Wounded Souls
Chapter 13-The Last Straw
By: ~crystal~rose~{@
************************************
**December 28, 2003**
Amy sat waiting patiently for Serena at their reserved table in Luigi's Bistro. This was one of her favourite restaurants and she couldn't understand why Serena was so averse to coming here since it boasted the highest quality Italian food for the most reasonable price-reasonable for LA standards, that is. The more practical side of Amy winced at the price Luigi's was charging for a plate of spaghetti and meatballs and thought back to the days when she could barely afford to buy a can of Chef Boyardee's Beefaroni.
'Boy, times sure have changed,' thought Amy, recalling her university days when she and her roommates would squabble over who got the last bit of macaroni and cheese, before watering it down and splitting it between the three of them. 'Now I'm willing to pay almost twenty dollars for a plate of spaghetti. Back in those days, twenty dollars was our grocery budget for three days.'
She glanced at her watch for the third time in ten minutes. 'I wonder what's keeping Serena. Does she hate this place so much that she'd stand me up at the last minute so she wouldn't have to come?' she wondered. Just as she was about to reach for her cell, Serena showed up at the table, led by Nemo, the maitre'd. She thanked the man, who politely held out her chair, and sat down unceremoniously in a huff.
"Sorry for being late, Ames," she smiled beguilingly at her friend who was more than used to her tardiness, "Isabella wouldn't let me out the door. As soon as she saw me trying to sneak out, she started wailing in Walter's arms. It took us almost a half hour to make her stop crying." Knowing that Serena could use some time alone with a friend, especially after that disastrous Christmas day, he kindly volunteered to watch Isabella until she got back.
"Would you go already, girlie? My little Ella and I have some playing to do, don't we, sweetheart?" Serena had never seen Walter look so relaxed than when he was holding Isabella, or Ella, as he had taken to calling her, in his arms. She remembered looking back at her daughter's face, eyes quickly filling up with tears, and feeling her resolve to make a mad dash to the waiting taxi leave as soon as Isabella stretched out her arms, straining to catch her while crying earnestly. She was about to go back for another hug when she felt Walter pushing her out the door.
"She'll be fine, girlie. Grandpa's here," he assured her, puffing out his chest proudly. Seeing her hesitate, Walter gave her another push out the door and practically shoved her into the backseat of the taxi. "Say hi to Amy for me. Wave bye to your mother, honey." Although Isabella wasn't pleased with this development, she waved obediently, if not grudgingly, to her mother and was rewarded with a hearty kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks Walter, I really appreciate this. Bye sweet pea, be good for your grandpa." She blew her baby a kiss as the cab was heading down the driveway. Just as the cab reached the road, she thought she heard an ear-piercing wail emit from her distraught baby and her heart twisted painfully at the sound, making her almost tell the driver to stop the cab and turn back.
"Serena? Serena?" The sound of Amy's voice brought her mind back to her body, which was-to her horror-sitting at the exact same table she and Darien occupied when they first dined here together. She looked up and saw Amy staring at her worriedly. She gave a nervous chuckle and absently noted that Amy was sitting in her old spot, while she was in Darien's.
"Sorry again. I guess I was just thinking about Isabella and how much I miss her already." Amy nodded and smiled.
"I envy you and Raye. You both have the most amazing little girls. Zach and I talked about having children before we got married, and we agreed that we'd put off having a family until we can afford to buy a house but at the rate we're going, that won't be for at least another year or so." Amy sighed wistfully. "But now...seeing you and Raye...I can't help but wish for a baby of my own."
Serena smiled at her sympathetically. "Oh yeah? At least you and Raye have husbands! I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was being pregnant without the support I would have had if Darien were around. I know that I wanted it that way, but I was still unprepared for the challenges of being pregnant. I remember how sorry I felt for myself every time I would go to a doctor's appointment and seeing that I was the only one who didn't have a husband or a boyfriend with me. Sure, Aunt Celeste and Sammy, or sometimes even Raye would come with me, but it just wasn't the same. Let's not even talk about the Lamaze classes. I was the only one there who had an aunt as my coach instead of a significant other." Serena could recall how jealous she felt every time she looked at the other ladies in her classes and how she intentionally remained aloof from them so that her hurt wouldn't be further rubbed in her face.
Amy wisely said nothing for she knew that Serena was right. Although her lack of a baby was sad, at least she had a husband who was more than willing to raise a family with her when the time was right. Serena, on the other hand, had a baby with a man who resents her for not telling him about it sooner. The waiter chose this moment to appear and take their orders, a pasta primavera for Amy, and chicken parmigiana for Serena.
Amy studied her friend's face thoughtfully for a moment, trying to wonder what it was about Serena that seemed so different. Her face seemed more gaunt, and her hair didn't seem to have that normal lustre. "Serena, are you on a diet or something?" she asked.
Serena was about to shake her head no, when she remembered that her drastic weight loss was due to stress and if she told Amy that, then she would be on the receiving end of an interrogation she did not want. "Um, yeah," she lied, "I'm still trying to lose the last of my pregnancy pounds."
Amy didn't look too convinced. "But haven't you lost those pounds a long time ago? I think you've lost way more weight than is healthy for a person your size. What have you been doing?" she asked, concern written all over her face.
"Oh, this and that," Serena replied flippantly. Seeing that Amy's face was unsatisfied with her rather vague answer, she rushed to remedy her situation before it got any worse. "Well, I've been taking Isabella out for morning jogs around the property and I've been watching what I eat. That's about all."
"Well, I think you should stop losing weight. It's not healthy. You've lost more weight than you've gained during your pregnancy. It's great that you've been exercising with Isabella, but I think the dieting should go. You're going to need your strength if you plan on being an active parent. Eat healthy, not sparingly." Serena listened patiently, resisting the urge to roll her eyes like she always did whenever Amy slipped into 'doctor mode.'
Amy continued to prattle on about the dos and don'ts of dieting for another ten minutes. Serena felt like she was back in her 8:30 am Epidemiology of Activity and Health class, listening to Professor Atkinson drone on about the importance of an active lifestyle coupled with a well-balanced diet. As she had done in Professor Atkinson's lectures, she found her mind wandering to more interesting topics such as what was on TV that night, or what she needed to add to her grocery list.
"Serena? Are you even listening to me?" Amy's shrill voice cut through her daydream about the new dress she wanted to buy Isabella once the hospital back home sent her maternity leave paycheck in the mail. Serena blinked and saw Amy sitting in front of her, annoyance clearly written on her face.
The waiter chose this moment to make his appearance, saving Serena from Amy's wrath and inadvertently securing a place in Serena's heart, with their lunches balanced precariously on a tray. "Here you go, ladies. Pasta primavera for you, and chicken parm for you. If you ladies need anything further, my name is Guido and I am at your service." Having charmed Serena and Amy sufficiently with his politeness and his dark, good looks, he respectfully bowed and left them to their meal.
"You didn't answer my question, Serena. Were you even listening to me?" Serena mentally stuck her tongue out at Amy for jumping right back into the topic she thought Guido had unconsciously interrupted.
"Oh, lighten up Ames. I've taken all the health classes before. You don't have to remind me about the dangers of over-dieting. It was the subject of my dissertation, remember?" she replied, still avoiding the question.
"As I recall, you lost a lot of weight back then too, trying to write a hundred page paper in one week. Raye and I told you to start earlier but you kept putting it off till the last minute. You were lucky you finished." Serena rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"Christ, would you lay off already?" Serena frowned defensively. "You act as though I'm on my way to anorexia country or something. I'm eating now, aren't I? You don't see me stuffing my food into my napkin when you're not looking, do you? No, you don't, so stop telling me what to do! God, can't a person lose weight without getting the third degree anymore?" She crossed her arms angrily over her chest and glared at Amy, who was shocked at her friend's outburst.
"I'm sorry, Serena. It's just that I'm worried about you. I know that living with Darien and his family may not be the easiest thing in the world and I was wondering whether they had something to do with all this weight loss or not," Amy explained apologetically, hoping to calm her friend down.
"I'm sorry for going off on you like that, Ames. But you don't have to worry about me. The Shields have been nothing but wonderful to me and especially Isabella. Candace and Walter treat me like I was one of their own and Darien and I have renewed something of our old friendship, for the sake of our daughter." Serena found that lying to her friends and especially to herself, was getting easier with each lie that she told. 'One could say I'm a pro,' she mused.
But things weren't going as rosy as she had told Amy and the rest of her loved ones back in Canada, especially after that incident on Christmas. It's been three days of pure torture for Serena, who went around the Shields manor like a ghost: unwanted and unacknowledged. She had donated the gift certificate Darien had given her to a local charity and she had called the parenting magazine's office to change her address to that of a centre for teenage mothers. The locket Walter had given her was securely fastened around her neck at all times though, and she would find herself opening it up every once in a while to stare at her beautiful baby's picture inside.
She hadn't spoken a word to Darien since Christmas day, although he's made a few pathetic attempts at talking to her. Thankfully, she knew his schedule, and was able to avoid him when he was home from work. She would wait until he left for work in the morning before stepping out of her room already dressed to make herself breakfast in the kitchen. Then she would spend the day with Isabella, just walking around the gardens, or taking her to the zoo and other baby-friendly places. Sometimes, like today, she would let either Walter or Candace take her for a few hours while she ran some errands in town. But as soon as five thirty rolled around, she would be in the kitchen, busily preparing her dinner so that she could eat in her room by the time Darien walked into the house at six. She hated eating at such an early hour, but it was worth it to be able to eat in peace without hearing Candace's sarcastic remarks or receiving Darien's murderous glares.
She had noticed, however, that Darien was being nicer towards her on the very rare occasions that they did run into each other. This made her more suspicious, especially after spending half the night awake in her bed, trying to come up with a reason for Darien's suspicious behaviour and coming up with only one thing. He must have realized that his violent actions might have a detrimental effect on his case should they ever decide to take each other to court for the custody of their daughter, and was now trying to butter her up so that she would forget it ever happened. After coming to that conclusion, Serena resolved not to let herself be sucked back into any more 'truces' with Darien Shields, or anything else for that matter. She would continue serving out her sentence in his house for another four and a half months in solitary confinement if she had to. The truth was, Darien had scared her to death that day, and she tried everything humanly possible for them not to be alone in the same room together. She didn't want to end up dead because Darien couldn't hold back his hatred of her any longer. If he walked in a room, she walked out. It was that simple.
"So how was Isabella's first Christmas?" Amy asked, not knowing the horrible events that had happened to Serena that day.
"She loved it. Candace and Walter gave her a little necklace with a round crystal pendant the size of a golf ball. I hardly think that she'll be able to wear such a thing until she's older but seeing as how it belonged to Walter's mother, I couldn't refuse. Darien is already starting to breed his horses so that by the time she's ready to take riding lessons, she'll have her own pony but he also gave her some hi-tech toy that I'm having a little trouble getting to work. The instructions are so complicated I'm tempted to throw the whole contraption away. I tell you, the term 'thinking ahead' was probably coined by one of Darien's ancestors. I made her a little quilt using the little baby clothes she had outgrown. And this morning, a package arrived from my brother with the latest in Sesame Street-related merchandise from him, a new dress from Aunt Celeste and a plush doll from Raye and Justin. But all in all, I think she was more impressed with the wrapping paper than with her presents." Serena's eyes sparkled as she talked about Isabella. There was nothing in the world that she wanted to talk about more than her baby but, realizing that not everybody is as excited to hear about every minute detail of Isabella's life as she is, she's forced to restrict her conversations to around five minutes or less. Any more than that, and her audience's attention span dwindles.
"That's great. How has she been developing?" the doctor in Amy asked. Once again, Serena beamed proudly.
"I think she's going to start walking soon. She's beginning to stand up on her own now, and she's mastered the art of crawling." Serena sighed wistfully. "Soon, she's going to start walking and talking, then she's going to go off, get married and leave her old, decrepit mother in a sleazy nursing home that her father and his third trophy wife picked out for her."
Amy laughed at her friend's vision of the future and patted her hand sympathetically. "Let's just stick with walking before we get to abandonment, shall we? By the way, how's your Aunt Celeste? Has she decided on a day for the wedding yet?"
Serena nodded eagerly. "Valentine's Day, 2004. I don't know how she's going to be able to plan for a wedding in just a few months but she said that Mika's helping her out tremendously. I just wish I was there to be able to fulfill my Maid of Honour duties by helping her with the plans or something."
"Have you told Darien that you're going back for the wedding?" Amy asked. Serena shook her head determinedly.
"He'll find out when I'm leaving with Isabella and not a moment before that. I don't want him to have time to pull some stunt that stops me from not attending my own aunt's wedding." Amy looked at her curiously and wondered why Darien would try to stop her when she claimed that they got along now, but chose not to question it.
"So what are your plans for New Year's?" asked Serena, breaking her out of her rumination.
"Zach and I are going to his parents' house in Sacramento and stay there for the weekend. You?"
"The Shields are hosting this big black-tie thing on New Year's eve. From what Melvin told me, they've been doing this for years and their New Year's parties are considered one of the best."
Amy's eyes lit up. "That's great, Serena. You'll have a wonderful time."
Serena shrugged indifferently. "We'll see. I'll probably just make an appearance for a few minutes, then head back upstairs with Isabella when she falls asleep. I doubt anyone would miss me if this party is as huge as it sounds."
Again, Amy wondered what it was that her friend wasn't telling her. "But I thought you said that Darien and his parents are treating you well?"
Serena's eyes got big all of a sudden, as if she just remembered telling Amy that a few moments ago. "We have been getting along," she stammered nervously, "but I just don't want to be introduced to everyone there as 'Darien's baby's mother, or something like that. It's going to be awkward, not to mention humiliating."
Amy nodded, accepting her story to Serena's great relief. "I guess you're right about that. It's not as if they can introduce you as Isabella's mother and leave it at that. People are gonna want to know what is-or isn't-between you and Darien. Just remember, if you come across a particularly nosy person, murder is still illegal in California, so don't even get tempted," she joked.
'Tell that to Darien and his mother. They seem hell-bent on killing me from the inside out,' Serena thought sullenly. Wanting to change the subject, she pointed to Amy's pasta. "How's your food?" she asked.
"It's great. I just love how the sauce is so light, yet so flavourful..."
Serena just sat back and listened to Amy describing her dish with the same enthusiasm she would describe Isabella, listening with only half an ear.
*******************
That evening found Serena in the laundry room, washing Isabella's soiled bibs and her own dirty clothes. Isabella was strapped to her front in a carrier, giving her the freedom of movement to do her washing and keep an eye on her at the same time. "How you doing, honey?" she asked. Isabella gurgled happily in reply and kicked her legs vigorously. "Easy there, sweet pea. That hurts."
Isabella patted Serena's cheek softly. Serena smiled and put the little fingers in her mouth, biting them gently with her lips. Isabella giggled, causing Serena to laugh out loud as well. The sound of their laughter, coupled with the sounds of the washer and dryer, drowned out the sounds of footsteps approaching.
"Serena?"
The woman in question jumped about three feet in the air, dropping the shirt she was folding on the floor. Serena picked up her shirt and began dusting it off against her leg. "What can I do for you, Darien?" she asked stiffly, without turning around. Isabella clapped her hands at the sound of her father's voice. Serena bristled as she felt Darien stand beside her to place his finger in Isabella's tiny fist. She continued to fold her laundry furiously, irked at the fact that Darien and Isabella have formed a tight bond in the short time they've been there. She stalked over to the dryer to take out the clothes, breaking Isabella's hold of her father's finger.
"What can I do for you?" she repeated firmly. Darien watched Serena concentrating on folding baby clothes and completely ignoring him. Not that he could blame her after the way he's treated her.
Ever since she came out of her room the day after Christmas, he's been trying to find a way to talk to her, which wasn't easy considering he went to work early in the morning and she wouldn't come out of her room until he was gone. Every time he got home from work, Serena was already in her room for the night and nothing short of a fire would get her to come out. Darien even went so far as to use his daughter as a means of talking to her but Serena just picked Isabella up and walked out of the room. If he thought things between them were bad before, they were even worse now. 'She's just giving you a taste of your own medicine,' he thought.
"I just wanted to know if you're coming to the party in three days?" he asked. Serena stopped her folding and finally looked at him face on, her expression grim.
"I'll be there for appearance's sake. You can tell your mother to stop worrying about me because I won't stay long enough to cause your good name any harm. I'd hate for your friends to know what your family is really like." Darien felt a spark of anger and he raised his eyebrow at her.
"Oh, and what are we like?"
"You and your mother a two hypocrites joined at the hip, saying one thing and meaning another. Both of you are so quick to condemn me when you don't even know the real me. You and your mother have called me everything from a whore to a gold digger to God knows what else behind my back. As I recall, it takes two to tango and I didn't have to twist your arm to get you into bed with me. You were quite willing to do that on your own. And where do you get off calling me a whore? You're the one who has to have a different woman every night of the week. I bet that shit Zach told Amy and I about how you got your cute little nickname in college wasn't even the whole truth, was it, 'Bed-buster?'" At Darien's flush, she knew that her suspicions had been confirmed.
