Disclaimer: see author's notes
Chapter 3: The Bargain
When she didn't reply, her features a mask of horror, Snape felt his assumption had been justified.
"Miss Granger? Is that what happened?"
She began to shake her head slowly, and until he deciphered the words she was muttering, Snape began to hope that she had been spared the ultimate violation, before the hope was crushed.
"No, no, no. . . I can't. . . no, no. . . this isn't happening. . . how did YOU KNOW!" this last was screamed at him, her voice slowly rising to an hysterical pitch.
Pulling herself to her feet, the young woman in front of him briefly caught his eyes, before choking out;
"I can't stand everyone to know. I can't deal with this. I won't."
And as Snape recognised the self-destructive rage that swept over her, Hermione turned on her heal and fled, heading without a doubt for the Astronomy Tower, and the long jump into oblivion. He was sure, for he recognised that part of her with the aspect of himself that led him up to the turret himself on occasion to contemplate jumping, even though magic restrained him from actually going through with it.
Reaching the top of the tower, breathless and sweating, Snape saw that she was already on the ledge.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!!"
She said nothing. But she wasn't moving. She doesn't want sympathy. She has her pride.
"You can't nearly knock me off my feet and then shout at me and then run off without even so much as an explanation! Miss Granger?"
Seemingly despite herself she turned around partially and answered, using ironically enough the sarcasm he had always used to keep the world at bay;
"Just taking a short walk of a long cliff. Nothing for you to concern yourself with - one less Gryffindor to taunt, though - so maybe you will feel the loss after all."
A thread to lead him away from the minotaur - keep cool now. Don't drive her away now.
"Fine. But take me with you."
That stopped her. She stared at him with her mouth ever so slightly open, before she remembered herself and closed it.
Snape looked her directly in the eye. This is you chance Severus. Don't blow it.
"You're serious."
"Deadly."
A ghost of a laugh escaped her at the terrible pun. So, she wasn't too far gone after all. Still, the situation held potential.
"Well. . . if you want to die so badly. . . why don't you jump?"
Still standing on the ledge, but fully turned around now. Interested. Curious.
"Have you ever heard of the Promissum Charm?" A silent shake of the head "It is a little known bit of magic that binds a person to a promise that they make. In my case, Dumbledore had me swear that I wouldn't commit suicide. So I am physically incapable of jumping."
"Then I couldn't take you over anyway."
He had her now - hooked on the puzzle, unwilling to let go before every last bit of knowledge was wrested from the new source.
"Yes, you could, because you would effectively be pushing me against my will. The charm only prevents my action, not persuading anyone else to help me along. I had rather hoped Voldemort would oblige, but he seems to enjoy making me suffer too much."
Her brows had furrowed. This meant a big question for sure.
"Wouldn't that make me a murderess?"
A thunderbolt from the blue. Count on Granger.
"No. It would make you an angel of mercy."
Unspoken: Lend me your rod and staff
They just looked at each other. Eventually, Hermione moved to sit down on the ledge.
Finally, she muttered "I'm sorry".
He shook his head sadly. "No need. I wouldn't expect any less from a Gryffindor, after all. So, do you still want to die?"
Snape joined Hermione on the ledge, as she pondered. Too busy on the big question to even notice the perceived insult. Or maybe only a Gryffindor would see it that way. "No."
"Good. It would be an awful waste (at this her head snapped up, but he continues anyway), to big a sacrifice for the scum who did this to you. I don't suppose you're going to tell me who (a shake of her head), well never mind, the more important question is, if you don't want to die, what do you want?"
Again, a pause. Using the sharp edge of the twin bladed Slytherin Sword - enticement. No need to use the duller edge of coercion. Yet.
"I want my life back."
Delicate strokes. Use the broadsword like a poniard. Little cuts.
"I can help you Hermione, if you want my help, that is. I have some experience in. . . well. . . the darker side of the soul, and I know of a few roads back."
Even if they are the Road Less Travelled. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I stood there looking at the path to salvation and the wider road to damnation. Eighteen years later I'm still at the juncture, breaking down under the pressure of indecision.
He called me Hermione. He thinks it'd be a waste if I died. He wants to help me. He wants me to kill him.
"Is that a selfless offer of help from a Slytherin?" Just a hint of mockery to her voice.
"No Miss Granger, it isn't, and you know it."
