CHAPTER TWELVE
THE RIVER REALLY WILD
The Fools ran to the boats as fast their legs would carry them.
"I've still got it." GlandGal said.
"No kidding." Cerebellum replied from behind his hiding place.
"Leggy, Grisly. You two get in that boat together." Arrogant ordered.
"But, he smells." Leggy whined.
"And he's too prissy." Grisly grumbled.
"Fiona, Stan, you two are coming with me." He said, ignoring Leggy and Grisly's complaints.
"Dork, Peepin, you two ride with Boredom."
"Oh, no! You're not giving me the troublemakers!" Boredom retorted.
"You will do as told, since I'm the leader." Arrogant said, stiffly.
"Arrogant jerk." Boredom muttered.
"Okay, now let's set off. The river will carry us to safety." Arrogant said.
"Like coming here was a good idea." Leggy said, "If that one elf hadn't remembered what they're supposed to do to intruders, they probably would've burned us or made a bridge out of us."
"That was then, this is now."
"Ever notice that all of Goondolt and Arrogant's decisions make us run into one dangerous confrontation or another, eventually?" Dork asked.
"You think we haven't noticed?" Fiona replied.
"I like their decisions, they've kept us alive so far." Stan cut in.
"Only because some miracle or another keeps saving us." Peepin added.
"Come on, already!" Arrogant ordered with a voice you didn't dare refuse.
Meanwhile, back at Isengoat. Sorehead and his most evil creation, Roger Ebert, stood in his main chamber, with Ebert in a loincloth, AAAAUUUGH!
"You are ready, my little offspring of the abyss." Sorehead told him.
"Do you know how the Critics first came into bringing?" he asked.
"No." Ebert replied.
"You were human once, but taken by the dark-side, then tortured, and mutilated. A terrible and ruined flaw of life." Sorehead explained, "But now, perfected."
"What will you do? Whom do you serve?" Sorehead asked him.
"I will give bad reviews to good movies, and good reviews to bad movies." Ebert replied, "And I serve Sorehead."
Ebert went down to the barracks to get his gear in order to hunt down the Fools.
After, they were ready. Which took a while since they just didn't simply put on their gear and lined up to listen to Sorehead's quick speech. No, Peter Jackson insisted on putting melodrama into the simplest scene.
"Hunt them down, my Critics." Sorehead ordered, "You do not know mercy, you do not know a good movie when it's right in front of you. You will taste the hatred of those you criticize."
With that, the Critics cheered, this was what they were born for.
Sorehead turned to Ebert and said, "One of the Hobbiraptors carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive, and unreviewed. Verbally slam the others into oblivion!"
Ebert grinned evilly, the want for blood was too much.
Ebert led the Critics out of Isengoat towards the Fools, how he actually knew where to begin is beyond the movie-audience.
The Fools set ashore that very evening to spend the night.
Boredom noticed a log floating a little too fast for the current to have been guiding it.
Arrogant noticed it too, and said, "It is Galstone, I had hoped to lose him on the river, but it seems that that little wretch is too dunder- headed to give up."
"We could got o Condor, it would be a safer passage." Boredom said.
"Look, Boredom, we all know what you've been trying to do from the start. Give it a rest." Arrogant replied, gesturing to the rest of the Fools and to the movie-audience.
"Dang! Well, it is still a place of safety, where we could regroup and set off to Biosyn with new strength." Boredom said.
"There is definitely no way I am letting the Embryo come anywhere near your Dad, Boredom." Arrogant said.
"Why not?" Boredom asked.
"Haven't you read the books? Your Dad is nuts!" Arrogant relied, exasperated.
"He is NOT!" Boredom insisted, "He only beats my little brother, Fairdom, into oblivion right in front of me sometimes."
"And you don't call that mentally-unhinged?" Arrogant asked.
"Um.well, I suppose it may warrant being called that." Boredom said.
"Hey, there's a little thing coming." Leggy said upon seeing a weird creature.
"Huh." The others said.
What it was, it could not be seen yet, but it seemed to be both of goat and man.
"Hello, I am Mr. Tumnus." It said, when it had come close enough to talk with the Fools.
"I think you're in the wrong book." Fiona said to him, "How did you get out of the pages of 'The Bitch, the Lion King, and the Dresser?"
(Please take no offense, Narnia fans)
You see, Mr. Tumnus was a Satyr, the upper half of his body was man-like, but the lower part was goat-like.
"Are any of you Lucy?" he asked.
"No." they replied.
"What are you doing here?" Dork asked.
"You know, the usual, luring innocent humans, the sons of Adam, and the daughters of Eve, to my Queen, the White Bitch."
"Oh, well, in that case, I think you had better just keep moving." Arrogant said, pulling out his sword.
"Forgive me for being inquisitive. But are you sons of Adam?" he asked Arrogant and Boredom.
"We're not brothers! Ew! I am son of Self-Assured." Arrogant replied, stepping away from Boredom.
"I am son of Detour." Boredom also put in.
"Oh, okay, ciao then." Mr. Tumnus replied, leaving.
"Next time, the cameo a character from another book had better be funnier, author." Fiona said.
"Sorry." Drew L. answered.
TO BE CONTINUED.
NEXT CHAPTER: THE SEPARATING OF IDIOTS
Please pardon me for having this be such a short chapter.
