Chapter 11

Peter stood by the railing, staring at the island.  They'd been moored by it for a couple of weeks while Mason made repairs and the men gathered supplies.  Hook had told him that when Neverland disappeared, a lot of the things they needed had disappeared off the ship, too.  Idly, Peter wondered what was on the island, if there were wild, man-eating beasts, or perhaps some fairies.  Hook had only allowed the grown-ups to go ashore, saying that they had too much work to do to baby-sit them. 

"See anything interesting?" Hook asked as he walked up behind Peter.

"Everything," Peter replied, not looking at his murderer.  That was a difficult concept, knowing that Hook had killed him.  It helped that he knew the man had changed, and had helped bring him back to sanity.  My killer and my savior, he mused.  He knew Hook would never intentionally hurt him now, knew it instinctively.  He didn't understand why, but he understood so little of his whys that he didn't fret over it much anymore.  He nodded at the island, "I want to be there.  I'm sick of the ship."

"If I were to send any of you ashore, it would be to gather stores, not to play," Hook warned. 

"That would be better than salting and drying meat and making preserves.  And it would be better than mending nets and swabbing the deck," Peter countered.

Hook chuckled and put his hand on the boy's shoulder.  Peter frowned, realizing that it was the restored hand and shrugged it off.  It was too creepy.

Hook ignored the slight.  "It's nice holding a conversation with you, Peter.  Even though it was limited to threats and insults, you were the only one in Neverland I could hold an intelligent conversation with.  After the incident, your eloquence was limited to "fire hot" and "shiny"."

"And 'Hook hurt Peter'," the boy said softly.

"Actually," Hook said, chuckling a bit as he leaned on the railing next to the boy, "you called yourself Peedur.  Have you started remembering more from that time?"

"No, its still just pieces.  What was I like?  None of the others like to talk about it."

Hook took a long look at Peter, then stared out over the island.  "Well, you were happier than you are now.  Little things amused you, especially things that sparkled or were colorful.  You didn't understand us when we spoke, but if I had an edge to my voice you'd become hysterical.  You clung to Smee a lot."  He glanced to the side at a movement Peter made and saw the boy was wiping at a small smudge on his hand.  "You developed a phobia of having dirty hands.  And of the color red."  

"I always remembered seeing blood everywhere, especially on my hands.  Its not as bad now, but every once in a while its like I'm reliving it, feeling you cutting me, feeling my life flow away."  Peter shuddered and Hook put his hand on the boy's shoulder again.  This time Peter stepped closer to the man, taking comfort from the reassurance.  "It didn't hurt so much, not really… dying just shouldn't happen to a person more than once."  There was a commotion behind them, and the two glanced back to see Nibs and Curly talking and laughing.  Peter shook his head sadly.  "They don't like me anymore."

"Of course they do," Hook chided.

"Wendy and Nibs do, but the others are further away.  Michael's afraid of me.  Curly and John avoid me if they can.  Slightly's not a Lost Boy anymore…"  Peter choked back a sob on that one, feeling a flush of guilt even though he didn't know why.  "Tootles is more himself than anyone else.  Twins just stare at me like I'm a freak."

"Its been difficult for all of you.  You've changed too.  Give it more time, all of you are getting better.  Trust me, I been watching you for weeks now and I can see it."

"You've changed, too," Peter added.  He stared at the island again and lost himself in his thoughts.  "I wish this was Neverland.  If I close my eyes, I can see it.  Smokey top would be over there," he gestured, closing his eyes.  "Mermaid's lagoon there – they'd be swimming there right now, laughing and singing.  You could always see the smoke from the Indian village..."

Hook and the rest of the people on deck stared in shock while Peter spoke.  Faint shimmerings appeared around the island, and the ghostly images of what Peter described could plainly be seen.  The children felt something stir within their hearts, feeling joy and hope and faith for the first time since that terrible day.  Hook started when heard Tinker Bell's voice.

"You're doing it, Peter!  Keep trying, make us real again!"

"… and the croc always patrolled your ship in case you went ashore."  Peter paused as Tink's encouragements and a faint ticking registered in his mind.  He shook himself and the images faded away.  "I – I thought for a moment I could hear Tink," he said softly. 

"Neverland was back, Peter," Nibs said in amazement.

"We could see it and feel it," Wendy added softly.  "The hole inside got smaller and warmer… but its gone again."  Wendy hugged herself and stepped closer.  "Peter, please," she whispered, "bring Neverland back!"

