Warnings - Same as previous chapters, only with R/B! Yay!

Mali: It's Chapter 3. Huzzah.

Yami: I'd like to point out that in this chapter-

/The box! THE BOX!/ means hikari to yami;

//The box! THE BOX!// means yami to hikari;

"The box! THE BOX!" means speech.

Mali: Okay, disclaimer time!

Yugi: Whatever. This person doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, the Belgians, songs, comedic routines, the registered trademark of Pepsi, Misery, Kathy Bates, Yami's belt, the phrase 'Go you little beauties!', Argentina, Russia, America, World War II, the Pope, Arch Duke Ferdinand, insider trading, the right to prance around making everyone shounen-ai couples OR the French Open at Roland Garros.

Mali: Yeah, rub in why don't ya.... thanks to the reviewers!

***

Cheezels!

Chapter 3 - What Did I Do?

Seto gestured to the display of goriness currently on the ground. "Look at my carpet!"

"You have to admit, she was annoying." Mai sighed.

Seto considered. "I suppose..."

Bakura was cleaning his cleaver with a dish towel. "Pretty red liquid..." he said, smiling. Ryou sighed and sprayed him in the face with mace.

"I said you're not allowed to use that 'til you get your license!" he snapped, as Bakura screamed and began clawing at his face.

The cleaning guy was obviously very cranky. These people were so messy; what with the ashes, and the blood, and the cartilage, and the fragments of internal organs, and the semi-intact corpses... he seriously hoped he was getting overtime for this!

Yami was depressed, as his big chance to confess to Yugi had been destroyed.

But Yugi wasn't dumb. He could piece together what he was going to say.

And now it all made sense; the diary entries, the movies they had watched together, the underhanded flirting, the sudden appearances in his room as if he were going to say something, then running out, the crankiness whenever he went somewhere without him, the crankiness whenever Anzu/Tea was around, the attempted murders whenever someone picked on him or tried to hit on him, and let's not forget that time when he came up and kissed him for no particular reason, claiming to be drunk off orange juice.

And, as Yugi found when he inspected the bottle, it was non-alcoholic orange juice, too.

So while he pondered what to do, Yami sat in the kitchen cupboard and sulked.

"Stupid Ryou and his stupid obsession with caring for his friends, ruin my chance of getting together with Yugi, whyioughta..."

Bakura opened the cupboard. "You know, just because you're in a cupboard, doesn't mean no one can hear you."

"Whoopde-frickin-doo." snapped Yami, glaring at him.

"You know, I can help you..." said Bakura slyly, entering the cupboard.

"Yeah." scoffed Yami. "For what price?"

"I want seven locks of your hair." said Bakura, business-like.

"...Why?" asked Yami.

"Well, I'm short on cash and you know those Rabid Fan-Girls... scouring EBay seventeen hours a day..."

"Sell your own damn hair." said Yami. "Der." he said as afterthought.

Bakura blinked. "I knew that. I was just seeing if you'd realise... because I have more fans than you."

"Sure." said Yami, rolling his eyes. "Hey, tell me the truth... do I have a good laugh?"

Bakura snorted. "No, it's crap." Stupid Yami with his stupid evil laugh that sounds so good... he thought.

Yami grinned. "Well, you're opinion doesn't worry me, so nyahh!" he stuck his tongue out, exited the cupboard and slammed the door so it smacked Bakura in the face.

"Owww..." he said, rubbing his still stinging eyes. "I DIDN'T NEED THAT!" he yelled.

Yami ran into the dining room.

"Hey, look! It's Yami!" cried Jou, pointing.

"Aw, nah, Jou," said Ryou sarcastically. "It's Seto's mum." Yami glared, and Ryou raised his hands, grinning. Yami then grinned back, and did eight spectacular cartwheels, screwing up the ninth one and falling on his butt, causing everyone to go, "Aww..." in pity and clap appreciatively.

"Leave my mother out of this!" snapped Seto.

Ryou rolled his eyes. "I wasn't insulting anyone." he said. "Jou was just being dumb."

"Damn straight." replied Jou, folding his arms.

There was a piteous silence, then Yami began singing quietly, while holding a potted plant, "Or pretend, or pretend, or pretend... to be a treeeeeee..."

Yugi whispered, "Yami, that's a cactus, not a tree..."

Yami glanced at it. "Shit."

"Hey, should he be swearing while Mokuba's here?" asked Honda.

"Der, Honda, Mokuba isn't here..." said Mai, rolling her eyes.

"Seto, where's Mokuba?" asked Yugi, turning to the blue-eyed person.

Seto shrugged. "How should I know?"

"Well, he IS your brother. Don't you love him?" asked Jou.

Seto stared. "That's a joke, right?"

"... No."

Yami looked thoughtful. "I had a brother once..."

