Authors' Ramblings:

C: We HAVE NOT watched the OVAs.
S: So if things don't make sense, that's alright, because... they're not supposed to.
C: Now let's continue to the good stuff.


Fushigi Yuugi episode 40 something: (recaps with C & S)

S: ...And then, they were huddled around Hotohori, trying to look sad.
C: Tasuki had a hard time suppressing his snickers and Chichiri was trying to hide his smile but his mask seemed to be frozen in that silly little grin.
S: Suddenly Hotohori glares at them.
"Shut up you fools, get me a mirror and let me have one last look at myself before my beauty leaves this world..."


ACT 1

S: 1000 years later...
C: Taiitsukun, who looked even uglier now (can you imagine that? I don't want to) was busy chi-blasting the four beast Gods and the seishi out of her palace.
S: She was busy blasting the four beast Gods?
C: Yeah you remember how she always punches the Nyan-Nyans out through her roof! Anyway, she blasted only the guys because the girls knew better than to piss her off with comments to her repulsive appearance.
C: [pause] ...Hello? Are you listening?
C: Ok anyways, Taiisukun's ugly face peeked out of the door and yelled, "...And don't you ever come back again!!!" Shattering everybody's eardrums.
S: Where did those poor hotties go?
C: Up into the clouds!!!
S: Um, noooooo... they fell from the clouds... like angels... into our arms.
C: The readers wouldn't want that. It'd be called a 'Mary Sue'!
S: Who's Mary Sue?
C: MIAKA!!! Grrrrr...
S: Why do you hate her so much? It's such a waste of energy.
C: Well, why do you like her? OH NO!!! Shelley's been possessed by the midget who takes over people's bodies!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

S: ...umm, anyway...
S: So mysteriously overnight, they appear scattered around our city. While we were in our beds dreaming of porking Tamahome and Tasuki...
C: And HOTohori! Tee hee. Anyways, by the way, Nakago fell into a gay bar.
S: NAKED! HE FELL IN NAKED!!!
C: And got raped... actually, no that's too sad. And danced around singing 'I'm Too Sexy'.
S: In your dreams!!! = p
C: How'd YOU know?! I never told anyone!!!
S: (no comment) [pause]
S: The next morning, we wake up and I go to—
C: The john to take a piss and dream of Tasuki in the shower, and brush your teeth with your little Chichiri toothbrush and put on make-up from your Hotohori make-up kit. Yeah, yeah, we already know.
S: Hotohori has his own line of make-up? WTF...

S: I wake Cecilia up, no...wait, it's usually the other way around. Ok, Cecilia's already up eating breakfast and I come in announcing "I HAD THE BESTEST DREAM LAST NIGHT!"
C: And I shriek equally loud, "I DID TOO!!!"
S: "No you didn't, mine is better!"
C: "Yeah right, what could be better than Tamahome, Tasuki, Hotohori and Nakago having a foursome and licking whipped cream off each other—"
S: "TAMAHOME, TASUKI, HOTOHORI, NAKAGO AND ME!
C: "Eww, who wants to dream of YOU?"
S: "Oh shut up and eat your shit so we can go get ready. I'm tutoring at your school today, don't even test me—I will soooooooo, embarrass you in front of Alex and what's his face!"
C: @__@
S: *whips out her car keys* "Let's go."


ACT 2

S: We arrive at school very very very early to see that the janitor is buffering the floors—but wait!—
S: From afar, this "janitor" actually looks very very hot... for a janitor! His dark blue hair catches the dim ceiling lights and for a second he turns his face around—
C: YOU MEAN AROUND AS IN JUST TURNING YOUR HEAD AND NOT SHOULDERS LIKE TATSUHA FROM GRAVITATION DID IN THE OVAS???
C: *thinks for a second* YOU BITCH! TAMAHOME'S A JANITOR?!?!?!?
S: Ahem. Then I run up and strip his janitor suit off... mmm... *porno music plays in the background*
C: @_@
C: NO!!! Tamakins and Nakkie-poo make the BEST COUPLE, not YOU and Tamakins!!!
S: Geez, you say "Tamakins" like he belongs to you or something. *Mutters* Selfish bitch.
S: Ok, that doesn't happen but... we must have been standing there for a while because the next second the bell goes and a bunch of little kiddies are running all over me hurrying to their first class. "Cecilia, get to class so I can go rape this hottie janitor!"
C: "OMG TAMAHOME!!! Run for your life like I'm going to do just now! This old lady is SCARY!!! Run!!!"
S: "Ugh, whatever... Look, you scared him off. Where is he? Damn, he got away from us. Don't worry, I'LL find him while you go to class."
C: "Like hell I will! I'm coming too!!!"
S: "Look the principal's coming!" *Points*
C: "Oh yeah right haha like I believe that." *Sees Ms. Nelco* "SHIT!" *Runs*
S: "Ahhh, that got rid of her..." *Scrambles away in search of Hot Janitor Guy*

C: Meanwhile in my class...
C: I see...CHIRIKO! "OMG, must sit next to him so I can copy his answers and not fail this class!!!"
C: "Ahem. Hey there..." *Waits for reply*
C: "Okay... we'll get along just fine..." *sweatdrop*