Darien didn't even have time to defend himself before she had collected her things and was stomping out of the laundry room, turning off the light and shutting the door loudly behind her, leaving him to find his own way out in the dark room. 'This isn't going to be easy,' he thought, unsure whether he meant apologizing to Serena, or making his way to the door without the lights on. When his foot came into contact with a stray basket, causing him to fall on the floor roughly, he realized that he meant both.
*******************************
**December 31, 2003**
The party was in full swing by the time Serena had shyly made her way downstairs in the dress she modeled for Trista last year, with Isabella in her arms. She smiled, looking at Isabella, who was arrayed in a white sleeveless dress, complete with a tulle skirt. Her curly black hair was pulled into two pigtails, tied off with white ribbons and her feet were decked out in white, patent leather Mary Janes. The contrast between Isabella's dark hair and her creamy skin was an unmistakable marker on her parentage.
"You look so pretty, honey," Serena cooed. To her amusement, Isabella nodded her head solemnly, as if she understood what her mother just said.
Serena nervously braced herself before going into the family room, which had been miraculously undergone a transformation overnight. It now looked like a ballroom with all the furniture in storage. There was even a small band playing jazz tunes in the corner. The party guests were milling all around the house, as there were so many of them. Serena had never seen anything like this in her entire life. There were women walking around in designer dresses that probably cost more than her entire university tuition for four years. She had never seen so many men wearing tuxedos in a person's house before-but then again, the Shields manor could hardly be categorized as house.
She saw Darien talking to a group of elegantly dressed men and women and immediately felt her insecurities flare up. She was about to back out of the room, when she saw Darien waving her over with a grim expression on her face. "Here we go, baby," she whispered nervously in Isabella's ear.
Unbeknownst to Serena, Darien had been waiting anxiously for her to arrive. He watched her appear in the doorway with Isabella, looking around in awe at the glamorous people around her. His heart wrenched when he saw that she was wearing the dress he had secretly bought her, and thought of the matching tiara hidden in his closet. By the panicked expression on her face, Darien knew she was on the verge of bolting upstairs without saying hi to anyone. So he did the only thing he could think of to get her to come out of her shell: he asked her to come over so he could introduce her to some family friends.
"Serena," he said as she made her way over to them, "meet some of my friends." He turned to a brunette who, in Serena's opinion wore too little clothing to hide her obviously surgically enhanced figure. "This is Ambrosia and her husband Tom Delancey. Tom's our senior VP in the LA office. This is Michael Davenport, owner of Davenport Shipping." Serena nodded at them politely and waited for Darien to continue with the introductions. Darien turned to a middle aged blonde wearing a tight spandex dress with a cutout in the stomach. "Serena, this is Sandra Jenkins. Her father went to school with my dad's older brother."
Serena looked at the woman who was easily ten years Darien's senior clinging possessively on his arm and thought one word: COUGAR. Stifling the urge to crack a smile, she reached out and shook the woman's hand firmly. Darien smiled and took Isabella from Serena's arms. "And this is my daughter, Isabella. Say hello to daddy's friends, sweetheart."
Sandra looked put out at finding out that Darien had a daughter and didn't hesitate to voice it. "You have a daughter? With whom?"
"With me," Serena replied, interrupting Darien. Sandra gave her the once over and turned her nose up.
"Humph. I thought you were the child's nanny." Serena bristled and was about to launch an all-out attack when, to her surprise, Darien stepped in and beat her to it.
"Sandra. You are talking about the mother of my child. Please apologize to Serena," he said firmly, taking her hand off his arm. Sandra turned injured eyes to him, hoping to persuade him to take her side but found that he was immovable.
"Sorry," she mumbled grudgingly. Serena nodded her head once but said nothing in reply. Sandra and the others took that opportunity to move to latch onto another group.
"I'm really sorry about that, Serena. Sandra's usually such a nice person," Darien explained. Serena took Isabella back and raised her eyebrow.
"Like I said, you're such a hypocrite."
Darien was taken aback. "What did I say?"
"You and your mother have been saying worst things than that since the moment I moved back in, and suddenly when another person says it, you get all defensive on my behalf? Give me a break, Darien. I see through your little act," she said in a low voice so as not to be overheard by the other guests.
"What act?" Darien was confused. Didn't he just defend her from a potentially nasty situation?
Serena rolled her eyes and led Darien to an empty corner of the room before whirling around to face him once again. "Oh, I see. Playing innocent, are we? Well, let me clear it up for you. You've been pretending to be 'nice' to me for the past few days because you know that when I take your ass to court for custody, your little stunt is gonna come back to haunt you. Is that any better?"
Darien grit his teeth in an effort to control his voice. "I wasn't pretending to nice to you, I really was being nice to you." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Look, I feel terrible about what happened that day. Can't we just get past it and move on?"
Serena stared at him as if he had grown another head. "Oh sure, when you do something wrong, the entire world is supposed to brush your mistake aside as if it had never happened, but when a mere mortal such as I foul up, you're all over me like white on rice. No, Darien. I won't allow you to 'get past it and move on' because you haven't extended the same right to me. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I see your father waving at me." She walked away from him, muttering 'insufferable hypocrite.'
"I turned the man I loved into a man that I can't stand to be around because I wanted to punish him for hurting me the way he did a year ago," was what he recalled hearing Serena telling Isabella the night of his violent outburst. He watched Serena stomp over to where Walter was standing, her frown immediately disappearing into a smile as she gladly passed Isabella off to her grandfather.
'Why couldn't our relationship be like that?' he thought jealously. I'll tell you why, a little voice inside his mind said. It's because you treated her like nothing better than a two-bit whore the minute you found her.
Darien shook his head sadly. 'Surely it wasn't that bad,' he tried to reason with the voice. Oh yeah? How would you like to be called a slut, a gold digger and a bad mother from sun up to sun down every single day? It's amazing she hasn't killed you yet-or even worse, herself.
The thought of he and his mother driving Serena to commit suicide gave him cause for concern. 'How much can one person take?' he wondered, worriedly glancing at Serena who was at the moment, being introduced to some of Walter's friends from his days of running Shields Financial. 'She would never do something like that. Isabella needs her.'
Not liking that feeling, huh? the voice sneered. It's called guilt. Get used to it cuz you have a lot to feel guilty about.
'How do I get her to see that I really am sorry? That I want to start over with her?' Darien asked himself. He could mentally see his mind shrugging its shoulders.
How do you know there's a going back from this? How do you know you haven't pushed her so far away that she never wants to come back?
'That's not possible. We'll find our way back, even if it kills me.'
If his mind had a head, it would be nodding heartily in agreement. Good, use that determination to win her over again. Show her that you're not the asshole you were when you forcibly brought her back here. It's time to treat her like the lady that she is, and not the tramp you've convinced yourself she was.
Darien nodded his own head this time. 'I'll do it. Serena deserves to be treated with respect and I'm afraid that I've been somewhat lax on that subject. I'll win her back eventually.'
Wear her down if it comes to that. There's something to be said about persistence.
'Shut up,' he thought. He searched the room for her but all he could see was a mass of stylishly dressed people standing around talking about who had what cosmetic procedure done and by whom, or who had just finished a stay at a rehabilitation clinic for either a drug, alcohol or weight problem. 'God, we really are a bunch of hypocrites.'
He finally spotted Walter by the bar, standing beside Candace. "Dad, where did Serena go?"
Candace lifted a freshly plucked eyebrow and turned to her drink. "Who knows what's on that girl's mind? Frankly, I really don't care where she is, as long as it's far away from us."
Darien grabbed his mother's arm roughly in a grip so firm that she fearfully asked him to release her, which he did so after glaring at her for a few seconds. "Can't you just back off for a minute mother? Don't you think we've been treating her horribly these past few months?"
Walter lifted up his glass by way of greeting someone from across the room, smiling hugely. "That's what I've been telling you two for the past two and a half months," he said out of the corner of his mouth. "What's with the sudden change?"
Candace set her drink down and folded her arms over her chest, scrutinizing him with suspicion in her eyes. "Yes Darien. Why the sudden change?"
Darien shrugged, avoiding his mother's eyes. "It's a new year; time to forget old grudges and start over, don't you think?"
Candace said nothing as she went back to her drink. Truth was, she didn't like treating Serena that way but loyalty to her son made it impossible not to. Now that Darien was having second thoughts about the way he treated Serena, she wasn't sure she'd be able to swallow her pride and admit that she had played some part in their troubles. If Candace Bennett Shields had a failing, it was her stubborn pride, which she had passed on to her son. No, Candace could not foresee herself eating crow any time soon by apologizing to the woman who had deprived her of her first, and hopefully not the last, grandchild.
She turned away from her son and husband, both of whom were watching her anxiously. "Mom?"
"No."
"Mom..."
"I said no, Darien. I will not ease up on Serena, not when your daughter and my granddaughter is at stake. Now, if you both will excuse me, I have a party to host." Darien and Walter watched Candace's retreating back sadly.
"I'm afraid that my stubbornness has rubbed off on her in the thirty four years we've been married, son." Walter patted his son on the back comfortingly. "Now that your mother is gone, can you tell me what's brought about this change of heart regarding Serena?"
Darien said nothing for a minute, contemplating what to say to his father. "Is it enough to know that my feelings for her have never changed, just evolved into something more? That all this animosity on my part was just a way for me to lash out at her for hurting me?"
"And now..."
"And now, I want my family. The one I should have had if I wasn't so pig-headed and judgmental."
Walter set his drink down and leaned against the bar with his elbows. "It won't be easy."
"I know." Darien leaned back in the same manner as his father, watching the guests interacting with each other, idly.
"You've both said and done things to hurt the other. Have you talked to her about this yet?" Darien nodded his head.
"She thinks I have an ulterior motive. That I'm trying to 'butter her up' so that when we have to try and resolve the custody issue with Isabella in court, that she'll forget about what happened a few days ago."
Walter could see Serena's point. He heard the crash from where he was sitting in this very room that day, and had demanded an explanation from Darien about it when he saw the remains of what looked to be a snow globe. Walter didn't even bother reprimanding his son; he looked like he was already doing the job himself. "So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know dad. I don't know."
In the meanwhile, Serena had been wandering around the house with Isabella, feeling more uncomfortable with every person she was introduced to by one of Walter's old fraternity buddies. After making the rounds around the crowded house, being introduced to this person and that as 'Darien's daughter, Isabella's mother,' she politely excused herself from the friendly man's company to seek a quieter part of the house where she can sit with Isabella in peace.
She found it by the foyer where Melvin was situated, greeting each newly arrived guest and taking their coats and wraps. Serena waited until the guests were gone before speaking to Melvin. "Hi Melvin. Happy New Year."
Melvin turned around and saw her standing by the stairs holding Isabella securely in her arms, looking as if she had just run a marathon. He motioned for her to sit on the steps and he moved to join her. "You don't seem to be having fun," he commented lightly as he sat down.
"I'm not," she replied candidly. "I'm sick of having the words 'the mother of Darien's illegitimate daughter' stamped on my forehead for the entire world to see. I'm sick of living here, always walking on eggshells around the high-and-mighty Darien and the too-aristocratic-for-her-own-damn-good Candace Shields. I want to go back home to people who love and respect me; people who don't treat me like an outsider despite the fact that it wasn't my idea to move here in the first place." She looked pleadingly at Melvin who in turn, looked at her sympathetically. "I feel so tired of living in this oppressive place. Everyday it's a new battle to fight, with me usually on the losing end, and it's more isolation. I don't know how much more of this I can take. When I moved back here, I knew that I wouldn't be as welcomed as I was the first time, but I wasn't expecting open warfare."
Melvin could do or say nothing to reassure her because he knew she was right. In a house where the majority of its occupants was against you, how long would it be before you finally packed it in and just gave up? He was amazed that she managed to last this long. "What're you gonna do?"
Serena sighed tiredly. "What else can I do? I've made a pact with the devil to stay here until my maternity leave is finished before deciding what to do. You know that I can't afford the kind of lawyers that the Shields family probably have on retainer. I would die if Isabella was taken away from me."
She looked down and saw that Isabella had fallen asleep on her lap. She smiled at Melvin, who gently fingered one of her little ponytails.
"Hey Melvin!" Molly called from across the foyer. Melvin stood up a bit sheepishly and blushed.
"Y-yes Molly?" Serena could see him struggling to maintain his cool in front of Molly.
"You'd better be careful about just sitting here, talking to Ms. Mathis and ignoring your duties. What would Mrs. Shields say if she caught you?" she asked sternly.
"I'm sorry Molly but there's no here at the moment..."
"It doesn't matter! You have to be ready at the drop of a hat just in case anyone else shows up or needs something," she admonished. Melvin shuffled his left foot on the carpet and blushed.
"I know how to do my job, Molly." The maid narrowed her eyes at him, before setting them on Serena, and walked away huffily. Melvin turned to Serena, who had an amused expression on her face, and smiled apologetically. "I'm really sorry about that, Serena..."
Serena waved her hand dismissively. "That's okay, I understand. I'm encroaching on her territory."
Melvin raised his eyebrow at her. "What are you talking about? How are you encroaching on her territory?"
Serena rolled her eyes and laughed for the first time in a long while. "She likes you silly, and by the sly looks that you've been sneaking her when you thought no one noticed, I'd say that the feeling's mutual." She smiled in satisfaction at Melvin's bashful blush. "So?"
"What?" he asked self-consciously.
"What are you gonna do about it?" she asked cheekily.
Melvin blushed again and mumbled something so low that Serena had to ask him to repeat it. "I said that I was going to ask her out next week."
"Next week? Why don't you do it tomorrow?"
"Because...I gotta work up the nerve to do it first." He was rewarded with a burst of laughter from his confidante. "What?"
"Nothing," she replied a little too innocently. Seeing the look of skepticism in his face, she added, "you're acting like a love-struck teenager with a crush."
"Yeah, it's so cliché isn't it? The awkward geek having a crush on the popular, unattainable girl." Serena stopped laughing at once and set to work trying to reassure her insecure friend.
"Aw, cheer up Melvin. All isn't lost. I've seen the way Molly's been looking at you, and let me assure you, it's the same kind of looks that you've been shooting her. She's hardly unattainable, Melvin. Molly's human, just like you and me. Trust me, I think you have more than a fair chance with her." Melvin's eyes lit up and Serena could see a spark of hope light up from within its depths.
"You think so?" he asked, the uncertainty in his voice dissipating just a tad.
Serena nodded her head firmly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta put this little one to bed. Her debut in the world of the rich and the famous has tired her out considerably, and now I'm afraid her highness needs to retire to her crib. If I don't see you at midnight Melvin, Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year, Serena." He watched Serena ascend the stairs and turn to the left to get to Isabella's nursery. Just then, the doorbell rang, snapping him out of his reverie. He rushed to answer the door and greet the guests.
"Good evening Dr. Eisner and Ms. Jones. Happy New Year's Eve. I'll go get Mr. Shields for you," Melvin said politely.
"No need Melvin, I'm right here," Darien's voice boomed out across the foyer. He gave Rita a light kiss on the cheek and pulled Andrew into a hug. "Hey man, it's about time you guys made it. Chad and Greg got here like a half hour ago."
"Sorry Dare, Drew was busy primping and didn't notice the time." Darien and Rita laughed at Andrew's slighted expression.
"Might I remind you, my dear, that it was your indecision about how to style your hair that delayed us in the first place?" Rita play pouted and smacked him lightly on the stomach, which he pretended was harder than it was. Darien rolled his eyes at the antics of his friends, all the while envying them of the love they shared in abundance.
"Where's Serena, Melvin. I think it's time she who Drew really was to this family." Melvin gestured to the top of the stairs where Serena had disappeared no more than two minutes before Andrew and Rita arrived.
"She went to the nursery to put Isabella to bed, sir. I think she turned in for the night." Darien looked longingly up the stairs and hoped that she would come down again.
"I'll go up and check on them. Drew, why don't you take Rita to the sushi bar and get something to eat? There's also the cocktail bar but don't load up on everything you see; dinner's in a half hour," he said distractedly.
"Man, you guys really know how to put out a spread," Andrew said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "C'mon honey, the tuna sashimi awaits."
Darien entered the nursery quietly and crept up the crib where his sleeping baby lay. He smiled softly and watched her chest rising as she slept. "Daddy's here, honey," he whispered.
Darien lowered the side rails of the crib so that he could get much closer to her without anything getting in his way. He put his index finger in Isabella's upturned palm, which she closed immediately upon feeling the gentle pressure Darien placed there. He stayed there for another ten minutes just watching his daughter sleeping. Finally, when his calf muscles started cramping from his squatting position, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and eased his finger from her grasp rather reluctantly. He gently slid the side of the crib up, making sure to lock it securely before leaving. On his way to the door leading to the hallway, Serena's voice floated through the door leading to her room, which was slightly ajar.
