Warnings and Disclaimer - See chapter 1.
Mali: Hullo.
Yugi: Didn't you die?
Mali: .... No.
Yugi: Oh. Sorry. (Puts party equipment away)
Yami: That's mean.
Yugi: At least I'm not downright evil...
Yami: I like being evil. You get to do stuff.
Yugi: What sort of stuff?
Yami: Fun stuff.
Yugi: (Wanders off to ponder this)
Mali: Anyways, thanks to the reviewers. Yami Maleci, ya didn't think I'd leave Bakura and Ryou out, did ya? Nooo, I couldn't do that! They're in this chapter :) And Bakura has a silver cleaver! And Lovova, I like your thinking.... (Has plan forming in mind)
Yami: That's MY silver cleaver, but he borrowed it... against my will...
Mali: You have a job to do.
Yami: (Sighs) Why do I have to do the freakin' disclaimer? You did it last time...
Mali: Yes, and now it's your turn.
Yami: Fine. (Monotonous) This crazy freak (points at Mali) doesn't own anything; no songs, no shows, no clothing brands, no comedic routines, no states, countries or continents of the world, no planets, no shops, no fast food outlets, no animal species, no scientific equipment; she doesn't even own herself, which I think is pretty pathetic.
Mali: Exactly. (Eyes widen) Whaddaya mean I don't own myself?!
***
Cheezels!
Chapter 2 - Anzu/Tea dies AGAIN.
While Weevil the Evil-Wannabe was staring at Yami and Yugi in horror, Jou started to get slightly hungry.
And that meant food, right now.
"Seto?" he asked.
"What?"
"Can we get pizza now?"
Seto sighed. "But there's still people to arrive..."
"They can go to hell!" snapped Jou. "I'm hungry!"
"Okay, okay." said Seto, turning to Yami. "Yami has the pizza money."
Yami blinked, then turned pale. "Um... well..."
Seto glared. "What did you do with it?"
He blushed. "Ahh..."
"Where's the damn money?!" shrieked Jou, getting slightly hysterical.
"Well... up my nose..."
"DRUGS!?" yelled Yugi, horrified, swivelling around to look at him.
"No! No!" cried Yami. "You know how notes can be rolled up into little tubes- it's all there-" he sneezed. "Ooh, I felt it rattle."
"Yami... WHAT THE HELL DID YOU PUT IT UP THERE FOR!?" Seto exclaimed, smacking his forehead.
"Well, you said whatever you do don't lose it, and it's not gonna get lost up there, is it?"
"And how do you figure on getting it out?" asked Mai, rolling her eyes.
Yami froze. "I never- I didn't-..." he paused, then groaned. "Craaap..."
A scary look came into Honda's eyes. "I know how we can get it out."
"Okay, tell us." said Jou, on the verge of a breakdown.
"What about my rights?" asked Yami, annoyed.
"Rights? RIGHTS!? You shove money up your nose, for pie's sake! What makes you think that we respect your rights!?" cried Jou.
"Leave him alone!" said Yugi. "You never said we had to get it out again!"
"Don't be dumb, you dumb-dumb." repiled Jou.
TEN MINUTES LATER...
"Well, we got them out..." said Yugi, looking concernedly at Yami, who was nursing a bleeding nose and ear. Jou grinned and held up a few blood-stained notes. "But I don't see why it was necessary to stick the fork in his ear..."
"I feel dizzyyyyy..." said Yami, eyes shifting in and out of focus.
"Uh, guys, I think Yami's losing too much blood..." Yugi said nervously.
There was a thunk as Yami hit the floor in a faint.
"QUICK! CALL SOMEONE!" screamed Yugi, losing it completely.
Jou whapped him in the head with a chopping board. "Calm down, we're getting pizza, all will be well..."
"SCREW THE PIZZA! YAMI'S GONNA DIE! HE'S GONNA DIE AND YOU DON'T CARE! YOU DON'T CARE!"
Jou sighed. "Fine." he said, dialling his mobile.
A few minutes later, an ambulance arrived, and left with Yami.
"Can I come too?" asked Yugi to one of the guys, looking scared.
"No, you're too short. You must be at least this tall," he gestured to the red line. "To ride."
