Chapter 7
He awoke with a start, the strange dream already fading away. He was warm and there were arms around him. He turned his head and saw the girl. He looked the other way and there was a blonde boy. "Winnie, Nips," he whispered. That wasn't quite right, so he tried harder. "Wendy, Nibs."
"Good morning, Peter," the girl murmured softly, raising up a bit to look at him. "I'm glad you remember us."
"Where?" he asked, looking around the dim room at the other sleeping children. A single lantern hung from the ceiling, giving light to those who were afraid of the dark.
"The brig, but the door's not locked," Nibs mumbled, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "How do you feel?"
Peter frowned, repeating the boy's words to himself until he understood. "Fuzzy." He touched his heart and sighed, "Gone."
Wendy hugged him tightly. "Yes, we all feel it. Empty and sad, all the time. It gets better, if you hold on to someone. Everything isn't so hopeless anymore, and we can laugh now." She glanced worriedly at John, lying next to Twins. Except him. Even playing in the paint, he only smiled a bit. But he whispered to me… that's something at least.
Peter put his arm around Wendy, hugging her back. He looked at Nibs, "You hurt?"
The boy nodded and joined in the hug. After awhile they lay back down, spooned together with Peter in the middle, Wendy's back to Peter's front, Nib's front to Peter's back, arms tight around each other. They whispered softly until they dropped off to sleep once more.
The next morning, Hook was on his way to the brig to collect Peter when he was brought up short by a noise. He paused, frowning, and peered into the common room. All the other men were at breakfast, but Slightly and Billy still lay on a pallet. Hook knew that sometimes, if Slightly had a nightmare, he and Billy would share a pallet. What he saw now made him decide that practice was going to stop.
Slightly lay on his back, Billy bent over him, kissing the boy in a way that was not brotherly. Shaking his head in irritation and trying to not get flustered or angry, Hook strode into the room. He nearly lost it when he saw where Billy's hand was going. And, unfortunately for both boys, they were too engrossed in each other to notice the very large, very irate captain approaching.
"Tell me, Mr. Jukes," Hook growled, smiling in grim satisfaction when he saw the boy's jump in alarm and break apart, "is there a reason you are molesting that boy?"
Billy's mouth just opened and closed several times as he tried to find his voice. "C-C-Cap'n?" he stuttered. He was a very pale shade of grey.
"Tell me why I shouldn't have you flogged for molesting Mr. Slightly?" Hook growled. "You are a member of my crew, and I've considered you a young man for quite awhile. He is a boy." Advancing on the shaking gunner, he lifted the boy and glared at him menacingly. He heard a gasp and glanced over at Slightly, and the sight of the boy made his anger vanish like smoke. The blonde boy was pale, and there was stark terror in his eyes as he backed away, pressing himself against the wall. Hook set Billy down and turned to the other boy, "Slightly?" he called, a bit alarmed. Slightly screamed and ran, nearly knocking Mullins down as the man entered the cabin.
Hook took a deep breath, cursing himself for handling this badly. Of course he's still afraid of me… they all still are. They've been warming up because they haven't seen me angry. He looked at Billy, frowning. "Slightly, you, and I will have a talk later. Go find him, and calm him down. I'm not going to hurt either of you over this."
Billy glanced at Mullins and hung his head. "Aye, Cap'n. I'll find 'em." Without looking at the other pirate, he ran to the crow's nest, where he knew Slightly was most likely to have hidden.
"Cap'n?" Mullins asked, not liking the look on Billy's face, and more than a little concerned about Slightly. "What happened?"
Hook shook his head. "If Mr. Jukes wishes to discuss it with you, that's his prerogative. Now, come help me wake the boys."
When they got to the brig, Nibs, Peter, and Wendy were still spooned together, though, as usual, Nibs was already awake. "Were there any problems with Peter?" Hook asked softly, wanting to ascertain the situation before he woke the children.
Nibs raised his head a bit, but kept his arm around Peter. "No, sir. Peter woke up and he actually talked to us," he couldn't suppress his smile. "But he had a bad dream later, and he's been crying in his sleep a lot."
"If you didn't sleep well, you and Wendy may remain in bed awhile longer," Hook offered. "Since we're anchored, there's not as much to do right now."
"I'm fine," Nibs replied, finally sitting up and stretching. "I'll get everyone up and send them to breakfast."
"Let me take Peter first," Hook told him, stepping into the cell. As carefully as he could, he lifted the boy away from Wendy, but he still managed to wake her. Wendy startled at being awakened, but she managed to stifle her cry. "My apologies, Wendy. I was trying to be careful."
Wendy nodded and glanced at Peter. "He's awake, too."
