CHAPTER 3
Of Local Rogues Galleries & Music Shops
(Scene #12: At the Balamb docks, Sephiroth,
Rufus, Hojo, Corneo, Kefka, Seymour,
NORG, Adel and Ultimecia, from FF7, 6,
10 and 8 respectively, stage a rally
on the pier, while a crowd of irate
Balambites, held back by a phalanx of
Galbadian soldiers protest.)
Townsperson #1: Ged outa here!!
Townsperson #2: Hey, why don't you
all go back where you came from?!?
The Big Bad Rascal: You all suck!!
Sephiroth: What do we want?
Rufus, Hojo, Corneo, Kefka,
Seymour, NORG, Adel &
Ultimecia: BIG PAY CHECKS!!
Sephiroth: When do we want it?
Rufus, Hojo, Corneo, Kefka,
Seymour, NORG, Adel &
Ultimecia: NOW!!
The Mother Of The Big
Bad Rascal: BOOOOOOOOO!!
You stink!! Ged outa here!!
Seymour: Ah, button your lip,
y' ol' horse!!
(Selphie and Quistis approach the
crowd, stopping before the first
townsperson.)
Quistis: What's happenin' here?
Townsperson #1: It's pathetic--
it seems all of Final Fantasy's
greatest villians won the court
case to run their protest rally
for bigger paychecks from Square.
Selphie: They can't do that!! Come
on, Quisty, let's do somethin' 'bout
that.
Quistis: But how?
Selphie: Follow me.
(Moments later, the rally
continues--until the Ragnarok
swoops out from the sky, sending
the villians and the Galbadian
soldiers into the water, to
the delight of the cheering
crowd.)
Sephiroth: %@#*&^$!! What
in the &^*$#%@ was THAT?!?
NORG: Bujururururu!! IT'S-THOSE-
ESTHARIANS-CRUSIN'-THE-SKIES!!
Adel: Estharians my BUT-TOCKS!!
It's those so called Blues SeeDs
an' their Ragnarok!!
Hojo: There goes the neighborhood.
Rufus: Blues SeeDs?
Ultimecia: Adel means Selphie Tilmitt
and Kwistis Trepe, of Balamb Garden.
Kurse those kukoo bimbos!!
Corneo: Ah, chickies from Garden!!
They'll make great brides for me!!
Hohihi!!
Kefka: Can't you think of anything but
women, you tubba lard?
Seymour: Hey, save one of those
SeeDs for me!! Least one of them
would be better than that dumb Yuna.
Sephiroth: And I say we track them down
so we can kick their butts!! Let's go!!
(Scene #13: Kiros' Music Store, in
Fisherman's Horizon. Selphie, Quistis
and co. enter, eyeing all the instruments.)
Rinoa: Check it out....buuuurrrrrrrrp!!
Squall: Can't you stop belchin' for once?
Zell: I can hardly wait to power my Fender*
Strat through a Hiwatt amp.
Irvine: Make mine a Gibson an' a Soldano amp.
Quistis: I'll stick with a Charvin bass, with a
Ampeg bass amp.
Selphie: WHOO-HOO!! Lay those Sonor drums
with Regal drumsticks with Advis Zildjian an'
Paiste 2002 range cymbals on me!!
Squall: For me and Rinoa, Kurzweil, ARP, Roland,
Yamaha, Korg, PPG, Oberheim, Moog and so forth,
with Carver amplification.
Rinoa: You said it, Squally Poop.
Edea: For me, Cid and Ellone, our choice
for horns must be Selmer.
Ellone & Cid: AAAA-MEN!!
(Just then Kiros arrives on the scene.)
Kiros: If it ain't The Blues SeeDs.
Quistis: Yup--an' if you ask me how
was The D-District Prison, the pepper steak
is a big fat letdown.
Kiros: I wouldn't doubt that--but I WAS goin'
to say that you still owe me 2000 gil.
Selphie: We're still workin' on it!! We promise you,
when we finish you get twice that amount.
Kiros: Where'd I hear that promise before?
Quistis: Trust me, we need those instruments.
We're puttin' the band back together.
Selphie: We're on a mission from Hyne.
Kiros (laughing): From HYNE?!? You
can do better than that. What a half baked
story....!!
(Rinoa is seen playing a few notes on a
nearby synth.)
Kiros: Hey, careful how you play that!! It
costs 120 gil!!
Rinoa: Everyone's a critic.
Squall: Whatever.