He paused, listening to see who she would be talking to, all alone in her room. "I miss you too, Sammy." Darien sighed with relief when he heard Sammy's name. "How have you been?" Darien crept up to her door and watched her small figure perched on her bed, talking on her cell phone.
"We're doing fine, Aunt Celeste," Serena said. She nodded her head to herself, obviously listening to whoever was on the other end. "Yes Aunt Celeste. Isabella is doing fine...Yes, yes...YES! Aunt Celeste..." Darien could hear the frustration building up in her voice.
"Aunt Celeste, I've told you already that Darien and his family have welcomed me back with open arms...No, I'm not lying to you..." Darien could plainly see Serena's crossed fingers behind her back. He heard her sigh once more. "I'm very happy here, Aunt Celeste. I haven't been this happy in a long time."
Darien saw her nodding her head once more, listening to whatever her aunt was telling her. "Fine, let me speak to him again." A moment's pause before her head started bobbing up and down once more to no one in particular.
"I'm doing great, Sammy. Darien and I have come to an understanding and we've never been better. Don't worry about me, okay?" Serena reached over to her night table and pulled out a tissue from the box to wipe away her tears. She listened silently for a few moments, unable to speak in fear of alerting her brother to her pain. "Listen Sammy, I've gotta go now. I hear the baby crying in the other room. I just wanted to call and say Happy New Year...I love you too. Okay bye."
Darien stepped away from the door, afraid that Serena was going to check on Isabella but instead, saw that she had buried her face in her pillow to muffle her sobs. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but he knew that he had no right to do so. He blew his chance to be the one to soothe away her troubles from the first moment he hurt her. So now, he was going to have to be content to stand by the sidelines as she went through her pain alone.
'Why did she lie to her family?' he asked himself. I'll tell you why, the voice sneered. She's so selfless that she doesn't want her family to know the kind of pain she's going through. She knows that if she tells her family how you and your mother have mistreated her, her brother and her friend's husband will come over on the first plane to LA to kick your ass and haul her home.
Darien thought this over and realized that the voice was right, as annoying as that was. 'I don't deserve her,' he thought for the thousandth time. You bet your ass you don't. Do you know what her brother would have done if he found out how you've been treating her?
'Uh, Sammy would kill me?'
Damn straight, and there won't be enough of you left over for your mother to identify.
Darien listened as Serena's cries turned into hiccups before ceasing altogether. She got to her feet and walked to her dresser, looking at her reflection in the mirror with fire in her eyes. "Don't let him see you cry." Her whispered words were clearly heard in the stiflingly quiet room. "Don't ever let him see you cry."
Wiping away the last of her tears, she turned away from the mirror to face the window. She walked over to the window and looked at the full moon making its way slowly across the sky. "So beautiful," she whispered. She turned around once more, ears straining for any sound coming from the nursery. 'That's funny,' she thought. 'I thought I left that door open. How could it have closed?'
********************************************
**January 4, 2004**
Darien rose from his seat on the couch in the family room, greeting Andrew cheerfully. "Hey Drew, what's up?"
Andrew reached over, grabbed Darien's arm to pull him into a hug, which could be more accurately described as a 'chest bump' for its brevity. When they pulled apart, Darien sat down in an armchair while Andrew flopped down on the couch in front of him. "So, where's Serena and the baby?"
"Serena went to visit an old family friend who just moved here from Toronto so mom and dad are babysitting Isabella."
Andrew shook his head in amusement. "Man, if somebody ever told me that Darien Shields would be a father last year, I would've referred them to a colleague of mine."
"What's so hard to believe? That I'm a father, or that I'm loving it?"
Andrew smirked. "To tell you the truth, both. When you first told me that Serena had not just a baby but your baby, I almost swallowed my tongue in surprise. I'm glad that you've decided to embrace fatherhood. How have things been going with you and Serena?"
Darien studied his hands folded in his lap. "She's convinced that my remorse is just an act to get on her good side. She won't listen to me when I tell her that I want to start over."
"Why would she think you want to get back on her good side?" asked Andrew, unconsciously taking on his 'Dr. Eisner tone.'
"She's got it in her head that I'm scared my bid for custody of Isabella would suffer if the judge found out about that little 'Christmas incident.' She's wrong of course, but I can't convince her otherwise because she won't stay in the same room with me long enough to explain." Darien slouched in his seat and put his feet up on the coffee table.
"What about New Year's? I thought you went upstairs to talk to her after she went up to put Isabella down?" Andrew saw the guilt and anguish in Darien's eyes. "What is it?"
"I overheard her talking to her family from her room when I went to check on Isabella. Drew, she's been lying to her family about us. I heard her tell her brother and aunt all this bullshit about me and mom getting along with her and treating her better than we really do." Andrew shifted positions so that he was now leaning with his elbows on his knees with his feet planted firmly on the ground.
"Why do you think she would do that?" In his own mind, Andrew was already coming up with his own conclusions but he wanted to hear the words coming from Darien's mouth.
"She's been covering up for me and mom so that her brother won't worry about her. From what I gather, her brother and aunt constantly question her well-being, especially with her living here. I guess she just wants to keep the peace." Andrew nodded in understanding.
"From our sessions, I've gathered that Serena doesn't like to stir up trouble for other people, especially on her behalf. She's a very independent person who doesn't like to have to rely on others to help her with her problems but at the same time, go to extreme lengths to help out a person in need, even to the point of putting her life in jeopardy." Darien's ears perked up.
"What do you mean, 'even to the point of putting her life in jeopardy?' Does this mean that she's covered up for a person before at the risk of her own life?" Andrew swore to himself for accidentally letting that bit of information slip out.
"I can't say. You know I could be sued for malpractice if I do." Darien growled in frustration.
"Just say yes or no."
Andrew sighed. It was obvious Darien wouldn't rest until he got a straight answer, unfortunately it wouldn't be from him. "Alright; yes. She has kept secrets before that ultimately caused herself more harm than good in order to protect someone. I'm sorry Darien, but I've told you more than I should have."
Darien's mind whirled at all the new questions Andrew's vague answer posed. What happened? Who was she trying to protect? From what? From whom? Just as he was about to open his mouth to ask another question, Candace and Walter walked into the room with Isabella squirming in Walter's arms.
She had been itching to walk but unfortunately hadn't mastered the skill yet, as she could barely stand on her own. But that didn't stop the little girl from trying. She would latch on to a solid piece of furniture and hoist herself up. When she felt that she had gotten to a steady position, she would abruptly let go and try to half run, half walk to her target, ultimately ending up falling on her diapered rear end, crying in bitter disappointment and suffering from a wounded ego. And so, knowing this, Walter delivered her to the waiting arms of her father instead of letting her go down. Isabella settled in Darien's lap for a good thirty seconds, before demanding to be released again.
"Ok, ok honey. Just let daddy stand up first." Darien stood up from the armchair, which Walter promptly occupied just seconds after he was gone, and supported Isabella into an upright position by holding her chubby arms up. She laughed happily, glad that she was finally 'walking' without falling over on the floor. She looked up at her father and beamed. "That's great sweetie. You're walking!" he exclaimed. Darien walked her around the room slowly, telling her to put one foot in front of the other but, being an independent baby, Isabella would sometimes try to step forward with both feet, resulting in a thwarted attempt at a jump.
Candace watched her son playing with her granddaughter for a while before sitting down in on the couch beside Andrew. "So Drew, how have you been? How's that lovely fiancée of yours?"
Andrew beamed proudly. He had proposed to Rita on New Year's Eve in the rose gardens but didn't tell Darien about it until the day after. "She's doing great. Can't stop looking at the ring." Walter chuckled.
"That's how Candace was when we first got engaged. She would constantly ask people to pass things to her, then wave her left hand under the person's nose just as they leaned over. Drove her father nuts," he joked.
"That's a fine way to talk about your wife of thirty-four years," Candace sniffed playfully. "Just see where you're going to sleep tonight." Walter pretended to pull at his collar and wipe invisible sweat from his brow.
"See what you're up for, Drew? Are you sure you're ready for it?" Andrew nodded his head eagerly.
"I can't wait."
"Have you set a date?" asked Candace.
"Not yet. Actually, we're just basking in the glow of getting engaged first. Then we'll worry about the wedding plans later." Walter nodded in agreement.
"Wise choice. As soon as we got engaged, Candace's mother and sisters flocked around us, planning for a wedding that didn't take place until a year later. From sun up to sun down, all I heard was wedding talk from a gaggle of excited females leading a poor bachelor like me to the slaughter." Candace reached over the coffee table and slapped her husband on the knee.
"It wasn't like that! Mom and my sisters were just happy for me because I was the last Bennett girl to get married." Candace glanced at the clock and turned to Darien. "What time do you expect Serena to come home?"
"In about an hour and a half, why?"
Candace sniffed scornfully. "Nothing. It's just that she's always leaving her child here with us so she could run around town doing God knows what. What kind of a mother is that?"
Darien scowled and lifted Isabella into his arms. "She volunteered to take Isabella with her before she left to visit her mother's best friend. As I recall, you were the one who insisted that Isabella stay at home."
"I didn't want her to tire the child out needlessly," she replied haughtily.
Darien rolled his eyes. "Oh I see. I guess this is just another case of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' huh? C'mon Drew. Let's go to the back of the house and get some fresh air."
Andrew stood up to leave after smiling at Candace and Walter politely. Then he followed Darien who had already walked through the door.
"Oof!" he heard from the hallway. Apparently, Darien had bumped into someone on his way out the door but seeing as how Darien had a large built and he was blocking the doorway, Andrew couldn't see who it was.
"Sorry about that Serena. I guess I didn't see you back there. What are you doing back so soon? You weren't due back for another hour and a half."
"What, miss me, Darien?" she asked sarcastically.
"As a matter of fact, yes."
"Give me a break. I came back early because Aunt Eleanor's son called her from Toronto to see how she settled in. Rather than staying to listen to their conversation, I told Aunty Elly that I had to be going back anyway." She reached over and took Isabella, who went happily, from Darien's arms. Just then, she happened to look over Darien's shoulder and see Andrew standing there looking at her. "Dr. Eisner," she gasped, her eyes round as saucers.
Before he could reply, Candace called to them, unaware of the intimate relationship that Andrew and Serena shared. "When are you going to bring Rita over for dinner, Drew?"
Darien felt his heart sink as a flicker of understanding was lit in Serena's eyes. He watched as she shifted Isabella so that her weight was on her right hip before her face turned red in anger.
"Did she just call Dr. Eisner, Drew?" she asked quietly. Darien nodded his head weakly, his heart hammering in his chest. "So you mean to tell me that my doctor was Drew all along?" She saw Melvin passing by on his way to get the mail and thrust Isabella into his arms. "Please take her for a moment Melvin, and don't let her out of your sight."
"What? Why?"
She silenced him with a hand. "Please just don't ask questions. Wait for me by the stairs and don't let anybody else hold her until I tell you to." Hearing the seriousness in her voice, Melvin quickly did as he was told without even bothering to consult his employers.
"What are you going to do, Serena?" Darien asked nervously.
Serena whipped her head to look at first him, then Andrew, before pushing her way past them and into the family room. Candace and Walter looked up from the couch and held back a gasp. Never before had they seen Serena this angry before. Her cheeks were red, brows furrowed and her hands clenched tightly into fists.
"What's wrong, girlie?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong, Walter. My two-timing therapist has turned out to be your son's spy. Tell me Drew, how long did you wait until I was out of your office before you called up your little buddy over here to give him the dirt about me?" she asked contemptuously.
"It's not like that, Serena." Andrew's eyes were begging Serena to listen but her fury would not be abated.
"You mean Andrew was your therapist?" asked Candace. Serena whirled on her with narrowed eyes.
"You mean you didn't know?" she asked sarcastically. "Well, I guess you've got another thing to hold over my head Mrs. Shields. Not only am I an unsuitable candidate to bear your precious son's offspring, but now you can prove that I'm certifiably crazy! Congratulations, this is certainly looking to be a great year for the Shields'. But you haven't answered my question yet, Dr. Eisner. How long did you wait until I was out of the office before you called Darien?"
"He never called-"
"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, DARIEN!" she screamed. "Not everything revolves around you, you know. I bet you two had a real laugh when Drew told you how I was molested by my dad's friend when I was eight years old, huh?"
Darien and his parents were rooted to their spots as Serena laughed wildly at her own revelation. "Bet you thought that was hilarious, huh Darien? Jake Cassidy, my father's college roommate molested me in my own room at the tender young age of eight. What did you think was funnier, when Drew told you that he threatened to rape and impregnate my mother if I told anyone, or the fact that my father and all his friends were in the kitchen, waiting for Jake to come back from taking a smoke so they could resume their poker game?"
By now, tears were falling down her face, yet she refused to acknowledge them. She furiously slapped Walter's hand away from her shoulder when he tried to comfort her.
"You have to believe me, Serena. Drew never told me about what you said in your sessions," Darien pleaded. Serena's angry face turned into one of mocking. She put a hand dramatically to her chest and gasped.
"He never told you about that? Well, if it came from you, then of course I'll have to believe it. We all know how good you are at saying one thing and meaning another." She paced around the room a little before turning around to face him again.
"Here's a laugh for you. Did Drew ever tell you that I was raped for the first time by that monster when I was just eleven years old? Well? Did he?" Darien made a move to stop her but Andrew put a hand on his shoulder, warning him silently to just let Serena have her say without interruptions.
"How about the time when I finally told my father what had been happening to me and he went out to confront Jake, his supposed best friend? Jake's neighbours told the police that my dad and Jake started fighting on his front lawn, before both of them got into my dad's car and sped away. They said that Jake leapt into my dad's car when he said he would report him to the police. Witnesses on the highway said that they saw Jake trying to wrestle my dad away from the steering wheel, causing them to careen from one lane to another before losing control altogether and flipping over the median. You wanna know what happened next?" she asked with a conspiratorial wink at Darien. Taking his stunned silence as a go-ahead, she continued.
"The car exploded upon impact. Poof!" Serena used her hands to mimic an explosion. "They both died instantly. There wasn't enough of my father left over to put in a coffin so we had to erect a memorial instead. From what I've pieced together, my father was trying to get Jake to a police station so that he could be arrested. Funny isn't it? How life works? There's no distinguishing between the good and the bad when it comes to death. When it's your time to go, it's your time to go."
A heavy silence settled on them as the horror of Serena's early life was finally starting to be revealed. Suddenly, Serena snapped her fingers, as if she had just come up with a brilliant idea. "Here's one for you, Mrs. Shields. I'll bet you'd love to hear this story. I'm afraid I was a little slut in high school, just like your mother has been saying, Darien. You see, I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Gee, doesn't that sound like a country music song?" She shrugged her shoulders dismissively before breaking out into an eerily beautiful smile. Candace couldn't bear to look at the sight any longer so she had to turn away.
"Ah well. As I was saying, all my romantic relationships were based on one thing alone: sex. The guys wanted it, and I wanted to give it. You see, I stupidly thought that by putting out, I'd find the love I was desperately craving." She shrugged her shoulders again, looking like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar after being told to stay away from it. "I was wrong. Word got around that I was easy so all the guys wanted to go out with me, even the teachers, although we had to be a little more discreet. I suspect that I've slept with half the male faculty in my school. Such a shame I never charged them anything for my time, but then I guess I would really be a hooker then, huh Mrs. Shields?"
"Serena, please..." Darien tired to pull her into a hug but she pushed him away.
"Don't touch me!" she screamed. She jabbed a finger in his chest accusingly. "Did Dr. Eisner ever tell you about my failed suicide attempt? God, even when I try to kill myself something goes wrong!"
Walter reached out to wrap her in his arms but stopped at the frenzied look in her eyes. "What do you think of me now, Mr. Shields?" she asked brokenly. "Still think you should be in my corner? I understand if you hate me now too. I mean, who am I to condemn you for hating me when I hated myself pretty much all my adult life up until last year when I gave birth to Isabella?"
Walter gathered her up in his arms, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Never, girlie. I could never hate you," he whispered in her hair. Upon hearing those words, the tension in Serena's body melted away and she let herself relax in his embrace.
"Thank you, Walter," she whispered as she pulled herself away from him. Wiping away her tears, she turned to face Darien and Candace who had been watching her with guilt-filled eyes. "I'll see you in court," she said to Darien, her voice edged with a thinly veiled hostility.
"What do you mean by that?" Darien got no reply for Serena had already walked out of the family room and was heading for the stairs at a furious pace. "Serena!" He raced out of the room to follow her, a feeling of dread washing over him. In his haste to catch up to Serena, Darien failed to hear his mother's soft-spoken words: "I didn't know, oh God, I didn't know."
