S: So I'm guessing you came here to find the answers to the questions from
last chapter.
C: No need to sound all dramatic... just get on with it.
S:
But I wanted to make it more suspenseful!
C: Well, it ain't working too
well... Anyways...
ACT 3
S: While Cecilia was buttering up Nakago (not in that way you sick-minded
people!), I was still busily attempting to stalk Tamahome through the halls of
the school.
S: "Dum dee dum... OH SHIT!" *holds crotch* "After all
these hours of searching high and low for Tamahome I have completely forgotten
that I drank 19 cups of prune juice in the morning, and now my bladder is about
to give!!!"
S: *Runs down the hall screaming and holding her
crotch*
S: "Outta my way kid!" *Pushes a geek into a row of
lockers*
Geek: *Thick rimmed glasses fall off his nose as he slams
into the locker* "Hey, watch out! That was not nice! I'm telling my brother
on you and he's gonna chase you around swinging his Ryuuseisui!"
S: *Yells
back* "Ha, you mean he's actually going to whip out his balls and threaten
me with them? Good for him!!!"
S: *Stops someways down the hall*
Hmm... that's strange, my spider senses are stronger than ever... or maybe it's
because I really really need to go! *quickly makes a left into the girls'
washroom*
S: "Ahhh... relief..." *Swings open stall
door*
*BAM!!*
S: "WHAT WAS THAT?!" *Looks into stall to see
a man in a blue jumpsuit with his head in the toilet bowl*
S: "OMG! Need
some help there, mister?" *Leans over to help him up but knocks over a mop
instead*
*Mop hits flusher, and toilet flushes*
Man with head
in toilet: "Ragrhhrharhhggglugggglugghfft"
S: *Sweatdrop*
"Oops..."
*Toilet stops flushing and man whips head out surfacing for
air*
S: *Runs for paper towel dispenser and grabs a handful and runs
back towards the stall*
S: "I'm sooo sorry... Will you please accept this
as a sign of apology." *Stuffs paper towel in dude's face*
Man with
paper towel in his face: "Mmfankmffyou." *Removes face from paper
towels*
S: *Gasps in surprise* "Tamahome?!"
S: *Squeals*
"Oh I knew I'd find you here! ...Ok, maybe not HERE, but I knew I'd find
you!"
Tamahome: "Umm..."
S: "Oh nevermind, pee forgotten!" [pause] "What
the hell are you doing in the girls' washroom anyway, you perv!"
Tamahome:
"It's not what you think! I was in here scrubbing toilets 'cuz it's my job,
woman!"
S: "Oh yeah! You're a janitor, Haha!" *Smacks forehead* "I
completely forgot."
S: "Tamahome, why're you a janitor anyway?"
Tamahome:
"Why are you so nosey? I don't even know you. But, it's nice to have someone to
talk to..." *Eyes tear up*
Tamahome: "It's a tragic story really...
but you probably won't believe me..." *sighs* "An evil hag blasted me
from my world and my lover and I got separated...WAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
S:
*Gives crying janitor a weird look* "Umm.."
S: "There, there..."
*pats Tamahome's back* "I'm sure you'll be reunited with your lover soon
enough."
Tamahome: *sniffles*
C: Shelley wasn't the only one who had to deal with over-dramatic guys.
Nakago wasn't emotional, he was SCARY! *shudders*
Nakago: "Ugh, damn
that old, fat, smelly, disgusting Taiitsukun!!! You know what she did?!"
C:
"Awww, did she try to rape you?"
Nakago: *slowly turns to glare at C*
"No..."
C: "Okay, then... Tamahome?"
Nakago: *Starts to turn red with
anger* "Shut... up..."
C: *Scared* *sweatdrop*
Nakago:
*Screams violently at the roof with his fists tightly clenched* "That old
fart separated me from Tamahome!" *Grabs his gun and starts shooting randomly
at the nearby lockers* "That is the worst crime ever!"
C: *Grabs
Nakago's wrists* "Nakago! Calm down! There might be a geek in one of those
lockers! What if the football guys shoved Amiboshi in a locker again? You could
hurt him!"
Nakago: ?
