Chapter 9

Hook sat at his desk and stared at Billy and Slightly, who were seated across from him.  After a few thoughtful moments, he turned his attention to the dark boy and asked, "How far have the two of you gone?"

"Gone?" Slightly repeated blankly.  "Gone where?"

Billy snickered and Hook frowned at them both.  "Have you had sex?"

"Sex?" Slightly repeated again, blinking.  "Is that like having cake or something to eat?"

Billy choked on his laughter, and the utterly confounded look on the Captain's face made it impossible for him to breathe.  Oh, cully, I knew ya were clueless.  I didn't realize you were completely naive.  His laughter stopped suddenly when Hook glared at him.

"So, Mr. Jukes," Hook grated, "You have been taking advantage of an innocent."  Hook wasn't happy with that thought; Billy was too young to know such things himself, much less teach them to a Lost Boy.

Billy gasped in shock, and then his eyes narrowed in anger at Hook.  "I'd never hurt Slightly!  We've kissed and touched and that's it."

"I kissed Billy first," Slightly interjected, taking up for his friend.

Hook nodded at Slightly, but kept most of his attention on Jukes.  "Hurt, Billy?" he echoed the boy's words, concerned by Jukes's choice in using them.  "I never said anything about hurting him."

"Sex hurts," Billy said sullenly, "I don't wanna hurt him.  Just touching is nice, it makes the emptiness inside go away for a little while.  And I always ask him before I do anything."

"Billy, have you ever had sex?" Hook pressed.  Surely Mullins would have warned me… unless he is the one…  He felt cold anger bloom in his gut when his gunner nodded without meeting his eyes.  "Who?" Hook asked, his tone steely.  "One of my crew?"

"No!" Billy jumped.  "No way.  Robert would castrate 'em!"  He still wouldn't meet Hook's eyes, but he smiled a bit when Slightly reached over to take his hand.  "My old ship's quartermaster caught me alone in a cargo hold once.  I don't remember much, 'cept that he nearly killed me and that it was the worst pain I ever felt in my life… even getting lashed didn't hurt so much."

Slightly stared at Billy in shock.  He didn't know what that man had done to Billy, but he did understand that Billy had almost died.  The pain in his friend's face alarmed him.

"May I assume the cur was punished for this?" Hook asked, his voice shaking in fury.

Billy nodded.  "The ship's surgeon save me, told the Cap'n what had happened to me.  When I woke up, I told 'em who did it and they keel-hauled him to death."

"Good," Hook answered, his anger abating a bit.  "Now, why did Mullins keep this from me?"

"I never told 'em," Billy scuffed the floor with his shoe.  "I wanted to tell him, but I'm scared he'll hate me.  Robert thinks that when two men have sex, they're evil.  I don't want him to hate me; until Slightly, he was the only friend I had."

Hook nodded.  "You should tell him, Billy.  Having someone that understands to talk to will help you.  He won't hate you, I promise.  Mullins may be an ignorant, superstitious lummox, but he'd never blame you for what happened.  You were raped, Billy, and it wasn't your fault."  Billy began crying, shaking his head, and Hook gestured to Slightly that it was okay to comfort his friend.  The blonde nodded and hugged Billy, and after a few minutes the gunner had calmed himself sufficiently. 

"If you don't tell him, I will," Hook told Jukes.  "I made it his duty to be your guardian, Billy, when he decided to take up for you your first days aboard."  When Jukes hunched his shoulders and shook his head, Hook continued, "I won't tell him about you and Slightly, but he needs to know what happened to you on your old ship."

Billy sighed and looked up.  "I know.  I just can't tell him, I get scared and embarrassed, and I can't talk.  I've tried before."  The boy felt reassured by the strange look Hook gave him, and it only served to reinforce how vastly different this man was from the pirate that had killed Peter Pan.  We're all different. 

"Alright, then." Hook decided, feeling more dread added to the large quantity that constantly gnawed at him.  The prospect of telling Robert Mullins that his charge had been molested was not appealing, but if Billy was right and the pirate did react badly to the news, Hook knew he could beat some sense into the man.  I always have enjoyed giving that damned American an attitude adjustment.  He focused his attention on Slightly.  "What exactly have you and Jukes done together?"

Blushing furiously and stuttering, Slightly explained.  When he was done, Hook felt his insides unknot and relief flooded through him.  They'd kissed and done mild petting so far, just experimentation really.  "That's as far as it needs to go.  If the two of you decide you want this close friendship to become a sexual relationship, you'd both better be a good three or four years older.  Jukes, if you don't want Mullins to know, you'd do well to not fondle each other in the common rooms.  If I hadn't caught you this morning, Mullins would have."  Billy paled and nodded.  "The two of you will not share a hammock or a pallet again.  If I catch you even holding hands on duty, you won't see each other for a week.  Off duty is your own time, but I forbid you to have sex.  If you decide its something you want to do, I strongly urge you to come speak with me first.  It'll save you both confinement and beatings."

"Now," Hook took a breath.  "Billy, I know that man hurt you, but sex isn't supposed to hurt."

