CHAPTER 2:
Strike Up The Band

(Scene #7: Morning, at The Galbadia
Hotel. We see Selphie and Quistis
snoozing it off when the Trabian awakes
before nudging her teacher friend.)

Selphie: Get up, Quisty. We've got to get started.

Quistis (drowsily): Uh, class is in session, my
beloved Trepies......(shakes awake) Is it
morning already?

Selphie: Does Omega WEAPON possess
1,161,000 hit points? Let's go.

(Meanwhile, outside the hotel, Seifer, Rajin,
Fujin and a squad of Galbadian soldiers arrive.)

Seifer: I figured those girly girlies would be here.
Y' know that was some nerve of Selphie, her an'
that fake address card bit, which led to that
Fisherman's Horizon train station!! That @%#$&*^
Selphie Tilmitt!!

Raijin: Let's bop 'em in 'da beezlebutt, 'y know.

Fujin: JUSTICE.

Seifer: Onward to victory!!

(But even while Seifer & co. enter the hotel,
across the street, in his alley is Vincent. In
one hand is a radio control unit, with a red
push button marked DETONATE. Inside the
hotel, Seifer's bunch stop before Selphie
and Quistis' hotel room door and Seifer
pounds on it.)

Seifer: Come on outa here, you SeeD
bimbos!! In the name of The
Galbadian Army, we got the drop on you!!

Selphie: That sucks....

Quistis: I got a feelin' the bottom's likely
to drop out next.

(At that moment, Vincent pushes the
DETONATE button--and The Galbadia
Hotel explodes. That done, he hightails
it down the alley. All that remains of
the hotel, is a pile of bricks, which
Selphie and Quistis crawl out from.)

Selphie: You HAD to say that, didn't
you....?!?

Quistis: Big deal. Let's make like a
drum an' beat it.

(The SeeDs hightail it out before Seifer
and co. crawl out.)

Seifer: What hit me?

Raijin: Maybe it was Sorceress Ultimecia,
'y know.

Fujin: RAGE!!

(Fujin starts to kick Raijin, but loses
her balance and falls on the bricks.)

Fujin: PAIN!!

(Scene #8: Winhill. With Henry Mancini's
Peter Gunn playing in the background,
Selphie and Quistis arrive at the home
that once belonged to Laguna and Raine.
A woman opens the door and greets the
gals.)

Woman: What can I do for you?

Selphie: Have you seen a group of SeeDs
from Balamb Garden, under the leadership
of one Irvine Kinneas?

Woman: Why, yes, they used to room and
board here on occasion; they just moved out
to Timber. Here's their card. (gives Selphie
a business card) What's up, you Galbadian
repo officers?

Selphie: No, we're SeeDs ourselves.

Quistis: We're on a mission from Hyne.

(After parting with the woman, Selphie
reads from the card.)

Selphie (reading the card): "Irvine's Local
Pub Combo. Ladies entertained free." (sighs)
Some things never change.

Quistis: Next stop, Timber.

(Scene #9: The pub in Timber. Selphie and Quistis
enter just as Irvine and his group finish up, a belching
Rinoa using an organ and drum machine combo, Irvine
playing his electric guitar, Ellone on trombone, Edea on
sax and Cid on trumpet. From there, the said Irvine
steps to the mike.)

Irvine: Thaaaank you s-o much, folks. We'll take a break
an' we'll play our version of the classic tune Sunrise, Sunset
as well as Melencholy Baby for any laaaaaadies willin' to
spend their time with me. Be right back.

Rinoa (belching): BURRRRRRRRRRP!! 'Scuze me.

Ellone: Gesundheit.

(Irvine turns on a boombox, and it plays a real tacky,
cheesy muzak version of Eyes On Me. From there,
his group sets down to a table with the SeeD gals.)

Irvine: Well, Selphie, an' bossy Quisty, long time no see.

Edea: I didn't think you'd get paroled so soon. How's
the food there at D-District?

Quistis: Just stay away from that pepper steak.

Ellone: Pepper steak? That sucks.

Cid: By the by, what 's on your mind?