He wants me to murder him. Say it, because we both know it.
"Tell me why you want to die so badly. Being bored of life and spying and pain don't cut it, you know." The life was back in her voice now, she was already on the road back.
"I carried out numerous atrocities as a Death Eater. And I was never punished because I was more useful as a double agent. But nothing I can do can ever make amends. I'm supposed to be content with being a bastard, so long as I'm a useful one."
Shocked silence. Not far enough on the road back, then, you need to explain Severus. Don't blow it now.
"Someone once told me that when we get knocked down, especially in a conflict that involves fatalities, it is our duty to get up and carry on. Staying down allows the aggressor to win, and is not a mark of respect to the fallen." A pause as he dragged his thoughts together.
Talk faster. She's slipping away from you.
"I took the lives of so many people that deserved to live, and now that I deserve to die, I have to live, listening to the screams of the fallen with every breath I take. You think I'm trying to escape my punishment." His tone said it was a statement not a question. "But whatever better place you believe in, I'm not on the way there. I just want to end this, and make the imbalance right. This is my mark of respect."
Please let her understand. Nothing else is beyond her comprehension. And I Don't have the energy to start work with the Duller Edge.
Still silence. Were those tears in her eyes? Did it work?
Is the end on its way?
Slowly, oh so slowly, she reached out her hand, towards him.
"Professor Snape, it's a deal."
The tears were running freely down her cheeks now.
What have you done, Hermione? Cries her Voice of Caution.
Silence inside and out. Tears for herself as much as for him.
"Thank you. Now we ought to go down and tell the other teachers you've turned up like a bad penny."
He smiled slightly to indicate it was a joke, but she once again looked horrified.
"You won't tell them what happened will you? Please don't." she gazed at him imploringly.
"You will have to face the real world again some time, you know. But no, not tonight, and I will have to inform the Headmaster."
She nodded her assent almost immediately, and got up. They left the tower side by side, bound by an unlikely covenant.
* * *
From the corner of the turret, under his invisibility cloak, Harry let out the breath he'd been holding for Merlin knows how long.
That was surreal.
And a relief.
He was a safe for now.
Looking at his watch, he discovered it was ten to eight.
He'd have to run, not to be too late for his detention.
No use acting suspicious after he'd been handed this glorious second chance.
* * *
Entering the corridor, Snape turned and began steering Hermione towards his private rooms in the dungeon.
And promptly ran into Minerva McGonagall.
Just great.
McGonagall for her part flew towards Hermione, as if to hug her, before pulling herself up short and opening with an irritated;
"Where have you been, Miss Granger? The whole faculty has been looking for you."
Hermione opened her mouth uncertainly, looking vulnerable, and Snape felt the sudden urge to step in and protect her from McGonagall's ill-timed interrogation.
"Miss Granger has been filling me in on the details of today's events. Suffice to say that she is here now. Minerva, I would appreciate it if you would inform the Headmaster of this turn of events, so he can call off the search. I will be in my rooms, where I will continue this discussion with Miss Granger, and will not profit from being disturbed until the morning."
With that he turned on his heel to begin herding Hermione towards the dungeons once again.
Why do I always expect him to click his heels together three times when he does that? Back to reality, Minerva - time to rescue your student.
"Is that alright with you, Miss Granger?" McGonagall asked disbelievingly.
Hermione summoned up a suitably fervent "Yes, Professor" noting with surprise McGonagall's acceptance of Snape's orders, despite him being her junior.
Just went to show that any order delivered with enough confidence would be obey without question.
Useful tip that really.
Minerva watched the unusual couple walk away with a slightly bemused expression on her face, before heading toward the Headmaster's office.
Wonders truly never did cease.
A/N:
A couple of references to other literary works in this chapter
The rod and staff is from Psalm 23
The Road Less Travelled is a perversion of Robert Frost's poem by the same title.
The reference to not giving death to those deserving of it until you can give life to those deserving life - ie the idea of balance - is from J.R.R Tolkein, said by Gandalf in the Fellowship of the Ring
'A bastard, but a useful bastard' is from Sphinx's 'letter from exile one merciful morning' (on ff.net) I'd recommend it when you're done here.
So, should I keep writing? Does anyone want to know whether Hermione goes through with it, or if Snape lets her.
Tell me if I should bother to carry on.
Photis.