S: Hmm... my spider senses are tingling. I think Tamahome went... THIS-A-WAY!
"Oh... Hello Ms. Nelco, I was just about to the library to go torture—err tutor my first student for the day… I'll be heading there now..." *puts on big toothy grin* *solutes with two fingers* ...[pause] *turns and backs away slowly into the library*
S: Damned stupid principal, now my spider senses are no longer tingling...
S: Ugh... "Uh, hi Mr.Bankley... Oh, he's right over there? Alright thanks."
S: Shelley walks up to the... wait a second, I'm Shelley—why do I always refer to myself in the third person?
C: "Because you're gay and empty-headed?"
S: "Oh shut up Tomo the Homo, you're supposed to be in class!"
C: *Wails* "I'm NOT TOMO!!!" *Floats back into the class*

S: As I was saying before Tomo the Homo interrupted... A few desks away sat a 15-year-old boy. (Don't ask how I knew. I just have a spider sense.)
C: "More like you memorized everything from the 100,000 F.Y. sites you've visited." *Quickly shuts up and floats back to class for real this time*
S: Ugh, I hate when she falls asleep in class and her spirit comes and haunts me with insults.
S: *Walking, walking, walking up to the table* "Hi there, I'm Shelley. I'll be your tutor for this period. And you are..." *looks up at student* "OMG, YOU ARE, SUBOSHI!"
Suboshi: "Eh?"
S: Darn! He can't speak English! *thinks back to previous animes she's watched*
S: "Ai shiteru!!! KAWAII!!! AHHHHHHH!!!" *Squeals like a Gravitation Fangirl*
Suboshi: "What?! I'm Suboshi and I'm not taking Japanese as a course..."
S: "AAAAAHHHHHH!!! YOU SPEAK ENGLISH!" *Faints*
Suboshi: "Doesn't EVERYONE speak English around here?" @_@ [pause]
S: *5 seconds later, gets up, dusts herself off, pulls out a chair and sits down* "So today's lesson is—" *looks at his balls*
S: "That's VERY inappropriate young man! Put those away immediately!"
Suboshi: "No, my Ryuuseisui stay with me."
S: "You named your balls?"
Suboshi: "NO! THEY'RE NOT MY BALLS, THEY ARE MY RYUUSEISUI!"
S: "Ok, whatever."
S: "Today's lesson is..."
Suboshi: *snores*
S: "Shit! Lost him already..." *looks at sleeping beauty* "Oh well, time to find Tamahome." *Spider senses re-activated*

C: OK, MY TURN!!! In my class we are learning about structures and forces, yay...
Ms. Freizen: "Alright, get into groups of two!"
C: "Oh, oh, oh, CHIRIKO IS MINE!!!" [pause]
Everyone: *stares*
Boy in blue: "Haha, Cecilia likes Chiriko!"
C: "Nuh uh, I just wanna get good grades—I mean... I want to get good-looking legs, heh heh..." *sweatdrop*
Chiriko: *doesn't want to work with Cecilia at all, but no one wants to work with a funny looking short kid* "Okay..." *sighs*
C: "Yay! All right, you do the assignment and later show me the answers, k? K. Bye!" *Saunters away to find Tamahome*

C: OK, gotta find Tamakins... Gotta find Tamakins...
C: As I follow my crotch to Tamahome, I hear banging in one of the lockers! I wonder why?
Locker: "HELP! LET ME OUT!"
C: O_o "I wonder why the locker's talking to me?"
C: *Kicks locker*
Locker: "Oi!"
C: "Um... lockers can talk???"
Locker: "PLEASE, LET ME OUT! 34-56-12, Please help me!"
C: "Um, okay." *Turns the combination, but stops mid-turn* "HEY! What do I get for breaking and entering into somebody's locker? I could get suspended!!!"
Locker: *Shuts up, for once*
C: Oh well, I'll bet there's magic lamp in there! EEEEEEE! "Okay, first I wish that Tamakins and Nakago get together. Then I wish that—"
Locker: "LET ME OUT ALREADY!!!"
C: O_o "...Alright, I suppose, if you insist." *Turns combination* I hope there's a hot guy in there...
*A geek stumbles out*
C: "A GEEK!"
Geek: "I AM NOT A GEEK!"
C: Oooh, but with a little work... he can become a Hot UNGeek!
Geek: *sigh* "Thanks for helping me... I was just getting some books from my locker when a bunch of big football guys came and pushed me into my own locker and locked the door. Next thing I knew... I was in my own locker with the door locked!"
C: "BLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
Geek: *bawls and cries on Cecilia's shoulder* "I was so alone and afraid… HOLD ME!"
C: "Awww... there there, Geek—I mean... What did you say your name was?" *Thinks* He looks familiar... sorta like...
Geek: "Amiboshi."
C: *pushes away to look directly into Gee—err Amiboshi's face* "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"
Amiboshi: *surprised* *steps back*
C: "AMMMIIIIIIIBOSHIIIII!" *Runs forwards, arms spread wide in bear hug position* (If you can't picture this, think of Shuichi x Yuki).
Amiboshi: *backs up quickly, and runs towards the library*
C: *Stumbles, trips, and falls face first* *looks up* "NOOOOOO! COME BACK! I didn't get my reward for saving you!" *Puckers lips*

S: *Hears a scream and runs to the source* "Omg, Cecilia, are you hurt, are you ok?"
C: "AAAAAHHHHH!" *WAILS and throws a tantrum on the floor* "COME BACK..." =*(
S: "Ok... you need mental help, we're taking you to the school nurse RIGHT NOW!"