Yugi kicked the Ming vase next to the door. "Damn me and my late bloominess!" he snapped as the ambulance drove off.
Seto screamed. "YOU BROKE IT!"
"What? No I didn't..." He picked it up. "See? It's perfectly fine."
"Oh. That's good." Seto said, as Yugi put the vase back down and walked off, giving him an irate look.
The doorbell rang.
"Finally," said Seto, walking over and opening the door. It hit the Ming vase, causing it to smash. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he screamed, sinking to his knees and hugging the shards. Bakura and Ryou watched, blinking.
Bakura stepped over him. "Hello to you too." he said. He looked at the others. "What's his problem?"
"Ming vase." said Jou, shrugging and pointing.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," said Ryou to Seto. "You might get hurt."
Seto looked up and hissed, and Ryou smiled nervously and started backing away.
"Where's Yami?" asked Ryou to Yugi as he passed him.
Yugi frowned. "Jou shoved a fork up his nose and ear to get the money he had shoved up his nose out and it caused him to bleed a lot, and they took him to hospital." Jou held up the notes, grinning again.
Ryou stared. "Seriously?" he asked.
"Yep." said Yugi brightly/
Ryou looked at Jou. "You could've used the vacuum..."
"Didn't wanna." shrugged Jou.
"He shoves money up his nose?" questioned Bakura, amused.
"Not usually." repiled Yugi.
"That's pretty dumb." stated Bakura, needlessly.
"Ah der, Bakura." snapped Honda.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Bakura.
"What's not wrong with him?" scathed Weevil.
"SHUT UP WEEVIL, YA EVIL WANNABE, NO ONE LIKES YOU!" yelled everyone.
"Then why did you invite me?" asked Weevil smugly.
Yugi looked at him sadly. "Because we all pity you." Everyone shouted in agreement.
"Fine! I'll leave!" snapped Weevil, walking out the open door.
"YAY!" yelled everyone.
Pegasus walked in. "Hullo." he said.
"Awww..." they said, and Jou kicked the coffee table.
"DON'T!" screamed Seto, tackling him and proceeding to beat the living cactuses out of him.
Yugi kicked Seto viciously in the ribs.
"Owww...." said Seto. "What did you do that for?"
"What were you thinking?! Why did you invite him?!" yelled Yugi.
"... I didn't." said Seto.
"Oh?" said Yugi, whirling around. "So get the hell off my lawn!"
"It's not your lawn-" began Honda.
"Shut up!" snapped Yugi.
"I just came to say that wasn't an ambulance that took Yami." said Pegasus.
Yugi paused. "Say wha?"
"It was one of those evil conspiracies."
Yugi gasped. "Oh no!"
"The Super Tinkly Faeriez, in fact."
"That's even worse!"
Jou blinked. "The... Super Tinkly... Faeriez?"
"They prefer to be called VFD." said Pegasus.
DUM DUM DUM!
Yugi read the script. "Uh, you read the line wrong." he said, pointing.
"Oops. Sorry. They prefer to be called STF."
This time, there was no dramatic music.
"Where's the sound guy?" asked Honda.
"Lunch break." said Seto.
"For three seconds work?"
"It's a hard life." shrugged Seto, and Honda didn't pursue the issue any longer.
Yugi rocked back and forth impatiently. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is all interesting, can we go rescue Yami now?"
"But- pizza!" cried Jou.
"No! Pizza later! Now we go rescue Yami!" snapped Yugi.
"Nooo..." whined everyone.
"Please?" asked Yugi, doing the infamous puppy-dog-look.
At this everyone screamed and covered their eyes.
"Don't look at him! Don't look at him, for the love of God, don't!" cried Jou.
"Well, okay..." said Seto, reluctantly.
"I just said-" began Jou.
"Shut up Jou, you selfish prat!" snapped Seto. "Now, either we all go rescue Yami, or there will be no vanilla slice!"
"AWWW!" yelled everyone.
"Where'd Pegasus go?" asked Yugi all of a sudden.
Tea walked in.
Yugi blinked. "Didn't you... die?"
"No, you moron, that was Anzu!" snapped Tea.
"IT'S THE SAME FREAKING THING!" yelled Bakura.
"No, it's not." said Tea.
"Yes, it is!" snapped Bakura.
