Disclaimer: see author's notes
A/N
I feel I should explain a little about this chapter - credit to my bad writing, not your ability to comprehend, you understand. Snape's monologue is inside his head, and starred in the text. The brackets after Hermione's speech are what she would like to say, but doesn't as she is really a well- raised little girl. But as you will see, Snape gets the gist of what she wants to say as well.
Chapter 4: Phraseology
The entrance to Snape's Rooms turned out to be a concealed door in his office. A cursory flick of his wand accompanied by 'dehisco' opened a wide gothic arch in a previously bare patch of wall, beneath which a set of black double doors were secured with a locking charm.
Before opening the door, Snape paused, to ask; "Is this okay? We can stay in my office, if you'd like, but my rooms at least have two comfortable chairs."
*Don't push her too far - she can still run, remember.*
*If you can keep your head when all about you are loosing theirs . . .*
However as Snape's internal monologue started up on a poetic and cultured riff that might normally have appealed to Hermione, her answers became more curt and to the point.
"It's fine." (I was raped in a corridor not on a bed) "I trust you."
*If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you . . .*
"Okay then, come in."
*But make allowance for their doubting too . . .*
"Hermione, if at any point you feel uncomfortable, or want to leave, you must tell me. Contrary to popular belief I'm not a mind reader. And we are going to be talking about some unpleasant issues tonight."
(Unpleasant! Is that your considered and final appreciation of this situation! Insensitive bastard. I'm not telling you anything.) "You can't read minds? Really?"
A deft change of subject, considering. But he felt the anger surge through her regardless of the level nature of her reply.
*If you can wait and not be tired by waiting*
No, I'm empathic, not a telepath. I feel thoughts rather than hear them verbatim."
"Everyone thinks that you read minds - that's how you always catch us out" (and know exactly what to say to hurt the most)
*Or being lied about, don't deal in lies. Not anymore anyway*
"Eighteen years of teaching hones the senses to guilt and dishonesty fairly acutely. I can sense someone lying about their homework in the North Tower on a clear day."
"Makes sense, I suppose" (that's how you can skulk in your dungeon - the world comes to you whether you like it or not.)
*Being hated, don't give way to hating*
"But we're not here to talk about me, are we, Miss Granger?"
"No." (I'm here to let you help me. And make up your mind - am I Miss Granger or Hermione.)
"Which would you prefer?"
The incredulity on her face, even after all he had told her, was vaguely amusing. It would take her a good while before she gauged the true depths of his power . . . the longer the better.
*Don't look to good, nor talk too wise. First part's easy enough*
"Hermione." (That way, I can pretend you care, and you're not just using me)
"You know, you can back out on the deal any time you like -"
*If you can dream and not make dreams your master*
"- you must have realised that even if Voldemort didn't oblige in ending my existence, that I have enough enemies, to find myself in a situation involving certain death -"
*If you can think and not make thoughts your master*
"Then why not -"
" - but somehow allowing myself to be killed by adversary inferior to myself, who would have had all the chance of a snowball in hell if I fought back, grates on my pride. I am a Slytherin after all."
"I see." (I really do. I hope you believe me)
"So we've talked out my problems - however I think yours are more pressing."
"Yes"
"Perhaps you should begin with where you have spent all of today."
"In the astronomy tower."
"Indeed. Planning another short walk?"
"No. That's where - um, I mean - well that's . . ."
"Try and speak in coherent sentences. Your voluminous essays suggest you are more than capable of it."
*Yes, she's bristling again. My sarcasm seems to give her the strength to fight. Say the words, but keep them clean of contempt. She doesn't deserve that from you. She's doing better than any of the others Voldemort had you crush the spirits of.*
"That's where I was attacked, Professor (the honorific spat in order to devalue it). I just stayed put."
"I see. Is there an explanation as to why you show no signs of injury?"
"They've been healed."
"You healed yourself - your powers are seemingly growing." Hold the sarcasm down, there's such a thing as too much of a good thing.
"I asked . . . Harry . . . to do it for me."
"Right. I presume he knows the details, then?"
Hermione forced herself to swallow. Snape noticed.
"Yes"
A pause. Pieces clicking into place - Potter out all night under his invisibility cloak - returning to Gryffindor tower looking troubled early in the morning -
"Did you ask Mr Potter for his help, or did he come to offer it?"