Kiros: No, it ain't no whatever, it's a genuine
Yamaha GX1. I'll show you.
(So saying, Kiros starts playing it.)
RIDE A CHOCOBO
Parody of Shake A Tail Feather
Performed by Kiros Seagill
Kiros:
Well I heard 'bout the Chocoboy you met
that day, straight from The Estharian News.
The puzzles were tough at first,
now THAT gave you the blues.
(From there, Selphie, Quistis and their
fellow SeeDs man their instruments and
play along with Kiros.)
Kiros (continued):
But I knew that the Chocowhis would
help you out, an' The Pocketstation's
outa sight
an' with Uematsu sama playin' his guitar,
we can ride your new Chocobo right
Selphie & Quistis:
Uh huh....
Kiros:
Ride it right....
Selphie & Quistis:
Uh huh....
Kiros:
Ride it right....
Ride it right.......OH......!!
All:
Ride on!!
Let's ride on down to
Trabia Garden!!
Where we'll meet Selphie's friend,
an' we'll get cheesecake,
an' play Triple Triad.
Ride on, Squall, lemme see you
ride a Chocobo,
ride on, Squall, lemme see you ride
a Chocobo,
ride on, Squall, lemme see you ride
a Chocobo!!
AH....!!
Kiros:
Come on!!
Come on, S. L.!!
Do the Mog!!
Now do the Grat.
Now do the NORG
An' do the Bomb
Oh, do the Moomba.
Ha, ha, the Cactuar.
The WEAPON,
an' what 'bout the
Forbidden?
Do the Mobile Type 8
What 'bout the T-Rexaur?
Oh, the ol' Propagator
Come on, let's do the
Biggs.
AH....!!
Ride on!!
Let's ride on down to
Trabia Garden!!
Ride on!!
Let's ride on down to
Trabia Garden!!
(Outside the store, several of
Fisherman's Horizon's townspeople
have been doing an intricate dance step
before jumping up and cheering at the
end of the tune. Inside, the SeeDs cheer
at their impromptu jam session.)
Quistis: Listen, just sell those instruments,
an' we'll promise you get what you came for.
Kiros: Sure--an IOU for 4000 gil.
Selphie: If we play our cards right, it
ain't likely to be an IOU.
(Scene #14: The Deep Sea Research Center.
Sephiroth is seated at a desk with Ultimecia
at his side when Seifer enters.)
Seifer: You Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: What's it to you?!?
Seifer: Listen, if it's Quistis an' Selphie you
wanna kick BUT-TOCKS with, here's their card.
(gives the card to Sephiroth before exiting.)
Sephiroth: Hmmmm....all so easy. Let's go
administer some injustice on those bimbos.
Ultimecia: Kurse those bimbos!!
(Scene #15: Downtown Junon, on
Cloud's planet, at a restraunt, night. The
Blues SeeDs exit The Ragnarok, and head
across the street, to the restraunt.)
Selphie: Just head on right in, an' get
your eats, while me an' Quisty make a few calls.
(From there, Selphie and Quistis head to a
phone booth, next to a huge propane gas tank
and enter the booth, without noticing that
4 yards away, is Vincent with a flamethrower.)
Quistis: Now that we got a band an' instruments,
we need a gig to play.
Selphie: Not to worry, muchacha. All I got to do
is call up Sir Laguna.
Quistis: As in the President of Esthar?
Selphie: Sure--remember Laguna used to get
the coolest places to play back then. You got
a coin?
Quistis: All I got is a slug.
Selphie: Guess it'll have to do.
(Suddenly Vincent opens fire at the gas tank and
it explodes, taking the phone booth with it. That
done, he runs off, while Quistis and Selphie, smoking
a bit from their Blues Brothers outfits, climb out from
the booth.)
Selphie: Chee!! The phone company gets burnt up over
one crummy slug.
Quistis: Besides ourselves....
(Scene #16: Back on Squall's planet, at the Fisherman's
Horizon train station. Sephiroth and co. stand there
in disgust.)
Adel: Somethin' tells me we got ripped off.
Sephiroth: Bet heavily on it. Grrrr!! %@#*^$&!!
Seymour: On the plus side, we know the names of
Selphie and Quistis read out like a rash all over
the Final Fantasy internet.
Sephiroth: In that case, I want all Final Fantasy
villians to stand by on all cell phones and
internet sections. They'd better pray The
Galbadian Army gets them before we do.
*Registered trademarks of their respective
companies. All rights reserved.
Next: Chapter 4: Cid's Roadhouse Rip Off.