THE RIVER REALLY WILD
The Fools ran to the boats as fast their legs would carry them.
"I've still got it." GlandGal said.
"No kidding." Cerebellum replied from behind his hiding place.
"Leggy, Grisly. You two get in that boat together." Arrogant ordered.
"But, he smells." Leggy whined.
"And he's too prissy." Grisly grumbled.
"Fiona, Stan, you two are coming with me." He said, ignoring Leggy and Grisly's complaints.
"Dork, Peepin, you two ride with Boredom."
"Oh, no! You're not giving me the troublemakers!" Boredom retorted.
"You will do as told, since I'm the leader." Arrogant said, stiffly.
"Arrogant jerk." Boredom muttered.
"Okay, now let's set off. The river will carry us to safety." Arrogant said.
"Like coming here was a good idea." Leggy said, "If that one elf hadn't remembered what they're supposed to do to intruders, they probably would've burned us or made a bridge out of us."
"That was then, this is now."
"Ever notice that all of Goondolt and Arrogant's decisions make us run into one dangerous confrontation or another, eventually?" Dork asked.
"You think we haven't noticed?" Fiona replied.
"I like their decisions, they've kept us alive so far." Stan cut in.
"Only because some miracle or another keeps saving us." Peepin added.
"Come on, already!" Arrogant ordered with a voice you didn't dare refuse.
Meanwhile, back at Isengoat. Sorehead and his most evil creation, Roger Ebert, stood in his main chamber, with Ebert in a loincloth, AAAAUUUGH!
"You are ready, my little offspring of the abyss." Sorehead told him.
"Do you know how the Critics first came into bringing?" he asked.
"No." Ebert replied.
"You were human once, but taken by the dark-side, then tortured, and mutilated. A terrible and ruined flaw of life." Sorehead explained, "But now, perfected."
"What will you do? Whom do you serve?" Sorehead asked him.
"I will give bad reviews to good movies, and good reviews to bad movies." Ebert replied, "And I serve Sorehead."
Ebert went down to the barracks to get his gear in order to hunt down the Fools.
After, they were ready. Which took a while since they just didn't simply put on their gear and lined up to listen to Sorehead's quick speech. No, Peter Jackson insisted on putting melodrama into the simplest scene.
"Hunt them down, my Critics." Sorehead ordered, "You do not know mercy, you do not know a good movie when it's right in front of you. You will taste the hatred of those you criticize."
With that, the Critics cheered, this was what they were born for.
Sorehead turned to Ebert and said, "One of the Hobbiraptors carries something of great value. Bring them to me alive, and unreviewed. Verbally slam the others into oblivion!"
Ebert grinned evilly, the want for blood was too much.
Ebert led the Critics out of Isengoat towards the Fools, how he actually knew where to begin is beyond the movie-audience.
The Fools set ashore that very evening to spend the night.
Boredom noticed a log floating a little too fast for the current to have been guiding it.
Arrogant noticed it too, and said, "It is Galstone, I had hoped to lose him on the river, but it seems that that little wretch is too dunder- headed to give up."
"We could got o Condor, it would be a safer passage." Boredom said.
"Look, Boredom, we all know what you've been trying to do from the start. Give it a rest." Arrogant replied, gesturing to the rest of the Fools and to the movie-audience.
"Dang! Well, it is still a place of safety, where we could regroup and set off to Biosyn with new strength." Boredom said.
"There is definitely no way I am letting the Embryo come anywhere near your Dad, Boredom." Arrogant said.
"Why not?" Boredom asked.
"Haven't you read the books? Your Dad is nuts!" Arrogant relied, exasperated.
"He is NOT!" Boredom insisted, "He only beats my little brother, Fairdom, into oblivion right in front of me sometimes."
"And you don't call that mentally-unhinged?" Arrogant asked.
"Um.well, I suppose it may warrant being called that." Boredom said.
"Hey, there's a little thing coming." Leggy said upon seeing a weird creature.
"Huh." The others said.
What it was, it could not be seen yet, but it seemed to be both of goat and man.
"Hello, I am Mr. Tumnus." It said, when it had come close enough to talk with the Fools.
"I think you're in the wrong book." Fiona said to him, "How did you get out of the pages of 'The Bitch, the Lion King, and the Dresser?"
(Please take no offense, Narnia fans)
You see, Mr. Tumnus was a Satyr, the upper half of his body was man-like, but the lower part was goat-like.
"Are any of you Lucy?" he asked.
"No." they replied.
"What are you doing here?" Dork asked.
"You know, the usual, luring innocent humans, the sons of Adam, and the daughters of Eve, to my Queen, the White Bitch."
"Oh, well, in that case, I think you had better just keep moving." Arrogant said, pulling out his sword.
"Forgive me for being inquisitive. But are you sons of Adam?" he asked Arrogant and Boredom.
"We're not brothers! Ew! I am son of Self-Assured." Arrogant replied, stepping away from Boredom.
"I am son of Detour." Boredom also put in.
"Oh, okay, ciao then." Mr. Tumnus replied, leaving.
"Next time, the cameo a character from another book had better be funnier, author." Fiona said.
"Sorry." Drew L. answered.
TO BE CONTINUED.
NEXT CHAPTER: THE SEPARATING OF IDIOTS
Please pardon me for having this be such a short chapter.