By the time Darien reached the foyer, Serena was already giving orders to Melvin not to let the child go for any reason except to give back to her when she arrived downstairs with a packed bag in her hand. Seeing Darien out of the corner of her eye, she started running up the stairs while calling over her shoulder, "please Melvin!"
Darien ran past Melvin, who shielded Isabella with his body because he thought that Darien would try to make a sudden grab for her. But at the moment, all he saw was Serena, the blonde vision who had stolen his heart while he mercilessly trampled hers , and knew that she would be once again leaving him, this time taking away the only other female that he loved more than his life except for her.
"Serena! Wait!" By the time he got to the top of the stairs, Serena was already racing down the hall, trying to get to her room before he got to her. Darien reached her door, which she was in the process of shutting. "Serena! It's not what you think!"
"Leave me alone!" She was about to slam the door in his face but Darien, who was anticipating this move, stuck his foot in the doorway. The door practically crushed his foot but Darien ignored the pain. Serena cried out in frustration and walked away from the door, heading for her closet.
She yanked the doors open, took out a suitcase and spread it open on the bed. "What're you doing?" asked Darien as he watched her stalk back to her closet and yank an armful of clothes at the same time.
"What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" she snarled, dumping the clothes in the suitcase without bothering to take out the hangers. "I'm getting the hell out of this shithole and I'm taking my daughter with me!"
Darien took her clothes out of the suitcase and flung them to the floor. "Oh no you don't. You're not going to run away again-not with my daughter."
Serena looked at her scattered clothing on the floor and saw red. "What the hell did you do that for? You can't keep me here against my will!" She watched in silent astonishment as Darien picked up her clothes and threw them out into the hallway. She put her hands on her hips and glared at Darien's impassive face. "You are such a pain in the ass, Darien. Who the hell do you think you are, ordering me around? You're not my father; you'll never amount to even half the man he was!"
"I may not be your father but I am Isabella's." He sighed in frustration before visibly trying to soften his features. He looked deeply into Serena's eyes, trying to find a common ground with the woman he loved. "Please Serena. Don't leave me. I know you're not going to believe me, but I really do want you to stay here with me."
Serena rolled her eyes and picked up her clothes from the hallway, shoving them furiously into her suitcase. If she wasn't haphazard in packing before, she sure was now. Darien watched as pants and t-shirts, hangers and belts were unmercifully tamped down to make way for more. When the suitcase was full to overflowing, Serena reached under the bed for the duffel bag she kept there. She walked to her dresser, pulled a drawer completely free from its hinges and dumped its contents-makeup and whatnot-into the duffel bag.
Finally, when Darien thought he could take no more of watching Serena preparing to leave his life once again, he grabbed her roughly by both arms and spun her around to face him. Serena wanted to cry out at the pain his vice-like grip was inflicting but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had once again hurt her. "Unhand me at once, Darien," she said slowly, her voice dangerously low. Darien tightened his grip and this time, she couldn't keep the wince from her face.
"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I admit, I've made mistakes in dealing with you in the past but I'm willing to work them out and give our daughter the family she deserves. Why can't you do the same?" he asked angrily.
To his annoyance, all Serena did was snicker. "You call this a family? I would sooner leave my daughter in an orphanage than let the likes of you and your mother raise her. You don't know the meaning of the word family. A family loves one another. They support each other through thick and thin. They don't constantly find ways to make each other's lives a living hell. I shudder to think of my daughter growing up in this environment, where people are judged and condemned before hearing the entire story." She bit the inside of her cheek to prevent the gasp that was building its way up her throat from escaping because of the firmness of Darien's hold on her.
"So why don't you enlighten me? Tell me Serena, why did you keep my daughter from me for six months?" His response was a sharp kick in the shins, causing him to almost let her go-almost. "Fine. Don't tell me because I have a few things to tell you. I want you to listen to me and listen good because I'm going to say this over and over until you get it in your thick head what it is I'm trying to say and it'll be easier for the both of us if you get this in one go. I. Love. You. Want me to repeat it? I love you, Serena Mathis, and I don't want you to leave. I want you and our daughter to stay here with me so that we can be a family. What do you say?"
Serena narrowed her eyes and Darien could see the suspicion still lingering within. "I don't believe you," she said evenly.
Even though he was expecting such an answer, he still couldn't believe it. "What?" he asked incredulously.
"I said I don't believe you," Serena said a little bit louder this time and a proud tilt in her chin.
Darien cried out in frustration and shook her roughly. "Why the hell not?" he snarled.
"You just want me to let my guard down so that I'll allow myself to be subjected to whatever Machiavellian ideas of justice your mother has while you take my child away and brainwash her to forget I ever existed. You've tried threats and now you're trying to sweet talk me into giving my child up. The only way that's ever going to happen is if you kill me, Darien. So come on, do your worst." Darien shook her by the arms again, but stopped when he saw the look of pain flash in her eyes before it disappeared just as quickly as it came.
"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not trying to sweet talk you and I'm sure as hell not going to kill you. I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?" he shouted.
"BECAUSE YOU SAID I WAS NOTHING BUT A WHORE AFTER WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" she screamed back. She felt his grip on her shoulders relax a little and took that opportunity to shake herself free from him. Serena stood three feet away and stared at him proudly, tears brimming her eyes, which she wiped furiously away. "I'm not going to believe in your little proclamations of love, not this time."
"You better explain what you just said because I have no idea what the hell you're talking about." Serena laughed scornfully and looked at him with bitterness in her eyes.
"That's right. I forgot about your convenient memory loss. Let me try to jog it for you then. You were drunk and overdosed on Tylenol when you came home from the bachelor party and stumbled upon me in the kitchen. You 'confessed' your 'true' feelings for me and I was too naïve to notice how wasted you were. In my elation, I admitted that I loved you back. Then you took me upstairs to what you called 'our room' where we proceeded to conceive our daughter. Then at the wedding, I overheard you tell Drew, or should I say Dr. Eisner, that you 'had the best fuck' of your life with 'some slut' you picked up at the bar. Ring any bells now?" Darien's face turned ashen as he recalled saying those exact things to Andrew while he was waiting for Serena to come out of the ladies' room.
"You heard?" he whispered.
"You bet your ass I heard. Those words are the first I hear when I wake up and the last I hear before I go to sleep. They replay themselves at various times during the day, but mostly when I'm around you so I guess you can see why I felt I had to leave this miserable place." Serena felt like she was going to cry again so she turned away from Darien. 'Don't let him see you cry,' she chanted in her head, tears slipping down her cheeks.
"I-I didn't know it was you."
"Obviously." Darien could see that her shoulders were shaking and he knew she was crying, no matter how hard she tried to keep it from him. He placed his hand lightly on her shoulder and was relieved when she didn't slap it away.
"Please believe me, Serena. I may not have known it was you the next day, but I did the night before, otherwise why would I have admitted my feelings for you?" he asked softly.
"To get me into bed with you, maybe? Look Darien, I don't want to go through this again. I just want to go back home and be with people who love and support me. We can arrange visitation in a few weeks or so. Just please, don't tell me any more lies. I don't think my heart can take much more of it," she pleaded wearily. For the moment, all Serena wanted to do was to sleep off her pain and go home in the morning.
Darien felt something tugging at his heart at her defeated tone. "Please look at me," he said, turning her around to face him. "I love you, Serena. I'm not just saying it to get you and Isabella to stay or to get your guards down. I love you. I LOVE YOU! What more can I do to get you to believe that?"
Serena said nothing as she stumbled to a corner of the room and sank wearily down to the floor. "Nothing," she said, bringing her knees to her chest. Darien sat down on the wall across from her.
"I'm really sorry about the things I've said to you since that night, Serena. But please believe me when I say that I've felt something for you the moment we met down by the pool. I knew I loved you when we saw each other again at the stable and you were petting Endymion. I felt the magic you were using on Endymion having its effect on me. I fell under your spell that day and I've been under it ever since." Darien glanced up and saw that Serena's eyes were glistening with tears. "You don't have to believe me now, but please promise me that you won't do anything we'll end up regretting. I, in turn, promise to show you how much I really love you. Let's get it right this time, Serena. This may be our last chance and I don't know about you, but I want to take it."
"When did everything get so hard, Darien?" Serena asked, almost childlike. She leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. "Jake may have raped my body, but you raped my soul. Jake stole my innocence from me, and you stole my dreams. I just want to go back to the way it was before...I want my parents back, I want my innocence back, I want my childhood back...I want...my family...I want..."
"What do you want, Serena?" Darien questioned softly. But he got no answer for Serena had fallen into a blissful sleep, exhausted from the pain of dredging up past hurts. Darien sighed and watched her sleep and for the first time in a long while, saw the worry lines melt away until she looked almost like the child she so desperately wanted to become again. 'I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain, Serena,' he thought. Then he remembered all the things she said while they were downstairs and was hard-pressed not to go to her and wrap her in his arms, never letting her go.
******************************
Downstairs, Candace and Walter were still reeling from all the things Serena revealed about her childhood. "I'm so sorry," Candace sobbed on her husband's shoulder. "I didn't know. How could such a thing happen?"
Andrew sat down on the coffee table in front of the distraught woman and took her hand. "You couldn't have known, Mrs. Shields. Serena was a very secretive person. It took her suicide attempt to get her to tell her family and friends what happened to her as a child."
Candace looked at him with tear-filled eyes. "I still don't understand. How did she come to be your therapist?"
"Her doctor in Toronto referred me to her, but I didn't know she was your physical therapist, Mr. Shields. She always referred to you Mr. and Mrs. Potts to protect your privacy." At this, Candace's eyes welled up with tears again.
"I feel so ashamed of myself. Everything I've said to her face and behind her back is now coming back to haunt me. I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for adding to the pain that poor girl has been through."
Walter said nothing to his wife except shushing in her ear as a way to comfort themselves. His heart broke for the girl he had come to love as a daughter and couldn't help from reproaching himself for not knowing about her private pain sooner. 'You should've known. You should've taken the time to get to know her better instead of always complaining about what ailed you. God, the things that poor child has gone through.'
The screaming that they heard from upstairs suddenly died down until there was no sound coming from upstairs at all. From where they sat, they could hear every muffled word that Serena and Darien yelled at each other, for Serena's room was right about the family room, including the real story behind that night. Shortly after all the screaming died down, Melvin appeared in the doorway nervously holding onto a crying Isabella.
"What should I do with her?" he asked timidly. "Serena told me not to let her go until she came downstairs with her suitcases but it sounds like she won't be coming down for a while."
"Here, let me take her," Candace offered but Melvin shied away.
"No offense Mrs. Shields, but when Serena told me not to let anyone else take her, I think she meant you and your son. You may be my employer, but Serena is my friend and also Isabella's mother, so I think her word overrules yours. If you want to let me go as your employee, I understand, but I won't go against Serena's wishes." Candace regarded him with something akin to admiration and anger. In the end, she nodded her head tiredly.
"Of course we won't let you go. Just give the child to Walter and go back to your duties. Before you go, I just want to say that I respect your loyalty to your friend and that I know your loyalty to me as your employer must have put you in a difficult place. I'm really sorry for making things harder for everyone than it should have been." Melvin nodded his acknowledgment of the roundabout apology and passed Isabella off to her grandfather before leaving the room, only to stand anxiously by the foot of the stairs, waiting for a sign as to how Serena was doing.
The other members of the staff came out slowly from their hiding places in the foyer, for some had heard the entire screaming match taking place in the family before blowing up to epic proportions in Serena's room upstairs. Those who weren't present in the beginning were quickly alerted by their colleagues using the network of phones throughout the house and arrived just in time to see Serena's clothes flying out into the hallway. They all took seats beside Melvin on the stairs, waiting to see if the woman they had shunned in order to curry favour with the mistress of the house, was going to come out to assure them that she and the little angel they had all come to love were staying for good.
Molly sat down beside a worried Melvin and took his hand in hers. "She'll be fine," she told him. "If she managed to survive her childhood, she's going to survive anything that the Shields throw at her."
Melvin gave her hand a light squeeze. "I hope so."
*************************
Serena woke up to a soft singing in her ear. The voice was low and velvety, just right for putting someone at ease. She lazily opened one eye and, upon seeing the owner of the melodic voice, opened the other. She struggled to sit up but Darien's arm, which was wrapped securely about her waist, held her down. "What're you up to this time, Darien?" she asked.
"You fell asleep a few hours ago in the corner. I fell asleep soon after but I woke up when you started having a nightmare. I tried to calm you down but nothing worked so I picked you up and carried you to this armchair to rock you back to sleep," Darien explained patiently. "I've been singing to you for about a half hour now."
For the first time, Serena noticed that she was cradled in Darien's lap, with one arm fastened around his neck and the other around his waist. Again, she tried to sit up but Darien only held her more closely to him. "Please don't run away from me, Serena. I'm begging you, please stay here with me so that we could make a fresh start."
Serena looked up into his eyes and saw that they were glimmering with tears. "I don't know if I can take any more..."
"I'm so sorry for everything I did, Serena. If I have to, I'll make it up to you for the rest of my life, if only you're willing to hang around that long. I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispered, putting as much feeling into his words as possible. He kissed her forehead softly and rejoiced inwardly when she allowed it. "Let me love you, Serena."
"I don't know if I can," she whispered. "Isn't it too late? Shouldn't we just cut our losses and move on?" Darien shook his head vehemently and burrowed his face into her hair, which she again allowed.
"Never. I don't even want to think about living without you again, and certainly without Isabella. Please Serena, let's just give it a try. Think about what's at stake." Darien could still see the indecision lingering in her eyes. "You said yourself that you grew up with a mother and father who loved each other and it hurts to know that we can't find that same love together. But we had it once, didn't we? Those beautiful days when everything was so simple before I had to go and ruin it."
Serena gasped in surprise. "How did you know I said that?" she asked, unconsciously running her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck.
"I heard you over the baby monitor. And I have to confess something else to you. I went to check on you on New Year's Eve and I overheard you telling your family how well everyone was getting along. I'm so sorry that you had to lie to your family like that." Serena rested her head against his shoulder. "Why did you do it?"
Darien rested his chin on the top of her head. "It was easier that way. I didn't want the hostility to bombard me from all sides-from here and from home. I didn't want Isabella to grow up in a war zone." Darien felt tears running down his neck and knew that they came from her. "On some level, I think that I was trying to fool myself into thinking that you, Isabella and I really have formed a family. It was a form of escapism."
Darien nuzzled her hair again, feeling like his heart would burst. "Let's form that family of our dreams now. Serena, I promise you, I'm going to make all this up to you if you'll just give me a chance. Please give us this chance."
They said nothing for a few minutes, with Darien rocking Serena to both their hearts' content. Finally, Darien tilted her chin up and searched her eyes for an answer. "Serena, what do you say?" he asked, his heart pounding in fear and anticipation of what she had to say.
"I don't know if I'm ready to jump into a relationship with you right now. I don't know if I can give you my heart again. I mean, we've never even gone out on a date before jumping into bed together." She paused, seeing the stricken expression on Darien's face and rushed to amend it. "But I'm willing to start as friends again. Out of everything that I've lost in my life, I think our friendship was one of the hardest things I've ever had to give up. I want us to get to know each other again, as friends, before we get to know each other as anything more."
Darien nodded, glad to know that he at least still had a chance. "I'll take whatever I can get," he told her. He hugged her happily and sighed in contentment. "Since we're friends now, do you think you can tell me what happened to you when you were a child? I want to know everything about you and support you in whatever way I can. I just want you to know that Andrew never told me a thing, no matter how hard I tried to force him to. Please don't blame him for any of this," he said.
Serena peeked out from under his chin and gave him a tiny smile. "I don't. I shouldn't have said those things down there. Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"
"How could he not?"
Serena snuggled closer to him and sighed. Then she began to tell him about her childhood, from the happy years before she met Jake Cassidy, to the horror-filled ones after. Darien listened as she spun her tale, struggling to keep his emotions in check, even when she started crying as she got to the part about her beloved father's death. There were times that Serena had to stop because the tears threatened to overwhelm her, and he did his part to wipe them away. There were times where Darien's own tears threatened to overflow. But they stayed in each other's arms, talking to each other as nothing more than friends-for now, as far as Darien was concerned-until the wee hours of the morning. Then, when the sun started to appear over the horizon, Darien picked her up and carried her to her bed for a few hours' sleep.
"Sleep well, my friend. Today is a brand new day," he said as he pulled the blanket up to her chin. She blinked at him sleepily and smiled.
"Thanks friend. It is indeed a brand new day."
************************************************************************
That's it for now, peeps! Please leave a review at the door. Mya, this chapter's for you. I hope you get better real soon.
