Author's Note, 01-31-03: I'm so sorry this took so long! I wanted it up way before this but the semester started and threw everything out of whack. Stupid school. Hopefully I'll get the rest done sooner. I added a crossover character to this chapter. If you're a Judging Amy fan, I'm sure you'll catch it. And for all you Maura Tierney buffs out there, see if you recognize the little Scotland, Pa reference. :) There's a few references for other things too. If you really wanna know, ask.

Chapter 7

ONCE AGAIN AS IN OLDEN DAYS

*

I woke up warm, burrowed deep inside a wadded mess of blanket. On the wall beside me was a Led Zeppelin poster that perplexed me. I cocked my head and stared at it, my limbs stiff from sleep and unwilling to move. My first thought was that I was at my friend Jennifer's house. She had an older brother who was obsessed with Led Zeppelin and plastered their photos, posters and album covers over every inch of his bedroom walls. But when I finally sat up and took in the rest of my surroundings, it clearly wasn't Jennifer's house. It looked like my apartment, minus the dorky grade school photos - the ones that always managed to catch your worst expression - of me and Eric that Maggie liked to hang up every year, a visual chart of our missing teeth and bad hair days. And instead of Maggie's color coordinated and strategically placed furniture, this room was sparsely furnished with the futon that served as my bed, a couple mismatched coffee tables and a gigantic yellow bean bag. Scott's apartment. I'd never been this inside of it before, but I recognized his style. Everything just looked cool.

It took a second for the previous day's events to sink back in. I wanted it all to be a dream, except for the fun parts with Scott. I wasn't ready to face the stress that awaited me back at the hospital. My shoulders slumped as I sat there wondering how many lies I would have to tell today. At the rate I was going I'd never make it to heaven.

"Mornin', Beautiful," Scott called, peeking his head out from the kitchen. I hadn't even heard him in there. Keeping the blanket bundled around me so that I wouldn't entirely lose the comfy feeling I'd awoke with, I plodded into the other room where he was standing in front of the stove. He smiled at me. "You like eggs and toast?"

I nodded and took a seat at the table. He wasn't wearing a shirt, so I could see every twinge of his shoulder blades, the bulge of muscle in his toned arms and the bumpy ridge of his spine that rippled just the slightest bit as he moved. It had a hypnotic effect and I let my eyes wander aimlessly, curious as to what it would be like to touch those different parts of him, the ones that were off-limits and all the more intriguing because of it. I quickly pried my gaze away when he turned to me with a plate of scrambled eggs and a fork. "You brought me home," I stated the obvious. It was really more of a question. I'd made it clear I wanted to stay with Eric.

"I'll take you back as soon as you're ready," he replied, tossing a piece of hot toast from one hand to the other. He dropped it on my plate then repeated the process with his own. "I didn't figure you'd get very much sleep in that hospital chair. This way you can have a break from that place, get yourself some fresh air. Y'know?" He sniffed at a carton of orange juice before pouring us both a glass.

"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks." I liked that he thought of those things. What I needed. "Hey, Scott?"

He looked right at me. His eyes were even more amazing in the morning light.

"I'm sorry I got you mixed up in this. I shouldn't have said me 'n' Eric were staying with you, but that nurse kept asking me stuff and I didn't know what else to say."

He waved his fork in the air like it was no big deal. "Don't worry about it. I got people crashing here all the time, I barely know the difference." Laughing, he added, "'Cept you and your brother probably aren't as messy as my friends."

Relieved that he didn't seem to mind, I dug into my breakfast hungrily. The eggs were extra salty and the toast was a little burnt, but it tasted good anyway. Scott made it.

"I do think maybe you should call your dad today, though," he said hesitantly. "He should know about Eric... and it might keep that Dr. Blake off both our backs if he comes to the hospital."

My chewing slowed and I took a long sip of orange juice, postponing an answer. I'd already thought about calling my father. Eric would be thrilled to see him and it would certainly take some of the pressure off of me. But it filled me with all sorts of fears and anxieties too. What if he turned me down? What if he didn't love us enough to come? I would rather go on believing he stayed away because of Maggie than find out he didn't want to be around me and Eric either. There was a safety in not knowing.

"Ok." I pushed the eggs around with my fork.

"Can't hurt to try, right?"