"He came and found me." (If you know just come out and say it)
"When was this? Just before you ran into me?"
"Er . . . yeah." (Stop playing games with me)
The final pieces of the puzzle slotted in place to form a gruesome whole. Potter had raped Hermione and even now she was protecting him.
"So from whom were you running?"
"Er . . . no-one." (Christ, I should have got more practice at lying. How am I supposed to outsmart a Slytherin?)
"Indeed. I have always maintained that the vaunted Gryffindor loyalty was nothing but fool-hardiness, you know. However, you are too mature an individual for me to disregard you choices summarily. If you wish to protect him, that is your choice."
And in the absence of other noise, silence reigns.
* * *
Despite his injunctions to himself to wait and let the situation unfold, Voldemort was itching to interfere.
The part of himself, his essence, that had been transferred to Potter as a child that ill-fated night, that gave him the gift of Parselmouth, was tingling right now.
He always became more aware of it when Potter was uncertain and insecure, wondering what to do - that was the time at which the spark that was Tom Riddle and not Harry Potter flared up, temporarily blinding the senses and awareness of The Boy Who Lived.
And Potter was certainly unsure about what had transpired between Snape and Granger on that ledge.
There had always been that vague sense of connection between the two during Voldemort's long purgatory, but Potter had invariably benefited more from the warnings it provided, rather than suffering. Now the tables were turned, the protection of the ancient magic from his mother removed, and Voldemort was returned to his former strength.
He intended to take full advantage.
However, aside from waiting for the inevitable fallout in the Gryffindor enclave, and taking care to prevent Potter confessing and repenting - repercussions would be greater should he be uncovered in his crime - there was little more to be done.
Voldemort did not like waiting. He had waited sixteen years too long, to avoid playing games with his hapless victim.
He was not happy.
His eyes fell on Pettigrew huddling in the corner. A little mindless violence would prove a pleasant diversion.
Raising his wand he aimed it, drinking in the grovelling cries for mercy from his insipid servant.
"Crucio"
Screams sliced through the calm of the night air.
* * *
Back in Snape's rooms, Hermione seemed lost for words.
The last question he asked had brought home the enormity of the situation to her. Its implications for the rest of her life.
Yes, she had been a virgin this time yesterday.
And he had taken that from her - defiled her - taken the precious gift she had intended for another from her, when all she had given permission for was a chaste kiss.
Whoever she chose to be with in the future, she would come into the relationship without a vital part of herself, through no fault of her own.
And it was all Harry's fault.
That was if she could bear for anyone to touch her again. She still remembered her wild flight out of the tower at the slightest touch.
Will you ever be able to trust anyone again?
But you're trusting Snape, aren't you? First wishing you were in his lesson, and then wanting to be rescued by him. So he saves you from yourself and you trust him?
That was the truth though. His calm confidence in himself and his opinions was a comforting presence. And when he kept the malice and derision out of his tone, his sarcasm reminded her to fight. That she was still alive, and would live how she pleased.
Right now, he was the only person she trusted, including herself.
And he wants you to kill him.
No, that was not what he said - he wanted an angel of mercy.
Fine, he'd get one. But she needn't kill him to relive him of his suffering. That would be her purpose in life until she could start to see the bigger picture again, and move on.
Eventually, she found her voice, along with her reason to live;
"Yes, I was a virgin."
"Then, why don't you want him punished?"
"I have my reasons."
"Care to share them?"
"No."
"You have to make me understand or I can't guarantee that I'll be able to continue to view you as a mature adult."
I can't believe he's doing this - two hours discovering a sensitive and insightful man under the deceptive exterior, and now he threatens me. I won't stand for it.
That's a good response. I'm fighting again.
"Don't presume to threaten me. You'll have a hard time proving anything without my testimony."
"Very clever of you, Hermione."
"And don't patronise me!" The pitch of her voice was rising.
"I just want to help you."
"No, you want to talk me into killing you." I don't care how hurt he looks, he deserved that. Time to stand up.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to my room before you insult me any further. You said I could leave any time I liked. Now I'm going."
"Okay, let me walk you back to the Portrait Hole."
"No thanks. It's not like there's much worse that can happen to me now."
