Jess' Book

NewGirl

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Small-town Realizations

Jess Mariano

I grew up in New York. I was born and raised there. It wasn't until I was seventeen that my mother shipped me off to live with my uncle in Small-town, USA. My first thought was that the place was Hell. Everyone knew everyone. The town was happy. They had those cheesy town meetings, too. It scared me, but what really scared me was her. There was a girl. It's sounds rather clichéd, but there was always a girl. What scared me the most was that I found her to be the only one in the town that was anywhere near sane, the only one worth talking to.

She was smart, funny, witty, and the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. Of course, and the time she was still a girl. Still naive. She wasn't like the rest of the girls I knew. Not like the ones in New York that tried to look good. The ones who wore the makeup to the point where the looked like clowns. The ones who hardly wore anything other than makeup. No. She was different. She was like a goddess. Beautiful wouldn't even do her justice, and of course, just like the stories and just with my luck she already had a guy. Not that that ever stopped me.

I never pushed her to like me. I acted less jerk-ish with her. Less of an asshole. I'm not saying I was prince charming, but I wasn't to my full James Dean statis when it came to her. She had that effect on me. It wasn't until months later that it hit me. It wasn't infatuation that I felt for this girl. It was love. That's what scared me the most. I'd never had anyone in my life that I had ever loved. My mother never told me those words, and I had never met my father. I loved her. I was in love with her, but I couldn't be with her because of the guy, because of the boyfriend.

After a night of hanging out with my new friend, I of course screwed up. The princess got hurt while she was with me, and I was held to blame. I'm not saying I was wrongfully accused. I wasn't. I was driving the car. I wrecked the car. She got hurt. That's the way it goes, but I screwed up. So, back to New York it was. When I had first gotten to the small town, I wanted nothing more than to go back home, but when I finally got my wish it felt wrong. It didn't feel like home anymore. It felt foreign. Territory in which I did want to be in. A place that wasn't mine. Of course, I could have made it mine again. Gone out with my friends and cause more trouble. Let the people know that Jess Mariano was back and as bad as ever, but I didn't. I couldn't because she had changed me. She had shown me a world where I didn't have to hide. Where I didn't have to be emotionless like I had been before. A place where I had at least one person who cared. Really cared. That's why I came back. And then she confused me.

I expected at least a smile and a welcome home. If I was lucky a hug, but I didn't expect the kiss. The kiss scared me as much as the realization that I loved her had. Her lips were softer than I had imagined. And trust me, I imagined. Then she left. She ran yelling, 'welcome home.' I didn't see her for three months after that. Apparently, she went to Washington, D.C. for some school thing. It hurt that she had left. It hurt that she didn't tell me she was leaving, but what hurt the most was the realization that she didn't want to be with me. She still had the Mr. Good guy boyfriend. While I was just the Bad Boy, the friend. It hurt that she didn't love me like I loved her.