June 20, 2003

7:57 a.m.

"Apparently, there was some sort of error on the part of the writer," Nosegay said, "June 19, 2003 was actually a Thursday, so today is Friday, not Monday. Understand? Hey, I'm not complaining. It's like a free weekend or something. Or time travel. I just hope I'm not stuck in this fucking dump all weekend."

She pulled the lever on the side of the La-Z-Boy and found herself reclining at a slight angle.

"I have got to get me one of these."

She was just hanging up the phone when Tortimer stumbled in from the kitchen, taking long, protracted sips of coffee from a chipped mug. He was wearing an old baby-blue bathrobe, and a pair of fuzzy pink slippers.

"Nice outfit. Fucking fairy."

"You should show a little more respect, young lady. I'm old enough to be your grandfather, and I also happen to be the mayor of this town!" He slammed his mug on the coffee table and settled into the sofa, wincing as he bent his scabby knees.

"Don't flatter yourself, you're old enough to be a fucking caveman. Did I mention you look like a fairy?"

"I want you to stop using the phone. If that Pinky from the state gets a permit for a tap or something, and if she finds out you're here, we're in for a heap of trouble."

"Tell her we're fucking. What's the big deal?"

"You're missing the point. It would look very suspicious that I've been hiding you here since Sven's murder. They'd start investigating you, understand?"

Nosegay rolled her eyes, "Let them! What are they going to find, that drunk driving charge back in high school? That time I was arrested for possession at my brother's stag party? Who cares? And besides, you should be the last person telling me not to use my phone. If my friend with the tape doesn't hear from me in two days, he sends a copy to every major news network in the state." She grinned mischievously, "You don't want that to happen, do you?"

Tortimer gritted his teeth, "No, of course not. I just thought that-"

He was interupted by the sound of the manor's front door being flung open, practically tossed aside. Nosegay jumped up from her chair, and Tortimer had just gotten to his feet when Nook stumbled into the room.

"Mayor, holy shit, holy shit, holy sh-"

"Calm down!" Tortimer barked, reaching out with his cane and giving Nook a good, hard whack across the small of his back. Nook doubled over and screamed.

"What the fuck is going on?" Nosegay cried, "Is this a freakout? Is he freakin' out?"

"Mayor!" Nook stood erect, wincing, "Mink, Mink is dead! His head is gone, just like Sven's!"

Tortimer stiffened. Nosegay's mouth formed a perfect 'O' as she stared in horror at the shopekeeper panting and sweating before her.

"I r-ran all the way here. I didn't tell nobody, this is bad, holy fuck!"

Tortimer, white-faced, turned to Nosegay, "You are to stay here, do you understand me? This is very serious. If you leave this house, you do so at your own risk."

She nodded mutely.

"Nook, get yourself together. I want to see the scene myself before the police get involved. It's within my rights as mayor and as head of the squad. Let's go."

8:09 a.m.

"What were you doing at Mink's house anyway?" Tortimer wheezed as they made their way through the still, sleepy forest. Most if the villiages hadn't heard about the mix-up involving the dates.

Nook stumbled on a root jutting up from the floor, "I tried to talk to him yesterday, after the meeting. I had some of pina-colada punch left over and I know how much he really enjoys it. But he seemed in a bit of a hurrry, so I though I'd catch up with him today."

"I see."

They continued on in silence for awhile, making their way slowly towards the train station.

"Nook, did anyone see you there this morning? Anyone at all?"

"No, definately not. It's so early! No one saw me."

"You're quite sure?"

"Quite." He sounded anything but.

When they'd reached Mink's front door, Tortimer turned to Nook, "You stay here. If anyone happens by, kill them. Drag the body to the dump."

Nook's eyes widened, "Wh-WHAT?"

Tortimer shook with laughter, "HA! Relax, Nook. I'm kidding. Follow me, and for Christ's sake don't get your nasty prints on anything!"

"It might be a bit late for that, sir. You see I wasn't overly cautious the first time I was here, seeing as how I didn't expect to find a decapitated body in the upstairs bedroom."

"Easily solved. Run to the shop and bring back a chair or something. Something heavy, so you'll have an excuse for being here."

Nook looked confused, "What's that?"

Tortimer shook his head, "Are you in a k-hole? You can say you delivered the furniture, jackass. Get going. I don't need help finding the upstairs bedroom."

Nook seemed glad to get out of the house, and he was out the door in the blink of an eye.

Tortimer sighed and made his way up the stairs.