*A loud wail comes from down the hall*
C:
"Oh, no!!! You did hurt him!" *starts pounding on the locker doors yelling
'Amiboshi'*
Nakago: *stares with pity at the psychotic behavior*
"Baka..."
*Another wail echoes down the hall*
C: *Looks up*
"Hey, it's coming from the girls' bathroom... Nakago! Did your bullet find its
way into the bathroom? *Runs into the bathroom*
C: *Sees Tamahome
huddled in a corner and her jaw drops* "Oi!" *sticks head out of the
bathroom* "Nakago! BATHROOM PARTY!!! You're honey's in here!"
S: *Comes out of stall carrying a wad of tissue paper for Tamahome and
stops mid-step. A leg catches her eye and a hyper voice belts out,
"Nakago..."*
S: "Cecilia! What the hell are you doing in here? How dare
you ruin my moment with Tamahome!"
Nakago: *Thunders in* "Tamahome!!!"
*Walls start to
shake*
Nakago: "TAMAHOME!!!" *Ceiling starts to crack and a light bulb
bursts*
Tamahome: *Stands up slowly* "Nakago...? ...Nakago??!
*Sees Nakago* "NAKAAAGOOO!!!!"
*Part of the ceiling
collapses*
S: "Omg, I'm getting outta here!" *Runs past
Nakago*
C: *Takes one step backwards out of the bathroom* "Wow,
I've never seen a bathroom collapse, I gotta stick around for this!" *Shelley
runs past her*
S: "OMG! Tamahome and Nakago are still trapped in the
girls' washroom!"
C: *Says cheerfully* "That's ok, they can take care
of themselves." *Stares in awe awaiting the disaster*
S: "Look, I see
a shadow emerging from the bathroom!" *points in direction*
C: "Is it
a bird? ...Is it a plane?..."
S: "No! It's a janitor!!!"
*Both see
Tamahome run out of the girls bathroom with Nakago in his arms*
S:
"...Heh, who woulda' thought... A janitor saves a police officer..."
Tamahome: *Drops Nakago* "You're HEAVY!"
Nakago: *Looks deeply
into Tamahome's eyes* "...Tamahome..."
Tamahome: *Makes googly eyes at
Nakago* "...Nakago..."
Nakago: "...Tamahome..."
Tamahome:
"...Nakago..."
Nakago: "...Tamaho-"
C: "TAMAHOME! NAKAGO! TAMAHOME!
NAKAGO!"
S: *Stares back and forth at the name calling* "Ahem... can I
interupt this lovely-dovey moment for a second? ...DO YOU GUYS REALIZE THAT WE
JUST ABOUT DIED TRYING TO REUNITE YOU TWO?!"
C: *Says truthfully*
"I didn't almost die."
Tamahome: "Thank you, honestly..."
Nakago:
"And to celebrate..." *Whips out a gun*
S: "EVERYBODY!
DOWN!"
*BANG!!! BANG!!! BANG!!!*
Nakago: "WE'LL TREAT YOU TO A
MCDONALD'S HAPPY MEAL!"
*Pieces of ceiling fall around him as he cringes
sheepishly*
ACT 4
S: "My car is right over there!"
All: *Walks up to the piece of
shit*
C: "Shotgun!!!"
S: "Damnit! I forgot I had all those books... I
think I can only fit one person in the back." [pause]
All: *Turns toward
Nakago*
Nakago: "All right! I'll be honoured to sit in the backseat!"
*BAM! BAM! BAM*
S: "Ugh, why won't he be quiet? ...Look! There's a
speed bump!" *Steps on gas*
C: "Hold on tight, Tamahome, she's a crazy
driver!"
Tamahome: "What about Nak-"
*BOOOM! Thump, Thump*
S:
"Oh he's fine, nothing to worry about, dear."
*We Arrive at McDonald's*
S: "Okay, everybody out!"
S: *Runs
around to the back and knocks on the trunk* "Come on out, Nakago, don't be
shy..."
Tamahome: "Was it a rough ride, Nakkie-poo?"
C (in background):
"Awwwwwwwwwwwww..."