And with that she turned and walked out, grateful he removed the locking charm on the main doors before he got there. Her wand, she realised with a jolt was still in her room. She'd just spent nearly three hours in the company of Snape . . . a man . . . without a wand.
At that thought, most of her remaining anger faded to wonder. If she hadn't possessed pride in equal measure to Snape, she would have sat back down, and continued what had been an enthralling conversation.
Instead she walked away with the grim knowledge that saving Severus Snape might not be an easy task, but it was certainly a necessary one. He had too much going for him to die now.
What!?
Where did that last thought come from?
But it made her smile anyway, as she heard the faint padding of footsteps behind her, as an invisible Snape tailed her back to the Portrait of the Fat Lady anyhow.
And with the smile came the realisation that everything was going to turn out all right in the end.
A/N:
Okay the poem forming most of Snape's monologue is based around Kipling's 'If'.
'Dehisco' is the Latin verb to gape open - apt for a gothic arch, I always think.
Anyway, thank you for all your reviews, hope the new chapters meet with your approval.
Enfleurage - no I don't particularly like the wife thing either - I don't think he would ever get married - but I am working within the confines of liquidsilver's story. Same goes for the jeans, out of respect to her. I might re-write the first chapter and scrap this bit eventually.
Don't worry - I like Snape enchantingly nasty. That's why I made Hermione respond well to his scathing nature - more fun that way. She's not the type to be a victim.
And don't worry - Harry won't get away with it, although letting him think he has may become a necessary evil . . . say no more for fear of spoilers. As for Voldemort killing Snape - well it's always a possibility.
EmmyWood - I will try to give you some satisfaction on the Cho fixation, and no, it is not certain that Hermione will kill Snape, as this chapter attempts to show. What I am trying to convey is that snape wants to die on his terms, i.e. suicide, but does not have the means, so wants someone to follow his instructions to the letter, so he does not feel powerless in death. Hope that helps.
MysticJedi (cool name), RebelR, harrypotter-chik, Ibex's Lyre, CynthiaWeasley - thanks all for the vote of confidence.
I am always open to suggestion and requests - and I love to hear your comments!!
Love - Photis
A/N
I feel I should explain a little about this chapter - credit to my bad writing, not your ability to comprehend, you understand. Snape's monologue is inside his head, and starred in the text. The brackets after Hermione's speech are what she would like to say, but doesn't as she is really a well- raised little girl. But as you will see, Snape gets the gist of what she wants to say as well.
Chapter 4: Phraseology
The entrance to Snape's Rooms turned out to be a concealed door in his office. A cursory flick of his wand accompanied by 'dehisco' opened a wide gothic arch in a previously bare patch of wall, beneath which a set of black double doors were secured with a locking charm.
Before opening the door, Snape paused, to ask; "Is this okay? We can stay in my office, if you'd like, but my rooms at least have two comfortable chairs."
*Don't push her too far - she can still run, remember.*
*If you can keep your head when all about you are loosing theirs . . .*
However as Snape's internal monologue started up on a poetic and cultured riff that might normally have appealed to Hermione, her answers became more curt and to the point.
"It's fine." (I was raped in a corridor not on a bed) "I trust you."
*If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you . . .*
"Okay then, come in."
*But make allowance for their doubting too . . .*
"Hermione, if at any point you feel uncomfortable, or want to leave, you must tell me. Contrary to popular belief I'm not a mind reader. And we are going to be talking about some unpleasant issues tonight."
(Unpleasant! Is that your considered and final appreciation of this situation! Insensitive bastard. I'm not telling you anything.) "You can't read minds? Really?"
A deft change of subject, considering. But he felt the anger surge through her regardless of the level nature of her reply.
*If you can wait and not be tired by waiting*
No, I'm empathic, not a telepath. I feel thoughts rather than hear them verbatim."
"Everyone thinks that you read minds - that's how you always catch us out" (and know exactly what to say to hurt the most)
*Or being lied about, don't deal in lies. Not anymore anyway*
"Eighteen years of teaching hones the senses to guilt and dishonesty fairly acutely. I can sense someone lying about their homework in the North Tower on a clear day."
"Makes sense, I suppose" (that's how you can skulk in your dungeon - the world comes to you whether you like it or not.)
