Author's Note: So, why does this story take me so long to update? Gah! I wish I knew. It seems I can crank out the yaoi/shounen ai without hesitation, but this? Maybe it's just too dear to my heart. Anyway, I'm sorry it takes me so long to update! Can you forgive me? I'll try to have another one sooner, but I can't promise. I love this story so much, but I end up staring at it for hours, wondering where to take it next.

Story of my life.

Thank you to Darkness In Heart, Snowykittenz, Alezia, Askani Blue, L-chan, Emii-chan, and Marina for your reviews last chapter. I'm so glad you're reading this! Remember, reviews make Tam write faster, and we all want that, right? ~hugs~ Thank you!

Wanting

Hearts of Glass

Tomoyo calmly sipped her tea, manicured nails tapping lightly on the surface of the cup, the soft clicking being the only thing that betrayed her conflicted emotions. Many people wouldn't have noticed, but to Hiiragizawa Eriol it was a red flag. This was a habit Tomoyo had long since tried to break, and only Eriol really understood how upset she must be to fall back on the little mannerism.

"Tomoyo-chan, what happened this week?"

Her lips turned down at first and her eyes grew distant before a perfectly cheerful smile replaced it. It was the slightest hint of an expression, but it spoke volumes between the best friends. "Why would you think anything happened?" she asked innocently.

"Possibly the same way you knew that Kaho had moved back with her parents last month. It's the little things. You do it too." His smile was kind and patient, but firm. They were friends now. They didn't hide things from each other.

She instantly deflated, her perfect posture becoming an unusual slouch as if the weight of her thoughts pressed upon her physically. "I do want to talk about it, but I'm still trying to figure out how. It was so strange." She trailed off for a moment, and then looked up, meeting Eriol's eyes. "Sakura-chan kidnapped me."

He blinked in surprise a few times before masking his expression by taking a sip of tea. "I can't say I'm not surprised--that does seem very strange--but I am surprised that she had to. I thought that you..." He trailed off, looking out the window.

He didn't have to say it. "Sometimes it's just easier to not see her at all. When I was little it was enough to know that she was happy, but it's not anymore. She's doesn't love me the way I love her, and every time she says his name I hurt. They're going to be together forever, and I'm going to be just like my mother. I always looked up to her, but I don't want to be her. When do I get a choice?"

Eriol set his cup down and walked over to her. "Tomoyo, you don't need me to tell you that you aren't your mother. You have always been your own person."

She seemed to be beyond listening. "I would have just gone with her, but she went to my mother first. I always get that, from everyone else, and it hurt so much to hear her say she asked my mother. It was the first time I ever didn't want to spend time with her, and I was so confused. My kawaii Sakura-chan who could do no wrong had done the one thing that would hurt me more than anything else now, and she didn't realize it. I knew, at that moment, that there was no hope that she'd ever love me the way I love her. I didn't realize I'd been holding onto the hope so long, but it was there, and losing it hurt more than I imagined it ever could."

Eriol kneeled beside her chair, pulling her into his arms while she started to cry. "I wish I could tell you it will all be okay, but I've never been good at discerning matters of the heart. Don't lose hope though, you'll find happiness. It may not be with Sakura-chan, but you'll find someone." He smiled as he lifted her face upward, gently drying her eyes.

"I hope so. I really hope so. I used to think it was sweet, how Okaa-san still loved Nadeshiko all those years, but now it's frightening. I don't want to be her, but every day at work I hear how I'm following in her footsteps. If only they knew...."

He hugged her close now, and she sighed heavily into his shoulder. They were two broken hearts, barely holding each other together. The thought crossed his mind once again to ask her, to offer her a relationship, but he couldn't do it. He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. He couldn't do that to himself again.

"Somehow, things will work out," he said, unsure if he was trying to assure her...or himself.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Sakura had lost the Judgment. She was bound, cruciform, from tendrils of one of her most beloved cards. Why? Why? Why would Yukito-san do this to her? Even if this was Yue, there had to be Yukito-san in there, somewhere. Right?

Was he trapped in there?

Was he dead?

When Yue appeared, what happened to Yukito?

Tears fell from her eyes as she was wrapped up tighter and tighter, and her loss was announced with finality.

Then the coldest day began.

No, it wasn't winter. The coldness didn't have anything to do with seasons or temperature. Hearts were colder now. Sakura was caught up in the center of the chill, and she didn't even realize why.

The day wore on, seeming grayer than any other day in the world.

"Tomoyo-chan?"

Her best friend just walked past, smiling slightly, but looking a little puzzled as she did.

Chiharu pulled Sakura aside. "Sakura-chan, why are you calling that Daidouji snob by her first name?"

"Hoe?" Confusion.

"It's not like the two of you have ever been close, and her family is powerful. You don't want to disrespect her!"

"Not...close...?"

Sakura woke up with a gasp, minutes before her alarm would have gone off. The dream flew from her mind as she sat up, remembering what day this was. Syaoran would be here in three hours. She had a surprise party to set up; there was no time to try to remember idle dreams. It was a dream of the past anyway, so that meant there were no new threats. Nothing to worry about at all.

She scurried around the house, getting herself ready, then getting the cards to help her clean and decorate. Friends began to arrive half an hour before, bringing gifts and helping with last minute details. Too soon she got the discreet call from Tomoyo that the two of them were on their way...Tomoyo had generously offered to pick him up herself this time.

There wasn't a lot that needed to be done, but a mad scramble ensued anyway. Everyone hid except Sakura when they heard the car pull up. She felt a thrill of excited anticipation go through her, and though she tried to think it was because she'd be seeing her love again, she knew better. It was just the party. Her stomach tied in knots, but they weren't pleasant. It wasn't from being in love--

The door opened, and she saw Syaoran's loving face. He immediately wrapped her in a hug and she felt herself pull away subtly, avoiding a kiss. This was all wrong. She loved him, she cared about him, and she didn't want to hurt him ever, but there was something missing. The same thing that was missing before.

It wasn't that kind of love.

She shot Tomoyo a slightly panicked look over his shoulder, but her best friend had her digital camera recording it all, and only gave Sakura an oblivious thumbs up. Always before it had been Tomoyo that read the little signs and sometimes knew people's emotions before they did themselves. Sakura felt so alone...for the first time ever she felt like she was drowning and in over her head. Her invincible spell couldn't save her this time, this was the happily ever after the Card Mistress was destined for.

"Welcome back, Syaoran," she whispered in his ear as chaos erupted around them. She plastered on the biggest smile she could, and began to update him excitedly on everything he had missed. No one noticed that a thing was wrong. Why would they? Sakura had never given anyone a reason to doubt that her one true love had always been, and would always be, her darling Syaoran.