Of Local Rogues Galleries & Music Shops
(Scene #12: At the Balamb docks, Sephiroth,
Rufus, Hojo, Corneo, Kefka, Seymour,
NORG, Adel and Ultimecia, from FF7, 6,
10 and 8 respectively, stage a rally
on the pier, while a crowd of irate
Balambites, held back by a phalanx of
Galbadian soldiers protest.)
Townsperson #1: Ged outa here!!
Townsperson #2: Hey, why don't you
all go back where you came from?!?
The Big Bad Rascal: You all suck!!
Sephiroth: What do we want?
Rufus, Hojo, Corneo, Kefka,
Seymour, NORG, Adel &
Ultimecia: BIG PAY CHECKS!!
Sephiroth: When do we want it?
Rufus, Hojo, Corneo, Kefka,
Seymour, NORG, Adel &
Ultimecia: NOW!!
The Mother Of The Big
Bad Rascal: BOOOOOOOOO!!
You stink!! Ged outa here!!
Seymour: Ah, button your lip,
y' ol' horse!!
(Selphie and Quistis approach the
crowd, stopping before the first
townsperson.)
Quistis: What's happenin' here?
Townsperson #1: It's pathetic--
it seems all of Final Fantasy's
greatest villians won the court
case to run their protest rally
for bigger paychecks from Square.
Selphie: They can't do that!! Come
on, Quisty, let's do somethin' 'bout
that.
Quistis: But how?
Selphie: Follow me.
(Moments later, the rally
continues--until the Ragnarok
swoops out from the sky, sending
the villians and the Galbadian
soldiers into the water, to
the delight of the cheering
crowd.)
Sephiroth: %@#*&^$!! What
in the &^*$#%@ was THAT?!?
NORG: Bujururururu!! IT'S-THOSE-
ESTHARIANS-CRUSIN'-THE-SKIES!!
Adel: Estharians my BUT-TOCKS!!
It's those so called Blues SeeDs
an' their Ragnarok!!
Hojo: There goes the neighborhood.
Rufus: Blues SeeDs?
Ultimecia: Adel means Selphie Tilmitt
and Kwistis Trepe, of Balamb Garden.
Kurse those kukoo bimbos!!
Corneo: Ah, chickies from Garden!!
They'll make great brides for me!!
Hohihi!!
Kefka: Can't you think of anything but
women, you tubba lard?
Seymour: Hey, save one of those
SeeDs for me!! Least one of them
would be better than that dumb Yuna.
Sephiroth: And I say we track them down
so we can kick their butts!! Let's go!!
(Scene #13: Kiros' Music Store, in
Fisherman's Horizon. Selphie, Quistis
and co. enter, eyeing all the instruments.)
Rinoa: Check it out....buuuurrrrrrrrp!!
Squall: Can't you stop belchin' for once?
Zell: I can hardly wait to power my Fender*
Strat through a Hiwatt amp.
Irvine: Make mine a Gibson an' a Soldano amp.
Quistis: I'll stick with a Charvin bass, with a
Ampeg bass amp.
Selphie: WHOO-HOO!! Lay those Sonor drums
with Regal drumsticks with Advis Zildjian an'
Paiste 2002 range cymbals on me!!
Squall: For me and Rinoa, Kurzweil, ARP, Roland,
Yamaha, Korg, PPG, Oberheim, Moog and so forth,
with Carver amplification.
Rinoa: You said it, Squally Poop.
Edea: For me, Cid and Ellone, our choice
for horns must be Selmer.
Ellone & Cid: AAAA-MEN!!
(Just then Kiros arrives on the scene.)
Kiros: If it ain't The Blues SeeDs.
Quistis: Yup--an' if you ask me how
was The D-District Prison, the pepper steak
is a big fat letdown.
Kiros: I wouldn't doubt that--but I WAS goin'
to say that you still owe me 2000 gil.
Selphie: We're still workin' on it!! We promise you,
when we finish you get twice that amount.
Kiros: Where'd I hear that promise before?
Quistis: Trust me, we need those instruments.
We're puttin' the band back together.
Selphie: We're on a mission from Hyne.
Kiros (laughing): From HYNE?!? You
can do better than that. What a half baked
story....!!
(Rinoa is seen playing a few notes on a
nearby synth.)
Kiros: Hey, careful how you play that!! It
costs 120 gil!!
Rinoa: Everyone's a critic.
Squall: Whatever.
Kiros: No, it ain't no whatever, it's a genuine
Yamaha GX1. I'll show you.