Billy shrugged.  "I know all about sex with a woman, the crew talk about that all the time.  But when I asked about sex with a man, they looked at me funny and then started making awful jokes."

"I'll save you both some pain and explain…" Hook frowned as he registered what Billy had said.  "What have you heard about sex, boy?"

Billy grinned mischievously, relieved that the conversation was no longer focused on his terrible experience.  He'd managed a long time ago to put it behind him and bury the memory, and aside from a few nightmares he had been successful.   Knowing that Slightly was in for a revelation and guessing Hook's reaction to what he was going to say, his grin widened and he proceeded to elaborate.

Peter jumped when the door to Hook's cabin flew open and the two boys ran out, giggling.  Hook's voice roared from within, calling for Mason, Mullins and Starkey to get inside.  As soon as the adults on deck were gone, Nibs looked at the two laughing boys.

"What did you do?" he asked accusingly, but his eyes held a glint of laughter.

Peter leaned forward, "Yeah, what did you do to old Codfish?"

Everyone glanced at Peter in surprise, smiling when they saw how his eyes glittered.  Billy couldn't stop giggling, so Slightly spoke up.

"Billy slightly embarrassed the Captain by knowing too much about something that's a secret."

"Secret?" Peter echoed, his interest burning hot.

Slightly faltered and looked at the other children on deck.  He'd never felt more unlike them than he did right now.  "It's slightly a grown-up secret, and if you hear it you're ten steps closing to being a grown-up too."

Peter and the other boys backed up in alarm.  "I'm sorry," Peter whispered, seeing the blonde boy in a new way.  Sadness filled him and the ache welled up again.  "I'm so sorry Slightly, its all my fault."  He began to shake as his memory tickled him, and the images filled him with guilt and pain.  "I should'a stayed dead… but Hook was going to kill you and I was scared, and I pulled and pulled and I hurt you all and I'm sorry…" he began to babble as the void loomed closer.  He became hysterical, his words turning to a garbled mixture of human and fairy made indecipherable by his sobs.  Reality blurred as colors and sounds began to twist around him, and he tried to scream for help.

Slightly and Nibs knelt before Peter in alarm.  Their friend had gone strangely silent, but his mouth continued to move in speech.  His eyes were glazing over and his skin had gone cold. 

"Peter!" Slightly called, grabbing the boy by the arms.  "Wake up, Peter!  It's not your fault, its Hook's fault."

Nibs took one of Peter's hands and held it tightly.  "Peter, what's wrong?  Please don't leave us again!"

"We need you, Peter.  I need you," Slightly continued.  "I'm not a grown-up yet!"

Slowly, the world calmed and the void receded.  Peter blinked and saw Nibs and Slightly there, his oldest friends, and beyond them he saw the other children were crowded close.  "You need me?" he whispered, responding to the two boys whispered reassurances to him.  He reached out to them, and Slightly enveloped him in a hug, pulling him from the chair to sit in his lap.  Nibs joined in the hug, his arms surrounding both boys.  Surprisingly, Billy joined in next and was soon followed by all the children on deck.  They sat still and quiet together, just showing one another their love and receiving the comforted they needed.  No matter what had been taken from them, they still had each other.

A few minutes later, Mason and Starkey came out on deck, flushed from being chewed out by Hook for telling bawdy tales in the presence of Billy Jukes.  They'd been told in no gentle terms that if any other child overheard their stories, they'd be scraping barnacles off the ship with their backsides. 

When the two pirates saw the quiet group-hug on deck, they stopped and stared in confusion.  They could hear Peter crying in the middle of the huddle, and they realized with alarm that the boy had been left unsupervised.  Knowing all too well how touchy the children were, they opted to stand aside and let the kids break apart on their own. 

Several more minutes passed and a very red-faced Mullins stormed out on deck.  "Billy!" he called angrily, wanting to straighten things out between himself and the boy.  It hurt him to know that Billy had kept such a secret from him, and that the boy mistrusted him so much that he'd been afraid to tell him.  He looked up when Starkey hissed at him to be silent, and he saw the strange scene on the deck.  He watched for a moment, then turned around and stuck his head in the doorway of the cabin.  "Cap'n Hook?  Something on deck ya should see."

"Boys?" Hook called when he observed the group-hug.  At his call, the children seemed to shake themselves, and then they began to break the embrace one at a time.  The last left were Slightly and Peter, and the blonde boy looked at Hook in desperation.  Peter's arms were still locked around him and he didn't know if he should let go.

"Peter says this is all his fault," Nibs explained.  "He blames himself for Slightly growing up and he says he didn't mean to hurt us."

Hook went to the two boys and checked on Peter.  The youth looked at him and his eyes were aware, but tired and sad.  "Let me go, Captain," he asked softly.

Hook pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the shackles on the boy's feet.  Peter sighed and closed his eyes.  His body relaxed and he lay limply in Slightly's arms.

"Let me have him," Hook ordered as he pulled Peter from Slightly.

"What's wrong with him?" Nibs asked.

"I'll let you know when I find out," Hook promised, then carried Peter to his cabin.