358
Chapter 13-The Last Straw
By: ~crystal~rose~{@
************************************
**December 28, 2003**
Amy sat waiting patiently for Serena at their reserved table in Luigi's Bistro. This was one of her favourite restaurants and she couldn't understand why Serena was so averse to coming here since it boasted the highest quality Italian food for the most reasonable price-reasonable for LA standards, that is. The more practical side of Amy winced at the price Luigi's was charging for a plate of spaghetti and meatballs and thought back to the days when she could barely afford to buy a can of Chef Boyardee's Beefaroni.
'Boy, times sure have changed,' thought Amy, recalling her university days when she and her roommates would squabble over who got the last bit of macaroni and cheese, before watering it down and splitting it between the three of them. 'Now I'm willing to pay almost twenty dollars for a plate of spaghetti. Back in those days, twenty dollars was our grocery budget for three days.'
She glanced at her watch for the third time in ten minutes. 'I wonder what's keeping Serena. Does she hate this place so much that she'd stand me up at the last minute so she wouldn't have to come?' she wondered. Just as she was about to reach for her cell, Serena showed up at the table, led by Nemo, the maitre'd. She thanked the man, who politely held out her chair, and sat down unceremoniously in a huff.
"Sorry for being late, Ames," she smiled beguilingly at her friend who was more than used to her tardiness, "Isabella wouldn't let me out the door. As soon as she saw me trying to sneak out, she started wailing in Walter's arms. It took us almost a half hour to make her stop crying." Knowing that Serena could use some time alone with a friend, especially after that disastrous Christmas day, he kindly volunteered to watch Isabella until she got back.
"Would you go already, girlie? My little Ella and I have some playing to do, don't we, sweetheart?" Serena had never seen Walter look so relaxed than when he was holding Isabella, or Ella, as he had taken to calling her, in his arms. She remembered looking back at her daughter's face, eyes quickly filling up with tears, and feeling her resolve to make a mad dash to the waiting taxi leave as soon as Isabella stretched out her arms, straining to catch her while crying earnestly. She was about to go back for another hug when she felt Walter pushing her out the door.
"She'll be fine, girlie. Grandpa's here," he assured her, puffing out his chest proudly. Seeing her hesitate, Walter gave her another push out the door and practically shoved her into the backseat of the taxi. "Say hi to Amy for me. Wave bye to your mother, honey." Although Isabella wasn't pleased with this development, she waved obediently, if not grudgingly, to her mother and was rewarded with a hearty kiss on the cheek.
"Thanks Walter, I really appreciate this. Bye sweet pea, be good for your grandpa." She blew her baby a kiss as the cab was heading down the driveway. Just as the cab reached the road, she thought she heard an ear-piercing wail emit from her distraught baby and her heart twisted painfully at the sound, making her almost tell the driver to stop the cab and turn back.
"Serena? Serena?" The sound of Amy's voice brought her mind back to her body, which was-to her horror-sitting at the exact same table she and Darien occupied when they first dined here together. She looked up and saw Amy staring at her worriedly. She gave a nervous chuckle and absently noted that Amy was sitting in her old spot, while she was in Darien's.
"Sorry again. I guess I was just thinking about Isabella and how much I miss her already." Amy nodded and smiled.
"I envy you and Raye. You both have the most amazing little girls. Zach and I talked about having children before we got married, and we agreed that we'd put off having a family until we can afford to buy a house but at the rate we're going, that won't be for at least another year or so." Amy sighed wistfully. "But now...seeing you and Raye...I can't help but wish for a baby of my own."
Serena smiled at her sympathetically. "Oh yeah? At least you and Raye have husbands! I can't even begin to tell you how hard it was being pregnant without the support I would have had if Darien were around. I know that I wanted it that way, but I was still unprepared for the challenges of being pregnant. I remember how sorry I felt for myself every time I would go to a doctor's appointment and seeing that I was the only one who didn't have a husband or a boyfriend with me. Sure, Aunt Celeste and Sammy, or sometimes even Raye would come with me, but it just wasn't the same. Let's not even talk about the Lamaze classes. I was the only one there who had an aunt as my coach instead of a significant other." Serena could recall how jealous she felt every time she looked at the other ladies in her classes and how she intentionally remained aloof from them so that her hurt wouldn't be further rubbed in her face.
Amy wisely said nothing for she knew that Serena was right. Although her lack of a baby was sad, at least she had a husband who was more than willing to raise a family with her when the time was right. Serena, on the other hand, had a baby with a man who resents her for not telling him about it sooner. The waiter chose this moment to appear and take their orders, a pasta primavera for Amy, and chicken parmigiana for Serena.
Amy studied her friend's face thoughtfully for a moment, trying to wonder what it was about Serena that seemed so different. Her face seemed more gaunt, and her hair didn't seem to have that normal lustre. "Serena, are you on a diet or something?" she asked.
Serena was about to shake her head no, when she remembered that her drastic weight loss was due to stress and if she told Amy that, then she would be on the receiving end of an interrogation she did not want. "Um, yeah," she lied, "I'm still trying to lose the last of my pregnancy pounds."
Amy didn't look too convinced. "But haven't you lost those pounds a long time ago? I think you've lost way more weight than is healthy for a person your size. What have you been doing?" she asked, concern written all over her face.
"Oh, this and that," Serena replied flippantly. Seeing that Amy's face was unsatisfied with her rather vague answer, she rushed to remedy her situation before it got any worse. "Well, I've been taking Isabella out for morning jogs around the property and I've been watching what I eat. That's about all."
"Well, I think you should stop losing weight. It's not healthy. You've lost more weight than you've gained during your pregnancy. It's great that you've been exercising with Isabella, but I think the dieting should go. You're going to need your strength if you plan on being an active parent. Eat healthy, not sparingly." Serena listened patiently, resisting the urge to roll her eyes like she always did whenever Amy slipped into 'doctor mode.'
Amy continued to prattle on about the dos and don'ts of dieting for another ten minutes. Serena felt like she was back in her 8:30 am Epidemiology of Activity and Health class, listening to Professor Atkinson drone on about the importance of an active lifestyle coupled with a well-balanced diet. As she had done in Professor Atkinson's lectures, she found her mind wandering to more interesting topics such as what was on TV that night, or what she needed to add to her grocery list.
"Serena? Are you even listening to me?" Amy's shrill voice cut through her daydream about the new dress she wanted to buy Isabella once the hospital back home sent her maternity leave paycheck in the mail. Serena blinked and saw Amy sitting in front of her, annoyance clearly written on her face.
The waiter chose this moment to make his appearance, saving Serena from Amy's wrath and inadvertently securing a place in Serena's heart, with their lunches balanced precariously on a tray. "Here you go, ladies. Pasta primavera for you, and chicken parm for you. If you ladies need anything further, my name is Guido and I am at your service." Having charmed Serena and Amy sufficiently with his politeness and his dark, good looks, he respectfully bowed and left them to their meal.
"You didn't answer my question, Serena. Were you even listening to me?" Serena mentally stuck her tongue out at Amy for jumping right back into the topic she thought Guido had unconsciously interrupted.
"Oh, lighten up Ames. I've taken all the health classes before. You don't have to remind me about the dangers of over-dieting. It was the subject of my dissertation, remember?" she replied, still avoiding the question.
"As I recall, you lost a lot of weight back then too, trying to write a hundred page paper in one week. Raye and I told you to start earlier but you kept putting it off till the last minute. You were lucky you finished." Serena rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"Christ, would you lay off already?" Serena frowned defensively. "You act as though I'm on my way to anorexia country or something. I'm eating now, aren't I? You don't see me stuffing my food into my napkin when you're not looking, do you? No, you don't, so stop telling me what to do! God, can't a person lose weight without getting the third degree anymore?" She crossed her arms angrily over her chest and glared at Amy, who was shocked at her friend's outburst.
"I'm sorry, Serena. It's just that I'm worried about you. I know that living with Darien and his family may not be the easiest thing in the world and I was wondering whether they had something to do with all this weight loss or not," Amy explained apologetically, hoping to calm her friend down.
"I'm sorry for going off on you like that, Ames. But you don't have to worry about me. The Shields have been nothing but wonderful to me and especially Isabella. Candace and Walter treat me like I was one of their own and Darien and I have renewed something of our old friendship, for the sake of our daughter." Serena found that lying to her friends and especially to herself, was getting easier with each lie that she told. 'One could say I'm a pro,' she mused.
But things weren't going as rosy as she had told Amy and the rest of her loved ones back in Canada, especially after that incident on Christmas. It's been three days of pure torture for Serena, who went around the Shields manor like a ghost: unwanted and unacknowledged. She had donated the gift certificate Darien had given her to a local charity and she had called the parenting magazine's office to change her address to that of a centre for teenage mothers. The locket Walter had given her was securely fastened around her neck at all times though, and she would find herself opening it up every once in a while to stare at her beautiful baby's picture inside.
She hadn't spoken a word to Darien since Christmas day, although he's made a few pathetic attempts at talking to her. Thankfully, she knew his schedule, and was able to avoid him when he was home from work. She would wait until he left for work in the morning before stepping out of her room already dressed to make herself breakfast in the kitchen. Then she would spend the day with Isabella, just walking around the gardens, or taking her to the zoo and other baby-friendly places. Sometimes, like today, she would let either Walter or Candace take her for a few hours while she ran some errands in town. But as soon as five thirty rolled around, she would be in the kitchen, busily preparing her dinner so that she could eat in her room by the time Darien walked into the house at six. She hated eating at such an early hour, but it was worth it to be able to eat in peace without hearing Candace's sarcastic remarks or receiving Darien's murderous glares.
She had noticed, however, that Darien was being nicer towards her on the very rare occasions that they did run into each other. This made her more suspicious, especially after spending half the night awake in her bed, trying to come up with a reason for Darien's suspicious behaviour and coming up with only one thing. He must have realized that his violent actions might have a detrimental effect on his case should they ever decide to take each other to court for the custody of their daughter, and was now trying to butter her up so that she would forget it ever happened. After coming to that conclusion, Serena resolved not to let herself be sucked back into any more 'truces' with Darien Shields, or anything else for that matter. She would continue serving out her sentence in his house for another four and a half months in solitary confinement if she had to. The truth was, Darien had scared her to death that day, and she tried everything humanly possible for them not to be alone in the same room together. She didn't want to end up dead because Darien couldn't hold back his hatred of her any longer. If he walked in a room, she walked out. It was that simple.
"So how was Isabella's first Christmas?" Amy asked, not knowing the horrible events that had happened to Serena that day.
"She loved it. Candace and Walter gave her a little necklace with a round crystal pendant the size of a golf ball. I hardly think that she'll be able to wear such a thing until she's older but seeing as how it belonged to Walter's mother, I couldn't refuse. Darien is already starting to breed his horses so that by the time she's ready to take riding lessons, she'll have her own pony but he also gave her some hi-tech toy that I'm having a little trouble getting to work. The instructions are so complicated I'm tempted to throw the whole contraption away. I tell you, the term 'thinking ahead' was probably coined by one of Darien's ancestors. I made her a little quilt using the little baby clothes she had outgrown. And this morning, a package arrived from my brother with the latest in Sesame Street-related merchandise from him, a new dress from Aunt Celeste and a plush doll from Raye and Justin. But all in all, I think she was more impressed with the wrapping paper than with her presents." Serena's eyes sparkled as she talked about Isabella. There was nothing in the world that she wanted to talk about more than her baby but, realizing that not everybody is as excited to hear about every minute detail of Isabella's life as she is, she's forced to restrict her conversations to around five minutes or less. Any more than that, and her audience's attention span dwindles.
"That's great. How has she been developing?" the doctor in Amy asked. Once again, Serena beamed proudly.
"I think she's going to start walking soon. She's beginning to stand up on her own now, and she's mastered the art of crawling." Serena sighed wistfully. "Soon, she's going to start walking and talking, then she's going to go off, get married and leave her old, decrepit mother in a sleazy nursing home that her father and his third trophy wife picked out for her."
Amy laughed at her friend's vision of the future and patted her hand sympathetically. "Let's just stick with walking before we get to abandonment, shall we? By the way, how's your Aunt Celeste? Has she decided on a day for the wedding yet?"
Serena nodded eagerly. "Valentine's Day, 2004. I don't know how she's going to be able to plan for a wedding in just a few months but she said that Mika's helping her out tremendously. I just wish I was there to be able to fulfill my Maid of Honour duties by helping her with the plans or something."
"Have you told Darien that you're going back for the wedding?" Amy asked. Serena shook her head determinedly.
"He'll find out when I'm leaving with Isabella and not a moment before that. I don't want him to have time to pull some stunt that stops me from not attending my own aunt's wedding." Amy looked at her curiously and wondered why Darien would try to stop her when she claimed that they got along now, but chose not to question it.
"So what are your plans for New Year's?" asked Serena, breaking her out of her rumination.
"Zach and I are going to his parents' house in Sacramento and stay there for the weekend. You?"
"The Shields are hosting this big black-tie thing on New Year's eve. From what Melvin told me, they've been doing this for years and their New Year's parties are considered one of the best."
Amy's eyes lit up. "That's great, Serena. You'll have a wonderful time."
Serena shrugged indifferently. "We'll see. I'll probably just make an appearance for a few minutes, then head back upstairs with Isabella when she falls asleep. I doubt anyone would miss me if this party is as huge as it sounds."
Again, Amy wondered what it was that her friend wasn't telling her. "But I thought you said that Darien and his parents are treating you well?"
Serena's eyes got big all of a sudden, as if she just remembered telling Amy that a few moments ago. "We have been getting along," she stammered nervously, "but I just don't want to be introduced to everyone there as 'Darien's baby's mother, or something like that. It's going to be awkward, not to mention humiliating."
Amy nodded, accepting her story to Serena's great relief. "I guess you're right about that. It's not as if they can introduce you as Isabella's mother and leave it at that. People are gonna want to know what is-or isn't-between you and Darien. Just remember, if you come across a particularly nosy person, murder is still illegal in California, so don't even get tempted," she joked.
'Tell that to Darien and his mother. They seem hell-bent on killing me from the inside out,' Serena thought sullenly. Wanting to change the subject, she pointed to Amy's pasta. "How's your food?" she asked.
"It's great. I just love how the sauce is so light, yet so flavourful..."
Serena just sat back and listened to Amy describing her dish with the same enthusiasm she would describe Isabella, listening with only half an ear.
*******************
That evening found Serena in the laundry room, washing Isabella's soiled bibs and her own dirty clothes. Isabella was strapped to her front in a carrier, giving her the freedom of movement to do her washing and keep an eye on her at the same time. "How you doing, honey?" she asked. Isabella gurgled happily in reply and kicked her legs vigorously. "Easy there, sweet pea. That hurts."
Isabella patted Serena's cheek softly. Serena smiled and put the little fingers in her mouth, biting them gently with her lips. Isabella giggled, causing Serena to laugh out loud as well. The sound of their laughter, coupled with the sounds of the washer and dryer, drowned out the sounds of footsteps approaching.
"Serena?"
The woman in question jumped about three feet in the air, dropping the shirt she was folding on the floor. Serena picked up her shirt and began dusting it off against her leg. "What can I do for you, Darien?" she asked stiffly, without turning around. Isabella clapped her hands at the sound of her father's voice. Serena bristled as she felt Darien stand beside her to place his finger in Isabella's tiny fist. She continued to fold her laundry furiously, irked at the fact that Darien and Isabella have formed a tight bond in the short time they've been there. She stalked over to the dryer to take out the clothes, breaking Isabella's hold of her father's finger.
"What can I do for you?" she repeated firmly. Darien watched Serena concentrating on folding baby clothes and completely ignoring him. Not that he could blame her after the way he's treated her.
Ever since she came out of her room the day after Christmas, he's been trying to find a way to talk to her, which wasn't easy considering he went to work early in the morning and she wouldn't come out of her room until he was gone. Every time he got home from work, Serena was already in her room for the night and nothing short of a fire would get her to come out. Darien even went so far as to use his daughter as a means of talking to her but Serena just picked Isabella up and walked out of the room. If he thought things between them were bad before, they were even worse now. 'She's just giving you a taste of your own medicine,' he thought.
"I just wanted to know if you're coming to the party in three days?" he asked. Serena stopped her folding and finally looked at him face on, her expression grim.
"I'll be there for appearance's sake. You can tell your mother to stop worrying about me because I won't stay long enough to cause your good name any harm. I'd hate for your friends to know what your family is really like." Darien felt a spark of anger and he raised his eyebrow at her.
"Oh, and what are we like?"
"You and your mother a two hypocrites joined at the hip, saying one thing and meaning another. Both of you are so quick to condemn me when you don't even know the real me. You and your mother have called me everything from a whore to a gold digger to God knows what else behind my back. As I recall, it takes two to tango and I didn't have to twist your arm to get you into bed with me. You were quite willing to do that on your own. And where do you get off calling me a whore? You're the one who has to have a different woman every night of the week. I bet that shit Zach told Amy and I about how you got your cute little nickname in college wasn't even the whole truth, was it, 'Bed-buster?'" At Darien's flush, she knew that her suspicions had been confirmed.