"Had?" asked Yugi.

"Well, even though he'd be dead now, he got in the way of my plan to take over Egypt, so, naturally, he had to go." said Yami, looking out the window in boredom.

Everyone stared at him.

"If Bakura hadn't just hacked Anzu/Tea to death just then, I might have been traumatized." said Seto, and everyone nodded.

Bakura ran in, grinning evilly.

He approached Yugi. "Hi." he said.

"... Hi." replied Yugi, blinking. What he said next was muffled by Bakura's lips against his own. "Mrff-mphh!?" His eyes suddenly went wide and panicky.

"I'm being sexually assaulted, ahhh, ahhhhhh, AHHHHH!" he thought.

/Yami!/

//What, WHAT!?//

Yami whirled around, started for a second, then screamed something long in Egyptian, which evidently scared Bakura, who pulled back from Yugi, staring at Yami in horror.

"Don't do that!" he yelled. "Anything but that!"

Ryou was also ticked off. He shoved Bakura into the wall, and slapped him, saying, "What's the matter with you?! You don't go and pash other people when you're with someone else! Especially if that someone else happens to be ME!"

Everyone gasped at this revelation.

"Whoa." Jou said, overwhelmed. "They're together!"

Yami rolled his eyes. "What did you expect? That's the way it is with yamis and hikaris..."

Everyone noticed that Yami had latched himself around Yugi's waist. Seto gave him a weird look.

"Mine." hissed Yami.

"It's okay, Yami," said Seto, nervously. "You can keep him."

Yugi was very happy with all the attention he was getting. There really was no need to be hyper all the time, he thought, when Yami was perfectly willing to fawn over him every second of the day.

"I'm so very disappointed in you, 'Kura," said Ryou to Bakura.

Bakura threw his arms up. "Get over it! It was only a kiss!"

"Fine," said Ryou. "But I'm sleeping on the couch when we get home."

"Will there be whipped cream?" asked Bakura hopefully.

"No, 'Kura, there won't."

"Aww!" whined Bakura, while everyone, except for possibly Yami, was disgusted.

"We don't need you discussing what you two do behind closed doors, okay!?" yelled Seto. "This is supposed to be a good clean fun get-together!"

"Yeah, SUPPOSED..." muttered Yugi.

"Hey, why does quicksand suck you in deeper if you struggle?" Jou wanted to know.

"Because quicksand's gay." replied Honda.

"I resent that!" cried Yami, folding his arms. Ryou and Bakura nodded.

"Do you like Yugi, Yami?" asked Jou, suddenly.

"Maybe."

"Aw, look, shut up and leave him alone!" snapped Yugi, glaring at him.

"Hey, who wants a Cornetto?" asked Seto, thinking that things were getting a little too hostile.

Everyone cheered.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

Yugi blinked, gesturing to his ice-cream. "Hey, does anyone like the nuts?"

"Yeah." said Ryou.

"I'll trade you my nuts for your bottom?" asked Yugi, and Yami and Ryou cracked up.

"Gots a problem?" snapped Yugi.

"What you just said..." grinned Yami.

Yugi thought about this, then giggled, blushing furiously.

"Oh, for God's sake!" snapped Seto. "Do you really have to be perverted about ice-cream? Jeez..."

"I can do many things with ice-cream..." smirked Yami, causing Yugi to giggle again.

There was a sudden crack, and everyone went silent.

"What was that?" asked Yugi, looking at Seto.

"Kamikaze pigeons?" suggested Seto.

"Seriously, what was it?"

"I don't know..."

UPSTAIRS...

Yami Clone crawled in through the window, hoping they hadn't noticed he'd knocked one of the panes loose, causing it to fall down and smash Annie Wilkes' ghost in the head.

That stupid Yami! He'd made him cry! His so-called associates already didn't like him, and now they all thought he was a wuss!

Well, he'd get his revenge.

He just had to think of his plan first...

Yeah, a plan...

Which would involve silk-screening in some way.

"Ah, yes." said Yami Clone evilly. "It's all coming together now..."

DOWNSTAIRS...

"It probably was a kamikaze pigeon, but they leave after a while." shrugged Jou.

Everyone followed him in his shrugging, then resumed conversing.

"Hey, Yami, do you reckon you could go take Egypt back?" asked Yugi.

"Legally or by force?" replied Yami, swirling his finger around in his ice-cream.

"Legally." confirmed Yugi.

Yami thought about this, sucking on his finger. "...Well, shee, evryone thinksh I died, and shome other guy probably got it." he explained around the digit.

"But you didn't die." reminded Yugi.

"As if it'd happen, anyway. It'd be like, "Alright, people, I ruled this place five thousand years ago, and I'm taking it back.". And then everyone laughs and I go home to cry."