*Being hated, don't give way to hating*
"But we're not here to talk about me, are we, Miss Granger?"
"No." (I'm here to let you help me. And make up your mind - am I Miss Granger or Hermione.)
"Which would you prefer?"
The incredulity on her face, even after all he had told her, was vaguely amusing. It would take her a good while before she gauged the true depths of his power . . . the longer the better.
*Don't look to good, nor talk too wise. First part's easy enough*
"Hermione." (That way, I can pretend you care, and you're not just using me)
"You know, you can back out on the deal any time you like -"
*If you can dream and not make dreams your master*
"- you must have realised that even if Voldemort didn't oblige in ending my existence, that I have enough enemies, to find myself in a situation involving certain death -"
*If you can think and not make thoughts your master*
"Then why not -"
" - but somehow allowing myself to be killed by adversary inferior to myself, who would have had all the chance of a snowball in hell if I fought back, grates on my pride. I am a Slytherin after all."
"I see." (I really do. I hope you believe me)
"So we've talked out my problems - however I think yours are more pressing."
"Yes"
"Perhaps you should begin with where you have spent all of today."
"In the astronomy tower."
"Indeed. Planning another short walk?"
"No. That's where - um, I mean - well that's . . ."
"Try and speak in coherent sentences. Your voluminous essays suggest you are more than capable of it."
*Yes, she's bristling again. My sarcasm seems to give her the strength to fight. Say the words, but keep them clean of contempt. She doesn't deserve that from you. She's doing better than any of the others Voldemort had you crush the spirits of.*
"That's where I was attacked, Professor (the honorific spat in order to devalue it). I just stayed put."
"I see. Is there an explanation as to why you show no signs of injury?"
"They've been healed."
"You healed yourself - your powers are seemingly growing." Hold the sarcasm down, there's such a thing as too much of a good thing.
"I asked . . . Harry . . . to do it for me."
"Right. I presume he knows the details, then?"
Hermione forced herself to swallow. Snape noticed.
"Yes"
A pause. Pieces clicking into place - Potter out all night under his invisibility cloak - returning to Gryffindor tower looking troubled early in the morning -
"Did you ask Mr Potter for his help, or did he come to offer it?"
"He came and found me." (If you know just come out and say it)
"When was this? Just before you ran into me?"
"Er . . . yeah." (Stop playing games with me)
The final pieces of the puzzle slotted in place to form a gruesome whole. Potter had raped Hermione and even now she was protecting him.
"So from whom were you running?"
"Er . . . no-one." (Christ, I should have got more practice at lying. How am I supposed to outsmart a Slytherin?)
"Indeed. I have always maintained that the vaunted Gryffindor loyalty was nothing but fool-hardiness, you know. However, you are too mature an individual for me to disregard you choices summarily. If you wish to protect him, that is your choice."
And in the absence of other noise, silence reigns.
* * *
Despite his injunctions to himself to wait and let the situation unfold, Voldemort was itching to interfere.
The part of himself, his essence, that had been transferred to Potter as a child that ill-fated night, that gave him the gift of Parselmouth, was tingling right now.
He always became more aware of it when Potter was uncertain and insecure, wondering what to do - that was the time at which the spark that was Tom Riddle and not Harry Potter flared up, temporarily blinding the senses and awareness of The Boy Who Lived.
And Potter was certainly unsure about what had transpired between Snape and Granger on that ledge.
There had always been that vague sense of connection between the two during Voldemort's long purgatory, but Potter had invariably benefited more from the warnings it provided, rather than suffering. Now the tables were turned, the protection of the ancient magic from his mother removed, and Voldemort was returned to his former strength.
He intended to take full advantage.
However, aside from waiting for the inevitable fallout in the Gryffindor enclave, and taking care to prevent Potter confessing and repenting - repercussions would be greater should he be uncovered in his crime - there was little more to be done.
Voldemort did not like waiting. He had waited sixteen years too long, to avoid playing games with his hapless victim.
He was not happy.
His eyes fell on Pettigrew huddling in the corner. A little mindless violence would prove a pleasant diversion.
Raising his wand he aimed it, drinking in the grovelling cries for mercy from his insipid servant.
"Crucio"
Screams sliced through the calm of the night air.
