Okies! You guys are going to seriously hate me for this chappy… but I'm not giving it away! Wellies, no lemon yet… and um… I worked really, really, extra hard on this one! I Hope you love it, no matter how… um… well, you'll find out! ^^; It's hard not being able to give hints! Gar!
Disclaimer:: This is not mine! Okay! I own nothing! And if you think for even a minute that I own the G-boys…! I only wish!
Warnings:: Um… this is… um… no real warning… because you peeps already know that his is Yaoi… or else you wouldn't be reading this chappy… okay… so eat up this chappy- not literally! ^^;
At Gunpoint
Chapter Eight: Big Mistake
Maybe it was the fact that he'd been in a dream-like state for what seemed like so long, he didn't say he'd give in and love Duo back, he just said, in a way, that he would 'stray a bit, as not to hurt Duo's feelings'. Duo was delicate… and he seemed in so much need of protecting…but there was a mission at hand, and where there was a mission, there was Heero Yuy, bent on completing it. The Perfect Soldier couldn't love… and the only way someone would love him, is if they were blind to see what a danger and how cold-hearted he was. He was very much like a machine in a shop, waiting to do the work he needed to do, and for a machine, there was no want, there was not feel, just cold hard nothing. And that's what he was in a way, a cold, hard, emotionless machine. No, the Perfect Soldier wasn't capable of love. The Perfect Soldier could only mimic thoughts and feelings of love, not produce them, not experience them. So therefore there was no way that this could ever be. It was a lie; just like so many other cold and evil things before. Duo had made a mistake, and there was nothing that could reverse that mistake; they just needed to stay away from each other. It was all an illusion. All of it; how his fingers had longed for Duo's skin within grasp, how he wanted to feel that long chest-nut hair in his hands, and take in his scent, how he couldn't look into those eyes without being dumbfounded. It was all surreal, all of it… all of it and there wasn't an ounce that could come true, that could be true. He wished he could linger in the warmth of the bed, and sleep forever, but it wasn't like that, not at all. Silent, unseen tears tore at him inside and he, while laying on the bed, beneath the covers, warmed by Duo's self, leaned over and kissed his love, a kiss that could only be a farewell of the things of the day before. And Heero took in his lips, for the last time the he would try to care to.
Heero Yuy got up out of the bed and Duo rolled over to the spot where he had been, searching in his sleep for the body of his love. "Hee-ro…" Duo mumbled in his sleepiness and grabbed a pillow, hugging it like it was the one he longed for. Heero walked to the closet for a towel and proceeded into the bathroom, where he could think over things as he took his morning shower. He soon stripped himself of the only article of clothing that he had on at them moment and stepped into his nice hot shower. He had always found burning hot temperatures of water calming for some strange reason. Why, oh, why had he kissed Duo?! What an idiot! Didn't he ever consider the consequences of his actions?! No… not really. He acted on impulse, and under normal circumstances, was able to quickly reprimand any mistake that could be made. This was not a normal circumstance that was for sure. How could he have been so stupid as to forget that he could be stuck with that kiss forever, that it alone could keep him from completing his mission. Heero reached for the soap and cleaned himself vigorously. How could he have done something like that without knowing that it could be disastrous?! He needed to get rid of it all. All of the thoughts, all of the fake feelings, all of the day that had been, all of the 'I love you's and all of the tenderness that he longed desperately for… the tenderness that Duo could give him forever, but he was too stubborn to take. He was to preoccupied with his mission to note that this alone would hurt his Duo more than any other things… at least before he had been prepared for a rejection. Now, it would all scar him to deeply to even look at Heero ever again. Oh God… could he handle that… not ever looking at Duo again… having those pastel orbs avoid him at all costs. Of course he could. {{Stop lying to yourself!}} His inner voice scolded, {{You couldn't handle it for one second! It would hurt too much, and you know it. Stubborn Jackass, can't you see what will happen!}} This time, his mind's contrast was ignored and he squirted a gob of green mint-scented shampoo into his hair and began to lather it. Duo had used his shampoo on more than one occasion and it was evident with the small amount of it left in bottle. Heero ran a hand through his wet, dark hair.
"Kuso…" How the heck would he tell Duo?! {{As long as you're not going to listen to the back of your head, I'll help out!}} The voice in the back of his mind yielded for a moment. {{If you want to let him down, do it kindly… and softly… I… you're alter-ego, couldn't stand to see his heart broken, and you can bet, I'll drive you so crazy with guilt if you do, you'll deem suicide better than life!}} Point well made, but kind and soft wasn't how he felt about subject. He felt sharp and angry. Like he'd do anything to get rid of everything that was associated with those damn feelings he had; feelings that he shouldn't have, feelings that were human… and if possible, he was very far from human. He squirted a blob of green mint conditioner into his thick auburn locks of short hair he had up on his fuzzy little head. "Nothing's left… I just need to say it's over." That wasn't really true. One thing was left: the fact that he loved Duo and Duo loved him to death. As Heero stepped out of the shower he grabbed a fluffy, white towel and wrapped it around his waist. He walked into the room like that and found that Duo wasn't yet wake, so he dressed and dried his hair off with the towel. He threw the soggy ball of white fluffiness into the dirty clothes hamper turned around to see a groggy Duo sitting on the bed, rubbing his sleepy eyes. He yawned and grinned.
"Good Mornin' Hee-chan!" The braided boy's cheery voice reached Heero.
"It's over." Duo looked painfully confused, yet convinced it all meant something else.
"What do you mean…" Duo sounded as if he was on the verge of tears, tears that he wouldn't let Heero see.
"What do you think I mean?" His voice was cold and dead.
"But… Heero… you can't mean that! Why would you… do this…?! Why?" It was like a pane of glass had shattered, it seemed as if there was a shattering sound in the air, and if there had been… it would have belonged to Duo's heart. "No… you can't… you can't mean that… Why, Heero? Why?!"
"For reasons that you wouldn't understand." He was sure as hell right! Duo didn't understand this and it hurt… but he could keep on going.
"Heero… I- I want you to know… that no matter this… or anything else." He stopped and swallowed the lump of heartache and the dismissed the cloud of awaiting tears in his eyes, "I… Duo Maxwell… will always love you. You can't cancel a feeling… you can't kill an emotion… you can just hide it, and pretend you're not hurt. You can't just try to forget that all of what you've gone through… because it won't work… so why bother… all you can do is pretend to forget. All you can do is live in a nightmare… you pretend is a daydream. You can't do anything about love… once it's found a home in you're heart." Heero wasn't sure if he was talking about himself, or this supposed 'Perfect Soldier'.
"Duo… you just wouldn't understand any of my reasons."
"But… what… what am I supposed to do now…?" Duo shook with sobs as Heero walked out of the room, almost fading, leaving the braided boy alone. "You were my life, Heero Yuy… you were my whole life…" His voice echoed into hall and reached the heart of the icy male, but didn't budge the way he looked or the decision he'd made...
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WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! *cries* This was a sad chappy… but I need to continue with my plans… i.i I'm evil… *cries, sobs, blows nose loudly* Well, whad'ya think… even if this was really sad… I write a good chappy, ne? *wipes tears away* I worked at this one… and that there should be a plot… and I wanted to show a little more of Heero's feelings… er, um… I mean… 'imperfections'… *snickers* Though I must say, to spite my description of the machine thing… he's really a good HUMAN, it's just him who thinks otherwise… don't ya think? Well, Ja Ne! I love all you reviewing peeps! Thank you for the reviews that are and the ones that will be!
Tenshi-Usa