S: *Knocks on door of infirmary*
*singing voice comes from inside*
Voice: "Cooooming..." *Door opens*
S: "Nurse, nurse!" *Looks up* "Wow, you're tall..."
C: "MITSUKAKE! OH GOD, NOW I'VE SEEN IT ALL..."
S: "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!" *Pauses* "I can't believe you're wearing that shade of lipstick with those shoes!"
S: "C'mon Cecilia, we're leaving." *Mutters* "Geez, the nurse is crazier than the patient."
Nurse Mitsukake: "Alright, have a nice day." *smiles stupidly*

S: "Ok Cecilia, you're sure you're okay now? 'Cuz I am not taking you to a nurse that wears purple lipstick with red high heels. She just looks like a freak, and I don't want a freak messing your fragile little mind up more than it already is."
C: *long pause* "...I'm not messed up." *Sighs* "All of this is the geek's fault..."
S: "Geek?! Stop blaming your problems on geeks! Geeks have feelings too you know!"
C: "Spaaaazzzzzzz! It was his fault though, 'cuz he was hot."
S: "How is that a reasonable blame?"
C: "If he was ugly, I wouldn't have been screaming after him."
S: "Um... ok, what I don't get is how you can fall in love with a geek that is supposedly 'hot'." *snickers*
C: "Shut up! It was AMIBOSHI!!!"
S: "Ok, now I'm convinced you're a lunatic. Bye mental Cecilia... hope those little naked, green leprechauns don't get you when the talking dog takes out your brain and feeds it to his pet human." *walks away casually*

C: O_O Scary... I think I'm not the only one going crazy. "Hmm, well, I'd better get back to class." Heehee, not that I'm actually planning to. *waltzes off to find Tamahome*
C: Alright, I think I'm out of sight, so I don't have to go to science. And if I find another geek in a locker, I'll be sure to hold on tight so he doesn't escape! *hears banging in a locker*
C: My, my, aren't I lucky today! *knocks on the locker door*
Locker: "_ Ow."
C: "Hey there cutie wutie pa tutie! Tell me your combination and I'll get you out in no time!
Locker: "I'm not supposed to tell people my locker combination!"
C: O_o "What the hell? What kind of person prefers being locked up in a locker than giving out your combination?"
Locker: "Good students!"
C: ...Why do I feel like this geek isn't the same geek I ran into just a minute ago...?
Locker: "Get my teacher, Mr. Mal to open the locker! He knows the combination!"
C: But it wouldn't be the same if he rescued the geek and not me! Oh well. I'll just get a baseball bat or something! *grabs a bat out of nowhere* "Alright geek, stand as far away from the door as you can! Cecilia to the rescue!!!"
C: *Hacks away at the locker door*
C: I had really bad luck that day, because just when I was almost done breaking down the door, and possibly killing the geek, a police officer had to walk by!
Police Officer: "What do you think you're doing?"
C: "Er, heh heh?" *looks up* "EEEEEEEEEE! You're NAKAGO!!!"
Nakago: *raises an eyebrow* "That's true, I'm Nakago..."
C: "AAAAHHH!! AAAHHH!! AAAHHH!!" *calms down* "Since you're Nakago—"
Nakago: "Nakago-sama."
C: "Yeah, what you said. You know where Tamahome the Janitor is, right?"
Nakago: *Laughs like a lunatic* "Tamahome's a JANITOR?! LAHAHAHAHA!!!"
C: He didn't know? Hmm, well, now he does. Aha! NAKAGO can lead me to Tamakins! Yay! "Well, let's find your sweetie, k? And then we can go buy a camera-You're paying, of course—And we can go to some place and I can tape you guys going at it! I'll make a copy for you and Tamakins FOR FREE and I'll keep the original! Deal?"
Nakago: *Thinks for a sec* "That sounds nice. But before that, about the locker..."
C: *Mutters* Aw shit. I was hoping he'd forget.
Nakago: "...I'll let you off the hook if you help me find Tamahome."
C: ^_^ "Hai!"


Next Episode:

At a rather strange place we meet 2 other F.Y. characters and face quite a predicament when one pulls out a gun and threatens to kill us all!!!

WHY IS NAKAGO RATHER UNEASY???

WHY IS TAMAHOME SO VIOLENT???

WHY IS MITSUKAKE STILL WEARING UGLY PURPLE LIPSTICK???

Find out in chapter 2 of this crazy, twisted, violent, and hilariously stupid F.Y. continuation!