Darien didn't even have time to defend himself before she had collected her things and was stomping out of the laundry room, turning off the light and shutting the door loudly behind her, leaving him to find his own way out in the dark room. 'This isn't going to be easy,' he thought, unsure whether he meant apologizing to Serena, or making his way to the door without the lights on. When his foot came into contact with a stray basket, causing him to fall on the floor roughly, he realized that he meant both.
*******************************
**December 31, 2003**
The party was in full swing by the time Serena had shyly made her way downstairs in the dress she modeled for Trista last year, with Isabella in her arms. She smiled, looking at Isabella, who was arrayed in a white sleeveless dress, complete with a tulle skirt. Her curly black hair was pulled into two pigtails, tied off with white ribbons and her feet were decked out in white, patent leather Mary Janes. The contrast between Isabella's dark hair and her creamy skin was an unmistakable marker on her parentage.
"You look so pretty, honey," Serena cooed. To her amusement, Isabella nodded her head solemnly, as if she understood what her mother just said.
Serena nervously braced herself before going into the family room, which had been miraculously undergone a transformation overnight. It now looked like a ballroom with all the furniture in storage. There was even a small band playing jazz tunes in the corner. The party guests were milling all around the house, as there were so many of them. Serena had never seen anything like this in her entire life. There were women walking around in designer dresses that probably cost more than her entire university tuition for four years. She had never seen so many men wearing tuxedos in a person's house before-but then again, the Shields manor could hardly be categorized as house.
She saw Darien talking to a group of elegantly dressed men and women and immediately felt her insecurities flare up. She was about to back out of the room, when she saw Darien waving her over with a grim expression on her face. "Here we go, baby," she whispered nervously in Isabella's ear.
Unbeknownst to Serena, Darien had been waiting anxiously for her to arrive. He watched her appear in the doorway with Isabella, looking around in awe at the glamorous people around her. His heart wrenched when he saw that she was wearing the dress he had secretly bought her, and thought of the matching tiara hidden in his closet. By the panicked expression on her face, Darien knew she was on the verge of bolting upstairs without saying hi to anyone. So he did the only thing he could think of to get her to come out of her shell: he asked her to come over so he could introduce her to some family friends.
"Serena," he said as she made her way over to them, "meet some of my friends." He turned to a brunette who, in Serena's opinion wore too little clothing to hide her obviously surgically enhanced figure. "This is Ambrosia and her husband Tom Delancey. Tom's our senior VP in the LA office. This is Michael Davenport, owner of Davenport Shipping." Serena nodded at them politely and waited for Darien to continue with the introductions. Darien turned to a middle aged blonde wearing a tight spandex dress with a cutout in the stomach. "Serena, this is Sandra Jenkins. Her father went to school with my dad's older brother."
Serena looked at the woman who was easily ten years Darien's senior clinging possessively on his arm and thought one word: COUGAR. Stifling the urge to crack a smile, she reached out and shook the woman's hand firmly. Darien smiled and took Isabella from Serena's arms. "And this is my daughter, Isabella. Say hello to daddy's friends, sweetheart."
Sandra looked put out at finding out that Darien had a daughter and didn't hesitate to voice it. "You have a daughter? With whom?"
"With me," Serena replied, interrupting Darien. Sandra gave her the once over and turned her nose up.
"Humph. I thought you were the child's nanny." Serena bristled and was about to launch an all-out attack when, to her surprise, Darien stepped in and beat her to it.
"Sandra. You are talking about the mother of my child. Please apologize to Serena," he said firmly, taking her hand off his arm. Sandra turned injured eyes to him, hoping to persuade him to take her side but found that he was immovable.
"Sorry," she mumbled grudgingly. Serena nodded her head once but said nothing in reply. Sandra and the others took that opportunity to move to latch onto another group.
"I'm really sorry about that, Serena. Sandra's usually such a nice person," Darien explained. Serena took Isabella back and raised her eyebrow.
"Like I said, you're such a hypocrite."
Darien was taken aback. "What did I say?"
"You and your mother have been saying worst things than that since the moment I moved back in, and suddenly when another person says it, you get all defensive on my behalf? Give me a break, Darien. I see through your little act," she said in a low voice so as not to be overheard by the other guests.
"What act?" Darien was confused. Didn't he just defend her from a potentially nasty situation?
Serena rolled her eyes and led Darien to an empty corner of the room before whirling around to face him once again. "Oh, I see. Playing innocent, are we? Well, let me clear it up for you. You've been pretending to be 'nice' to me for the past few days because you know that when I take your ass to court for custody, your little stunt is gonna come back to haunt you. Is that any better?"
Darien grit his teeth in an effort to control his voice. "I wasn't pretending to nice to you, I really was being nice to you." He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Look, I feel terrible about what happened that day. Can't we just get past it and move on?"
Serena stared at him as if he had grown another head. "Oh sure, when you do something wrong, the entire world is supposed to brush your mistake aside as if it had never happened, but when a mere mortal such as I foul up, you're all over me like white on rice. No, Darien. I won't allow you to 'get past it and move on' because you haven't extended the same right to me. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I see your father waving at me." She walked away from him, muttering 'insufferable hypocrite.'
"I turned the man I loved into a man that I can't stand to be around because I wanted to punish him for hurting me the way he did a year ago," was what he recalled hearing Serena telling Isabella the night of his violent outburst. He watched Serena stomp over to where Walter was standing, her frown immediately disappearing into a smile as she gladly passed Isabella off to her grandfather.
'Why couldn't our relationship be like that?' he thought jealously. I'll tell you why, a little voice inside his mind said. It's because you treated her like nothing better than a two-bit whore the minute you found her.
Darien shook his head sadly. 'Surely it wasn't that bad,' he tried to reason with the voice. Oh yeah? How would you like to be called a slut, a gold digger and a bad mother from sun up to sun down every single day? It's amazing she hasn't killed you yet-or even worse, herself.
The thought of he and his mother driving Serena to commit suicide gave him cause for concern. 'How much can one person take?' he wondered, worriedly glancing at Serena who was at the moment, being introduced to some of Walter's friends from his days of running Shields Financial. 'She would never do something like that. Isabella needs her.'
Not liking that feeling, huh? the voice sneered. It's called guilt. Get used to it cuz you have a lot to feel guilty about.
'How do I get her to see that I really am sorry? That I want to start over with her?' Darien asked himself. He could mentally see his mind shrugging its shoulders.
How do you know there's a going back from this? How do you know you haven't pushed her so far away that she never wants to come back?
'That's not possible. We'll find our way back, even if it kills me.'
If his mind had a head, it would be nodding heartily in agreement. Good, use that determination to win her over again. Show her that you're not the asshole you were when you forcibly brought her back here. It's time to treat her like the lady that she is, and not the tramp you've convinced yourself she was.
Darien nodded his own head this time. 'I'll do it. Serena deserves to be treated with respect and I'm afraid that I've been somewhat lax on that subject. I'll win her back eventually.'
Wear her down if it comes to that. There's something to be said about persistence.
'Shut up,' he thought. He searched the room for her but all he could see was a mass of stylishly dressed people standing around talking about who had what cosmetic procedure done and by whom, or who had just finished a stay at a rehabilitation clinic for either a drug, alcohol or weight problem. 'God, we really are a bunch of hypocrites.'
He finally spotted Walter by the bar, standing beside Candace. "Dad, where did Serena go?"
Candace lifted a freshly plucked eyebrow and turned to her drink. "Who knows what's on that girl's mind? Frankly, I really don't care where she is, as long as it's far away from us."
Darien grabbed his mother's arm roughly in a grip so firm that she fearfully asked him to release her, which he did so after glaring at her for a few seconds. "Can't you just back off for a minute mother? Don't you think we've been treating her horribly these past few months?"
Walter lifted up his glass by way of greeting someone from across the room, smiling hugely. "That's what I've been telling you two for the past two and a half months," he said out of the corner of his mouth. "What's with the sudden change?"
Candace set her drink down and folded her arms over her chest, scrutinizing him with suspicion in her eyes. "Yes Darien. Why the sudden change?"
Darien shrugged, avoiding his mother's eyes. "It's a new year; time to forget old grudges and start over, don't you think?"
Candace said nothing as she went back to her drink. Truth was, she didn't like treating Serena that way but loyalty to her son made it impossible not to. Now that Darien was having second thoughts about the way he treated Serena, she wasn't sure she'd be able to swallow her pride and admit that she had played some part in their troubles. If Candace Bennett Shields had a failing, it was her stubborn pride, which she had passed on to her son. No, Candace could not foresee herself eating crow any time soon by apologizing to the woman who had deprived her of her first, and hopefully not the last, grandchild.
She turned away from her son and husband, both of whom were watching her anxiously. "Mom?"
"No."
"Mom..."
"I said no, Darien. I will not ease up on Serena, not when your daughter and my granddaughter is at stake. Now, if you both will excuse me, I have a party to host." Darien and Walter watched Candace's retreating back sadly.
"I'm afraid that my stubbornness has rubbed off on her in the thirty four years we've been married, son." Walter patted his son on the back comfortingly. "Now that your mother is gone, can you tell me what's brought about this change of heart regarding Serena?"
Darien said nothing for a minute, contemplating what to say to his father. "Is it enough to know that my feelings for her have never changed, just evolved into something more? That all this animosity on my part was just a way for me to lash out at her for hurting me?"
"And now..."
"And now, I want my family. The one I should have had if I wasn't so pig-headed and judgmental."
Walter set his drink down and leaned against the bar with his elbows. "It won't be easy."
"I know." Darien leaned back in the same manner as his father, watching the guests interacting with each other, idly.
"You've both said and done things to hurt the other. Have you talked to her about this yet?" Darien nodded his head.
"She thinks I have an ulterior motive. That I'm trying to 'butter her up' so that when we have to try and resolve the custody issue with Isabella in court, that she'll forget about what happened a few days ago."
Walter could see Serena's point. He heard the crash from where he was sitting in this very room that day, and had demanded an explanation from Darien about it when he saw the remains of what looked to be a snow globe. Walter didn't even bother reprimanding his son; he looked like he was already doing the job himself. "So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know dad. I don't know."
In the meanwhile, Serena had been wandering around the house with Isabella, feeling more uncomfortable with every person she was introduced to by one of Walter's old fraternity buddies. After making the rounds around the crowded house, being introduced to this person and that as 'Darien's daughter, Isabella's mother,' she politely excused herself from the friendly man's company to seek a quieter part of the house where she can sit with Isabella in peace.
She found it by the foyer where Melvin was situated, greeting each newly arrived guest and taking their coats and wraps. Serena waited until the guests were gone before speaking to Melvin. "Hi Melvin. Happy New Year."
Melvin turned around and saw her standing by the stairs holding Isabella securely in her arms, looking as if she had just run a marathon. He motioned for her to sit on the steps and he moved to join her. "You don't seem to be having fun," he commented lightly as he sat down.
"I'm not," she replied candidly. "I'm sick of having the words 'the mother of Darien's illegitimate daughter' stamped on my forehead for the entire world to see. I'm sick of living here, always walking on eggshells around the high-and-mighty Darien and the too-aristocratic-for-her-own-damn-good Candace Shields. I want to go back home to people who love and respect me; people who don't treat me like an outsider despite the fact that it wasn't my idea to move here in the first place." She looked pleadingly at Melvin who in turn, looked at her sympathetically. "I feel so tired of living in this oppressive place. Everyday it's a new battle to fight, with me usually on the losing end, and it's more isolation. I don't know how much more of this I can take. When I moved back here, I knew that I wouldn't be as welcomed as I was the first time, but I wasn't expecting open warfare."
Melvin could do or say nothing to reassure her because he knew she was right. In a house where the majority of its occupants was against you, how long would it be before you finally packed it in and just gave up? He was amazed that she managed to last this long. "What're you gonna do?"
Serena sighed tiredly. "What else can I do? I've made a pact with the devil to stay here until my maternity leave is finished before deciding what to do. You know that I can't afford the kind of lawyers that the Shields family probably have on retainer. I would die if Isabella was taken away from me."
She looked down and saw that Isabella had fallen asleep on her lap. She smiled at Melvin, who gently fingered one of her little ponytails.
"Hey Melvin!" Molly called from across the foyer. Melvin stood up a bit sheepishly and blushed.
"Y-yes Molly?" Serena could see him struggling to maintain his cool in front of Molly.
"You'd better be careful about just sitting here, talking to Ms. Mathis and ignoring your duties. What would Mrs. Shields say if she caught you?" she asked sternly.
"I'm sorry Molly but there's no here at the moment..."
"It doesn't matter! You have to be ready at the drop of a hat just in case anyone else shows up or needs something," she admonished. Melvin shuffled his left foot on the carpet and blushed.
"I know how to do my job, Molly." The maid narrowed her eyes at him, before setting them on Serena, and walked away huffily. Melvin turned to Serena, who had an amused expression on her face, and smiled apologetically. "I'm really sorry about that, Serena..."
Serena waved her hand dismissively. "That's okay, I understand. I'm encroaching on her territory."
Melvin raised his eyebrow at her. "What are you talking about? How are you encroaching on her territory?"
Serena rolled her eyes and laughed for the first time in a long while. "She likes you silly, and by the sly looks that you've been sneaking her when you thought no one noticed, I'd say that the feeling's mutual." She smiled in satisfaction at Melvin's bashful blush. "So?"
"What?" he asked self-consciously.
"What are you gonna do about it?" she asked cheekily.
Melvin blushed again and mumbled something so low that Serena had to ask him to repeat it. "I said that I was going to ask her out next week."
"Next week? Why don't you do it tomorrow?"
"Because...I gotta work up the nerve to do it first." He was rewarded with a burst of laughter from his confidante. "What?"
"Nothing," she replied a little too innocently. Seeing the look of skepticism in his face, she added, "you're acting like a love-struck teenager with a crush."
"Yeah, it's so cliché isn't it? The awkward geek having a crush on the popular, unattainable girl." Serena stopped laughing at once and set to work trying to reassure her insecure friend.
"Aw, cheer up Melvin. All isn't lost. I've seen the way Molly's been looking at you, and let me assure you, it's the same kind of looks that you've been shooting her. She's hardly unattainable, Melvin. Molly's human, just like you and me. Trust me, I think you have more than a fair chance with her." Melvin's eyes lit up and Serena could see a spark of hope light up from within its depths.
"You think so?" he asked, the uncertainty in his voice dissipating just a tad.
Serena nodded her head firmly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta put this little one to bed. Her debut in the world of the rich and the famous has tired her out considerably, and now I'm afraid her highness needs to retire to her crib. If I don't see you at midnight Melvin, Happy New Year."
"Happy New Year, Serena." He watched Serena ascend the stairs and turn to the left to get to Isabella's nursery. Just then, the doorbell rang, snapping him out of his reverie. He rushed to answer the door and greet the guests.
"Good evening Dr. Eisner and Ms. Jones. Happy New Year's Eve. I'll go get Mr. Shields for you," Melvin said politely.
"No need Melvin, I'm right here," Darien's voice boomed out across the foyer. He gave Rita a light kiss on the cheek and pulled Andrew into a hug. "Hey man, it's about time you guys made it. Chad and Greg got here like a half hour ago."
"Sorry Dare, Drew was busy primping and didn't notice the time." Darien and Rita laughed at Andrew's slighted expression.
"Might I remind you, my dear, that it was your indecision about how to style your hair that delayed us in the first place?" Rita play pouted and smacked him lightly on the stomach, which he pretended was harder than it was. Darien rolled his eyes at the antics of his friends, all the while envying them of the love they shared in abundance.
"Where's Serena, Melvin. I think it's time she who Drew really was to this family." Melvin gestured to the top of the stairs where Serena had disappeared no more than two minutes before Andrew and Rita arrived.
"She went to the nursery to put Isabella to bed, sir. I think she turned in for the night." Darien looked longingly up the stairs and hoped that she would come down again.
"I'll go up and check on them. Drew, why don't you take Rita to the sushi bar and get something to eat? There's also the cocktail bar but don't load up on everything you see; dinner's in a half hour," he said distractedly.
"Man, you guys really know how to put out a spread," Andrew said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. "C'mon honey, the tuna sashimi awaits."
Darien entered the nursery quietly and crept up the crib where his sleeping baby lay. He smiled softly and watched her chest rising as she slept. "Daddy's here, honey," he whispered.
Darien lowered the side rails of the crib so that he could get much closer to her without anything getting in his way. He put his index finger in Isabella's upturned palm, which she closed immediately upon feeling the gentle pressure Darien placed there. He stayed there for another ten minutes just watching his daughter sleeping. Finally, when his calf muscles started cramping from his squatting position, he placed a tender kiss on her forehead and eased his finger from her grasp rather reluctantly. He gently slid the side of the crib up, making sure to lock it securely before leaving. On his way to the door leading to the hallway, Serena's voice floated through the door leading to her room, which was slightly ajar.