I forced a smile and nodded. My first lie of the day. It could hurt a lot.

*

A woman answered the phone on its third ring, just when I was about to hang up. It gave me the chance to put a voice with the smiling face I'd only seen in a grainy newspaper photo announcing my father as a newlywed. Maggie was hell on wheels the day I discovered that article, and I sure got an earful about what a good-for-nothing, worthless drunk, deadbeat father I had. She had even more to rant about when she found out from a friend of a friend of a friend that the new Mrs. Wyczenski already had two kids, ages six and twelve, who my dad planned to adopt. I thought about them sometimes. If they were nice and whether the twelve-year-old was a girl or a boy. Once I even considered calling to ask if could meet them, but I didn't have the guts. They remained mere ages in my head, lucky numbers that made them a bit more worthy of a dad, just as their mother stayed a black and white photo. But now she had a sound and breath - I could hear it through the receiver as I faltered - and she existed.

"Hello?" she repeated, impatient.

"Is... is Jimmy there?" I twisted my fingers into the phone cord.

"May I ask who's calling, please?"

"Abby... his daughter."

It was her turn to pause. I decided her eyes were hazel and that they'd just darkened to a chocolate brown that meant she was unhappy or caught off guard by something. Would she have known who I was if I only said my name?

"Umm, hold on a second, hon."

I took the "hon" as a good sign. Maybe she wasn't all those names Maggie had called her, most of which I was forbidden to use and some I didn't even know the meaning of. I'd learned quite a colorful vocabulary from my mother. My friends got a kick out of hearing me, as they called it, cuss a blue streak when I accidentally jammed my finger or broke a plate during dishwashing duty in the cafeteria.

"Hello?" I heard apprehension in my father's voice.

"Hi, Dad."

"Abby! How's my girl?"

I hated it when adults were phony. At least you knew where you stood with the bullies and snobs and troublemakers who made social life a nightmare in junior high. I hadn't yet reached that point where sucking up to people convincingly got you anywhere. You were either in or you were out. I liked it better that way. "Okay, I guess. But Eric's not," I answered.

"What's wrong?"

"He got hit by a car yesterday. His leg's broken and he has to stay at the hospital 'cuz he hurt his head," I laid it out for him and held my breath.

"Shit. Is he-- how's he doing??"

"They said he's gonna be all right." I was glad he sounded worried. "They wanna keep him until his head's better. I thought maybe... maybe you could visit him. It would probably cheer him up. He misses you." I miss you.

The long silence made me antsy. He was going to say no. I heard Maggie's voice in my head, calling him a bastard.

"I don't know how your mom would feel about that, kiddo. It got pretty ugly the last time I visited, remember?"

How could I forget? He didn't even know the half of it. Unlike him, Eric and I didn't get to leave and miss the big dramatic encore performance Maggie gave. The usual stuff. Lots of crying, lots of screaming. But she always added a few new twists, and that particular episode had included burning every last picture of Jimmy she was able to find. I'd rescued the ones of him holding me and Eric when we were babies, and a family picture taken the Halloween I was Raggedy Ann and Eric was a very disgruntled Andy. He'd changed his mind the day before trick or treating, he wanted to be Pinocchio instead. But Maggie had already finished the costumes and said no one would give candy to Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Pinocchio. My dad made some comment about Maggie's nose being the one that might start growing, and while we were all still laughing, except for pouting Eric, she snapped the picture. Now it was hidden away in a shoebox under my bed with a collection of other keepsakes Maggie couldn't destroy. I didn't hold out any hope that my parents would get back together like a lot of kids with divorced parents did, but I wanted to save a few memories of a time when we were a family.

"Mom's not here. She, um... she's staying with a friend. I can't get a hold of her," I smoothed over the truth for him. My father knew firsthand about Maggie's habit of fleeing, but I think he liked to pretend it didn't happen, tricked himself into believing it stopped as soon as he left. One of those If a tree falls in a forest and no one's around to hear it, does it still make a sound? deals. "The doctor said I should call you. But you don't have to come if you don't want to. Sorry I bothered you."

"No, wait!" he hastened before I could hang up. "I'm glad you called. I've been thinking about you kids lately, anyway. Which hospital is it? Lakeview?"