"No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yes, it is!"
"Okay, Bakura, leave Anzu be." sighed Ryou.
"Tea." corrected Tea.
"What?"
"My name is Tea."
"That's what they WANT you to think..." muttered Ryou.
"LOOK, FLYING FUDGESICLES!" yelled Yugi, pointing out the window.
Everyone fell silent and looked.
"Now, I'm gonna go look for Yami," said Yugi. "Whoever wants to come can come."
He left, slamming the door behind him.
Jou stared. "I don't see any flying fudgesicles."
Mai smacked him upside the head. "You're an idiot!" she snapped.
"Ouch."
Ryou grabbed Bakura's arm just as he was about to bring the silver cleaver down on Tea's head. "No! There will be no axe-wielding 'til you get your license, mister!"
Bakura made a noise of protest, but dropped the axe. "But that's two years away!"
"I don't care! You see how many people you'll kill if you don't know how to use it properly!"
".... That's kinda the point..." said Bakura, shaking his head.
"SHUT UP!" yelled Tea.
"WHY DON'T YOU!?" shot back Bakura.
"BECAUSE!"
"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT!?"
"WHAT!?"
"YOU SUCK AND NOBODY LIKES YOU!"
"FUNNY!"
"Alright, you two, hands on heads, and into separate corners!" Seto glared. "Now!" he said, at their noises of protest.
He watched them walk off, saying, "I don't know what's gotten into those two."
MEANWHILE, IN A DARK, SECRET LOCATION...
Yami suddenly woke up screaming, from a dream that there was no peanut butter in the world, for the dragons had taken it back to their castle on Neptune.
He was startled as a rock ricocheted of his head. "Alright," he snapped. "Who was that!? I'll fight ya! I'll fight ya's all!"
"Welcome, Yami," said a voice, and out form the shadows stepped Rex Raptor.
Yami stared, then waved sarcastically. "Hello." he said, rolling his eyes. "Are we still on the heroin?"
Rex chose to ignore that little dig. "I've been waiting for you,"
"Yeah, that's great Cindy-Sue," said Yami. "Do you have any peanut butter?" he asked.
"What? Oh, okay... SVEN!" yelled Rex, and a butler came in, with a jar of peanut butter. Rex handed it to Yami, who took it, unscrewed the lid, and produced a spoon.
"Now," said Rex, as Yami began spooning out the peanut butter and eating it. "You're probably wondering why we have brought you here,"
"Not reaaaaaallllly... I'm more interested in who 'we' are." said Yami, now reading the health information of the jar. "Shit! Look at all the salt!"
"... You mean you don't care why we brought you here?" asked Rex, confused.
"No. But, seriously, are you sure the Heart Foundation approves of this? I mean, look at the amount of salt in this jar!" He threw it to Rex, who promptly dropped it, then picked it up.
"Damn, that IS a lot of salt!" he exclaimed.
"Well, I'm not eating the rest of it now..." said Yami, blinking.
Rex shrugged and threw it in the trash can. "Anyway, since you're so curious... the Super Tinkly Faeriez consist of-"
Yami burst into a fit of hysterical laughter. "THAT'S what STF stands for?! Super Tinkly Faeries?!"
"You're saying 'Faeriez' wrong, it's spelled with a 'z'...."
This only made Yami laugh harder. He suddenly stopped. "That's old now. It's too sad to laugh at anymore..."
"Shut up!" snapped Rex. Yami rolled his eyes. "As I was saying, STF consists of me," he gestured to himself. "And an elite team of evil villains," He gestured to each of them. "Weevil Underwood,"
"Well, there goes my fun..." sighed Yami.
"-Pegasus J. Crawford, Evil Seto and Yami Clone."
(A/N: Evil Seto will be the freaky Seto that looks like Seto, not the thing that looks like it's been genetically engineered that can be summed up in one word: It.)
"Oh, yeah. 'Elites'." Yami sighed, rolling his eyes. "YOU'RE ALL WANNABES!" He glared at his clone. "Especially you! You're not even your own character, for crying out loud!"
Yami Clone stared, then ran away, crying.
"Jeez, you call that a clone?" asked Yami, shaking his head.
"Well, we could never get the personality right..." said Weevil huffily.