Chapter 3: The Bargain
When she didn't reply, her features a mask of horror, Snape felt his assumption had been justified.
"Miss Granger? Is that what happened?"
She began to shake her head slowly, and until he deciphered the words she was muttering, Snape began to hope that she had been spared the ultimate violation, before the hope was crushed.
"No, no, no. . . I can't. . . no, no. . . this isn't happening. . . how did YOU KNOW!" this last was screamed at him, her voice slowly rising to an hysterical pitch.
Pulling herself to her feet, the young woman in front of him briefly caught his eyes, before choking out;
"I can't stand everyone to know. I can't deal with this. I won't."
And as Snape recognised the self-destructive rage that swept over her, Hermione turned on her heal and fled, heading without a doubt for the Astronomy Tower, and the long jump into oblivion. He was sure, for he recognised that part of her with the aspect of himself that led him up to the turret himself on occasion to contemplate jumping, even though magic restrained him from actually going through with it.
Reaching the top of the tower, breathless and sweating, Snape saw that she was already on the ledge.
"What the hell do you think you're doing!!"
She said nothing. But she wasn't moving. She doesn't want sympathy. She has her pride.
"You can't nearly knock me off my feet and then shout at me and then run off without even so much as an explanation! Miss Granger?"
Seemingly despite herself she turned around partially and answered, using ironically enough the sarcasm he had always used to keep the world at bay;
"Just taking a short walk of a long cliff. Nothing for you to concern yourself with - one less Gryffindor to taunt, though - so maybe you will feel the loss after all."
A thread to lead him away from the minotaur - keep cool now. Don't drive her away now.
"Fine. But take me with you."
That stopped her. She stared at him with her mouth ever so slightly open, before she remembered herself and closed it.
Snape looked her directly in the eye. This is you chance Severus. Don't blow it.
"You're serious."
"Deadly."
A ghost of a laugh escaped her at the terrible pun. So, she wasn't too far gone after all. Still, the situation held potential.
"Well. . . if you want to die so badly. . . why don't you jump?"
Still standing on the ledge, but fully turned around now. Interested. Curious.
"Have you ever heard of the Promissum Charm?" A silent shake of the head "It is a little known bit of magic that binds a person to a promise that they make. In my case, Dumbledore had me swear that I wouldn't commit suicide. So I am physically incapable of jumping."
"Then I couldn't take you over anyway."
He had her now - hooked on the puzzle, unwilling to let go before every last bit of knowledge was wrested from the new source.
"Yes, you could, because you would effectively be pushing me against my will. The charm only prevents my action, not persuading anyone else to help me along. I had rather hoped Voldemort would oblige, but he seems to enjoy making me suffer too much."
Her brows had furrowed. This meant a big question for sure.
"Wouldn't that make me a murderess?"
A thunderbolt from the blue. Count on Granger.
"No. It would make you an angel of mercy."
Unspoken: Lend me your rod and staff
They just looked at each other. Eventually, Hermione moved to sit down on the ledge.
Finally, she muttered "I'm sorry".
He shook his head sadly. "No need. I wouldn't expect any less from a Gryffindor, after all. So, do you still want to die?"
Snape joined Hermione on the ledge, as she pondered. Too busy on the big question to even notice the perceived insult. Or maybe only a Gryffindor would see it that way. "No."
"Good. It would be an awful waste (at this her head snapped up, but he continues anyway), to big a sacrifice for the scum who did this to you. I don't suppose you're going to tell me who (a shake of her head), well never mind, the more important question is, if you don't want to die, what do you want?"
Again, a pause. Using the sharp edge of the twin bladed Slytherin Sword - enticement. No need to use the duller edge of coercion. Yet.
"I want my life back."
Delicate strokes. Use the broadsword like a poniard. Little cuts.
"I can help you Hermione, if you want my help, that is. I have some experience in. . . well. . . the darker side of the soul, and I know of a few roads back."
Even if they are the Road Less Travelled. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I stood there looking at the path to salvation and the wider road to damnation. Eighteen years later I'm still at the juncture, breaking down under the pressure of indecision.
He called me Hermione. He thinks it'd be a waste if I died. He wants to help me. He wants me to kill him.
"Is that a selfless offer of help from a Slytherin?" Just a hint of mockery to her voice.
"No Miss Granger, it isn't, and you know it."