Selphie: Just the fact we're puttin' the band
back together. You jokers were the backbone
of The Blues SeeDs.

Rinoa: You're out of your minds. You gals owe
everyone here money.

Quistis: I already did--it's why I wound up in
The D-District Prison in the first place--when
I paid you my tax money that was supposed
to be earmarked for The GRS.

Irvine: So? You owe me and the others more
money for puttin' The Blues SeeDs back
together. An' besides, can't you see Squall an'
Zell ain't here?

Selphie: No wonder those two ain't here.

Edea: Squall is now the new head waiter at
The Supreme Elegant Restraunt in Dollet;
it's doubtful he'll be willing to part from his
high paying work.

Quistis: I thought a SeeD salary was even
higher.

Ellone: Zell, on the other hand, is helping
his mom, Ma Dincht at The Balamb Diner,
an' there ain't no way she'll allow her
SeeD son to get back to his electric
guitar.

Selphie: Well it beats playin' Sunrise,
Sunset without end. Not to mention
Melencholy Baby.

Quistis: 'Sides, we're on a mission from
Hyne.

Irvine: From HYNE?!?

(Irvine and co. instantly jump up to their feet.)

Irvine, Cid, Edea, Ellone & Rinoa: WHERE
DO WE SIGN?!?

Selphie: I knew you'd see it our way.

Rinoa: BURRRRRRRRP!!

Cid: How rude!! You should take something
for your belching habit.

Rinoa: What'll you give me?

(Scene #10: Dollet, at night, inside
The Supreme Elegant Restraunt. We
see Squall, in the fanciest tuxedo, taking
reservations on the phone, just as Quistis
and Selphie enter.)

Squall: Ok, we'll book you as soon as possible.
(sees Quistis and Selphie) Well....!! You sure got
out of jail in a thrice, Instructor.

Quistis: Yup. Listen, what sort of eats you got
here in the joint? I've had it with pepper
steak.

Selphie: Ditto.

Squall (flustered and stammering): Listen, you
two, you're in a high caliber, if not costly
place. You don't.....!!

Selphie: It's OK, we're SeeDs. (She and Quistis
push their way to a table in the center of the
main banquet hall and set themselves down.)

Squall: Hey, you can't do that!! I mean the place
is loaded with sky high priced food here!! You
want me in a lawsuit with Square?!?

Quistis: Rinoa was right--you're a meanie.
Hey, Garcon!! (pause) HEY!! GED OVER HERE!!!!

(Groups of waiters run to Quistis and Selphie's
table, to the chagrin of Squall and the other diners.)

Selphie: Les see--four Shrimp Louies, four tacos,
two plates of nachos....

Quistis: ....two hot dogs and a bottle of Esthar
Moonwind champagne.

Squall: ESTHAR MOONWIND??!!?? That stuff costs
a FORTUNE!!!!

Selphie: So what else is new? Listen, we're puttin'
the band back together.

Squall: As in The Blues SeeDs? I knew it!!

Quistis: That ain't all--we're recruitin' Zell next.

Squall: Whatever.......

(The waiters come back, bringing the food, and
the SeeD gals waste no time in making pigs of
themselves, belching and cramming their gullets,
to the annoyance of the other diners.)

Squall (testy and annoyed): What're you tryin' to
do, get me in heat with The Dollet Dukedom?!?

Quistis: Don't be a killjoy, we need you for our
band!!

Selphie: We're on a mission from Hyne.

(Near Selphie and Quistis' table, is a table
featuring the following FF7 characters--
Cloud, Aeris, Tifa, Zack, Yuffie and Reno.
Right now, Cloud taps Squall's arm for his
attention.)

Squall: What?

Cloud: Listen, could you seek out a table
away from those bimbos? They're ruinin'
our meal.

Aeris: They're violatin' every rule written
by Emily Post.

Tifa: They're makin' pigs of themselves.

Zack: They got better food than we do.

Yuffie: They're runnin' up a sky high bill.

Reno: An' worst of all, they dress in
better suits than me an' The Turks.

Squall: Whatever....I'll see what I can
do.