* * *
Back in Snape's rooms, Hermione seemed lost for words.
The last question he asked had brought home the enormity of the situation to her. Its implications for the rest of her life.
Yes, she had been a virgin this time yesterday.
And he had taken that from her - defiled her - taken the precious gift she had intended for another from her, when all she had given permission for was a chaste kiss.
Whoever she chose to be with in the future, she would come into the relationship without a vital part of herself, through no fault of her own.
And it was all Harry's fault.
That was if she could bear for anyone to touch her again. She still remembered her wild flight out of the tower at the slightest touch.
Will you ever be able to trust anyone again?
But you're trusting Snape, aren't you? First wishing you were in his lesson, and then wanting to be rescued by him. So he saves you from yourself and you trust him?
That was the truth though. His calm confidence in himself and his opinions was a comforting presence. And when he kept the malice and derision out of his tone, his sarcasm reminded her to fight. That she was still alive, and would live how she pleased.
Right now, he was the only person she trusted, including herself.
And he wants you to kill him.
No, that was not what he said - he wanted an angel of mercy.
Fine, he'd get one. But she needn't kill him to relive him of his suffering. That would be her purpose in life until she could start to see the bigger picture again, and move on.
Eventually, she found her voice, along with her reason to live;
"Yes, I was a virgin."
"Then, why don't you want him punished?"
"I have my reasons."
"Care to share them?"
"No."
"You have to make me understand or I can't guarantee that I'll be able to continue to view you as a mature adult."
I can't believe he's doing this - two hours discovering a sensitive and insightful man under the deceptive exterior, and now he threatens me. I won't stand for it.
That's a good response. I'm fighting again.
"Don't presume to threaten me. You'll have a hard time proving anything without my testimony."
"Very clever of you, Hermione."
"And don't patronise me!" The pitch of her voice was rising.
"I just want to help you."
"No, you want to talk me into killing you." I don't care how hurt he looks, he deserved that. Time to stand up.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to my room before you insult me any further. You said I could leave any time I liked. Now I'm going."
"Okay, let me walk you back to the Portrait Hole."
"No thanks. It's not like there's much worse that can happen to me now."
And with that she turned and walked out, grateful he removed the locking charm on the main doors before he got there. Her wand, she realised with a jolt was still in her room. She'd just spent nearly three hours in the company of Snape . . . a man . . . without a wand.
At that thought, most of her remaining anger faded to wonder. If she hadn't possessed pride in equal measure to Snape, she would have sat back down, and continued what had been an enthralling conversation.
Instead she walked away with the grim knowledge that saving Severus Snape might not be an easy task, but it was certainly a necessary one. He had too much going for him to die now.
What!?
Where did that last thought come from?
But it made her smile anyway, as she heard the faint padding of footsteps behind her, as an invisible Snape tailed her back to the Portrait of the Fat Lady anyhow.
And with the smile came the realisation that everything was going to turn out all right in the end.
A/N:
Okay the poem forming most of Snape's monologue is based around Kipling's 'If'.
'Dehisco' is the Latin verb to gape open - apt for a gothic arch, I always think.
Anyway, thank you for all your reviews, hope the new chapters meet with your approval.
Enfleurage - no I don't particularly like the wife thing either - I don't think he would ever get married - but I am working within the confines of liquidsilver's story. Same goes for the jeans, out of respect to her. I might re-write the first chapter and scrap this bit eventually.
Don't worry - I like Snape enchantingly nasty. That's why I made Hermione respond well to his scathing nature - more fun that way. She's not the type to be a victim.
And don't worry - Harry won't get away with it, although letting him think he has may become a necessary evil . . . say no more for fear of spoilers. As for Voldemort killing Snape - well it's always a possibility.
EmmyWood - I will try to give you some satisfaction on the Cho fixation, and no, it is not certain that Hermione will kill Snape, as this chapter attempts to show. What I am trying to convey is that snape wants to die on his terms, i.e. suicide, but does not have the means, so wants someone to follow his instructions to the letter, so he does not feel powerless in death. Hope that helps.
MysticJedi (cool name), RebelR, harrypotter-chik, Ibex's Lyre, CynthiaWeasley - thanks all for the vote of confidence.
I am always open to suggestion and requests - and I love to hear your comments!!
Love - Photis