I looked at the doodle I'd absentmindedly sketched on the notepad Maggie kept by the phone. A bunch of crooked flowers with the petals dropping off. He loves me, he loves me not. I added one more petal to the empty circular middle of a daisy and said, "Uh-huh. Second floor, room 12."

"I'll be there around noon, sweetie."

He hadn't called me that in a long time. "Thanks, Dad," I said, smiling. "Bye."

I laid the phone in its cradle and stepped back to look at it, pondering the conversation. Had it actually gone that well? Was I really going to see my dad today? I tried not to get my hopes up that this would become anything permanent, but as I headed to my bedroom to change from the clothes I'd slept in, I felt my excitement build. I couldn't wait to surprise Eric. This would be a way better gift than the stuff I'd bought for him.

After some careful deliberation about what to wear - I wanted to look nice, but not like I was trying too hard - I went with my favorite shirt, a red and yellow jersey with a big 32 on the front that I claimed as my lucky number, and the red jeans that matched. Maggie called it my ketchup and mustard ensemble, teased that I looked good enough to eat. It made me miss her, so I busied myself with my hair, sweeping part of it into a half- ponytail at the back of my head. I finished with a few swipes of Bonne Bell strawberry lip gloss and studied my reflection in the mirror, seeing a younger replica of Maggie. My mouth had a bit more pout to it than hers, she was a bit more apple-cheeked, but it was the same face. Same wide doe eyes. I was going to remind my father of her. Even when she was gone she was with me.

Resolved to the blessing and curse of looking like my mother, I returned to Scott's place where he'd stayed to freshen up. His band was scheduled to play at a club later on in the evening, and they needed to rehearse beforehand, so he wouldn't be able to hang around the hospital with me. I assured him I would be fine, but he didn't seem comfortable with the idea until he was certain my dad would be there. Always thoughtful, he dropped me off at the entrance to Lakeview.

"Good luck," he said, holding out his fist for me to bump mine against. I pretended to be clueless and patted his hand, making him grin.

"You too."

"I'll drop by when I'm done. Later, Toots."

*

I knew something fishy was going on the minute I neared Eric's room and spotted the stranger - a stout woman with a thick mass of coffee colored hair woven into a long braid that stretched to the middle of her back. I noted her casual yet stylish sweater and skirt, the professional looking leather bag that rested by what had been my chair. Just the exterior warned that it was full of files and paperwork. Instincts told me she was not a doctor. And I highly doubted she was a real estate agent. I stood in the doorway, guarded and suspicious, interrupting what appeared to be a lively discussion. My brother smiled innocently at me, his cheeks no longer that ghastly shade of white.

"Hey, Abby! This is Maxine. She's keeping me company since you weren't here," he said matter-of-factly. He pointed me out to the woman. "That's my sister."

Maxine stood up to greet me, her smile warm and pleasant. There was a deep dimple in her left cheek that added to her amiability. It made me even more leery. "Nice to meet you, Abby. Eric here has been telling me all about you. I'm Maxine Gray."

I gave her proffered hand a weak-wristed shake. "Hi." Her eyes were too perceptive. I'd known her for about five seconds and got the distinct impression she already had me figured out. I was the protective older sister who would lie to her without batting an eyelash. But I had her pegged too. Full of questions and clever ways to present them so that unsuspecting kids would rat on their parents. She might be the nicest person in the world, but she was dangerous to me and Eric.

"I bet you're wondering why I'm here," she said, going for the straight- forward approach.

I just looked at her. Maggie always said my expressions spoke for themselves.

"Well, I'll get right to the point then. I work for the Department of Children and Family Services, and it's been brought to my attention that perhaps you and young Eric are being left alone far more often than you should be," Maxine explained. I think she wanted to unnerve me with her bluntness.

It was working.

Eric looked stunned. Poor little guy hadn't even seen it coming. Hopefully he hadn't been too forthcoming with information before my arrival.

"This concerns me a great deal, especially since you kids have clearly run into some problems lately." She indicated my brother and his bright green cast.

"That was my fault," I said too defensively. "I was supposed to be watching him, but I went somewhere with a friend."

"What about your parents? Where were they when it happened?"