(Just then, Quistis slaps Zack on the
shoulder.)

Quistis: Hey you--how much for the
brunette sweetie babe?

Zack: You're nuts!!

Tifa: Chee, I didn't think I had any
female admirers.

Cloud: HEY, WAITER!! Where's the
next table?!?

(Squall runs up.)

Squall (way beyond agitated): Stop
it now, you two!! SCRAM!!

Quistis: We got to put the band
back together!!

Selphie: An' if you don't join up,
we'll be comin' here each night an'
drive you nuts.

Squall: Just like 'ol Rinoa sayin'
"concert, concert, concert." (sighs)
You win. Just don't do any Animal
House impressions next time. By
the by.....is Rinoa still belching?

Quistis: What do you think?

Selphie: WHOO-HOO!! One more
to go. (to Squall) Just put it all
on Square's bill.

Squall: Whatever.........

(With that in mind, the gals finish
their meal and hightail it out.)

(Scene #11: Balamb, morning. Quistis
and Selphie enter The Balamb Diner
and seat themselves at the counter just
as Ma Dincht shows up.)

Ma Dincht: Well, it seems we've got
some well to do women here. What
chuu want?

Selphie: Got any nachos an' Trabia
Diet Cola?

Ma Dincht: Sure.

Selphie: I'll take four nacho dishes
an' a Trabia Diet Cola.

Ma Dincht: O-kay. (to Quistis) You?

Quistis: Got any hot dogs?

Ma Dincht: The best hot dogs in Balamb.
Guess my son ain't the only one.
Anything else?

Quistis: Four chili dogs and Esthar
Diet Cola.

Ma Dincht: Hang on.

(From there, Ma Dincht enters the kitchen
where Zell is at a stove.)

Zell: 'S up, Ma?

Ma Dincht: We got a couple of zany women.
The first one wants four nacho dishes and a
Trabia Diet Cola....

Zell: Selphie.....!!

Ma Dincht:....and the other wants four
chili dogs and a Esthar Diet Cola.

Zell: Quistis!! The Blues SeeDs!!

(Zell exits the kitchen and heads
to Selphie and Quistis.)

Zell: HEY!! 'S up? How's D-District,
Instructor?

Quistis: The pepper steak there is a
nightmare. (pause) Listen, we're
puttin' the band back together.

Zell (frightful): Shhhh!! If my ma hears
that, she'll shred my jockey shorts!! No
court's goin' to convict her!!

Selphie: Hey, don't be a wet blanket, Zellers.
We need you. You're our virtuoso guitarist.
We'll even throw in all the hot dogs you can eat.

(As fate would have it, Ma Dincht walks in.)

Ma Dincht: Sorry but I overheard. There ain't
NO WAY my son is goin' wit no two bit band
an' playin' in them sleazy joints.

Zell: Ah, Ma, you're talkin' 'bout The Blues SeeDs.

Ma Dincht: The Blues SeeDs?!? They still owe you
money.

Selphie: Listen, would you reconsider if we told you
we were on a holy quest?

Ma Dincht: What do you mean?

Quistis: Y' see, we're on a mission from Hyne.

Ma Dincht (almost freaking out): Don't you
blaspheme in here!! Don't you blaspheme
in here!! Listen--that is my son, an' you can
hightail it outa here without your four
nacho dishes and a Trabia Diet Cola an'
your four chili dogs and a Esthar Diet Cola.

Zell: You don't know that, Ma. It could be
our big chance. 'Sides, it could benfit the
diner--an' for the good of Square.

Ma Dincht: Fine--but if that Seifer calls you
Chicken-Wuss, don't come cryin' to me.

Zell: Not when I got my GFs at hand
(to Selphie and Quistis) Let's go!!

Selphie: WHOO-HOO!!

Quistis: Let's rock an' ride!!

(From there, Zell, Selphie and Quistis
exit the diner, Ma Dincht standing in
wonderment.)
.

Ma Dincht: I wonder if they CAN
benefit the diner?
Next: Chapter 3: Of Local Rogues
Galleries & Music Shops