"Right. Well, use your magic and explode them all."

"Yes, but that would be taking it by force."

"I see..."

They fell into a silence, then Yugi perked up.

"What if you-"

"Shut up about world domination..." sighed Mai.

"Yeah, well, maybe YOU should shut up about shutting about world domination." jumped in Honda.

"Maybe you should shut up about shutting up about shutting up about world domination!" yelled Yugi.

Honda fell silent, confused.

"You go now." said Yami, waving his hand. "Shoo! Be gone, you're irritating my hair..." he continued, running his fingers through his silky, gorgeous black-burgundy-blonde hair, which at that moment, Yugi loved.

"Yami, can I touch your hair?" he asked suddenly, a red tint spreading across his cheeks.

Yami looked surprised. "Well... yeah, if you want to..."

So Yugi ran his fingers through Yami's hair, and Yami felt a nice, warm, sunshiney feeling.

Possibly, this was due to the fact that Honda was shining a spotlight on them, but at least he was warm.

Jou rolled his eyes. "This is getting too sappy for my liking... where's the thing that comes in and splits you two up, then there's this big fight, and then you get back together and all this sappy crap happens then you go off into another room to consummate your love?"

Yami looked at his imaginary watch. "In about five, ten minutes." he said.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." grinned Jou.

"That's alright."

He then performed 'Innocent Eyes' by Delta Goodrem on the keyboard, and received a standing ovation.

"Never 'ad one lesson." he grinned, and everyone was stunned.

"Yeah, well, I can play air guitar..." grumbled Honda, obviously jealous.

Yami raised his eyebrows. "I can play guitar full stop. How's that?"

"Sure you can..."

"I CAN." insisted Yami.

"Prove it." replied Honda.

"No." snapped Yami, glaring at him.

"Fine." said Honda, giving up.

"E minor rules..." Yami said, gesturing to the button he had magically made in the last five seconds.

"'Support E Minor or I'll bash ya'..." read Mai. "Good on ya, Yami."

Yami grinned and made the peace sign. "Yeah, good on me."

Yugi blinked. "Yeah, that's cool and everything. But when are you gonna start stripping?"

Yami shrugged, then jumped. "Say wha?"

"Stripping." Yugi said, and Yami looked stunned.

"Ah... when did I say I was planning to do that?" asked Yami.

"You didn't."

Yami considered this. "Fair enough." he said, hitting play on the CD player, and beginning to dance, making cheers issue from everybody.

"I'll go get the pizza, shall I?" asked Seto. A second later one of Yami's belts thwacked him in the head. He took this as a yes, and left.

MEANWHILE, IN THE DARK SECRET LOCATION...

"Where's Yami Clone?" asked Pegasus suddenly, and everyone looked at him.

"Are you mad? Do you care where he is?" asked Weevil incredulously.

"... He owes me a sundae..." mumbled Pegasus.

"He owes all of us a sundae. Do you honestly believe any of us are going to see our sundaes?" asked Rex, raising an eyebrow.

"... You're right. I'm sorry for being stupid." Pegasus sighed.

Evil Seto was curled up on the couch, reading Misery by Stephen King. He suddenly threw the book away, screaming.

"What now?" asked Weevil.

"The guy got his head run over with a lawn mower...." shivered Evil Seto.

"Well, that didn't happen in the movie!" exclaimed Rex.

Everyone stared. "You actually watched the movie?"

"I like Kathy Bates..." said Rex in his defence.

"Fine, fine..." sighed Weevil.

"The other night I was drinking fruit juice." said Pegasus for no particular reason.

Everyone stared. "Right."

Rex rolled his eyes. "Yeah... 'fruit juice'..." he sneered.

Evil Seto looked at the TV. "Oh, look! It's an all-Belgium final at the French Open!" he cried.

"Aw, go you little beauties!" yelled Weevil, diving for the TV. "... I thought you said it was all-Belgium?"

"It is."

"Then where's Venus?"

"... Venus is Russian, you stupid waddel..." sighed Evil Seto.

"Is waddel a word?" whispered Pegasus to Rex.

"I don't think anyone cares anymore..." repiled Rex. "And Venus isn't Russian- she's American..."

"I thought she was Argentinean!" cried Pegasus.

"No..." sighed Rex.

"Um, Rex..." Pegasus said after a brief pause.

"What?" asked Rex.

"Well... I was thinking... that... I really... like cheese."

Rex stared. "... And I care because....?"

MEANWHILE, BACK AT SETO'S...

BOOM!

Yami froze. "What the hell was that!?"

"The CD player just went boom..." Yugi said, eyes wide and staring at the smoking rubble.

The semi-clad Yami sat down. "Well, that does it... I can't continue..."

"Aw, bugger..." grumbled Yugi, then realising his yami was shirtless.