He paused, listening to see who she would be talking to, all alone in her room. "I miss you too, Sammy." Darien sighed with relief when he heard Sammy's name. "How have you been?" Darien crept up to her door and watched her small figure perched on her bed, talking on her cell phone.
"We're doing fine, Aunt Celeste," Serena said. She nodded her head to herself, obviously listening to whoever was on the other end. "Yes Aunt Celeste. Isabella is doing fine...Yes, yes...YES! Aunt Celeste..." Darien could hear the frustration building up in her voice.
"Aunt Celeste, I've told you already that Darien and his family have welcomed me back with open arms...No, I'm not lying to you..." Darien could plainly see Serena's crossed fingers behind her back. He heard her sigh once more. "I'm very happy here, Aunt Celeste. I haven't been this happy in a long time."
Darien saw her nodding her head once more, listening to whatever her aunt was telling her. "Fine, let me speak to him again." A moment's pause before her head started bobbing up and down once more to no one in particular.
"I'm doing great, Sammy. Darien and I have come to an understanding and we've never been better. Don't worry about me, okay?" Serena reached over to her night table and pulled out a tissue from the box to wipe away her tears. She listened silently for a few moments, unable to speak in fear of alerting her brother to her pain. "Listen Sammy, I've gotta go now. I hear the baby crying in the other room. I just wanted to call and say Happy New Year...I love you too. Okay bye."
Darien stepped away from the door, afraid that Serena was going to check on Isabella but instead, saw that she had buried her face in her pillow to muffle her sobs. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but he knew that he had no right to do so. He blew his chance to be the one to soothe away her troubles from the first moment he hurt her. So now, he was going to have to be content to stand by the sidelines as she went through her pain alone.
'Why did she lie to her family?' he asked himself. I'll tell you why, the voice sneered. She's so selfless that she doesn't want her family to know the kind of pain she's going through. She knows that if she tells her family how you and your mother have mistreated her, her brother and her friend's husband will come over on the first plane to LA to kick your ass and haul her home.
Darien thought this over and realized that the voice was right, as annoying as that was. 'I don't deserve her,' he thought for the thousandth time. You bet your ass you don't. Do you know what her brother would have done if he found out how you've been treating her?
'Uh, Sammy would kill me?'
Damn straight, and there won't be enough of you left over for your mother to identify.
Darien listened as Serena's cries turned into hiccups before ceasing altogether. She got to her feet and walked to her dresser, looking at her reflection in the mirror with fire in her eyes. "Don't let him see you cry." Her whispered words were clearly heard in the stiflingly quiet room. "Don't ever let him see you cry."
Wiping away the last of her tears, she turned away from the mirror to face the window. She walked over to the window and looked at the full moon making its way slowly across the sky. "So beautiful," she whispered. She turned around once more, ears straining for any sound coming from the nursery. 'That's funny,' she thought. 'I thought I left that door open. How could it have closed?'
********************************************
**January 4, 2004**
Darien rose from his seat on the couch in the family room, greeting Andrew cheerfully. "Hey Drew, what's up?"
Andrew reached over, grabbed Darien's arm to pull him into a hug, which could be more accurately described as a 'chest bump' for its brevity. When they pulled apart, Darien sat down in an armchair while Andrew flopped down on the couch in front of him. "So, where's Serena and the baby?"
"Serena went to visit an old family friend who just moved here from Toronto so mom and dad are babysitting Isabella."
Andrew shook his head in amusement. "Man, if somebody ever told me that Darien Shields would be a father last year, I would've referred them to a colleague of mine."
"What's so hard to believe? That I'm a father, or that I'm loving it?"
Andrew smirked. "To tell you the truth, both. When you first told me that Serena had not just a baby but your baby, I almost swallowed my tongue in surprise. I'm glad that you've decided to embrace fatherhood. How have things been going with you and Serena?"
Darien studied his hands folded in his lap. "She's convinced that my remorse is just an act to get on her good side. She won't listen to me when I tell her that I want to start over."
"Why would she think you want to get back on her good side?" asked Andrew, unconsciously taking on his 'Dr. Eisner tone.'
"She's got it in her head that I'm scared my bid for custody of Isabella would suffer if the judge found out about that little 'Christmas incident.' She's wrong of course, but I can't convince her otherwise because she won't stay in the same room with me long enough to explain." Darien slouched in his seat and put his feet up on the coffee table.
"What about New Year's? I thought you went upstairs to talk to her after she went up to put Isabella down?" Andrew saw the guilt and anguish in Darien's eyes. "What is it?"
"I overheard her talking to her family from her room when I went to check on Isabella. Drew, she's been lying to her family about us. I heard her tell her brother and aunt all this bullshit about me and mom getting along with her and treating her better than we really do." Andrew shifted positions so that he was now leaning with his elbows on his knees with his feet planted firmly on the ground.
"Why do you think she would do that?" In his own mind, Andrew was already coming up with his own conclusions but he wanted to hear the words coming from Darien's mouth.
"She's been covering up for me and mom so that her brother won't worry about her. From what I gather, her brother and aunt constantly question her well-being, especially with her living here. I guess she just wants to keep the peace." Andrew nodded in understanding.
"From our sessions, I've gathered that Serena doesn't like to stir up trouble for other people, especially on her behalf. She's a very independent person who doesn't like to have to rely on others to help her with her problems but at the same time, go to extreme lengths to help out a person in need, even to the point of putting her life in jeopardy." Darien's ears perked up.
"What do you mean, 'even to the point of putting her life in jeopardy?' Does this mean that she's covered up for a person before at the risk of her own life?" Andrew swore to himself for accidentally letting that bit of information slip out.
"I can't say. You know I could be sued for malpractice if I do." Darien growled in frustration.
"Just say yes or no."
Andrew sighed. It was obvious Darien wouldn't rest until he got a straight answer, unfortunately it wouldn't be from him. "Alright; yes. She has kept secrets before that ultimately caused herself more harm than good in order to protect someone. I'm sorry Darien, but I've told you more than I should have."
Darien's mind whirled at all the new questions Andrew's vague answer posed. What happened? Who was she trying to protect? From what? From whom? Just as he was about to open his mouth to ask another question, Candace and Walter walked into the room with Isabella squirming in Walter's arms.
She had been itching to walk but unfortunately hadn't mastered the skill yet, as she could barely stand on her own. But that didn't stop the little girl from trying. She would latch on to a solid piece of furniture and hoist herself up. When she felt that she had gotten to a steady position, she would abruptly let go and try to half run, half walk to her target, ultimately ending up falling on her diapered rear end, crying in bitter disappointment and suffering from a wounded ego. And so, knowing this, Walter delivered her to the waiting arms of her father instead of letting her go down. Isabella settled in Darien's lap for a good thirty seconds, before demanding to be released again.
"Ok, ok honey. Just let daddy stand up first." Darien stood up from the armchair, which Walter promptly occupied just seconds after he was gone, and supported Isabella into an upright position by holding her chubby arms up. She laughed happily, glad that she was finally 'walking' without falling over on the floor. She looked up at her father and beamed. "That's great sweetie. You're walking!" he exclaimed. Darien walked her around the room slowly, telling her to put one foot in front of the other but, being an independent baby, Isabella would sometimes try to step forward with both feet, resulting in a thwarted attempt at a jump.
Candace watched her son playing with her granddaughter for a while before sitting down in on the couch beside Andrew. "So Drew, how have you been? How's that lovely fiancée of yours?"
Andrew beamed proudly. He had proposed to Rita on New Year's Eve in the rose gardens but didn't tell Darien about it until the day after. "She's doing great. Can't stop looking at the ring." Walter chuckled.
"That's how Candace was when we first got engaged. She would constantly ask people to pass things to her, then wave her left hand under the person's nose just as they leaned over. Drove her father nuts," he joked.
"That's a fine way to talk about your wife of thirty-four years," Candace sniffed playfully. "Just see where you're going to sleep tonight." Walter pretended to pull at his collar and wipe invisible sweat from his brow.
"See what you're up for, Drew? Are you sure you're ready for it?" Andrew nodded his head eagerly.
"I can't wait."
"Have you set a date?" asked Candace.
"Not yet. Actually, we're just basking in the glow of getting engaged first. Then we'll worry about the wedding plans later." Walter nodded in agreement.
"Wise choice. As soon as we got engaged, Candace's mother and sisters flocked around us, planning for a wedding that didn't take place until a year later. From sun up to sun down, all I heard was wedding talk from a gaggle of excited females leading a poor bachelor like me to the slaughter." Candace reached over the coffee table and slapped her husband on the knee.
"It wasn't like that! Mom and my sisters were just happy for me because I was the last Bennett girl to get married." Candace glanced at the clock and turned to Darien. "What time do you expect Serena to come home?"
"In about an hour and a half, why?"
Candace sniffed scornfully. "Nothing. It's just that she's always leaving her child here with us so she could run around town doing God knows what. What kind of a mother is that?"
Darien scowled and lifted Isabella into his arms. "She volunteered to take Isabella with her before she left to visit her mother's best friend. As I recall, you were the one who insisted that Isabella stay at home."
"I didn't want her to tire the child out needlessly," she replied haughtily.
Darien rolled his eyes. "Oh I see. I guess this is just another case of 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' huh? C'mon Drew. Let's go to the back of the house and get some fresh air."
Andrew stood up to leave after smiling at Candace and Walter politely. Then he followed Darien who had already walked through the door.
"Oof!" he heard from the hallway. Apparently, Darien had bumped into someone on his way out the door but seeing as how Darien had a large built and he was blocking the doorway, Andrew couldn't see who it was.
"Sorry about that Serena. I guess I didn't see you back there. What are you doing back so soon? You weren't due back for another hour and a half."
"What, miss me, Darien?" she asked sarcastically.
"As a matter of fact, yes."
"Give me a break. I came back early because Aunt Eleanor's son called her from Toronto to see how she settled in. Rather than staying to listen to their conversation, I told Aunty Elly that I had to be going back anyway." She reached over and took Isabella, who went happily, from Darien's arms. Just then, she happened to look over Darien's shoulder and see Andrew standing there looking at her. "Dr. Eisner," she gasped, her eyes round as saucers.
Before he could reply, Candace called to them, unaware of the intimate relationship that Andrew and Serena shared. "When are you going to bring Rita over for dinner, Drew?"
Darien felt his heart sink as a flicker of understanding was lit in Serena's eyes. He watched as she shifted Isabella so that her weight was on her right hip before her face turned red in anger.
"Did she just call Dr. Eisner, Drew?" she asked quietly. Darien nodded his head weakly, his heart hammering in his chest. "So you mean to tell me that my doctor was Drew all along?" She saw Melvin passing by on his way to get the mail and thrust Isabella into his arms. "Please take her for a moment Melvin, and don't let her out of your sight."
"What? Why?"
She silenced him with a hand. "Please just don't ask questions. Wait for me by the stairs and don't let anybody else hold her until I tell you to." Hearing the seriousness in her voice, Melvin quickly did as he was told without even bothering to consult his employers.
"What are you going to do, Serena?" Darien asked nervously.
Serena whipped her head to look at first him, then Andrew, before pushing her way past them and into the family room. Candace and Walter looked up from the couch and held back a gasp. Never before had they seen Serena this angry before. Her cheeks were red, brows furrowed and her hands clenched tightly into fists.
"What's wrong, girlie?"
"I'll tell you what's wrong, Walter. My two-timing therapist has turned out to be your son's spy. Tell me Drew, how long did you wait until I was out of your office before you called up your little buddy over here to give him the dirt about me?" she asked contemptuously.
"It's not like that, Serena." Andrew's eyes were begging Serena to listen but her fury would not be abated.
"You mean Andrew was your therapist?" asked Candace. Serena whirled on her with narrowed eyes.
"You mean you didn't know?" she asked sarcastically. "Well, I guess you've got another thing to hold over my head Mrs. Shields. Not only am I an unsuitable candidate to bear your precious son's offspring, but now you can prove that I'm certifiably crazy! Congratulations, this is certainly looking to be a great year for the Shields'. But you haven't answered my question yet, Dr. Eisner. How long did you wait until I was out of the office before you called Darien?"
"He never called-"
"I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, DARIEN!" she screamed. "Not everything revolves around you, you know. I bet you two had a real laugh when Drew told you how I was molested by my dad's friend when I was eight years old, huh?"
Darien and his parents were rooted to their spots as Serena laughed wildly at her own revelation. "Bet you thought that was hilarious, huh Darien? Jake Cassidy, my father's college roommate molested me in my own room at the tender young age of eight. What did you think was funnier, when Drew told you that he threatened to rape and impregnate my mother if I told anyone, or the fact that my father and all his friends were in the kitchen, waiting for Jake to come back from taking a smoke so they could resume their poker game?"
By now, tears were falling down her face, yet she refused to acknowledge them. She furiously slapped Walter's hand away from her shoulder when he tried to comfort her.
"You have to believe me, Serena. Drew never told me about what you said in your sessions," Darien pleaded. Serena's angry face turned into one of mocking. She put a hand dramatically to her chest and gasped.
"He never told you about that? Well, if it came from you, then of course I'll have to believe it. We all know how good you are at saying one thing and meaning another." She paced around the room a little before turning around to face him again.
"Here's a laugh for you. Did Drew ever tell you that I was raped for the first time by that monster when I was just eleven years old? Well? Did he?" Darien made a move to stop her but Andrew put a hand on his shoulder, warning him silently to just let Serena have her say without interruptions.
"How about the time when I finally told my father what had been happening to me and he went out to confront Jake, his supposed best friend? Jake's neighbours told the police that my dad and Jake started fighting on his front lawn, before both of them got into my dad's car and sped away. They said that Jake leapt into my dad's car when he said he would report him to the police. Witnesses on the highway said that they saw Jake trying to wrestle my dad away from the steering wheel, causing them to careen from one lane to another before losing control altogether and flipping over the median. You wanna know what happened next?" she asked with a conspiratorial wink at Darien. Taking his stunned silence as a go-ahead, she continued.
"The car exploded upon impact. Poof!" Serena used her hands to mimic an explosion. "They both died instantly. There wasn't enough of my father left over to put in a coffin so we had to erect a memorial instead. From what I've pieced together, my father was trying to get Jake to a police station so that he could be arrested. Funny isn't it? How life works? There's no distinguishing between the good and the bad when it comes to death. When it's your time to go, it's your time to go."
A heavy silence settled on them as the horror of Serena's early life was finally starting to be revealed. Suddenly, Serena snapped her fingers, as if she had just come up with a brilliant idea. "Here's one for you, Mrs. Shields. I'll bet you'd love to hear this story. I'm afraid I was a little slut in high school, just like your mother has been saying, Darien. You see, I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Gee, doesn't that sound like a country music song?" She shrugged her shoulders dismissively before breaking out into an eerily beautiful smile. Candace couldn't bear to look at the sight any longer so she had to turn away.
"Ah well. As I was saying, all my romantic relationships were based on one thing alone: sex. The guys wanted it, and I wanted to give it. You see, I stupidly thought that by putting out, I'd find the love I was desperately craving." She shrugged her shoulders again, looking like a child caught with her hand in the cookie jar after being told to stay away from it. "I was wrong. Word got around that I was easy so all the guys wanted to go out with me, even the teachers, although we had to be a little more discreet. I suspect that I've slept with half the male faculty in my school. Such a shame I never charged them anything for my time, but then I guess I would really be a hooker then, huh Mrs. Shields?"
"Serena, please..." Darien tired to pull her into a hug but she pushed him away.
"Don't touch me!" she screamed. She jabbed a finger in his chest accusingly. "Did Dr. Eisner ever tell you about my failed suicide attempt? God, even when I try to kill myself something goes wrong!"
Walter reached out to wrap her in his arms but stopped at the frenzied look in her eyes. "What do you think of me now, Mr. Shields?" she asked brokenly. "Still think you should be in my corner? I understand if you hate me now too. I mean, who am I to condemn you for hating me when I hated myself pretty much all my adult life up until last year when I gave birth to Isabella?"
Walter gathered her up in his arms, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Never, girlie. I could never hate you," he whispered in her hair. Upon hearing those words, the tension in Serena's body melted away and she let herself relax in his embrace.
"Thank you, Walter," she whispered as she pulled herself away from him. Wiping away her tears, she turned to face Darien and Candace who had been watching her with guilt-filled eyes. "I'll see you in court," she said to Darien, her voice edged with a thinly veiled hostility.
"What do you mean by that?" Darien got no reply for Serena had already walked out of the family room and was heading for the stairs at a furious pace. "Serena!" He raced out of the room to follow her, a feeling of dread washing over him. In his haste to catch up to Serena, Darien failed to hear his mother's soft-spoken words: "I didn't know, oh God, I didn't know."