I made a mental note to kick Mr. Goran in the shins next time I saw him. "My mom's out of town right now, but a neighbor has been looking in on Eric and me while she's away. He's the one who brought me here and he's coming back later too, so you can ask him yourself. Our dad doesn't live with us, but he's close by. I just didn't get a chance to call him yesterday. He's on his way in today, though. We're not being neglected." Oh, so good, even almost completely true - and then that last part. Less is more, Abby.

Maxine seemed fairly amused by the tone Maggie would have deemed as "sass," that crept into my voice. "I see," she said, taking a moment to eyeball me and make me skittish. Her next move threw me off. "You're how old? Twelve or thirteen? I have a daughter around that age. Her name is Amy. She has a little brother who's eight-"

"What's his name?" Eric butted in.

Maxine grinned and answered, "Vincent."

"That's a funny name."

She chuckled and knelt to shuffle around in her bag, retrieving a photograph that she handed to me before returning to her story. "If anything were to happen to me, I know Amy would do her best to take care of Vincent. They have a very special relationship, and that's just the kind of girl she is. But I would want her to know that she didn't have to do it on her own. She could ask for help. I would want her to so that she and Vincent could have the best care possible. I'm sure that's what every mother wants for her children."

I kept my gaze focused on the picture of a gangly girl with an abundance of reddish curls. She was flanked by a pair of boys, one considerably taller and a bit oafish, the other resembling a mischievous pixie. They looked like a fun bunch. Like kids Eric and I would hang out with. Maxine was smart, pulling me in with a cute photo and an example of what a normal parent wanted for her children. The problem was she excluded herself from the situation. In Maxine's version, Amy would only have herself and Vincent to worry about. But on top of a younger brother, I had Maggie to think of too. If Amy was anything like me, she wouldn't betray her mother either.

"Sounds like you and my mom have a lot in common." I handed the picture back to her and a smiled like she'd just told me a fairytale during story hour at the library. I felt kinda bad for making her job difficult, she was nice after all, but I had no choice.

"You said your mother is out of town? It's Christmas eve."

That hadn't dawned on me until she said it. My days were blurred into each other, and today was just one more to check off on the calendar of how long Maggie had been gone. This was her longest disappearance yet. I wondered if surviving without a mother had a time limit, sort of like how many days you can stay alive without water. What happened when you hit the deadline?

"She... had something important to take care of," I said lamely.

"Such as?"

"It's private."

We went on that way for a while, exchanging questions and, mostly, vague answers. Eric's gaze traveled back and forth like he was watching a tennis match. I tried to keep my cool whenever Maxine involved him in the interrogation. Luckily, he was a good liar. But all of us were getting worn down by the time my dad showed up. I hadn't been so glad to see him since the day he came home from work and subdued a belt-wielding Maggie who was furious that I'd played barbershop on Eric's silky locks. We laughed about it later when she felt better, joked that Eric's remaining patches of curls might start a new fad. But I talked my dad into hiding his belts after that.

"Dad!" Eric all but jumped out of his hospital bed. I stood stonily, not knowing how to express my enthusiasm the way my brother did. There was a hush in the room as Jimmy looked at us, looked at Maxine. We looked back, not only at him but the three strangers bashfully tagging along with him. Two girls and the woman from the newspaper photo. I was wrong, her eyes weren't hazel. They were a pure blue, the kind that really stands out. And she had that gentle, wispy blond hair that looks a little like a halo when light glints on it just right. It was what my girlfriends at school and I considered the perfect combination for boy catching. We called it the Three Bs. Blonde, blue, and, of course, boobs. She had those too. The younger girls, my stepsisters, were fair as well. I locked my fingers together and concentrated on making my eyes and hair less brown. I already didn't fit in with them.

Maxine lessened some of my tension when she excused herself. She didn't go far, though. I could see her patiently waiting outside the room. She wasn't done yet. I could tell my dad was curious about whom she was, but he played the daddy game before asking any questions.

"Hey, squirts!" he said in his booming way. He was like those loud uncles in movies who show up at family gatherings and steal all the attention. Yeah, Uncle Dad.