"Eh, it ain't so bad..." he thought, grinning.

Yami looked around. "Who has my skivvy?" he asked.

Bakura whistled innocently. "I wonder who, indeed..." he said.

Yami raised an eyebrow. "Give it back."

"Aw, look, I don't have it!" cried Bakura, withdrawing his hands from behind his back.

"'Kura..." Ryou scolded.

"I don't!" insisted Bakura. "If you need proof, strip search me!"

"Ooh, yes, please..." Ryou smirked, evidently forgetting about the kiss. Bakura grinned.

"Well, who has it?" Yami glared at everyone.

There was silence.

Yugi jumped up. "I'll go get one of Seto's shirts..."

Yami watched him go upstairs. "How does he know where Seto keeps his shirts?" he asked suspiciously.

Bakura rolled his eyes. "Look, you idiot, the chance that Seto and Yugi would actually go out with each other is very small..."

"So?" Yami said sulkily.

"Oh, don't start sulking." snapped Bakura. "We all know that Seto likes Jou, anyway..."

Jou's jaw dropped. "What?"

"It's a bit obvious." Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Oh, leave them alone, 'Kura..." Ryou sighed, smiling.

Honda mimed vomiting. "You're making me sick..."

"Shut up, ya bloody heterosexual..." muttered Ryou, glaring at him.

UPSTAIRS...

Yugi had walked into the dark bathroom after hearing a noise. He flicked the light. "Yami?" he asked at the sight of Yami Clone sitting in the shower.

He glanced up. "Go away, I'm plotting."

Yugi blinked. "I thought you were downstairs."

"Well, I'm not, so get lost."

Yugi glared. "Fine, you stuck-up bastard of a yami!" He walked out, turning out the light as he went.

BACK DOWNSTAIRS...

Jou suddenly began coughing, and Honda whacked him on the back, until Yami's black skivvy exploded out of his mouth.

"There's your skivvy." pointed Honda.

"Aw, nah..." sighed Yami, looking dejectedly at the slobber-ridden shirt. "Look at it! It's ruined!"

Yugi suddenly stormed downstairs. "Yami is such a basta-" He froze, eyes focused on Yami. "You're upstairs!" he cried.

Yami looked around. "What?" he asked, confused.

"You were just upstairs."

"... No, I wasn't."

Yugi scowled and rolled his eyes. "Fine. I don't care. Be like that." He slumped into a chair.

"Yugi, what's wrong?" asked Yami, looking upset. "What did I do?"

Yugi rolled his eyes again, ignoring him.

Ryou looked mortified. "No! Not now! Not when they've just... argh... 'Kura, do something!"

Bakura thought about this. "I could start World War III."

"... I don't think that would help, somehow..." Ryou said.

Honda leaned over to Ryou. "Your g-string is showing," he whispered.

"I'm not wearing a frickin' g-string..." Ryou hissed. Honda became embarrassed and locked himself in a closet.

Yami was attempting to get Yugi to talk to him. "Yugi? Aibou? Talk to me, please, what did I do?"

Yugi had his head resting in one hand and was clearly not listening.

"He looks really pissed." Mai observed.

"Yugi, please tell me-" Yugi jumped in before Yami could finish.

"Jou, tell Yami to leave me alone," he snapped.

"Yami, leave Yugi alone." Jou said. Yami glared angrily.

"Actually, come here and sit down." Yugi said, and when Jou did so, he climbed into his lap.

"Um..." Jou said, looking uncomfortable.

Yami looked absolutely crushed, then scowled.

"Fine. Go screw Jou for all I care." he snapped, then sank onto the couch, looking pissed off.

"... Yugi, should I know something?" asked Jou.

Yugi swivelled and batted his eyelashes. "No." he said quietly.

Ryou blinked. /Kura, this is very very wrong./

//Yes.//

/We have to do something./

//Indeed.//

/Soon./

//I know.//

/Any ideas?/

//Start World War III?//

/No, Kura. No mass destruction, no assassination of Arch Duke Ferdinand, the Pope, no insider trading, no smear campaigns. No wars./

//Aww...//

Yami's radiated hatred as he looked at Yugi and Jou. He played lazily with his hair as he thought of ways to kill Jou.

//Ooh, he's thinking up clever plots to kill Jou.//

/How do you know?/

//Look at his eyes.//

Yami smirked.

Spilling blood was oh so fun. Especially if it happened multiple times in the same night.

//He's gonna kill Jou.//

/You think so?/

//Hell yeah. Look at that smirk. You can just see the ride-on mower written in it.//

/... I don't wanna know..../

//Yes you do. See, in Misery-//

/Shut up, Kura, I don't wanna hear it..../

//Fine.//

Ryou didn't feel too good about what Yami had in store for Jou, to say the least...

END CHAPTER 3!