(So saying, Kiros starts playing it.)
RIDE A CHOCOBO
Parody of Shake A Tail Feather
Performed by Kiros Seagill
Kiros:
Well I heard 'bout the Chocoboy you met
that day, straight from The Estharian News.
The puzzles were tough at first,
now THAT gave you the blues.
(From there, Selphie, Quistis and their
fellow SeeDs man their instruments and
play along with Kiros.)
Kiros (continued):
But I knew that the Chocowhis would
help you out, an' The Pocketstation's
outa sight
an' with Uematsu sama playin' his guitar,
we can ride your new Chocobo right
Selphie & Quistis:
Uh huh....
Kiros:
Ride it right....
Selphie & Quistis:
Uh huh....
Kiros:
Ride it right....
Ride it right.......OH......!!
All:
Ride on!!
Let's ride on down to
Trabia Garden!!
Where we'll meet Selphie's friend,
an' we'll get cheesecake,
an' play Triple Triad.
Ride on, Squall, lemme see you
ride a Chocobo,
ride on, Squall, lemme see you ride
a Chocobo,
ride on, Squall, lemme see you ride
a Chocobo!!
AH....!!
Kiros:
Come on!!
Come on, S. L.!!
Do the Mog!!
Now do the Grat.
Now do the NORG
An' do the Bomb
Oh, do the Moomba.
Ha, ha, the Cactuar.
The WEAPON,
an' what 'bout the
Forbidden?
Do the Mobile Type 8
What 'bout the T-Rexaur?
Oh, the ol' Propagator
Come on, let's do the
Biggs.
AH....!!
Ride on!!
Let's ride on down to
Trabia Garden!!
Ride on!!
Let's ride on down to
Trabia Garden!!
(Outside the store, several of
Fisherman's Horizon's townspeople
have been doing an intricate dance step
before jumping up and cheering at the
end of the tune. Inside, the SeeDs cheer
at their impromptu jam session.)
Quistis: Listen, just sell those instruments,
an' we'll promise you get what you came for.
Kiros: Sure--an IOU for 4000 gil.
Selphie: If we play our cards right, it
ain't likely to be an IOU.
(Scene #14: The Deep Sea Research Center.
Sephiroth is seated at a desk with Ultimecia
at his side when Seifer enters.)
Seifer: You Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: What's it to you?!?
Seifer: Listen, if it's Quistis an' Selphie you
wanna kick BUT-TOCKS with, here's their card.
(gives the card to Sephiroth before exiting.)
Sephiroth: Hmmmm....all so easy. Let's go
administer some injustice on those bimbos.
Ultimecia: Kurse those bimbos!!
(Scene #15: Downtown Junon, on
Cloud's planet, at a restraunt, night. The
Blues SeeDs exit The Ragnarok, and head
across the street, to the restraunt.)
Selphie: Just head on right in, an' get
your eats, while me an' Quisty make a few calls.
(From there, Selphie and Quistis head to a
phone booth, next to a huge propane gas tank
and enter the booth, without noticing that
4 yards away, is Vincent with a flamethrower.)
Quistis: Now that we got a band an' instruments,
we need a gig to play.
Selphie: Not to worry, muchacha. All I got to do
is call up Sir Laguna.
Quistis: As in the President of Esthar?
Selphie: Sure--remember Laguna used to get
the coolest places to play back then. You got
a coin?
Quistis: All I got is a slug.
Selphie: Guess it'll have to do.
(Suddenly Vincent opens fire at the gas tank and
it explodes, taking the phone booth with it. That
done, he runs off, while Quistis and Selphie, smoking
a bit from their Blues Brothers outfits, climb out from
the booth.)
Selphie: Chee!! The phone company gets burnt up over
one crummy slug.
Quistis: Besides ourselves....
(Scene #16: Back on Squall's planet, at the Fisherman's
Horizon train station. Sephiroth and co. stand there
in disgust.)
Adel: Somethin' tells me we got ripped off.
Sephiroth: Bet heavily on it. Grrrr!! %@#*^$&!!
Seymour: On the plus side, we know the names of
Selphie and Quistis read out like a rash all over
the Final Fantasy internet.
Sephiroth: In that case, I want all Final Fantasy
villians to stand by on all cell phones and
internet sections. They'd better pray The
Galbadian Army gets them before we do.
*Registered trademarks of their respective
companies. All rights reserved.
Next: Chapter 4: Cid's Roadhouse Rip Off.
