CHAPTER NINE
THE FOREST OF SLOTH LARDEN
They ran towards the forest with much speed. They could already hear the fangirls give chase.
"Quickly, into the woods." Arrogant called to his comrades with much concern.
The woods were close.
"Excuse me, but why are we going into a forest that no one has ever come out of alive?" Fiona asked.
"You're looking at me for answers." Arrogant replied, "I'm just following the script?"
"Oh." Fiona said.
"Tolkien must've been in bad mood when he wrote this part of the book." Grisly surmised.
They entered the forest.
"If you just pluck one branch off these trees, you'd be rich." Boredom mused when he saw the silver leaves.
He looked over to see Leggy giving him a death-stare.
"But, I won't." he quickly added.
"Be careful Hobbiraptors. They say a great sorceress that helped a bad elf dude take the Silmarils away, lives in these woods." Grisly cautioned the Hobbiraptors, "A witch that had to wisen up the hard way, she is of terrible power, and can do a very convincing Dark Lord impersonation when offered tools of power."
"What to people that see her?" Peepin asked.
"They fall head over heels for her, and are never the same afterwards." He replied.
"This forest if old, and whole of memories and anger." Leggy started.
"You say that about all magical forests we come across." Arrogant interrupted.
"I know, but its such a cool line." Leggy responded.
"Hmth. Well, this is one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily; I have the useless eyes of a mole, and the ears of a skull." Grisly announced confidently.
"That's not hard to believe." Dork said.
Just then, a whole mess of elves came out nowhere and aimed their arrows at them.
"Welcome to Sloth Larden." Their leader said, in a friendly manner.
"Let me do the talking." Leggy said.
"No. I will the talking, since I am the leader now." Arrongant said.
"I am Hilran, and this is my band of Merry Elves." Hilran told them.
Arrogant looked from elf to elf, not a happy face in sight, "Fatalists?" he asked.
"No. Just merry." Hilran replied.
"Oh." Arrogant breathed a sigh of relief.
"You have trespassed on our lands. You must be punished." Hilran announced, "Does anyone here know how we punish intruders?"
A bunch of elves raised their hands, "Ooh, ooh, I know, I know!" came lot of shouts.
"Um.you, since you had your hand up first." Hilran said, pointing to one of the elves.
"We stone them!" the elf said.
"Wrong." Hilran replied, then pointed to another elf, "You."
"We We make them smoke cigarettes with plastic bags covering their heads." He said.
"Wrong, next."
"We'll shove living snakes up their butts!" another said.
"No, but that is very creative." Hilran said, "Next."
"Wait, I know, you show us mercy and let us go." Arrogant cut in.
"Nice try." Hilran said.
"Oh, nuts." Arrogant said.
"We take them to GlandGal, the Lady of Light and Cerebellum so they can decide what to do with them."
"Correct." Hilran replied.
With that, the elves took the Fools deep into the forest.
On the way, one the elves asked Hilran: "Um, are going to follow the book or movie on this?"
"What do you mean?" Hilran asked.
"Well.in the book we're nice to them, but in the movie we weren't."
"Uh, author, what should we do?" Hilran asked.
"Be mean." Drew L. replied, "It's a strange human psychi-thing to think humorous misery is funny."
"Huh?" Hilran asked.
"Watch 'FRIENDS', and you'll see." Drew L. said.
"Oh." Hilran said.
Later, when they arrived at Elven treetop city of Sloth Larden.
"Enjoying the view?" Hilran asked his prisoners.
"We would if you hadn't tied us each to rock that is a third of our sizes, and then made us carry them." Boredom answered.
" 'Let me do the talking' I said, 'no. I will do the talking', you said." Leggy grumbled to Arrogant, "You idiot! Always let me do the talking when we come across territorial elves."
"Shut up!" Arrogant replied, "Things can't get any worst."
"Now you have to climb an almost endless staircase still carrying the rocks." Hilran told them.
"Oh, crud." Arrogant said.
"I hate you." Leggy told him.
They climbed the stairs, and Hilran took mercy on them and untied them from the rocks, because the author couldn't think of anymore gags to do on the way up.