The other children took up the cry and crowded around Peter, backing him against the railing.  The boy looked at them in panic, alarmed by the desperate need in their eyes.  "I – I don't know how…"

"Try, Peter," Nibs urged.  "You can do it.  You can do anything, Peter.  You can even beat death."

Peter shook his head, knowing the others didn't understand.  A heavy hand settled on his shoulder and Hook called for the children to be silent.  "Try Peter," he told the boy.  "You were describing the island, imagining it.  Do it again."

Peter turned back and stared at the shore.  He tried to do what they wanted, to see Neverland again instead of this island.  For many long minutes he tried, but nothing happened.  Growling in frustration, he spun to glare at the other children.  "I CAN'T!  Leave me alone!"  He pushed through the group and ran to the Captain's cabin, seeking privacy from their hungry, desperate eyes. 

Hook followed him, worried and needing answers to his questions.  Peter flung open the doors and saw John was inside the room, pointing Hook's pistol at his own head.  Their sudden entrance startled him and he jerked as he pulled the trigger.  As the roar of the gun faded, John crumpled to the floor.

"NO!" Peter screamed in horror and ran to his fallen friend.

Hook had heard the gunshot, everyone on the ship heard it.  He took one glance at the child lying in a pool of blood on his floor and spun around in the doorway, glaring at the men as he tried to hide his shock.  "I want all the children in the brig.  NOW!  Slightly too!  And I want the door locked!  Smee, Starkey, get in here!"

Peter sat by John and pulled the boy into his lap, cradling his head with one arm and pressing his other hand to the gushing wound on his head.  John's eyes were closed and his skin was pale, but he still drew shallow breaths.

"No, John, please," Peter cried, "You can't die."

"Let me see him," Hook ordered as he sat facing Peter.  The boy stared at him, trying to understand, but he couldn't get past the thought that John was hurt.  Hook saw the shock in Peter's face and gently pulled John to him.  Peter didn't resist, he just sat and stared at the blood covering his friend's face.

"Peter!" Hook called as he inspected the wound.  Peter jumped and blinked, some of the awareness returning to him.  "Go to the brig.  Wash your hands first, then go to the brig."  I don't have time to help you if you relapse; please be strong.

Smee and Starkey entered the cabin.  They took one look at Hook holding John, the pistol lying nearby, the blood, and quickly went to assist the Captain.  They brought cloths and water, and helped staunch the bleeding.

Peter sat and stared, his thoughts in chaos.  Blood… blood on the floor… blood on his hand.  Unheeded, the ever present void rushed upon him.  A voice cut through the confusion, holding the void at bay.  It steadied him, and he looked up to see his oldest, dearest friend hovering before him, her body more solid than ever and her glow bright.  "Tinker Bell?" he called in wonder.

"Do what Captain Hook said.  Go to the brig, Peter," she urged him.

"Help John, Tink," Peter pleaded.

"I can't.  You're the one with the power, Peter, but if you use it again you'll hurt yourself."

"Again?" Peter frowned.  "When?"  He felt something welling up inside him, something that had been there before his world went wrong.

Tink looked at him sadly, then back at John.  Quickly and quietly, Tinker Bell explained.  As she spoke, the void fell away completely and Peter remembered.  He remembered that act of desperation, and understood how it had affected everyone on this ship.  How it had affected Neverland.

"It's my fault," Peter whispered.  "John hurt himself because of me.  I hurt everyone, its all my fault."

"It could have been done better, but you were dying.  You didn't have time to think about it, and if you'd tried to be careful, you wouldn't have had time to do it.  You'll recover, all of them will, and one day you'll find us again."

"I have to help John."

Tink nodded, "I know.  But let Hook try first.  Don't do it unless there's no choice, Peter.  You could burn yourself out forever if you aren't careful."

Peter nodded.  "I've missed you, Tink."

"I've missed you too, Peter.  But I'm always here, even if you don't see me.  And I love you."  She faded away and was gone.

"I love you too, Tink," Peter whispered.  He sat quietly and waited, absently rubbing at the blood on his hands.

Author's note:  Don't be alarmed if you find yourself a bit confused trying to figure out what it was that Peter did.  I left the conversation between Tink and Peter vague deliberately, cause I am an evil bisatch and wanna keep you guessing…. No, actually, it'll all come out when it gets explained to Hook in the next chapters, I just only wanna have to go through it once.