Nakago: *_*
McDonald's worker dressed up as Ronald
McDonald: "Welcome to McDonald's! I'll take your order, sir."
S: *Opens
eyes wide and looks at the name tag on Ronald McDonald* *Leans closer and blinks
twice* "TOMO?!?!"
S: *Looks back and forth from Cecilia to Tomo*
"Alright, this isn't funny anymore. Would the real Tomo the Homo please step
forward!"
C: *Ignores Shelley's insult and turns to Tomo* "You sure
look better now that you ditched the black and converted to red and white
make-up."
Tamahome: *Clutches Nakago's arm and glares at
Tomo*
Tomo: *Goes back and forth between Glaring at Tamahome and
batting his eyelashes at Nakago*
*Suddenly a voice yells from
behind*
Voice: "HOLD UP!" (Like K from Gravitation)
C & S:
*Raise their eyebrows at the panty hose over the robber's
head*
Nakago: *Screams like a girl and dives behind the
counter*
Tamahome: "Don't worry, I've handled situations like this
before!" *Grabs a nearby mop*
Robber: *Approaches counter*
"Hand me all your money or Ronald McDonald goes to hell..." *Points gun at
Tomo*
S: "We could care less..."
Robber: "...Ok, I'll kill him first
and then I'll get everybody else!"
Tamahome: *In a quick motion he swings
mop at Robber's shoulder*
Robber: *Swings around and pulls the
trigger*
Nakago: *Screams again behind the counter*
Tamahome:
*Wrestles the robber down and pins him with the mop*
[Meanwhile]
S: *Sees bullet fly through the air and nest itself in a
chicken burger that someone is chomping down on*
Tamahome: *Puts robber in a Full Nelson and head-butts him*
Nakago:
*Peeks out from behind the counter and says nervously*
"Tamahome...becareful, he's armed."
C: *Looks at the weapon and
snickers* "Yeah... with a pellet gun!"
Tamahome: *Shout above
Cecilia* "I'm armed too... with a MOP!"
Tamahome: *Pulls the panty
hose off the robber's head and ties the robber upside-down to a nearby
chair*
Nakago: *Timidly comes out and tries to act all brave speaking
in a booming voice* "Is everyone alright?!"
Tomo: *Grabs Nakago's
arm* "My hero!" *Bats eyelashes*
Tamahome: *Runs up to Tomo and
bitch-slaps him*
Tomo: *Cries* "You slut! You smudged my make-up!"
*Bitch-slaps back*
[While Tamahome and Tomo are bitch-slapping eachother back and forth C&S
run over to the person eating the McChicken Sandwich]
C: "MITSUKAKE?
Again?"
S: "Ugh! And you're still wearing that hideous lipstick with those
God-ugly shoes."
C: "Nevermind that, are you ok?"
Mitsukake: "Arrhh... No,
I bit down on something and my filling came out."
S: "Hey! I'm practicing to
be a dentist, I can take a look at that."
Mitsukake: *Opens his mouth as
Shelley's coming closer... and burps in her face* "Ooops, excuse me."
S:
"Ew yuck! ...Anyway, I managed to find something lodged between your two front
teeth." *Grabs a metal spoon and shoves it into his mouth*
Mitsukake:
"Owrr..arr..ghrr..." *gags*
S: "Ok, just spit it out
now."
Mitsukake: *Spits out a bunch of teeth*
S: *Rummages
through the teeth and finds a silver pellet* "Aha! There it is!" *Holds
up the pellet in front of her admiringly*
Mitsukake: *Gives Shelley a
gaping toothless smile* "Fanksh dear."
[A male voice calls out of nowhere]
Voice: "Gennnrou!!!"
C&S:
*Look at eachother and say simultaneoulsy* "Genrou?"
C: "Hey Genrou's
Tasuki's bandit name!" C&S: *Looks around the restaurant...*
[Tomo and Tamahome are bitch-slapping eachother, Nakago is watching Tamahome
with little hearts in his eyes, Mitsukake is on the floor gathering his teeth,
and a red-haired guy with fangs is tied upside-down to a chair]
C&S:
"TASUKI?!?!"