By the time Darien reached the foyer, Serena was already giving orders to Melvin not to let the child go for any reason except to give back to her when she arrived downstairs with a packed bag in her hand. Seeing Darien out of the corner of her eye, she started running up the stairs while calling over her shoulder, "please Melvin!"
Darien ran past Melvin, who shielded Isabella with his body because he thought that Darien would try to make a sudden grab for her. But at the moment, all he saw was Serena, the blonde vision who had stolen his heart while he mercilessly trampled hers , and knew that she would be once again leaving him, this time taking away the only other female that he loved more than his life except for her.
"Serena! Wait!" By the time he got to the top of the stairs, Serena was already racing down the hall, trying to get to her room before he got to her. Darien reached her door, which she was in the process of shutting. "Serena! It's not what you think!"
"Leave me alone!" She was about to slam the door in his face but Darien, who was anticipating this move, stuck his foot in the doorway. The door practically crushed his foot but Darien ignored the pain. Serena cried out in frustration and walked away from the door, heading for her closet.
She yanked the doors open, took out a suitcase and spread it open on the bed. "What're you doing?" asked Darien as he watched her stalk back to her closet and yank an armful of clothes at the same time.
"What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" she snarled, dumping the clothes in the suitcase without bothering to take out the hangers. "I'm getting the hell out of this shithole and I'm taking my daughter with me!"
Darien took her clothes out of the suitcase and flung them to the floor. "Oh no you don't. You're not going to run away again-not with my daughter."
Serena looked at her scattered clothing on the floor and saw red. "What the hell did you do that for? You can't keep me here against my will!" She watched in silent astonishment as Darien picked up her clothes and threw them out into the hallway. She put her hands on her hips and glared at Darien's impassive face. "You are such a pain in the ass, Darien. Who the hell do you think you are, ordering me around? You're not my father; you'll never amount to even half the man he was!"
"I may not be your father but I am Isabella's." He sighed in frustration before visibly trying to soften his features. He looked deeply into Serena's eyes, trying to find a common ground with the woman he loved. "Please Serena. Don't leave me. I know you're not going to believe me, but I really do want you to stay here with me."
Serena rolled her eyes and picked up her clothes from the hallway, shoving them furiously into her suitcase. If she wasn't haphazard in packing before, she sure was now. Darien watched as pants and t-shirts, hangers and belts were unmercifully tamped down to make way for more. When the suitcase was full to overflowing, Serena reached under the bed for the duffel bag she kept there. She walked to her dresser, pulled a drawer completely free from its hinges and dumped its contents-makeup and whatnot-into the duffel bag.
Finally, when Darien thought he could take no more of watching Serena preparing to leave his life once again, he grabbed her roughly by both arms and spun her around to face him. Serena wanted to cry out at the pain his vice-like grip was inflicting but she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he had once again hurt her. "Unhand me at once, Darien," she said slowly, her voice dangerously low. Darien tightened his grip and this time, she couldn't keep the wince from her face.
"Why do you have to be so stubborn? I admit, I've made mistakes in dealing with you in the past but I'm willing to work them out and give our daughter the family she deserves. Why can't you do the same?" he asked angrily.
To his annoyance, all Serena did was snicker. "You call this a family? I would sooner leave my daughter in an orphanage than let the likes of you and your mother raise her. You don't know the meaning of the word family. A family loves one another. They support each other through thick and thin. They don't constantly find ways to make each other's lives a living hell. I shudder to think of my daughter growing up in this environment, where people are judged and condemned before hearing the entire story." She bit the inside of her cheek to prevent the gasp that was building its way up her throat from escaping because of the firmness of Darien's hold on her.
"So why don't you enlighten me? Tell me Serena, why did you keep my daughter from me for six months?" His response was a sharp kick in the shins, causing him to almost let her go-almost. "Fine. Don't tell me because I have a few things to tell you. I want you to listen to me and listen good because I'm going to say this over and over until you get it in your thick head what it is I'm trying to say and it'll be easier for the both of us if you get this in one go. I. Love. You. Want me to repeat it? I love you, Serena Mathis, and I don't want you to leave. I want you and our daughter to stay here with me so that we can be a family. What do you say?"
Serena narrowed her eyes and Darien could see the suspicion still lingering within. "I don't believe you," she said evenly.
Even though he was expecting such an answer, he still couldn't believe it. "What?" he asked incredulously.
"I said I don't believe you," Serena said a little bit louder this time and a proud tilt in her chin.
Darien cried out in frustration and shook her roughly. "Why the hell not?" he snarled.
"You just want me to let my guard down so that I'll allow myself to be subjected to whatever Machiavellian ideas of justice your mother has while you take my child away and brainwash her to forget I ever existed. You've tried threats and now you're trying to sweet talk me into giving my child up. The only way that's ever going to happen is if you kill me, Darien. So come on, do your worst." Darien shook her by the arms again, but stopped when he saw the look of pain flash in her eyes before it disappeared just as quickly as it came.
"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not trying to sweet talk you and I'm sure as hell not going to kill you. I LOVE YOU DAMMIT, WHY WON'T YOU BELIEVE ME?" he shouted.
"BECAUSE YOU SAID I WAS NOTHING BUT A WHORE AFTER WE SLEPT TOGETHER!" she screamed back. She felt his grip on her shoulders relax a little and took that opportunity to shake herself free from him. Serena stood three feet away and stared at him proudly, tears brimming her eyes, which she wiped furiously away. "I'm not going to believe in your little proclamations of love, not this time."
"You better explain what you just said because I have no idea what the hell you're talking about." Serena laughed scornfully and looked at him with bitterness in her eyes.
"That's right. I forgot about your convenient memory loss. Let me try to jog it for you then. You were drunk and overdosed on Tylenol when you came home from the bachelor party and stumbled upon me in the kitchen. You 'confessed' your 'true' feelings for me and I was too naïve to notice how wasted you were. In my elation, I admitted that I loved you back. Then you took me upstairs to what you called 'our room' where we proceeded to conceive our daughter. Then at the wedding, I overheard you tell Drew, or should I say Dr. Eisner, that you 'had the best fuck' of your life with 'some slut' you picked up at the bar. Ring any bells now?" Darien's face turned ashen as he recalled saying those exact things to Andrew while he was waiting for Serena to come out of the ladies' room.
"You heard?" he whispered.
"You bet your ass I heard. Those words are the first I hear when I wake up and the last I hear before I go to sleep. They replay themselves at various times during the day, but mostly when I'm around you so I guess you can see why I felt I had to leave this miserable place." Serena felt like she was going to cry again so she turned away from Darien. 'Don't let him see you cry,' she chanted in her head, tears slipping down her cheeks.
"I-I didn't know it was you."
"Obviously." Darien could see that her shoulders were shaking and he knew she was crying, no matter how hard she tried to keep it from him. He placed his hand lightly on her shoulder and was relieved when she didn't slap it away.
"Please believe me, Serena. I may not have known it was you the next day, but I did the night before, otherwise why would I have admitted my feelings for you?" he asked softly.
"To get me into bed with you, maybe? Look Darien, I don't want to go through this again. I just want to go back home and be with people who love and support me. We can arrange visitation in a few weeks or so. Just please, don't tell me any more lies. I don't think my heart can take much more of it," she pleaded wearily. For the moment, all Serena wanted to do was to sleep off her pain and go home in the morning.
Darien felt something tugging at his heart at her defeated tone. "Please look at me," he said, turning her around to face him. "I love you, Serena. I'm not just saying it to get you and Isabella to stay or to get your guards down. I love you. I LOVE YOU! What more can I do to get you to believe that?"
Serena said nothing as she stumbled to a corner of the room and sank wearily down to the floor. "Nothing," she said, bringing her knees to her chest. Darien sat down on the wall across from her.
"I'm really sorry about the things I've said to you since that night, Serena. But please believe me when I say that I've felt something for you the moment we met down by the pool. I knew I loved you when we saw each other again at the stable and you were petting Endymion. I felt the magic you were using on Endymion having its effect on me. I fell under your spell that day and I've been under it ever since." Darien glanced up and saw that Serena's eyes were glistening with tears. "You don't have to believe me now, but please promise me that you won't do anything we'll end up regretting. I, in turn, promise to show you how much I really love you. Let's get it right this time, Serena. This may be our last chance and I don't know about you, but I want to take it."
"When did everything get so hard, Darien?" Serena asked, almost childlike. She leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. "Jake may have raped my body, but you raped my soul. Jake stole my innocence from me, and you stole my dreams. I just want to go back to the way it was before...I want my parents back, I want my innocence back, I want my childhood back...I want...my family...I want..."
"What do you want, Serena?" Darien questioned softly. But he got no answer for Serena had fallen into a blissful sleep, exhausted from the pain of dredging up past hurts. Darien sighed and watched her sleep and for the first time in a long while, saw the worry lines melt away until she looked almost like the child she so desperately wanted to become again. 'I'm so sorry for causing you so much pain, Serena,' he thought. Then he remembered all the things she said while they were downstairs and was hard-pressed not to go to her and wrap her in his arms, never letting her go.
******************************
Downstairs, Candace and Walter were still reeling from all the things Serena revealed about her childhood. "I'm so sorry," Candace sobbed on her husband's shoulder. "I didn't know. How could such a thing happen?"
Andrew sat down on the coffee table in front of the distraught woman and took her hand. "You couldn't have known, Mrs. Shields. Serena was a very secretive person. It took her suicide attempt to get her to tell her family and friends what happened to her as a child."
Candace looked at him with tear-filled eyes. "I still don't understand. How did she come to be your therapist?"
"Her doctor in Toronto referred me to her, but I didn't know she was your physical therapist, Mr. Shields. She always referred to you Mr. and Mrs. Potts to protect your privacy." At this, Candace's eyes welled up with tears again.
"I feel so ashamed of myself. Everything I've said to her face and behind her back is now coming back to haunt me. I'm never going to be able to forgive myself for adding to the pain that poor girl has been through."
Walter said nothing to his wife except shushing in her ear as a way to comfort themselves. His heart broke for the girl he had come to love as a daughter and couldn't help from reproaching himself for not knowing about her private pain sooner. 'You should've known. You should've taken the time to get to know her better instead of always complaining about what ailed you. God, the things that poor child has gone through.'
The screaming that they heard from upstairs suddenly died down until there was no sound coming from upstairs at all. From where they sat, they could hear every muffled word that Serena and Darien yelled at each other, for Serena's room was right about the family room, including the real story behind that night. Shortly after all the screaming died down, Melvin appeared in the doorway nervously holding onto a crying Isabella.
"What should I do with her?" he asked timidly. "Serena told me not to let her go until she came downstairs with her suitcases but it sounds like she won't be coming down for a while."
"Here, let me take her," Candace offered but Melvin shied away.
"No offense Mrs. Shields, but when Serena told me not to let anyone else take her, I think she meant you and your son. You may be my employer, but Serena is my friend and also Isabella's mother, so I think her word overrules yours. If you want to let me go as your employee, I understand, but I won't go against Serena's wishes." Candace regarded him with something akin to admiration and anger. In the end, she nodded her head tiredly.
"Of course we won't let you go. Just give the child to Walter and go back to your duties. Before you go, I just want to say that I respect your loyalty to your friend and that I know your loyalty to me as your employer must have put you in a difficult place. I'm really sorry for making things harder for everyone than it should have been." Melvin nodded his acknowledgment of the roundabout apology and passed Isabella off to her grandfather before leaving the room, only to stand anxiously by the foot of the stairs, waiting for a sign as to how Serena was doing.
The other members of the staff came out slowly from their hiding places in the foyer, for some had heard the entire screaming match taking place in the family before blowing up to epic proportions in Serena's room upstairs. Those who weren't present in the beginning were quickly alerted by their colleagues using the network of phones throughout the house and arrived just in time to see Serena's clothes flying out into the hallway. They all took seats beside Melvin on the stairs, waiting to see if the woman they had shunned in order to curry favour with the mistress of the house, was going to come out to assure them that she and the little angel they had all come to love were staying for good.
Molly sat down beside a worried Melvin and took his hand in hers. "She'll be fine," she told him. "If she managed to survive her childhood, she's going to survive anything that the Shields throw at her."
Melvin gave her hand a light squeeze. "I hope so."
*************************
Serena woke up to a soft singing in her ear. The voice was low and velvety, just right for putting someone at ease. She lazily opened one eye and, upon seeing the owner of the melodic voice, opened the other. She struggled to sit up but Darien's arm, which was wrapped securely about her waist, held her down. "What're you up to this time, Darien?" she asked.
"You fell asleep a few hours ago in the corner. I fell asleep soon after but I woke up when you started having a nightmare. I tried to calm you down but nothing worked so I picked you up and carried you to this armchair to rock you back to sleep," Darien explained patiently. "I've been singing to you for about a half hour now."
For the first time, Serena noticed that she was cradled in Darien's lap, with one arm fastened around his neck and the other around his waist. Again, she tried to sit up but Darien only held her more closely to him. "Please don't run away from me, Serena. I'm begging you, please stay here with me so that we could make a fresh start."
Serena looked up into his eyes and saw that they were glimmering with tears. "I don't know if I can take any more..."
"I'm so sorry for everything I did, Serena. If I have to, I'll make it up to you for the rest of my life, if only you're willing to hang around that long. I love you, I love you, I love you," he whispered, putting as much feeling into his words as possible. He kissed her forehead softly and rejoiced inwardly when she allowed it. "Let me love you, Serena."
"I don't know if I can," she whispered. "Isn't it too late? Shouldn't we just cut our losses and move on?" Darien shook his head vehemently and burrowed his face into her hair, which she again allowed.
"Never. I don't even want to think about living without you again, and certainly without Isabella. Please Serena, let's just give it a try. Think about what's at stake." Darien could still see the indecision lingering in her eyes. "You said yourself that you grew up with a mother and father who loved each other and it hurts to know that we can't find that same love together. But we had it once, didn't we? Those beautiful days when everything was so simple before I had to go and ruin it."
Serena gasped in surprise. "How did you know I said that?" she asked, unconsciously running her fingers through the hair on the nape of his neck.
"I heard you over the baby monitor. And I have to confess something else to you. I went to check on you on New Year's Eve and I overheard you telling your family how well everyone was getting along. I'm so sorry that you had to lie to your family like that." Serena rested her head against his shoulder. "Why did you do it?"
Darien rested his chin on the top of her head. "It was easier that way. I didn't want the hostility to bombard me from all sides-from here and from home. I didn't want Isabella to grow up in a war zone." Darien felt tears running down his neck and knew that they came from her. "On some level, I think that I was trying to fool myself into thinking that you, Isabella and I really have formed a family. It was a form of escapism."
Darien nuzzled her hair again, feeling like his heart would burst. "Let's form that family of our dreams now. Serena, I promise you, I'm going to make all this up to you if you'll just give me a chance. Please give us this chance."
They said nothing for a few minutes, with Darien rocking Serena to both their hearts' content. Finally, Darien tilted her chin up and searched her eyes for an answer. "Serena, what do you say?" he asked, his heart pounding in fear and anticipation of what she had to say.
"I don't know if I'm ready to jump into a relationship with you right now. I don't know if I can give you my heart again. I mean, we've never even gone out on a date before jumping into bed together." She paused, seeing the stricken expression on Darien's face and rushed to amend it. "But I'm willing to start as friends again. Out of everything that I've lost in my life, I think our friendship was one of the hardest things I've ever had to give up. I want us to get to know each other again, as friends, before we get to know each other as anything more."
Darien nodded, glad to know that he at least still had a chance. "I'll take whatever I can get," he told her. He hugged her happily and sighed in contentment. "Since we're friends now, do you think you can tell me what happened to you when you were a child? I want to know everything about you and support you in whatever way I can. I just want you to know that Andrew never told me a thing, no matter how hard I tried to force him to. Please don't blame him for any of this," he said.
Serena peeked out from under his chin and gave him a tiny smile. "I don't. I shouldn't have said those things down there. Do you think he'll ever forgive me?"
"How could he not?"
Serena snuggled closer to him and sighed. Then she began to tell him about her childhood, from the happy years before she met Jake Cassidy, to the horror-filled ones after. Darien listened as she spun her tale, struggling to keep his emotions in check, even when she started crying as she got to the part about her beloved father's death. There were times that Serena had to stop because the tears threatened to overwhelm her, and he did his part to wipe them away. There were times where Darien's own tears threatened to overflow. But they stayed in each other's arms, talking to each other as nothing more than friends-for now, as far as Darien was concerned-until the wee hours of the morning. Then, when the sun started to appear over the horizon, Darien picked her up and carried her to her bed for a few hours' sleep.
"Sleep well, my friend. Today is a brand new day," he said as he pulled the blanket up to her chin. She blinked at him sleepily and smiled.
"Thanks friend. It is indeed a brand new day."
************************************************************************
That's it for now, peeps! Please leave a review at the door. Mya, this chapter's for you. I hope you get better real soon.
358