They came to a large porch of a realy house at the top of the tree.
"I feel lightheaded." Peepin said.
"The air is thin up here." Hilran told him, but we elves can take it.
"Stupid elves, always acting so superior." Grisly snarled.
"There is a time and place for insults, and I would reframe from insulting elves in a elven city." Fiona told him.
"Why? What could they do to me? Shoot me?" Grisly asked.
"Do we have to answer that stupid question?" Leggy replied.
"They are coming." Hilran announced as two glowing figures came down the steps that led into the house.
"Ah! I'm blinded!" Peepin said, when he looked at them.
"What new devilry is this?" Grisly asked.
The two figures toned themselves down so the Fools could look at them.
"Greetings, I am Cerebellum, and this is my foxy wife, GlandGal, the Lady of Light." The male elf told them.
Cerebellum looked at group, "Where is Goondolt? I can cannot see him amongst you."
"He wasn't with them when I caught them." Hilran told his employer.
"He has fallen into stench." GlandGal said.
"Yes, it was a Ranerog of Melgore that took him." Leggy said.
"I thought was doing the talking." Arrogant said.
"Well, I'm taking over being the our social talker, since all's you do is raise suspicion." Leggy replied.
"Oh, yeah, well." Arrogant started.
"It probably would be wise to let him, Arrogant." GalndGal said, "Women love him."
"Anyway, if you would be kind enough to get back to topic." Cerebellum said, "There is no hope without Goondolt, you have failed. So, nah, nah, nah! We elves can just get up and leave while the rest of you have to live with Dodgeson."
"No, they haven't failed." GlandGal said, "The quest just quite simply stands upon a wobbly old chair; if its position shifts but a little, then it will fall to the ruin of all, that's all. Nothing to worry about."
"And yet hope remains, while one Fool is true." GlandGal added, looking right at Stan.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled, go now and rest, fore you are weary after all those action-scenes. Tonight, you will sleep on the ground where roots will dig into your backs no matter what position you lie in."
To Be Continued.What New Devilry Awaites Them? Find Out In Chapter Ten!
THE FOREST OF SLOTH LARDEN
They ran towards the forest with much speed. They could already hear the fangirls give chase.
"Quickly, into the woods." Arrogant called to his comrades with much concern.
The woods were close.
"Excuse me, but why are we going into a forest that no one has ever come out of alive?" Fiona asked.
"You're looking at me for answers." Arrogant replied, "I'm just following the script?"
"Oh." Fiona said.
"Tolkien must've been in bad mood when he wrote this part of the book." Grisly surmised.
They entered the forest.
"If you just pluck one branch off these trees, you'd be rich." Boredom mused when he saw the silver leaves.
He looked over to see Leggy giving him a death-stare.
"But, I won't." he quickly added.
"Be careful Hobbiraptors. They say a great sorceress that helped a bad elf dude take the Silmarils away, lives in these woods." Grisly cautioned the Hobbiraptors, "A witch that had to wisen up the hard way, she is of terrible power, and can do a very convincing Dark Lord impersonation when offered tools of power."
"What to people that see her?" Peepin asked.
"They fall head over heels for her, and are never the same afterwards." He replied.
"This forest if old, and whole of memories and anger." Leggy started.
"You say that about all magical forests we come across." Arrogant interrupted.
"I know, but its such a cool line." Leggy responded.
"Hmth. Well, this is one dwarf she won't ensnare so easily; I have the useless eyes of a mole, and the ears of a skull." Grisly announced confidently.
"That's not hard to believe." Dork said.
Just then, a whole mess of elves came out nowhere and aimed their arrows at them.
"Welcome to Sloth Larden." Their leader said, in a friendly manner.
"Let me do the talking." Leggy said.
"No. I will the talking, since I am the leader now." Arrongant said.
"I am Hilran, and this is my band of Merry Elves." Hilran told them.
Arrogant looked from elf to elf, not a happy face in sight, "Fatalists?" he asked.
"No. Just merry." Hilran replied.
"Oh." Arrogant breathed a sigh of relief.
"You have trespassed on our lands. You must be punished." Hilran announced, "Does anyone here know how we punish intruders?"