He wants me to murder him. Say it, because we both know it.
"Tell me why you want to die so badly. Being bored of life and spying and pain don't cut it, you know." The life was back in her voice now, she was already on the road back.
"I carried out numerous atrocities as a Death Eater. And I was never punished because I was more useful as a double agent. But nothing I can do can ever make amends. I'm supposed to be content with being a bastard, so long as I'm a useful one."
Shocked silence. Not far enough on the road back, then, you need to explain Severus. Don't blow it now.
"Someone once told me that when we get knocked down, especially in a conflict that involves fatalities, it is our duty to get up and carry on. Staying down allows the aggressor to win, and is not a mark of respect to the fallen." A pause as he dragged his thoughts together.
Talk faster. She's slipping away from you.
"I took the lives of so many people that deserved to live, and now that I deserve to die, I have to live, listening to the screams of the fallen with every breath I take. You think I'm trying to escape my punishment." His tone said it was a statement not a question. "But whatever better place you believe in, I'm not on the way there. I just want to end this, and make the imbalance right. This is my mark of respect."
Please let her understand. Nothing else is beyond her comprehension. And I Don't have the energy to start work with the Duller Edge.
Still silence. Were those tears in her eyes? Did it work?
Is the end on its way?
Slowly, oh so slowly, she reached out her hand, towards him.
"Professor Snape, it's a deal."
The tears were running freely down her cheeks now.
What have you done, Hermione? Cries her Voice of Caution.
Silence inside and out. Tears for herself as much as for him.
"Thank you. Now we ought to go down and tell the other teachers you've turned up like a bad penny."
He smiled slightly to indicate it was a joke, but she once again looked horrified.
"You won't tell them what happened will you? Please don't." she gazed at him imploringly.
"You will have to face the real world again some time, you know. But no, not tonight, and I will have to inform the Headmaster."
She nodded her assent almost immediately, and got up. They left the tower side by side, bound by an unlikely covenant.
* * *
From the corner of the turret, under his invisibility cloak, Harry let out the breath he'd been holding for Merlin knows how long.
That was surreal.
And a relief.
He was a safe for now.
Looking at his watch, he discovered it was ten to eight.
He'd have to run, not to be too late for his detention.
No use acting suspicious after he'd been handed this glorious second chance.
* * *
Entering the corridor, Snape turned and began steering Hermione towards his private rooms in the dungeon.
And promptly ran into Minerva McGonagall.
Just great.
McGonagall for her part flew towards Hermione, as if to hug her, before pulling herself up short and opening with an irritated;
"Where have you been, Miss Granger? The whole faculty has been looking for you."
Hermione opened her mouth uncertainly, looking vulnerable, and Snape felt the sudden urge to step in and protect her from McGonagall's ill-timed interrogation.
"Miss Granger has been filling me in on the details of today's events. Suffice to say that she is here now. Minerva, I would appreciate it if you would inform the Headmaster of this turn of events, so he can call off the search. I will be in my rooms, where I will continue this discussion with Miss Granger, and will not profit from being disturbed until the morning."
With that he turned on his heel to begin herding Hermione towards the dungeons once again.
Why do I always expect him to click his heels together three times when he does that? Back to reality, Minerva - time to rescue your student.
"Is that alright with you, Miss Granger?" McGonagall asked disbelievingly.
Hermione summoned up a suitably fervent "Yes, Professor" noting with surprise McGonagall's acceptance of Snape's orders, despite him being her junior.
Just went to show that any order delivered with enough confidence would be obey without question.
Useful tip that really.
Minerva watched the unusual couple walk away with a slightly bemused expression on her face, before heading toward the Headmaster's office.
Wonders truly never did cease.
A/N:
A couple of references to other literary works in this chapter
The rod and staff is from Psalm 23
The Road Less Travelled is a perversion of Robert Frost's poem by the same title.
The reference to not giving death to those deserving of it until you can give life to those deserving life - ie the idea of balance - is from J.R.R Tolkein, said by Gandalf in the Fellowship of the Ring
'A bastard, but a useful bastard' is from Sphinx's 'letter from exile one merciful morning' (on ff.net) I'd recommend it when you're done here.
So, should I keep writing? Does anyone want to know whether Hermione goes through with it, or if Snape lets her.
Tell me if I should bother to carry on.
Photis.
