CHAPTER 6:
On With 'Da Show!!

(Scene #26: The Estharian Supreme
Amphitheater, The Esthar Hotel.
The crowd gets impaitient, chanting, "We
want the show!!", while Xu & co. pace behind the
curtains.)

Irvine: Well, what do we do now, throw
ourselves at the mercy of the court?

Squall: Let's not freak out just yet. Let's
pay tribute to Lulu the black mage.

Xu: I got dibs on singin' that tune.

(In a few seconds, up goes the curtain, and
we see Squall and co., along with Rinoa,
Ellone, Cid and Edea in SeeD uniforms,
the huge Esthar logo behind the band.
While Squall uses a drum machine, the
rest of the band plays while Xu sings.)

LULU THE BLACK MAGE
Parody of Minnie The Moocher
Performed by Xu

Xu:
Now here's a story 'bout Lulu The
Black Mage
In downtown Besaid, she's all the
rage
With her dolls she casts a mean Ultima
spell
She was born to give ol' Seymour
hell.
Hi di hi, hi

Audience:
Hi di hi, hi

Xu:
Oh Lulu

Audience:
Oh Lulu

Xu:
She looked after a summoner
named Yuna, who wasn't
klutzy like Laguna

Laguna: Hey, I resent that!!

Xu (continued):
She wore a black dress made of
belts
At least it wasn't made of leopard
pelts.
Hi di hi hi

Audience:
Hi di hi, hi

Xu:
Oh Lulu

Audience:
Oh Lulu

Xu:
She was in love with a dude
named Chappu
But he died fightin' Sin in
a big fat snafu
She sounds so sober when she talka
They say she's got the hots for Wakka
Hi di hi hi

Audience:
Hi di hi, hi

Xu:
Oh Lulu

Audience:
Oh Lulu

Xu:
She an' Wakka wed in FFX2
Elvis married those lovebirds--
well, who knew?
She's got a daughter, but, wait,
that ain't all--she's also a black
mage, playin' blitzball.
Hi di hi hi

Audience:
Hi di hi, hi

Xu:
Oh Lulu

Audience:
Oh Lulu

Xu:
Lulu....Lulu....Lulu....

(The crowd gives out a thunderous
cheer and applause while Seifer
thumbs his nose and blows raspberries
at the SeeDs; in the audience, we see
Lulu grin while she blows kisses to the
SeeDs.)

Lulu: Imagine that--a tribute to me. (grins)

(Scene #27: Esthar Airstation #7, night. Selphie
and Quistis land there, and under cover of the
night make their way past the Galbadian Soldiers
before making a stop at Esthar Airstation #8, where
Selzter's Returners' airship is parked.)

Quistis: What now?

Selphie: Wait here, it shouldn't take long. (Produces
a spray can of glue.) In that can is the strongest spray
glue.

(Selphie sneaks inside the airshop, and sprays the
accelerator pedal with the glue before she and Quistis
hightail it for The Esthar Hotel, only to see the entrance
clogged with Galbadian Soldiers.)

Quistis: How do we get inside?

Selphie: Maybe we could buy a ticket....? Better still....
follow me....

(Moments later, Selphie and Quistis head to the back of
the hotel and bust a bathroom window before climbing in;
once inside, after waiting for more Galbadians to pass,
they enter the foyer, and peek through one of the curtained
entrances to the amphitheater, past still more G-Soldiers
to Xu. Selphie gives Xu a thumbs up sign and Xu gives her
thumbs up before announcing to the audience.)

Xu: And now....the moment you've all been waitin' for....
so welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends....
ladies and gentlemen....The Blues SeeDs!!

(The curtain opens and we see the SeeDs in Blues Brothers
togs, while Selphie mans her drums and Quistis takes up
her bass. From there, The Blues SeeDs start the first tune.)

Quistis (to the audience): We're so thankful to
see so many of you lovely people, Final Fantasy
characters, and Final Fantasy fans here tonight,
and we would especially like to welcome all
the representatives of Galbadia's Law Enforcement
Community, a.k.a. The Galbadian Republic Army
Dept., who have chosen to hang out here at The
Estharian Supreme Amphitheater tonight.
We do sincerely hope you all enjoy the show, and
please remember people, the next time you're on
one of those SeeD missions, don't forget to junction
to a Guardian Force or two, or more. After all,
everybody needs Guardian Forces. Sure, they
foul up your memory, but, what the hey? Here's
why....

EVERYBODY NEEDS GUARDIAN FORCES
Parody of Everybody Needs Somebody To Love
Performed by Quistis Trepe & Selphie Tilmitt

Quistis & Selphie:
Everybody needs Guardian
Everybody needs Guardian Forces
(That can kick butt)
Memories to lose (Memories to lose)
Functions to use (Functions to use)
Ultimecia,
we'll all kick your butt,
then we'll punch Adel
with our G. F. bunch, in the mornin'
Time Compression's here--
there's no need to fear.