A bunch of elves raised their hands, "Ooh, ooh, I know, I know!" came lot of shouts.
"Um.you, since you had your hand up first." Hilran said, pointing to one of the elves.
"We stone them!" the elf said.
"Wrong." Hilran replied, then pointed to another elf, "You."
"We We make them smoke cigarettes with plastic bags covering their heads." He said.
"Wrong, next."
"We'll shove living snakes up their butts!" another said.
"No, but that is very creative." Hilran said, "Next."
"Wait, I know, you show us mercy and let us go." Arrogant cut in.
"Nice try." Hilran said.
"Oh, nuts." Arrogant said.
"We take them to GlandGal, the Lady of Light and Cerebellum so they can decide what to do with them."
"Correct." Hilran replied.
With that, the elves took the Fools deep into the forest.
On the way, one the elves asked Hilran: "Um, are going to follow the book or movie on this?"
"What do you mean?" Hilran asked.
"Well.in the book we're nice to them, but in the movie we weren't."
"Uh, author, what should we do?" Hilran asked.
"Be mean." Drew L. replied, "It's a strange human psychi-thing to think humorous misery is funny."
"Huh?" Hilran asked.
"Watch 'FRIENDS', and you'll see." Drew L. said.
"Oh." Hilran said.
Later, when they arrived at Elven treetop city of Sloth Larden.
"Enjoying the view?" Hilran asked his prisoners.
"We would if you hadn't tied us each to rock that is a third of our sizes, and then made us carry them." Boredom answered.
" 'Let me do the talking' I said, 'no. I will do the talking', you said." Leggy grumbled to Arrogant, "You idiot! Always let me do the talking when we come across territorial elves."
"Shut up!" Arrogant replied, "Things can't get any worst."
"Now you have to climb an almost endless staircase still carrying the rocks." Hilran told them.
"Oh, crud." Arrogant said.
"I hate you." Leggy told him.
They climbed the stairs, and Hilran took mercy on them and untied them from the rocks, because the author couldn't think of anymore gags to do on the way up.
They came to a large porch of a realy house at the top of the tree.
"I feel lightheaded." Peepin said.
"The air is thin up here." Hilran told him, but we elves can take it.
"Stupid elves, always acting so superior." Grisly snarled.
"There is a time and place for insults, and I would reframe from insulting elves in a elven city." Fiona told him.
"Why? What could they do to me? Shoot me?" Grisly asked.
"Do we have to answer that stupid question?" Leggy replied.
"They are coming." Hilran announced as two glowing figures came down the steps that led into the house.
"Ah! I'm blinded!" Peepin said, when he looked at them.
"What new devilry is this?" Grisly asked.
The two figures toned themselves down so the Fools could look at them.
"Greetings, I am Cerebellum, and this is my foxy wife, GlandGal, the Lady of Light." The male elf told them.
Cerebellum looked at group, "Where is Goondolt? I can cannot see him amongst you."
"He wasn't with them when I caught them." Hilran told his employer.
"He has fallen into stench." GlandGal said.
"Yes, it was a Ranerog of Melgore that took him." Leggy said.
"I thought was doing the talking." Arrogant said.
"Well, I'm taking over being the our social talker, since all's you do is raise suspicion." Leggy replied.
"Oh, yeah, well." Arrogant started.
"It probably would be wise to let him, Arrogant." GalndGal said, "Women love him."
"Anyway, if you would be kind enough to get back to topic." Cerebellum said, "There is no hope without Goondolt, you have failed. So, nah, nah, nah! We elves can just get up and leave while the rest of you have to live with Dodgeson."
"No, they haven't failed." GlandGal said, "The quest just quite simply stands upon a wobbly old chair; if its position shifts but a little, then it will fall to the ruin of all, that's all. Nothing to worry about."
"And yet hope remains, while one Fool is true." GlandGal added, looking right at Stan.
"Do not let your hearts be troubled, go now and rest, fore you are weary after all those action-scenes. Tonight, you will sleep on the ground where roots will dig into your backs no matter what position you lie in."
To Be Continued.What New Devilry Awaites Them? Find Out In Chapter Ten!
