?"
"What else, but the lovely Serena?" Chad laughed. Darien looked at him sharply and Drew shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Chad just ignored his friend's murderous look. "So have you figured out why she's been giving you the cold shoulder lately?" he asked.
Darien sighed and shook his head. "Nah, and I won't for a long time. She's gone back home for a family emergency. She's staying there for about two months," he answered sadly. Drew said nothing. He, being her therapist, already knew that and guessed that she would be hesitant about returning to LA after everything that had passed between them.
"Do you really love her, or is this just another conquest for you? You know, banging the girl who turned you down then leaving her for another?" asked Greg.
Darien narrowed his eyes dangerously while Greg, in turn, swallowed nervously. Drew listened carefully, hoping to hear that Darien hadn't lied about his feelings for Serena that night. "Of _course_ I love her! If you weren't my friend, Greg, I'd beat your ass inside out for saying that."
Drew sighed. 'At least he loves her, even if he doesn't remember telling her already.'
"I don't know what to do. Before she left, I felt like she was trying to avoid seeing me in the house. She'd go to down to the dining room before I even have a chance to ask if I can walk her down like I usually do. She hardly ever talked to me and after meals, she'd rush to her room and lock the door. I don't know what I did wrong," Darien said.
Drew cleared his throat nervously. "Maybe it's something you did unconsciously," he suggested timidly.
"I guess," Darien conceded. A thought suddenly occurred to him. "Oh God! Do you think that she found out that I slept with another woman the night before Amy's wedding?" he asked Drew worriedly. He could see worry flicker in Drew's eyes.
Drew became fidgety under Darien's stare. "Um, could we talk about something else?" he asked.
Darien looked at him. "Why? What aren't you telling me, Drew?" he asked suspiciously.
"Nothing Darien," he said, not looking into his eyes.
Suddenly, a memory flashed into Darien's head. He had been sitting with Serena on the couch in the family room on the day they had lunch together at the very restaurant he was at now. Darien remembered that she had an appointment that day and also remembered how drained she was when she got back. When he questioned her on her lack of energy, Serena smiled sadly and said it was nothing. He continued to press until she admitted that she went to a doctor's appointment.
'What kind of doctor's appointment leaves a person feeling worn out?' he asked.
He remembered seeing an inner struggle waging in Serena's sub-conscious before she slumped dejectedly. 'A therapist. I've been seeing a therapist for a while now, even when I was back in Canada. Please just don't ask me any more...'
Drew saw a flicker of understanding in Darien's eyes and hoped that he remembered what happened that night. 'Please Darien, just remember. I can't tell you anything if you don't remember,' he pleaded silently to his friend.
"You're her therapist," Darien said in a low tone that sent chills up Drew's spine. Drew didn't say anything in response but he didn't have to for Darien had already seen the answer in his eyes. Darien frowned. He didn't like the fact that another man knew more about Serena than he did. "So, what did she say?" he demanded, raking a hand through his hair.
Drew looked at him regretfully. "You know that's confidential, Darien. Whatever she said in the office, stays in the office."
"Aw, you suck, man. C'mon, just tell us what the crazy chick said," Chad pried. Drew cast him a warning glance and Darien looked like he was going to beat Chad up.
"She's not crazy. She's just got...issues that she needs to talk about with someone who won't judge her. I can't violate her trust like that. It goes against everything I stand for," he said firmly.
Darien and Chad relented. "Fine, don't tell me what she said. At least tell me what she's seeing _you_ for?" Darien said.
Drew didn't miss the extra emphasis on 'you.' He knew Darien was jealous that Serena had unconsciously confided in his friend rather than himself when he was already in love with her. "I'm sorry, but that's private information and I can't discuss it. What I can tell you is that she's had a really hard life and that she's been hurt-a lot. It won't be easy to regain her trust," he said.
"'Regain her trust?' I knew it! I did something wrong to hurt her!" Darien exclaimed. Drew cursed himself for letting that one slip out.
"No, I mean her trust in general. So many people have hurt her that she finds it hard to trust anyone anymore," Drew quickly covered up.
Darien sighed. He respected his friend's firm stance on his work ethics but couldn't help but feel as if he needed to know something important about Serena. Something that started a long time ago, before she even knew him.
^**Toronto**^
Serena's dream
She was in her childhood home, walking through its empty corridors. All of a sudden, she heard a whimpering coming from her old room. With a sinking feeling, Serena pushed open the door and saw her eight-year old self laying on the bed with Jake between her knees as he assaulted her. Serena rushed forward and tried to shove him away but her hand just passed through Jake's body. She realized that she would not be able to help her younger self.
"Please help me," the little girl whimpered at her.
"I'm sorry, I tried but I can't. My hand just goes through him," she apologized, tears falling from her face as she watched the helpless child live through another night of torture at the hands of Jake.
"Nobody's around to help you, you little slut," Jake said roughly, taking his mouth away from little Serena's genitals. "Your pretty mommy is asleep right now. Maybe I should go wake her up? Would you like that, little slut?"
The little girl shook her head no and closed her eyes once more. "Please don't hurt my mommy, Uncle Jake. I'll be good, I promise."
"That's a good slut," he replied and once more continued with his horrific deed. The adult Serena watched helplessly as the little girl bore the assault without a sound. She reached down and took the child's hand.
"Don't worry, I'm here with you. We'll get through this together," she whispered determinedly. She watched as the scene changed once more, only to find her adult self on the bed with Darien in Jake's place.
"I love you, you slut," Darien whispered harshly.
Serena shook her head firmly. 'No, Darien and Jake are two different people. They both hurt you, but in different ways. As bad as what Darien did to you, he would never do what Jake did,' she thought to herself.
Once more, Serena took her double's hand and gave it a squeeze. "We'll get through this together."
End dream
Serena shot up in bed and looked out the window. This is the third day back and still she couldn't forget about Darien's deception. She thought back to the dream and immediately felt queasy. She ran to the washroom and threw up just in time.
'You can't keep throwing up every time you think about Jake. You have to be strong for yourself, and especially mama," she told herself in the mirror. With that said, she rinsed out her mouth and prepared to start another day.
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Sorry this one's short but I didn't want to give away anything too soon. Thanks for reviewing the previous chapters, you guys. You make me blush ~.~;
Oh and Sean, don't worry about the questions I had about your fic. I just wanted to know if Serena will be able to forgive Darien for what he did to her. That's the main question I have in my head and I would appreciate an answer SOON! So get cracking on another chappie, you hear?
GOD!!! This is sooo frustrating! I'm trying to load this story as I type but the frigging server is down AGAIN!! Don't blame me because this update is later than it was supposed to be. DAMMIT @_@ SHIT!! Sorry, but I've been trying to upload this chapter since I finished it and the stupid Internet won't let me.
FF.net is being SUCH a bitch tonight...