Hook looked down and saw Peter's eyes were open, his expression blank. Hook snapped his fingers, but Peter didn't even blink. "He's regressed. Give him time and I'm sure he'll come back to stay soon." Hook stood, holding Peter in one arm and helping Wendy to stand with his free hand. "Breakfast is ready, my dear, please wake the others and go eat."
"Yes, Captain," Wendy and Nibs chimed softly, taking another long look at Peter, then at each other, before beginning their rounds of waking the boys.
Hook took the boy back to the cabin, catching a glimpse of Billy and Slightly along the way. The two boys were standing beside the mast, hugging, and Slightly's face was red from crying. When the blonde saw Hook carrying Peter, he buried his face in Billy's shoulder but he didn't run away. Yes, I need to talk to both of them.
Once in his cabin, he tried unsuccessfully to get Peter to eat. The third time Peter let the porridge dribble out of his mouth instead of swallowing, Hook felt his patience slip several notches. "What is wrong with you?" he growled. "You spoke last night!" He put the bowl aside and tried to calm as he wiped the food off of Peter's face. Frustration overwhelmed him and he fought the urge to shake the child, to slap him and try to knock him back into his senses.
Fearing he'd lose control for a second time today, Hook decided to let Smee feed Peter when he came in. He went to his harpsichord and began to play, letting the music soothe his frayed nerves. Playing with his hook had always highlighted what Peter Pan had taken from him. Playing now showed him how much he'd regained, and he once again thanked whatever power had granted him this.
He played for a few minutes before Peter settled on the bench beside him. The music called to the boy, helping him focus on something and yet still hide from the pain. He watched in fascination as the man's hands flowed across the keyboard, giggling a bit in happiness. Hesitantly, he put his hand out and pressed a key, jerking back at the discord it struck with Hook's music.
Hook smiled and changed tunes, playing a simple one-handed ditty, letting Peter watch what keys he pressed. Peter randomly pecked a few keys, laughing at the game. He watched intently, finding the pattern and making his hand mimic it.
"Close," Hook said softly, using his other hand to reposition Peter's hand on the keyboard. "Start with C." He kept playing and laughed with Peter when they played in time, Peter mimicking the ditty flawlessly. Letting the boy play alone, Hook idly contemplated if he could perhaps teach the boy to play something more complicated. Peter ran through the song twice more, then his fingers faltered and his head bowed. Balling up both hands into fists, Peter slammed them into the keyboard.
"Why?" the boy asked softly.
Hook tilted Peter's chin up and saw that awareness had returned for now. "Why what, child?"
Peter stared at the man in confusion, grasping for the words that danced in his mind. "Why… here?" He heard the tiny voice whispering to him, helping him find the words he needed, helping him focus. "I died."
Nodding, Hook replied, "Yes, but you live now."
Peter frowned, the ideas conflicting in his mind. "But… you killed me. Blood… my blood… everywhere."
Hook paused a moment, then nodded his head again. "Yes, I killed you. Now I take care of you."
Peter shook his head, tears of frustration welling up. "Hard… to think,"he grasped at the air with his hands, trying to capture the faint girl that floated there.
Hook knelt on the floor so he could look Peter in the eyes. "Focus on me. Concentrate. Tell me how to help you."
"Why?" Peter moaned, "Why am I here?" he felt the ache in his heart, and it hurt so much he could barely stand it.
"I don't know," Hook brushed away a tear that trickled down Peter's cheek. "You came back, my hand came back. Even after all these weeks, I still don't know what happened."
"Weeks?" Peter echoed, stirrings of alarm rising in him. "Where was I?"
"I don't know, but you're back now. You were too hurt, I think, to keep your sanity." Hook pulled out a handkerchief and continued to wipe Peter's face. "But now you've had enough time, you can face it now."
Peter nodded as more tears fell. "It hurts. I want Wendy! Where's Tink? She's hiding from me!" He began to wail as he looked around, trying to find the small pixie he'd almost seen earlier. "Tink! I wanna go home!"
Hook pulled the boy to him, ignoring the feeble resistance Peter put up. "You can't go home. I'd carry you myself if you could. Neverland is gone, Peter, and so is Tinker Bell."
"I know," Peter moaned. "Everything's gone… it hurts! Why can't I stay dead?" He shook and clutched Hook's coat tightly, desperately holding to something, anything. "If I was dead, maybe I could go home."
"This is home now, Peter," Hook said, pausing at Peter's strangled scream, then continued. "For as long as you want it to be, this is home. When we find civilization, any of you that wish to stay may do so. The rest I will find homes for, mothers and fathers to adopt you."
Peter continued to cry, wishing he could fall back into the nothingness that had kept him safe until now. But the oblivion eluded him. After awhile he calmed and hung his head in defeat. "You won. You got your hand back and you've taken everything from me." He closed his eyes tightly. "I wish I'd stayed dead."
Not knowing what else to say or do, Hook sat still and held Peter.