"Now, we're going to leave you alone. Break out if you wish." said Pegasus, smirking evilly.
"Yeah, well, maybe I don't wanna." repiled Yami, folding his arms and sitting on the chair.
"Your choice..." said Evil Seto, and the 'evil villains' left the room, closing the door behind them.
Yami waited a few seconds, then opened the window and climbed out, thinking, "Morons. Everyone knows reverse psychology doesn't work on me..."
BACK INSIDE THE DARK, SECRET LOCATION...
"Yep, reverse psychology gets 'em every time!" said Rex.
Weevil looked the the security monitor. "No, it doesn't..."
STF made their way over to the screen.
"Rex!" cried Pegasus. "That's the last time we take your advice and leave a prisoner in a room without locking the windows and leaving him unbound!"
"I don't c-care, as long as he doesn't make f-fun of m-me anymore..." snivelled Yami Clone.
"Oh, shut up, you stupid little whinger. I regret creating you now..." sighed Evil Seto, shaking his head. (A/N: So we can tell the difference, we'll just call Evil Seto by the name of 'Kaiba'...)
Yami Clone immediately burst into hysterical tears.
"Kaiba..." sighed Weevil. "You know what Yami Clone's like..."
"Yeah, well, he should get more of a thick skin!" sniped Kaiba, folding his arms.
"Carrie." said Weevil pointedly.
Kaiba shivered. "Don't mention that movie. Please. I couldn't sleep...."
Everyone rolled their eyes, even Yami Clone, who had his face in a tissue.
MEANWHILE, ON A SIDE-WALK NOT FAR FROM SETO'S...
Yami walked along, humming The Remedy by Jason Mraz. What a nice song it was.
Then he thought it might be nice to run backwards, and he did so.
Yugi looked up as Yami smashed into a street sign. "Oww..."
"YAMI!" screamed Yugi, running over and hugging him. "WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?! WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?! DID YOU SEE THEIR FACES OR WERE THEY ALL VEILED IN SHADOW WITH RED EYES LIKE IN THE EARLY EPISODES?!"
"I've been in some house, they did nothing, but they did try reverse psychology-"
"Idiots." snapped Yugi. "Everyone knows that doesn't work on you."
"-And STF consists of Weevil, Rex Raptor, Pegasus, Evil Seto (but now we call him Kaiba so things don't get all "What the?) and Yami Clone."
Yugi snorted with laughter. "I couldn't see THAT coming..." he said sarcastically.
They both cracked up, then there was an awkward silence.
".... Um... Yugi?" said Yami hesitantly.
"... Yes?" asked Yugi, as a thought entered his mind.
"... I think I- I lo-"
"Yugi! Yami!" came Ryou's voice.
Yami kicked the street sign. "Cheezels!" he hissed. He looked back suddenly. "Hey... when did you get here?"
"A while ago. I thought I'd come look for you."
"Oh. Thanks, Ryou." said Yami.
And they set off back to Seto's.
BACK AT SETO'S...
"Look, it's the money-snorter!" exclaimed Bakura, smirking.
"Leave him alone!" snapped Tea.
Yami stared in horror. "NO!" he screamed. "YOU DIED!"
"No, silly, that was Anzu. But now we can be together! Isn't that fabulous?!" cried Tea, glomping him.
Yami looked desperately at Bakura. "Get. It. Off. Me." he snarled.
Bakura stared, then burst suddenly into maniacal laughter, and pulled out his silver cleaver.
"NO BAKURA!" yelled Ryou.
FIVE SECONDS LATER...
"... Well, that was traumatizing." said Jou.
Yami grinned, blood spattered all over him. "Ding-dong, the witch is dead-"
Mai and Bakura joined in, starting a conga line. "Which old witch? The wicked old witch! Ding-dong the wicked old witch is deeeeeaaaaddd, hehehehehehe!"
Jou, Honda, Ryou and Seto stared in trauma, then looked at Yugi.
Yugi shrugged. "Why fight it?" He jumped towards the karaoke machine and grabbed the microphone. "CEEEEEL-E-BRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!"
"You're all sick!" cried Seto, shaking his head.
END CHAPTER 2
Mali: Yeah, that was a bit shorter.... oh well. Hopefully it didn't bomb :D.