Quistis:
Here comes Shiva,
an' good ol' Ifrit's here to stay
Sexy Siren's on the scene
An' ol' Diablos an Carbuncle make our day

Selphie:
Leviathan, an' Pandemona truly rule
An' the Brothers kick BUT-TOCKS,
while Cerberus an' Bahamut pity the 'foo.
Ultimecia,
we'll all kick your butt,
then we'll punch Adel
with our G. F. bunch
Time Compression's here--
there's no need to fear.

Quistis:
You know, there's a lot of G. F.'s
you can meet, so we'll clue you in.
There's Doomtrain and the Jumbo
Cactaur....

Selphie:
....an' the Tonberry King an'
Quezacotl....

Quistis:
....and last but not least, the
one an' only Eden....!!

Quistis & Selphie:
Everybody needs Guardian
Everybody needs Guardian Forces
(That can kick butt)
Memories to lose (Memories to lose)
Functions to use (Functions to use)
Ultimecia,
we'll all kick your butt,
then we'll punch Adel
with our G. F. bunch, in the mornin'
Time Compression's here--
there's no need to fear.

(Once again, another roar of appluse
fills the theater.)

Selphie: OK, the next tune is dedicated not
only to my Irvy Kinnepoop, but also to my
hometown, which almost got trashed by
Galbadia's missiles.

(And on with the tune)

SWEET HOME TRABIA
Parody of Sweet Home Chicago
Performed by Selphie Tilmitt &
Quistis Trepe

Selphie:
Come on
Oh Irvy don't you say "Uh-uh."
Come on
Oh Irvy don't you say "Uh-uh."
Let's go to my Garden
Sweet home Trabia
Come on
Irvy don't you say "Uh-uh."
Hidehey
Irvy don't you say "Uh-uh."
Head to that icy place
Sweet home Trabia

Quistis:
Well, one an' one is two
Six an' two is eight
Come on you SeeDs,
don't you make me late.

Selphie & Quistis:
Hidehey
Irvy don't you say "Uh-uh."
We're in that same 'ol place
Sweet home Trabia

Solo

Selphie:
Come on
Irvy don't you say "Uh-uh."
Back to that same 'ol place
Sweet home Trabia

Quistis:
Six an' three is nine
Nine an' nine is eighteen
Look there, Selphie sweetie
an' see what I've seen

Selphie:
Hidehey
Seifer don't you say "Uh-uh"
Back to that same 'ol place
Sweet home Trabia

Selphie & Quistis:
Oh come on
All you SeeDs don't say "Uh-uh"
Hidehey
All you SeeDs don't say "Uh-uh"
Let's head for my home town
Sweet home Trabia.

(A standing ovation, with lots of
cheering and applause await our
heroines, while they and their
fellow SeeDs approach the front of
the stage and bow, to Seifer's chagrin.)

Quistis: Thank you!! That is all!

Selphie: Thank you an' good night!!
WHOO-HOO!!

(Right after the curtains close, Laguna
approaches Selphie and Quistis with a
huge bag of money.)

Laguna: Congrats to you two!! Even
after so many years you an' your SeeDs
still bring home the bacon. We've got 1200
million gil.

Selphie: WHOO-HOO!! I knew we've still got it!!

Quistis: How much we got after taxes?

Laguna: We already paid the taxes, so we got
plenty--over 700 million in gil.

Quistis: OK--give me an' Selphie 70,000 gil
so we can bring it to the GRS building in
Deling City, give 12,000 gil to The Supreme
Elegant Restraunt in Dollet, give 40,000
gil to Ma Dincht in Balamb, 4,000 gil
to Kiros' Music Store in Fisherman's
Horizon, 400 gil to Cid Highwind in Rocket
Town, 50,000 gil to Sakaguchi sama
and the rest of Square, an' give the rest to
the band.

Laguna: Done. (Gives some huge stacks of
bills to the SeeD gals.) You've got time to get
to Deling City, but only if you and Selphie
hurry.

Selphie: Thanks--uh, is there another way
out of here? Those Galbadian soldiers....

Laguna: I wouldn't doubt that. There's a
trap door behind your drum riser; it leads
to a sewer, an' out to Esthar Airstation
#7.

Selphie: WHOO-HOO!! Thanks, Sir
Laguna!!

Quistis: Ditto!! (to the other SeeDs)
Don't let it be said we didn't return the
favor!!

Squall, Ellone, Edea, Cid K. & Irvine:
GOOD LUCK!!

Zell: Better hurry!!

Rinoa: BURRRRRRRRP!! Sorry, it's gas....

(Quistis and Selphie head down the trap
door while outside, Seifer is impatient.)

Seifer: They SHOULD come out here
sooner or later--something ain't right.

Raijin: Maybe they headed out through
a secret passage, y' know.

Seifer: You got somethin' there!! (to a
Galbadian Soldier) Alert the army!! They've
just left the building!! At least we saw a good
show though....

Fujin: AFFIRMITIVE.

Next: Chapter 7: My Lover Vinny