He went to my brother first, fussing over him so much that Eric beamed from ear to ear, eating it up. It made me happy at first just to watch them getting reacquainted. When it came my turn, I surprised even myself with how quickly and greedily I accepted his hug. I was a starving person who'd had a plate of food placed in front of them. His touch was tender, the kiss on the top of my head full of fatherly affection. I wanted to consume as much of that as possible. But, as ravenous people usually find out, my desire was bigger than what I could take in. Acutely aware of our audience, I let go of him and forbid myself to give in to the lump in my throat. I didn't cry in front of him. It felt too weak and girly. I was his eldest, even more so now, and the one best at putting Maggie back together. The one with a talent for masking emotions, the patience to do so. Happy-go-lucky like Eric, Jimmy hadn't known how to handle a tempest like my mother. He sorta just gave up trying after awhile.

"Look how gorgeous you are," he said, chucking me lightly on the chin. He'd always been a tease, getting smiles out of me that way. "I bet the boys are beating down the door already."

"Yeah, I'm breaking hearts all over town."

He liked my sarcasm, laughing as he turned me towards my family-by- marriage. They readied themselves for introduction. I wondered if they saw Eric and me as a threat. I tried not to resent them for having what was mine, for being normal enough to keep Jimmy content.

"Abby, Eric, I'd like you to meet my wife Julia and her daughters, Sharon and Audrey."

"I'm Audrey," the youngest girl, known to me as Six until now, piped in. She pointed at Twelve. "That's Sharon. We're your sisters." I had a feeling she'd wanted to tell me that since they entered the room.

"Stepsisters," Sharon corrected. I smiled at her anyway and pretended not to notice when Julia nudged her. She was stating the truth, after all.

Julia came forward to shake my hand. "It's so good to finally meet you. We've been wanting to get together with you kids... things have just been so busy lately." She knew it sounded dumb. We weren't at a high school reunion where it was ok to say stuff like that. Of course, there weren't many acceptable excuses for not seeing your kids for five months. Jimmy never gave any. She deserved some credit for trying, I suppose.

"Sure," I said, shrugging it off. My dad wouldn't look at me. He scooped Audrey into his arms and bounced her over to Eric's bed so she could give him the shiny, round Get Well Soon balloon she'd been holding onto the whole time. I kept my eye on Sharon while the others chatted with my brother. She sized me up in return. As usual, I felt rather shrimpy. She was younger, but taller. More filled out. Someone who didn't know our ages probably would have thought she was older.

"You look like that girl from The Miracle Worker," she said, closing the distance between us with a few steps towards me. "Patty Duke. Have you seen it?"

"Huh-uh." I had no idea what she was talking about. I only knew Patty Duke from the reruns of The Patty Duke Show they played on TV sometimes. No one had ever told me I looked like her before. I'd been told I was the spitting image of Gidget, though. Whoever that was.

"Oh. That's my favorite movie."

"Cool." We stared at each other some more, close up now. I couldn't think of anyone to compare her to, so I went with cinema. "Mine's The Shining." Actually, I'd only seen it once and it scared the hell out of me. I'd slept with a light on and the covers over my head for two weeks straight. Maggie swore she'd never take me to another horror movie again. Later that month we saw Friday the 13th. Occasionally we still liked to freak each other out by imitating the cheesy theme that warned Jason was near, chanting it as "chop, chop, chop, chop, kill, kill, kill, kill" in a scary whisper. And I'd almost given her a heart attack the time I used her red lipstick to write REDRUM on the tiled wall behind our bathroom mirror. She helped me wash it off as I mimicked her bloodcurdling scream, and we laughed till our stomachs hurt. She didn't realize I begged her to take me to scary movies because in those rare moments I got to be the frightened kid, hiding against the protective shelter of a brave mother.

"I'm not allowed to watch that," Sharon said, envious and impressed. That's what I was going for. A lot of my friends at school reacted the same way when I told them my mom took me to see it. They said I must have the coolest mom in the world.

"Well, Abby is thirteen going on thirty-two," my dad spoke up, surprising both of us girls that he was listening. "There isn't much she hasn't done."

Eric and I vied for the attention from then on, the adults wanting to hear about school and friends and the other things they didn't really care about but were required to ask. Sharon wanted to know what other semi-grown-up things I had done. Audrey latched on to me, quizzing me on everything from My Little Pony to Care Bears. In no time I had a new little friend. I wanted to love her, to make her my own as easily as she had done with me. For the time being I forgot about Maxine and my missing mother. It was Christmas Eve and I had a family.